I've had a lot of down time to ponder lately, and I've come to a conclusion .. Relationships in life are lot like playing Solitare. I know it sounds like a long stretch of a comparison, but hear me out ...
You know how when you're playing solitare on your computer or phone, and you get what initially appears to be a great set up? You're moving cards around creating great combinations. Every time you move a card, another comes up that you can use. Finally, you get to a stop point where you can do nothing else, and you hit the deck ... but you go through the entire deck and there is absolutely nothing that works. Urgh. New Game.
Or, you get an initial hand that's all one card color or that there is absolutely nothing you can use regardless of card color, so you try the deck and the final card that comes up is something that's useful. Even though it's a statistical impossibility, you keep going .. trying that deck again in the hopes that you missed something, or that something changed, but inevitably, you come up empty. Duh. New Game.
Sometimes, you get a hand that is okay .. you can use a bit of it, but it doesn't look overly promising. You hit the deck, and a number of those cards can be used so you keep going. Each time you hit that deck you can use a couple things, which allows you to move more things around in your hand .. you think it's going great but then you get to the end of the deck and you realize that you're stuck with no more moves and no way to move all the card combinations up to the top. Sigh. New Game.
In some games, you use every trick you can .. even little idiosyncrasies like making sure that the only open spaces are on the ends (ya, that's one of my little things that makes me feel luckier with a game .. don't know why, it just does), but none of them work and you're back to starting yet another game again because you simply can't give up until you've won.
Occasionally though, you get a hand that may or may not look extraordinary at first, but as you begin creating the combinations and hitting the deck, everything starts falling into place. It takes a couple of switch out adjustments with combinations in some cases, but ultimately, all the cards fall right into place up top. Drumroll .. Game Won!
Relationships seem to be much like those solitare hands ... from friendships to dating to even co-workers. Sometimes the relationship with the person is deceptively great looking on the surface but once you start really getting into it, it doesn't work at all, or, the two of you really don't work at all or make a bit of sense from the beginning even though you may try. The most painful are the ones that really seem to be working, you really seem to click way beyond initially, but then the relationship comes up empty after you get good and deep into it. No matter how many little "good luck moves" you make, or ways you try to change things around, it just doesn't fly. There's not going to be a "winning hand", no matter what you do.
Sometimes though, that hand that didn't look particularly extraordinary at the beginning seems to work better and better the further you get into it, and fantastically, it turns out to be the winning game hand. The person that's absolutely a perfect fit with you. You have to work for it, and even maybe use some of your little combination shuffles, but it ends up being worth it .. relationship win!
We all find many "winning hands" in our relationships throughout life .. some are easier won from the beginning, some take a bit more effort and strategy, some are just plain surprising, but everyone looks for that winning game hand in life, and much like solitare, even though you may want to beat your head against a brick for having to constantly start over, you keep doing it ... hoping that the next one will be the one that works, that wins. The trick is to keep playing. There's no way to beat the odds if you simply put the cards down and don't try.
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress
You know how when you're playing solitare on your computer or phone, and you get what initially appears to be a great set up? You're moving cards around creating great combinations. Every time you move a card, another comes up that you can use. Finally, you get to a stop point where you can do nothing else, and you hit the deck ... but you go through the entire deck and there is absolutely nothing that works. Urgh. New Game.
Or, you get an initial hand that's all one card color or that there is absolutely nothing you can use regardless of card color, so you try the deck and the final card that comes up is something that's useful. Even though it's a statistical impossibility, you keep going .. trying that deck again in the hopes that you missed something, or that something changed, but inevitably, you come up empty. Duh. New Game.
Sometimes, you get a hand that is okay .. you can use a bit of it, but it doesn't look overly promising. You hit the deck, and a number of those cards can be used so you keep going. Each time you hit that deck you can use a couple things, which allows you to move more things around in your hand .. you think it's going great but then you get to the end of the deck and you realize that you're stuck with no more moves and no way to move all the card combinations up to the top. Sigh. New Game.
In some games, you use every trick you can .. even little idiosyncrasies like making sure that the only open spaces are on the ends (ya, that's one of my little things that makes me feel luckier with a game .. don't know why, it just does), but none of them work and you're back to starting yet another game again because you simply can't give up until you've won.
Occasionally though, you get a hand that may or may not look extraordinary at first, but as you begin creating the combinations and hitting the deck, everything starts falling into place. It takes a couple of switch out adjustments with combinations in some cases, but ultimately, all the cards fall right into place up top. Drumroll .. Game Won!
Relationships seem to be much like those solitare hands ... from friendships to dating to even co-workers. Sometimes the relationship with the person is deceptively great looking on the surface but once you start really getting into it, it doesn't work at all, or, the two of you really don't work at all or make a bit of sense from the beginning even though you may try. The most painful are the ones that really seem to be working, you really seem to click way beyond initially, but then the relationship comes up empty after you get good and deep into it. No matter how many little "good luck moves" you make, or ways you try to change things around, it just doesn't fly. There's not going to be a "winning hand", no matter what you do.
Sometimes though, that hand that didn't look particularly extraordinary at the beginning seems to work better and better the further you get into it, and fantastically, it turns out to be the winning game hand. The person that's absolutely a perfect fit with you. You have to work for it, and even maybe use some of your little combination shuffles, but it ends up being worth it .. relationship win!
We all find many "winning hands" in our relationships throughout life .. some are easier won from the beginning, some take a bit more effort and strategy, some are just plain surprising, but everyone looks for that winning game hand in life, and much like solitare, even though you may want to beat your head against a brick for having to constantly start over, you keep doing it ... hoping that the next one will be the one that works, that wins. The trick is to keep playing. There's no way to beat the odds if you simply put the cards down and don't try.
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress
