Good News - Why Isn't It a Viral Trend?

Watching the news these days is depressing and terrifying.  There seems to be nothing but cases of greed, episodes of violence, and stories of catastrophe.  To make it worse, every commercial break has at least 3 to 4 political ads smearing opponents by the touting of twisted versions of past evils and shortcomings.  Even the top stories in online news outlets are of corruption, mass disaster, tragedy, and financial fear.  School shootings, church shootings, bullying, and socioeconomic discourse take center stage daily.  Yet, if you take time to look beyond the reported facade of despair, there are still tales of human kindness, moments of empathy and caring, and points of hope and positive action overcoming those of adversity and strife.

In an age where political parties are pitted against each other, religious sects espouse hate as a tenet, and special interest groups actively promote corporate greed over the welfare of humanity, the thought of something uplifting occurring can almost seem like a pipe dream.  As I began researching statistics for, what I originally intended to be a blog about gun violence in the aftermath of yet another school shooting, I realized that focusing on common threads, what brings us together as a society, was far less well known than a tired tirade of facts and statistics that seemingly change depending upon who publishes them.  So here it is.  My Top 3 List - News That Should Go Viral But Hasn't.

3.  The online outlet of NBC News reported back in June of 2016 about the Muslim group CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations) that had launched a massive fundraising campaign to support the victims and families of the Pulse LGBTQ Nightclub shooting in Orlando, Florida.  Hasan Shibly, CAIR-Florida executive director was quoted, in response to the shooting, saying, "In this holy month of Ramadan many Muslims will be offering their fasting and prayers for them and their families. The vile criminal who perpetrated this does not represent Islam nor the American Muslim community. Muhammad Ali and his legacy do represent our goals and aspirations to better our society and the World; but not this repulsive thug."  (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslims-organizations-raise-funds-victims-orlando-massacre-n593586)  The group's efforts resulted in over $102,000 being raised for the cause, according to the launchgood.com website.

Fast forward to 2018.  In the wake of yet another hate driven mass shooting tragedy, this time at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the Muslim-American group CelebrateMercy immediately stepped up and began offering support and raising funds to, in their words, "respond to evil with good".  Wasi Mohamed, the executive director of the Pittsburgh Islamic Center was even quoted as saying in a news conference, "We just want to know what you need. If it's people outside your next service protecting you, we'll be there." (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslim-americans-raise-more-120-000-pittsburgh-synagogue-shooting-survivors-n925796)  

According to much of the news across the world, Islam is misrepresented as being run by terror sects that prey on the innocent and promote violence in the name of religion.  These Muslim-American groups prove that that premise is simply not true.  Islam is actually a peaceful religion that is based upon the tenets of faith, prayer, fasting, monotheistic belief, and charity.  Sounds a lot like the basic principles of Christianity or Judaism, right?  It just goes to show that there are far more similarities than differences when it comes to religions, and, just because there are right-wing sects of extremist nut jobs that identify themselves within a religion (every religion has them!), they absolutely do not represent the vast majority of that belief system as a whole.  All in all, the consistent show of religious solidarity by a religious group that many people misunderstand and needlessly fear, is a shining light of hope in the darkness of divisiveness. 

2. A local South Carolina ABC News outlet recently reported on a biker group that's touring US schools to promote anti-bullying and acceptance.  Many of us, thanks to shows like Sons of Anarchy, Outlaw Bikers, and Gangland, automatically stereotype anyone that affiliates themselves with a motorcycle group as a rough, scary, bullying brute.  This group, Bikers Against Bullies USA, is a non-profit who's mission statement promotes "creating awareness and educating both children and adults on the benefits of living in a society of respect for each other".   Their fundraising efforts are funneled 100% to causes, and they support everything from children's hospitals, to school and after-school initiatives, to the Special Olympics.  Not exactly an example of the aforementioned stereotype.  Flash, one of the group's founders, is quoted on the BAB website as saying, "The very real fact is that children, our children, are dying by their own hands each week due to the insidious nature of the psychological and emotional trauma created by today’s bullying attempts. Our personal philosophy one dead child is simply too many."  In the wake of seemingly constant school gun violence events, that, according to a February 2018 article in USA Today, are occurring at an average rate of 1 per week for non-fatality incidents ,(https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/02/19/parkland-school-shootings-not-new-normal-despite-statistics-stretching-truth-fox-column/349380002/) and, the fact that, according to the awareness group DoSomething.org, 71% of US students report incidents of bullying as a problem, it is truly refreshing to see a group that some incorrectly view as fringe or questionable, actively taking steps to change children's worlds for the better in the area of bullying.  We can only hope that the next hit biker show will have more accurate story lines that portray the biker community as beacons of positive change and forces of charity and goodwill.

1. Try Google searching the phrase 'teaching empathy'.  You'll get a myriad of results; including law enforcement training post officer-involved shootings, many opinion articles, various parenting and education blogs, and a book perspective from the Washington Post on boys vs girls reading habits. The common thread here is that as parents, educators, mentors, and as a society as a whole, the act of teaching empathy and compassion is a crucial part of learning at every age.  Empathy and compassion beget kindness, fairness, charitable actions, and unification across dividing lines.  The lack of these two traits creates discourse, misunderstanding, self-righteous rhetoric, and unnecessary anger.  The Dalai Lama was recently quoted in an article in Entrepreneur, "Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life." (https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/321461)  How true!  What would the world look like if everyone took a step back to contemplate the ramifications of their tweets before posting them, of their actions before committing them, and their words before saying them?  Would there still be episodes of war, violence, and greed?  Probably.  But those incidents would more likely be the anomalies, not the norms. What if the major hashtag and news trends were about compassionate acts and stories of goodwill instead of corruption, crime, and dissonance?  Would the earth be more peaceful and undivided as a whole?   

My point is this, if we as a society don't consistently act as proponents of empathy and compassion, how will generations to come ever learn it, use it, or even acknowledge it?  If there was ever a trend that needs to 'go viral', this is it.  Empathy and Compassion are the defining points for overcoming stereotypes, erasing hatred born of misinformation and misunderstanding, and stopping bullying. They're even, in many ways, a component of controlling gun violence, repairing political corruption, and combating corporate greed.  It's not a Pollyanna type thing, it is a real and immediate need, both in the US and worldwide, and it starts with each of us.  As Benjamin Franklin once said, "If we do not hang together, we will surely hang separately." Let's, as a society, start focusing on the goodwill and healing, and quit shortening each other's proverbial ropes.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Awareness

I've had complaints about my lack of blogs of late ... my apologies.  This going back to school thing is kicking my you-know-what!  Regardless, one of my classes is public speaking .. for which I have to write and deliver a number of different types of speeches (duh).  Below is the narrative of the persuasive Monroe's Format speech I'll be giving tomorrow for my final ..... would love your thoughts!

Raise your hand if you know someone with a mental illness.

Raise your hand if you know the causes of different forms of mental illness.

Raise your hand if you think it's easy to recognize someone with a serious mental illness.

Finally, raise your hand if you think the best way to handle people with mental illness is to keep them in hospitals or behind locked doors.

My friend “Sarah” has a teenage daughter. Her daughter was an intelligent creative rambunctious child, but as she has gotten into her pre-teen and teenage years, she has become headstrong, belligerent, violent in her outbursts and attitude towards her parents and authority figures, lies about everything, even things that she's obviously lying about, and has begun to have issues with shoplifting. Her parents have tried everything from rules and strictness to counseling and are constantly involved with her school on her behalf. Nothing has seemed to make a difference, and the problems simply escalate the older she becomes.

A girl I know became more and more worried about one of her best friends. “Gina”, who was known for her outgoing nature and friendliness to all, was pulling away from everyone, turning down social invitations that she would have joyfully joined in previously, was falling way behind in her grades, and missing school constantly. When gently asked what was wrong or if everything was okay, she denied there was an issue and would occasionally get defensive. She began wearing long sleeves at all times, baggier clothing and withdrawing more and more from everyone around her.

A woman I know has always seemed, from the outside looking in, to have it all together. Single mom, great kids, decent job, good friends, always putting everyone else before herself and somehow managing to appear sane. The side that no one ever saw was when she was alone, constantly near tears, self esteem so low that she didn't feel she deserved to reach out for help to anyone in any part of her life, and sometimes that even though she didn't have the guts for suicide, that she didn't deserve to have the wonderful people and things she had in life and that she definitely didn't deserve to live. She was always able to dress so no one really noticed her weight continuing to drop, until it was too late.

Mental illness is a stigma that affects someone that most of us know. It can be brought on by traumatic life events, imbalances in brain chemicals, discrepancies in early brain development, and even genetic predisposition. Unfortunately, there's generally an attitude of misunderstanding and avoidance whenever it's brought up or made public as a diagnosis. Children suffering from forms of mental illness are subjected to bullying by their peers, and misunderstanding by authority figures. Adults, can be judged as lazy or unreliable or unintelligent. All due to the lack of understanding and diagnosis of various common mental illnesses. But what if the education and understanding began at an early age? What if elementary, middle, and high schools all incorporated mental health education into their curriculum, and preventative staff such as trained social workers and guidance counselors were a normal funded part of school staff in every school? Would the problem be so misunderstood? Be less widespread? Be more easily diagnosed and the ramifications of undiagnosed mental illness be proactively avoided? Let's examine why mental health education and crisis prevention should be a funded, required component of elementary, middle, and high school education.

For the purposes of clarification, a mental illness is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in perception, thinking and behavior. Out of the five major categories of mental illness, the most commonly diagnosed are anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and eating disorders. Many of these co-occur, such as someone suffering from PTSD, an anxiety disorder, also suffering from bi-polar disorder, a mood disorder, or, someone suffering from Anorexia, an eating disorder, could also suffer from depression, a mood disorder, or OCD, an anxiety disorder. Undiagnosed and untreated, mental illness can become a major contributing factor to substance abuse behaviors, migraine headaches, and increased susceptibility to physical illnesses such as thyroid disease, diabetes, and heart disease later in life. According to the World Health Organization, about 11 percent of adolescents have a major depressive disorder by age 18, and it is the leading cause of disability among Americans age 15 to 44. Additionally, in 2009, suicide was the third leading cause of death among people age 15 to 24, with depression and other mental disorders being a major cause. In the case of my friend Sarah's daughter, the teen has endured years of teasing and bullying from peers for not grasping academic concepts at school, a major school disciplinary record, and, more recently, a juvenile record with the courts for her inability to control outbursts and actions. She became depressed and suicidal and felt the entire world was against her. As it turns out, Sarah's daughter suffers from bi-polar disorder. She is now receiving treatment, and recovering, but she will have much to overcome with self-esteem, academics, and social skills from the years of misunderstanding and lack of diagnosis. Gina, whom I previously mentioned, was fortunate enough to be at a smaller school that had a full time guidance counselor and social worker. Through intervention on their part it was discovered that she suffered from major depression and had begun cutting. They, along with Gina's parents, were able to get her the help she needed through counseling and medication. Five years later she is a successful college student with a positive outlook on life.

As with any form of illness, early diagnosis and treatment is key. The School Social Work Association of America recommends a ratio of one social worker to every 250 students, yet this is not the case in most schools in our nation. In Orange County, FL, the ratio is one to every 4,150 students. On average, social workers tend to be responsible for 4 to 8 schools each, which makes intensive interventions difficult. Winter Park, FL has developed a model by combining public and private dollars that allows for each of their 12 schools to have a full or part-time social worker, mental health counselor, or family therapist dedicated to their students. Already this school year 433 students have completed 12-week therapy sessions, which have taught coping skills instead of shutting down and turning inward in response to negative situations. In Ontario, Canada, a program developed called Beyond the Cuckoos Nest that utilizes speakers from the community who are recovering from various forms of mental illness in addition to classroom teaching, has been successfully implemented into secondary schools. It has not only raised empathy and awareness among students and teachers, but has created an environment where stigma is decreased to the point that assistance is more likely to be sought by students dealing with symptoms of mental illness of any kind. One teacher who participated in the program noted that “Several things come through loud and clear. Kids come back with tremendous empathy and understanding of what it must be like to be in the presenters’ shoes, which is a huge step. They also come back with respect for the battle that people with mental illness fight, and cognizant of the courage it takes to fight the battle.” This past month, the US Senate passed the Mental Health Awareness and Improvement Act, which reauthorizes and improves programs administered by both the Departments of Education and Health and Human Services related to awareness, prevention, and early identification of mental health conditions, and the promotion of linkages to appropriate services for children and youth. This is a great step in the right direction.

Many of us forget that the brain is an organ that is susceptible to disease or illness, just like any other. Just as cancer or diabetes can be treated with therapy and medication, so can mental illness. Unfortunately, due to media stereotypes of those with mental illness being violent, dangerous, comical, incompetent, or fundamentally different from everyone else, a stigma has arisen that is equally as damaging as any form of racism. The funding for mental health education and crisis prevention in schools so that diagnosis, empathy, and understanding happens at an early age is key in combatting this issue. The single mom that I previously mentioned at the beginning of this speech, is me. I began having symptoms of major depression and eating disorders at age 15, but was never diagnosed, was too ashamed due to my perception of what others would think to try to get help, additionally developed panic disorder and problems with alcohol abuse in an attempt to cope on my own, and ultimately worsened over 25 years to the point of malnutrition and almost full digestive system failure. I was hospitalized and ultimately got the help I needed to begin to begin full recovery. If early awareness and diagnosis had been available and occurred when I was a teenager, many of the physical problems that I will battle for the rest of my life could have been avoided. Mental illness is not a choice. It is a disease like any other. Think back to the questions I asked you at the beginning of this speech that you raised your hand to. Raise your hand if you would now answer any of them differently. I urge you to support the newly reinstated Mental Health & Awareness Act, support other upcoming initiatives such as the Excellence in Mental Health Act, and spend time learning and educating those around you about the warning signs of and available care for all forms of mental illness. I was lucky. Even though it took 25 years, I was diagnosed and began treatment before it killed me. Without awareness and crisis prevention, the next person may not be.

Focusing on the Important

For days all the news has seemed to focus on is the Connecticut elementary school horror.  I find myself with a lump in the back of my throat & tears on my face every time I hear one of the stories, see a picture of a murdered child or teacher, listen to a tribute from a performing artist or hear a portion of one of the eulogies ... quite honestly the entire thing is heartbreaking.  I cannot begin to imagine how the families of the students and staff that were gunned down, or the children that survived, or even the people who simply live in that town feel.  It must be heart stopping.  There are simply not enough words to express the shock, horror, sadness, and sorrow that we all feel for Newtown, Connecticut, and they must surely feel in the aftermath of what occurred there.

Here's the thing, especially in this, the season of goodwill and giving, the focus should be on remembering the victims of this tragedy.  The children that needlessly died.  The staff that gave their lives to keep the children safe.  The staff that survived keeping students safe.  The brave beyond their years kids who survived & will live the rest of their lives with the memory that day.  The families of both those who perished and those who lived.  The townspeople that came to assist whether they had children in that school or not.  These are the folks that deserve our thoughts, our prayers, our efforts, and our focus.  Not the gunman.  Regardless of his reasons or issues, focusing on him and remembering his name instead of those whose lives he disrupted is not only disrespectful, but shows a blatant lack of empathy towards everyone affected by his actions.

Charlotte Bacon, age 6 - she loved school, wearing dresses, the color pink, and every animal she met
Daniel Barden, age 7 - he had formed a band with his siblings that he played the drums in
Rachel D'Avino, age 29 - her position as a behavioral therapist working with autistic children was her absolute passion
Olivia Engel, age 6 - she loved art, dance and musical theater, played tennis and soccer, swam, and was a Girl Scout
Dylan Hockley, age 6 - loved playing video games, jumping on the trampoline & watching movies while eating garlic bread
Chase Kowalski, age 7 - completed his first triathlon at age 6, played baseball, and was a Cub Scout
Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung, age 47 - Sandy Hook's principal who was loved by all the students, and had just begun working on her Ph.D.
Jesse Lewis, age 6 - he loved math, riding horses, and playing at his mother's farm
Ana Marquez-Greene, age 6 - loved singing while her brother played the piano
James Mattioli, age 6 - nicknamed "J", he liked to wear shorts and t-shirts in any weather, ride his bike, and swim in his grandfather's pool
Grace McDonnell, age 7 - she loved art, playing dress up, gymnastics, soccer, and her spaniel named Puddin'
Anne Marie Murphy, age 52 - a married mother of four, she died covering the bodies of children in her classroom in an attempt to shield them from the bullets
Emilie Parker, age 6 - carried her markers and pencils everywhere and never missed an opportunity to draw a picture or make a card for someone
Jack Pinto, age 6 - was a huge NY Giants fan whose idol was Victor Cruz, and loved baseball, basketball, wrestling and snow skiing
Noah Pozner, age 6 - loved playing with his twin sister and his cousins
Jessica Rekos, age 6 - she loved everything about horses and wanted Santa to bring her new cowgirl boots and a cowgirl hat this year
Avielle Richman, age 6 - was happiest when she was riding horses and had just gotten her first loose tooth
Lauren Rousseau, age 30 - was a permanent substitute teacher at Sandy Hook, fulfilling her dream since kindergarten to become a teacher
Mary Sherlach, age 56 - a wife and mother of two grown daughters, and the school's psychologist, was meeting with a parent when they heard the gunshots and she ran into the hall to assist
Victoria Soto, age 27 - a first grade teacher at Sandy Hook, who immediately moved her students away from the doors to safety before being gunned down protecting them
Benjamin Wheeler, age 6 - was always following his father around in the yard, handing him tools and helping
Nancy Lanza, age 52 - was known for the game nights she hosted, the holiday decorations she put up at her house, and enjoyed gardening
Josephine Gay, age 7 - had just celebrated her birthday three days prior, and was looking forward to her birthday party the next day
Madeleine Hsu, age 6 - she loved reading, running, and dancing, and was known for her sunny, happy personality
Catherine Hubbard, age 6 - was a passionate animal lover and was known for her constant smile
Caroline Previdi, age 6 - she took ballet and jazz classes and tended to dance everywhere she went
Allison Wyatt, age 6 - she was a doting big sister and an avid artist who'd turned her room into a studio

Rest In Peace, Newest Christmas Angels.  It's YOUR names and lives that should be remembered.
Peace on Earth, Goodwill Towards Men.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress