I've learned many lessons over the past year.... actually, "learned" may not not be the appropriate word... honestly, I've taken the opportunity to regain parts of myself which were lost or buried over the past decades.
I used to be brave. While I've always tried to find the positive in any situation, due to many years of emotional beat downs in life, I lost the ability to truly be brave in my own mind. Over the past few months I've refound that bravery. Call it inspiration, or simply the support of those who mean the most to me when needed, regardless of the reason, it's back. For that, I am grateful.
I used to be a dreamer. Those same emotional beat downs temporarily took that away from me ... no more! I can again dream, I can again aspire, I again truly believe!
Not saying that there aren't challenges in life, there are every day. However, healing, no matter how slowly, causes the scars of past pains to eventually recede to the point of naked eye invisibility. The wearer knows they're there ... the beholder, not so much.
One year ago I was shrinking and terrified .. blockading the doors nightly to keep my children and myself safe. I look back on that woman and would not wish those feelings or circumstances on my worst enemy. This past year's introspection & support have given way to a new woman. One who looks at her surroundings and actively determines what is best for her and her children's lives, not just "doormats" herself on the whims of unbeknownst untrustworthy others.
Most importantly, I've learned to forgive myself. Everyone makes mistakes. In judgement, in actions, and in life. None of us are perfect. To be able to forgive yourself, means the ability to move forward in your own life. Not an easy obstacle to overcome.
So on this, the eve of renewal, I salute that scared, downtrodden, terrified individual I was at this time last year. Thank you for the lessons. They are the best gift one could give themselves to move forward in life. Cheers!
~ The Girl In the Little Black Dress
