Monday, May 26, 2014

The Infallible Certainty of Humanity

People. We're all human. We all have our own issues and problems and insecurities regarding ourselves and others. We all succumb to worry, fear, sadness, stress, and even occasional panic or paranoia at various times in our lives. We all make decisions, both intelligent and not so intelligent, and pay the price in some way for the not so bright ones. Remembering that, and having others in our lives that we can count on to be there as a shoulder when we're down, help us up when we've been hurt, and trust when we need to vent out anything ..  and knowing that those people can be truly trusted to keep our private worries to themselves without turning that information into any form of gossip, vicious or non, is an immensely important part of every one of us staying sane. Those types of family and friends are of the utmost high value.

There will always be those in our lives who judge without proof. There will always be those who jump to conclusions and turn those conclusions into accusations or gossip. There will always be those who, well, surprise you in the most unfortunate and disheartening ways that cause additional frustration, doubt in your own abilities, and, at worst, break your heart with their actions and reactions.

We are ALL human, and humans are infallible. Everyone of us is. Passing judgment, turning suspicion into gossip, and utilizing hypocrisy in conversation or actions is much like becoming the playground bully who takes the little kids' lunch money.

There's an old adage that talks about "killing them with kindness". No matter what the situation, I find that to be the best response. The only one you can truly count on to be okay with what you see in the mirror at the end of each day is Yourself .. and knowing that you took that higher road without gossip, without judgment based in pure suspicion, and without hypocrisy, is ultimately the only way any of us will be able to live with ourselves on a daily basis.

Things to remember as we trudge forward in life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Myth Of Perfection

Perfection. The ultimate, always desired, unattainable goal. We all want it in some form. Rarely does one hear someone say "I'm striving for average." Yet what is perfection? Is it a universal entity, or something that is completely subjective to each individual? Why does it stress us out so badly when it's supposed to be (theoretically) what will cause the greatest happiness? If someone puts forth their best effort possible under their particular circumstances, but can't quite achieve what others view as the best possible outcome, does that mean that person is doomed to live a life of disappointment?  A life in which they'll never measure up? Why is it so important to so many of us to be the best and most successful according to other's perceptions?

We're bombarded with it daily. Every time we turn on a television and see a commercial, every time we open a magazine, every time someone tells us we can do or be better, every time we look in the mirror and see even a minute flaw that others may not even notice. It's always there. Haunting us. Telling us subconsciously that we don't measure up. Reminding us that we are not everything that "should" be or that we try to be. Why? If you don't look like "this", or live your life like "this", or dress a certain way, or follow a certain thought process, or make straight A's, or achieve a certain level of financial success .... the list goes on and on. It's exhausting.

Perfection is a myth. A horrible, demeaning myth designed by those who probably are in some way dissatisfied or disappointed with their own lives and wish for others to be as dissatisfied and disappointed as they are. No one is perfect in every facet of their life and being. No one goes through their days on this earth without making a single mistake. We all have our great moments, our screw-up moments, and even our awkward moments. It's called being Human.

Personally, I beat myself up constantly over mistakes and "imperfections" of every kind. I'm learning to work on that. To attempt to ignore the voices in every direction around me and work towards what's the best I can be. It isn't easy, but I'm sure it will ultimately be worth it once I get there. Maybe that's what perfection really is. The ability to recognize the naysayers and societal pressure, then simply put forth your best efforts and do what's best for your own life in the end. Thoughts to ponder.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Sunday, May 4, 2014

There's No One Perfect Answer

Today a friend confided horrid news that's left her feeling broken and embarrassed and depressed. Same thing happened with another friend a few days ago, something happened that left her feeling hurt and helpless and worried. While the situations are different, the results are similar. It happens to all of us at some point. Something unfortunate or horrible happens due to the actions of others, and we're left to muddle through a myriad of terrible, self-recriminating emotions. Why do we ultimately allow others, no matter how close, to have such control over how we feel about ourselves?

I am one of the world's worst about this. I tend to turn around negative situations and blame myself immediately. I try not to, I attempt to think it through logically, reminding myself that I cannot control the actions of others, but it's just not that easy to move beyond the depression and self-hatred sometimes.

A wise person once told me that our Feelings in reaction to any situation are Never wrong. It's what we Do with those feelings, our Actions in response to them, that can be appropriate or inappropriate. I find that somehow comforting. It's okay to feel these horrible, uncomfortable emotions, but as long as we find a way to actively release them that works for us and doesn't cause additional stress to any innocent bystanders in the process, then there's no wrong way to go about it. Be it confiding in a friend who has a great shoulder to cry on, be it joining a support group or talking to a professional, be it painting, or exercise, or long walks, or rearranging the furniture in every room of the house .... there's no one correct way to release and move forward. It's whatever works for each individual.

I suppose it's all ultimately a healing process. Our feelings towards ourselves, our feelings towards those who caused our pain, how we ultimately find the strength, courage, fortitude, and forgiveness to move forward with our lives in a new direction that we might never have planned for. The point is, that we Move Forward. Some of the most beautiful things in life can eventually grow out of the muck, if we only allow them to do so.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress