Fear Musings

A wise man once said "the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself".  While I do agree with the statement's obvious nod to the ultimate fear, fear of the unknown, I have to wonder if there aren't some fears that are more real and immediate that are equally valid.
But, what if we're misunderstanding the meaning of the word "fear" in that statement?  Sometimes, when we may feel that our worlds are crashing down around our feet, or even simply a consistent dark and dreary existence, the thing that seems the most "scary" is what is immediately in front of us.  That which creates misery and seems unending can seem more life-sucking and fear-inspiring than anything that Hollywood could ever cook up in the most warped of horror flicks.  And many times, the thought of facing those dark things is harder, more exhausting, scarier than any of them in actuality.
In retrospect, that "fear itself" phrase is much deeper than surface level.  Fear of the unknown, on any level, encompasses every ounce of every uncomfortable or sad or lonely or painful feeling, every situation possible.  It can cause tears or chest pains or blind flailing adrenaline, that without the ability to harness that energy and turn it around on the issue, the negativity and fear can completely take over, and imagination running wild with the worst case possibilities will ruin you.
Fear itself.  Maybe that is the fear of all fears.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Overthinking Tongue Twisters

Because sometimes its necessary & fun to overthink ...

"Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.  But Moses, he knowses, his toeses aren't roses, as Moses supposes his toeses to be!"
So Moses thinks his toes are roses.  Well, if Moses is a cross-dresser then he possibly has had them painted rose red at his last pedicure, and if Moses is out partying late night, then possibly his brain is a bit addled and he thinks that the lovely shade of red he sees when looking down is roses upon his feet.  Whatever.  He obviously knows that this is not right, then has an internal battle with himself about it.  Maybe Moses is just schizophrenic.

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Technically, "chucking wood" is cutting and stacking the wood to dry for burning.  Woodchucks, having no opposable thumbs, would have a difficult time with this, however, the slang use of the verb "chuck" means to throw.  Using their teeth and paws they could probably manage that one depending upon the size of the log.  Therefore the answer would be, "Go ask the damn woodchuck."

"Six slick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks."
We can break this one down.  So there's a pack of six rednecks who think they're badass and decide to steal a bunch of oily bricks (??!) by picking them up and transporting them chopsticks style.  Goes to show what can happen when you combine multiples of beer, trucks, hunting dogs, confederate flags, & illiteracy.  Brilliant group-instigated plans of this nature.  Next they'll go tip cows with q-tips.

"Mommy made me eat my M&M's"
Well aren't you the lucky one!  My mommy made me eat my broccoli.

"I am not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son, but I'll be plucking pheasants when the pheasant plucker's gone."
It's a classic family tale.  Child learns trade of parents and masters it in an effort to take over the family business.  Child wildly succeeds.  Parents retire in peace.  The American dream at work ... plucking pheasants.  I wonder if there's a union for that?


If you guys have any other tongue twisters you're particularly fond of, shoot 'em to me via comment!  I'll be happy to overanalyze & trash them for you, or, you can do it yourself!  :)

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

HOW TO: Be Productive Using a Laptop Computer

Technology is incredibly annoying ... and helpful ... and fascinating .... and ANNOYING.  All I want to do is to answer an email from my child's teacher, look at the newest uploaded pics of a friend's puppy on Facebook, and check Wikipedia for the definitions of those ridiculous superhero phrases a friend of mine said I should Not read the definitions to.  Well, and pay a bill or two, but that's it.  Really.  Logically speaking, this should not take more that 15 to 20 minutes.  The steps required to achieve this seemingly simplistic goal would be as follows:

STEP 1:  

Turn on laptop and wait for wireless connection to complete.

STEP 2:

Double-click internet icon on screen.  Wait.  Discover that the "Page Cannot Be Found".  Try a different web address.  Determine that "Page Cannot Be Found" either.  Close internet window.  Check the laptop wireless connection status.  Connection status shows "Very Good" ... obviously not.  Click repair.  Wait.  Once the connection shows "Repair Successful", double-click the internet icon again.  Wait.

STEP 3:

Still no page found.  Check the laptop wireless connection status.  Determine that the laptop wireless connection is "Excellent".  Reason that this means either the wireless connection is lying, or all pages on the internet have risen up in mass mutiny against readers worldwide.  Sigh loudly and walk into adjoining room where wireless router is housed.  Check wireless router connection.

STEP 4:

Determine that the wireless router appears to be working normally.  Decide that resetting the router couldn't hurt. Find straight pin to use for pressing reset button on router ... impale hand while searching for said pin in bathroom drawer.  Curse under breath.  Use pin to reset router.  Wait for router to finish resetting ....

STEP 5:

... 4 Minutes Later ...

Determine that the router is showing all lights on ... except the one for wireless. Walk in circle around room muttering curses at computer equipment.  Walk back over to equipment and unplug all plugs and power cords.  Feel superior to equipment as it immediately shuts down & goes dark.  Wait.

STEP 6:

... 4 Minutes Later ...

Plug everything back in.  Hit head on corner of desk while standing up from plugging in power strip.  Rub temple and think of ways to smash equipment with a sledgehammer.  Wait for systems to finish coming back up.

STEP 7:

... 4 Minutes Later ...

Determine that the wireless light is still not showing on router.  Realize that while resetting the router, a cable disconnected from the back of the router.  Plug in offending cable.  See wireless light illuminate.  Feel superior for determining this small basic fix without the assistance of a semi-English speaking help desk.  

STEP 8:

Walk back into adjoining room to check laptop.  See that signal strength shows "Excellent".  Double click internet icon & watch as internet homepage slowly morphs onto the screen.  Get fed up with waiting.  Set clean up to begin for laptop hard drive.  Wait.

STEP 9:

... 4 Minutes Later ...

Double click internet icon and rejoice as homepage loads semi-swiftly.  Realize that you've forgotten what you needed to do online in the first place.  Play Collapse and surf Stumble Upon sites for an hour until finally remembering.  Complete original tasks.  Feel accomplished until realizing that everything could have been accomplished via one's smartphone over an hour before.  Walk away from computer.

Total Time Elapsed: approximately 1.5 hours (as opposed to the 15 to 20 minutes originally anticipated)  Now THAT'S productivity.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress