The Quest

I've learned many lessons over the past year.... actually, "learned" may not not be the appropriate word... honestly, I've taken the opportunity to regain parts of myself which were lost or buried over the past decades.

I used to be brave. While I've always tried to find the positive in any situation, due to many years of emotional beat downs in life, I lost the ability to truly be brave in my own mind. Over the past few months I've refound that bravery. Call it inspiration, or simply the support of those who mean the most to me when needed, regardless of the reason, it's back. For that, I am grateful.

I used to be a dreamer. Those same emotional beat downs temporarily took that away from me ... no more!  I can again dream, I can again aspire, I again truly believe!

Not saying that there aren't challenges in life, there are every day. However, healing, no matter how slowly, causes the scars of past pains to eventually recede to the point of naked eye invisibility. The wearer knows they're there ... the beholder, not so much.

One year ago I was shrinking and terrified .. blockading the doors nightly to keep my children and myself safe.  I look back on that woman and would not wish those feelings or circumstances on my worst enemy. This past year's introspection & support have given way to a new woman. One who looks at her surroundings and actively determines what is best for her and her children's lives, not just "doormats" herself on the whims of unbeknownst untrustworthy others.

Most importantly, I've learned to forgive myself. Everyone makes mistakes. In judgement, in actions, and in life. None of us are perfect. To be able to forgive yourself, means the ability to move forward in your own life. Not an easy obstacle to overcome.

So on this, the eve of renewal, I salute that scared, downtrodden, terrified individual I was at this time last year. Thank you for the lessons. They are the best gift one could give themselves to move forward in life. Cheers!

~ The Girl In the Little Black Dress

Cha-cha-cha-Changes

Life is a myriad of colors, shapes, situations, and perceptions.  At the risk of sounding totally "new age", like the ocean tides that constantly ebb and flow, the only thing we can truly count on is constant change, and the only thing that we can truly control is our actions and reactions with regards to it.

Change is not necessarily a bad thing.  The layoff from a job that's a hardcore stress point for the person offers the opportunity to find a career that's more fulfilling, the breakup of a relationship that's a negative influence in someone's life offers the opportunity to learn oneself and open themselves up to a supportive, positive relationship, the growth and flight forward into adulthood of a child from the nest of the home that has nurtured them through childhood offers them the opportunity to grow towards every ounce of potential that child has in themselves .. all of these changes, while initially scary for the individual experiencing them, have the potential to be positive ones. 

To be honest, regardless of potential, change is always unnerving.  Sometimes it's titillatingly scary, sometimes it's just plain nightmare level terrifying, but it's always some level of life driven scare tactic.  Over the past year I personally have gone through life changes on multiple levels.  From engaged and living with my fiancée to single and living alone, from in a relationship and stressed out to single and happy, from feeling secure about life to feeling secure about nothing.  The old adage is that whatever higher power you believe in doesn't give you anything you can't actually handle.  Malarky.  That may ultimately be true, but to be honest, I've had multiple moments over the past year of not feeling like I can handle getting out of bed to handle anything, much less what some omnipotent being thinks I can pull off! 

Change in general tends to bring about a combination of fear, excitement, misgiving, self-doubt, worry, anticipation, happiness, terror, nostalgia, melancholy, and exhilaration.  It's kind of like what Ron says in "Order of the Phoenix", "one person can't feel all of that .. they'd explode!"  Yet we don't explode.  We somehow plod through.  I suppose my point is this.  While I truly believe that each of us is put on this earth to learn specific lessons and to live our lives for a specific purpose, most of us (me included) are generally so busy focusing on daily minutia that we forget to pay attention to all of that. All we really tend to pay attention to are the situations occurring immediately in front of us, when what we really need to pay attention to, are the ramifications of those same situations and how we could use those moments to move forward in a positive manner.

A friend of mine recently told me that he wakes up each day with the goal to accomplish something, laugh at something, and learn something.  At base level for daily life, shouldn't that be the goal of all of us, regardless of whatever changes life throws our way?  A positive mantra to utilize for your next waking moment.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Life as a Philosophical Seussism

Dr. Seuss was a Master Philosopher.  I firmly believe this.  All you have to do is read even slightly between the lines of his, on the surface, nonsensical writing style, or take a look at any of his many famous quotes, and the truth is absolutely there.

Consider the quote, "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."  While I feel like I need to write this as a reminder at the top of every physics exam page, it is also quite true for most of life.  We overthink, and stress about, and complicate so much of our daily occurrences. If we were to, instead, take a deep breath, step back, and truly look at the entire picture, then focus on the solution, might not the best answer be the simplist one possible?

What about the phrase from One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish? "From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!"  No.  Joke.  From children, to pets, to random humans in the grocery or on the street, to the silly stupid jokes shared with those closest to you, there is almost always something out there to laugh at .... including yourself!

Another, would be from The Lorax, "It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become."  This one I believe to be true for both good and bad, positive and negative, truths and lies, and everything in-between.  Think about it.  All things are what they are, and are exactly what they are in the way that one sees, interprets, and applies them.  They begin as they exactly are, and become whatever we turn them into.  Ponder that one.

The quote that I deep down believe was a political statement (well hidden) is from The Cat In The Hat.  "And this mess is so big, and so deep and so tall, we cannot pick it up, there is no way at all!"  That one, politically, speaks for itself (in my opinion).

My personal favorite, that I tend to revert to like a mantra whenever I'm stressed out or hurt by other people in life is a quote that's not from one of his books.  It goes like this, "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready, you see.  Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"  Best.  Empowering.  Quote.  Ever.

There are literally THOUSANDS of quotes and passages from Dr. Suess's books and lifetime that would apply to my life, your life, and the life of everyone and everything on this planet in almost any situation or scenario.  Here is a link if you want to look at more of them: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/61105.Dr_Seuss

Until next time, try to remember as you go forward in your day the immortal, philosophical words "So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)"


~ The Girl In The LIttle Black Dress (with assistance from Dr. Seuss)

The Demise of Self-Doubt?

There comes a time in life when standing up for yourself is the only option. Actually, there's probably many times in life of this nature, but for some reason many of us seem to skirt the issue and try to placate or "make nice" instead of meeting it head on. Meeting such issues head on can be extremely daunting. Even the thought of doing so can bring up feelings of guilt from concern for other's feelings, self-doubt from actually standing up for yourself if you're not the type of person that does such a thing very often, worry for the ripple effect of ramifications that might occur .... in essence, over thinking every nuance instead of just taking a deep breath and announcing "I will not be bullied any longer!" If you're dealing with an ex or a family member, the second guessing of yourself can become extremely harsh. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we acquiesce to what we know is not right for us, just to keep the peace? What is it that causes us to not only be our own worst critic, but to take those internal criticisms so to heart, that we freeze instead of standing up to the people in our lives who attempt to judge, control, and overtake it for their own agenda? Why does being our own worst critic seem to culminate in the creation of ourselves as our own worst enemy?

Personally, I've had multiple opportunities to stand up for myself in my life. Many, I didn't take advantage of simply out of fear for one reason or another. Lately, when those opportunities have presented themselves, I have taken advantage of them. Stood up for myself, and my beliefs. Then, unfortunately, I end up with more fear, feelings of guilt for possibly making a situation more volitile (even though that may not be the case), worry and dread over the possible responses or repercussions ... but somewhere, deep down inside, is a small, glimmering light of pride and hope. Actually being proud of myself for not allowing someone to push me around, and hope that my words and actions will result in something better going forward. The fear is larger and stronger than that small, glimmering light, but using every ounce of my being to focus on that little light instead of the fear, helps me to realize that there is, in fact, hope for a better day tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a new day with endless possibilities. Don't let today's issues cause you to miss out on it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Mantra Table

There's a dining table on my back patio. Not unusual. Many people have such things. In this case, it's a table I rescued from being thrown out with the trash & refinished ... well, am in the constant process of refinishing. I call it my "mantra table".

Most of you know that I paint ... it's a great way to quiet my mind when I'm stressed or worried. This table constantly gets updates, new colors, new words of theoretical wisdom ... two days ago I was repainting many of the words that had gotten worn down. Ones like "truth", "support", "insight", "hope", "strength", "love", etc. Normally, I put a coat of polyurethane over the dried paint to protect it from the weather. Unfortunately, we had a series of thunderstorms happen before I could accomplish that. I came out today to realize that most of what I had done had been washed away by the storms. The only word that held? "Insight".

To me, that's a sign. In most cases, I paint and repaint that table in an effort to quell the fears and quiet the negative thoughts. To have "insight" as the only word remaining caused me to contemplate the meaning of a clean slate. Going back over that which you constantly battle daily isn't always the best healing process. Letting go and starting over with a fresh canvas, or clean slate is a much more positive way of thinking. Hanging on to that which is past and cannot be changed is rarely a healthy activity.

So now, I need your help. I'd like to create positive word mantras of every language for this table. You can send them to me via comment on this blog (I won't post the comments if you tell me not to), send them to me on Twitter or Facebook, or via email, it doesn't matter. Send them in your language or mine ... I want to create a table that's a positive world of mantras. Not just my own. The "slate" is now clean. Let's start filling it with new positives in every language!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

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