Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Primary School Lessons from the Cohen Hearings

After watching the first part of the Cohen hearing today, I felt the need to turn it off and do a negativity cleanse throughout my house. Seriously. It wasn't Cohen's testimony that caused me to react that way, although his testimony did cause me to have quite a few moments of thinking "oh holy crap!" It was the methods of posturing questioning by the House Representatives that really made it sickening. They, for the most part, conducted themselves like overly verbose primary school bullies desperately intent on taking a classmate's lunch money. The entire spectacle brought to mind the book "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten", mainly because I felt like everyone involved could benefit from reading it! On second thought, that book and a refresher course in basic manners!

If You Don't Listen You Won't Learn.
The constant interrupting and lack of ability to allow Cohen to answer any question that had just been asked was a tactic utilized by the majority of the representatives that was annoying, disheartening, and frankly, just rude. Why bother asking a question if you don't intend to listen to the answer? Furthermore, if anyone plans to get to the bottom of this quagmire, the ability to listen to the answers given to those questions is absolutely necessary. Cohen may have a questionably horrible reputation when it comes to being trustworthy in testimony, but he has more long term inside information on the situation than every other person in that room. Everyone might just learn something helpful if they all simply shut up and listened.

Don't Take Things That Aren't Yours. / Keep Your Hands to Yourself
This goes for Congress, Michael Cohen, the President's son, and most importantly, President Trump himself. No matter whether it's money, pictures, or documents, turns, words, ideas, or actions. If it isn't yours, do not touch it. Not only don't touch it, don't gossip about it, don't pretend untruthful involvement with it; just leave whatever it is that is not yours completely alone and quietly move away from it. Period. Most of the problems that brought about this hearing, in addition to the ones that occurred during the debacle of the hearing itself, could have been avoided if those simple rules had been adhered to in the first place.

Don't Be a Bully
Really don't know how much I need to elaborate here as politics seems to be the biggest bullying ring of all, especially since the supreme leader of bullying, Donald Trump, is currently the ultimate bully king! It's the worst version of trickle down effect ever known. Do these people go home and instruct their children on how to behave respectfully? If so, the hypocrisy is unequivocal. A little kindness and respect towards others goes a long way towards achieving any goal. Every person involved in this hearing in any way should try it sometime.

These are basic lessons that we attempt to instill in our children, yet put adults in a televised hearing circumstance and those same lessons seem to fly out the window. It's unfortunate, disheartening, and quite honestly, pathetic. The truth will never come out if posturing for the cameras is more important than actually discovering the truth. If a mulligan was ever needed, this is it.  One thing is for certain, if the lack of respect towards procedure and each other is any indication of how these people are attempting to represent the citizens of the country, our future is anything but secure.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Once Upon A Time, There Was A Wall

Once upon a time there was a wall. It divided the areas of East Berlin from West Berlin in an effort to stem the population of communist East Germany from migrating to the democratic capitalist side of West Germany. When it was erected it divided not only political sides, but also friends, families, and world attitudes. It was the ultimate barrier to the overall peace and unity of a single country .. until it was torn down. That wall itself was the epitome of a symbol of the Cold War. The act of tearing it down was one of the most shining moments of world peace and solidarity that any nation has ever accomplished. Are we doomed to repeat history?

Donald Trump has taken the U.S. Presidency to a new level of demented millennialism. The first president to have zero political background, the first president to consistently tweet his personal Twitter account without thought for repercussions or his administration. In some ways it could be viewed as awkwardly admirable. This man took office with a mindset to treat the country like a corporation and right the U.S. economy as such. His tactics, however, are some of the most abysmal the world has seen since Hitler promised Germany jobs and economic fixes after the Great Depression.

Hitler blamed economic downfall and socioeconomic issues on the Jewish population. At that time in history, the world had just come out of the hell of WWI, and was on the tail end of a worldwide economic depression. It wasn't difficult for someone with a semblance of oratory skill to convince a terrified country's population that there were a specific group of people that were to blame for their financial woes, no matter how misguided the accusations. The terrified, the scared, the misguided; those were the people who voted Hitler into office and blindly followed his directives which ultimately resulted in the most horrific wartime atrocities the world has ever seen.

Fast forward to the internet age. What do you get when you place a silver spoon kid turned real estate mogul and egotistical narcissist into the White House? You get a similar result. A population on the tail end of recession desperate for relief, despite the efforts of previous administrations. A glimmer of light opening for a wide variety of right wing fringe sects to actively espouse their beliefs; their flames fanned by the incinerating rhetoric of a man who has never known a day of hunger or basic need in his entire life.

The wall that Trump wants to build, that he is essentially holding the U.S. hostage to build, is the same type of symptomatic governmental narcissism as the wall the post WWII Germany built. Not only are his tactics holding the U.S. hostage in the realm of government, but they're putting the entire world at risk in multiple areas like aviation safety, agriculture, military assistance, and even the borders that he claims to hold so dear. Those who count on government assistance or government based jobs to feed their families can kiss that goodbye.  Apparently this wall, that makes the United States appear more like a scene from "A Handmaiden's Tale," is far more important than the needs of anything else in the nation.

It is incredibly unfortunate when world leaders take their own personal egos and views, and make them more important on the political and humanitarian front than the needs of the population. It's even more unfortunate when those same leaders actively espouse rhetoric that inflames views and actions of bias, bullying, and racism.

So where to go from here? In a utopian universe, the aberrant leader is ousted by a shining knight on a white horse and the kingdom becomes whole and peaceful. However, just because I started this blog in fairytale form does not mean that the shining knight theory is one that is applicable, or will actually happen. Here's where I get to say what I actually think (it's a blog, so I get to do so).

What this country needs is people working and taking care of their families. This country needs common courtesy, empathetic citizens, and common sense. It does not need egotistical leaders, hateful rhetoric, and unintelligent accusations from those in positions of power that are supposed to be working for the greater good of its population.

I hate to use a movie line here here, but there's a line from "The American President" that this situation that keeps bringing to mind. "America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say 'You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, and who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours."  America is a nation of free speech, of tolerance, of open-mindedness, and of the dream that if you work hard enough it will happen. It is not a nation of close-minded idiots, closed borders, biased rhetoric, and bullying of its citizens. Not saying that the onset of Nazi Germany is akin to Donald Trump's America, but .......... #justsaying!!

Let's finish the fairy tale, since we began it that way .... and the knights on their speckled horses shattered the wall with their mighty swords, then rode off into the sunset with their multi-nationality brides .. all of whom had jobs that were highly paid, well fed children, and a nation that they believed in!


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Good News - Why Isn't It a Viral Trend?

Watching the news these days is depressing and terrifying.  There seems to be nothing but cases of greed, episodes of violence, and stories of catastrophe.  To make it worse, every commercial break has at least 3 to 4 political ads smearing opponents by the touting of twisted versions of past evils and shortcomings.  Even the top stories in online news outlets are of corruption, mass disaster, tragedy, and financial fear.  School shootings, church shootings, bullying, and socioeconomic discourse take center stage daily.  Yet, if you take time to look beyond the reported facade of despair, there are still tales of human kindness, moments of empathy and caring, and points of hope and positive action overcoming those of adversity and strife.

In an age where political parties are pitted against each other, religious sects espouse hate as a tenet, and special interest groups actively promote corporate greed over the welfare of humanity, the thought of something uplifting occurring can almost seem like a pipe dream.  As I began researching statistics for, what I originally intended to be a blog about gun violence in the aftermath of yet another school shooting, I realized that focusing on common threads, what brings us together as a society, was far less well known than a tired tirade of facts and statistics that seemingly change depending upon who publishes them.  So here it is.  My Top 3 List - News That Should Go Viral But Hasn't.

3.  The online outlet of NBC News reported back in June of 2016 about the Muslim group CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations) that had launched a massive fundraising campaign to support the victims and families of the Pulse LGBTQ Nightclub shooting in Orlando, Florida.  Hasan Shibly, CAIR-Florida executive director was quoted, in response to the shooting, saying, "In this holy month of Ramadan many Muslims will be offering their fasting and prayers for them and their families. The vile criminal who perpetrated this does not represent Islam nor the American Muslim community. Muhammad Ali and his legacy do represent our goals and aspirations to better our society and the World; but not this repulsive thug."  (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslims-organizations-raise-funds-victims-orlando-massacre-n593586)  The group's efforts resulted in over $102,000 being raised for the cause, according to the launchgood.com website.

Fast forward to 2018.  In the wake of yet another hate driven mass shooting tragedy, this time at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the Muslim-American group CelebrateMercy immediately stepped up and began offering support and raising funds to, in their words, "respond to evil with good".  Wasi Mohamed, the executive director of the Pittsburgh Islamic Center was even quoted as saying in a news conference, "We just want to know what you need. If it's people outside your next service protecting you, we'll be there." (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslim-americans-raise-more-120-000-pittsburgh-synagogue-shooting-survivors-n925796)  

According to much of the news across the world, Islam is misrepresented as being run by terror sects that prey on the innocent and promote violence in the name of religion.  These Muslim-American groups prove that that premise is simply not true.  Islam is actually a peaceful religion that is based upon the tenets of faith, prayer, fasting, monotheistic belief, and charity.  Sounds a lot like the basic principles of Christianity or Judaism, right?  It just goes to show that there are far more similarities than differences when it comes to religions, and, just because there are right-wing sects of extremist nut jobs that identify themselves within a religion (every religion has them!), they absolutely do not represent the vast majority of that belief system as a whole.  All in all, the consistent show of religious solidarity by a religious group that many people misunderstand and needlessly fear, is a shining light of hope in the darkness of divisiveness. 

2. A local South Carolina ABC News outlet recently reported on a biker group that's touring US schools to promote anti-bullying and acceptance.  Many of us, thanks to shows like Sons of Anarchy, Outlaw Bikers, and Gangland, automatically stereotype anyone that affiliates themselves with a motorcycle group as a rough, scary, bullying brute.  This group, Bikers Against Bullies USA, is a non-profit who's mission statement promotes "creating awareness and educating both children and adults on the benefits of living in a society of respect for each other".   Their fundraising efforts are funneled 100% to causes, and they support everything from children's hospitals, to school and after-school initiatives, to the Special Olympics.  Not exactly an example of the aforementioned stereotype.  Flash, one of the group's founders, is quoted on the BAB website as saying, "The very real fact is that children, our children, are dying by their own hands each week due to the insidious nature of the psychological and emotional trauma created by today’s bullying attempts. Our personal philosophy one dead child is simply too many.In the wake of seemingly constant school gun violence events, that, according to a February 2018 article in USA Today, are occurring at an average rate of 1 per week for non-fatality incidents ,(https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/02/19/parkland-school-shootings-not-new-normal-despite-statistics-stretching-truth-fox-column/349380002/) and, the fact that, according to the awareness group DoSomething.org, 71% of US students report incidents of bullying as a problem, it is truly refreshing to see a group that some incorrectly view as fringe or questionable, actively taking steps to change children's worlds for the better in the area of bullying.  We can only hope that the next hit biker show will have more accurate story lines that portray the biker community as beacons of positive change and forces of charity and goodwill.

1. Try Google searching the phrase 'teaching empathy'.  You'll get a myriad of results; including law enforcement training post officer-involved shootings, many opinion articles, various parenting and education blogs, and a book perspective from the Washington Post on boys vs girls reading habits. The common thread here is that as parents, educators, mentors, and as a society as a whole, the act of teaching empathy and compassion is a crucial part of learning at every age.  Empathy and compassion beget kindness, fairness, charitable actions, and unification across dividing lines.  The lack of these two traits creates discourse, misunderstanding, self-righteous rhetoric, and unnecessary anger.  The Dalai Lama was recently quoted in an article in Entrepreneur, "Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life." (https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/321461)  How true!  What would the world look like if everyone took a step back to contemplate the ramifications of their tweets before posting them, of their actions before committing them, and their words before saying them?  Would there still be episodes of war, violence, and greed?  Probably.  But those incidents would more likely be the anomalies, not the norms. What if the major hashtag and news trends were about compassionate acts and stories of goodwill instead of corruption, crime, and dissonance?  Would the earth be more peaceful and undivided as a whole?   

My point is this, if we as a society don't consistently act as proponents of empathy and compassion, how will generations to come ever learn it, use it, or even acknowledge it?  If there was ever a trend that needs to 'go viral', this is it.  Empathy and Compassion are the defining points for overcoming stereotypes, erasing hatred born of misinformation and misunderstanding, and stopping bullying. They're even, in many ways, a component of controlling gun violence, repairing political corruption, and combating corporate greed.  It's not a Pollyanna type thing, it is a real and immediate need, both in the US and worldwide, and it starts with each of us.  As Benjamin Franklin once said, "If we do not hang together, we will surely hang separately." Let's, as a society, start focusing on the goodwill and healing, and quit shortening each other's proverbial ropes.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Monday, August 10, 2015

The Polite Bully

Do you ever feel invisible? Not literally, of course, but as if the only way that you can be seen by the world is by morphing yourself, your actions, and your attitude, into whatever those around you need in that particular moment, or, only seen as the person that you acted like prior to any level of personal growth? It's maddening, it's frustrating, and it can make you want to shriek, or go crazy in some way, or sink into any form of depression, or all of the above.

I think back to when I was a kid, attempting to determine my place in the world around me. Keep in mind, that I was raised as a Southern girl, which essentially means that I learned how to make someone feel like they were being complimented and cared for while I was telling them off, at a fairly young age. If that sounds wrong or confusing, don't worry, it is for those of us that were raised that way too! Always smile, always be pleasant, whether you're shaking someone's hand, or cursing them out. No wonder therapists have such a solid business ... instead of saying what we truly think and acting in the manner that corresponds, we've been trained to articulate and act in ways that are opposite to what we really think and feel!

Which brings me to my point, we preach to kids to "stop the bullying", but as adults, we engage in exactly that, on a daily basis. Lawyers push their clients and badger their opponents, bankers do the same with finances, salespeople do it with whomever steps into their establishment and looks mildly interested, teachers do so upon occasion in an effort to meld the minds of their students, even as parents we tend to engage in those same narrow-minded tactics to attempt to ensure our children grow up with a similar mindset to ours ... all in the name of "what's right" or "what's best". Why? What's so wrong with people growing, changing, learning, morphing, becoming their own individualistic persons with their own individualistic thoughts and feelings, and having the ability to show those feelings in a way that corresponds appropriately to their verbalization of them? What's wrong with not just giving speaking time to the adage "people change", but actively accepting that they do and letting what is in the past stay in the past, not using it as a judgement tactic in the present? What's wrong with allowing everyone to be exactly who they are and to feel whatever they feel in the immediate moment that it occurs? No judgment, no recriminations, no preconceptions, simply acceptance and a knowledge that even if we don't truly understand or agree, that we can appreciate and empathize with their feelings and points of view.

Honestly, as far as I can tell, the only way that bullying with children will completely cease, is if the adults stop doing it to each other, and ourselves, first.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Demise of Self-Doubt?

There comes a time in life when standing up for yourself is the only option. Actually, there's probably many times in life of this nature, but for some reason many of us seem to skirt the issue and try to placate or "make nice" instead of meeting it head on. Meeting such issues head on can be extremely daunting. Even the thought of doing so can bring up feelings of guilt from concern for other's feelings, self-doubt from actually standing up for yourself if you're not the type of person that does such a thing very often, worry for the ripple effect of ramifications that might occur .... in essence, over thinking every nuance instead of just taking a deep breath and announcing "I will not be bullied any longer!" If you're dealing with an ex or a family member, the second guessing of yourself can become extremely harsh. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we acquiesce to what we know is not right for us, just to keep the peace? What is it that causes us to not only be our own worst critic, but to take those internal criticisms so to heart, that we freeze instead of standing up to the people in our lives who attempt to judge, control, and overtake it for their own agenda? Why does being our own worst critic seem to culminate in the creation of ourselves as our own worst enemy?

Personally, I've had multiple opportunities to stand up for myself in my life. Many, I didn't take advantage of simply out of fear for one reason or another. Lately, when those opportunities have presented themselves, I have taken advantage of them. Stood up for myself, and my beliefs. Then, unfortunately, I end up with more fear, feelings of guilt for possibly making a situation more volitile (even though that may not be the case), worry and dread over the possible responses or repercussions ... but somewhere, deep down inside, is a small, glimmering light of pride and hope. Actually being proud of myself for not allowing someone to push me around, and hope that my words and actions will result in something better going forward. The fear is larger and stronger than that small, glimmering light, but using every ounce of my being to focus on that little light instead of the fear, helps me to realize that there is, in fact, hope for a better day tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a new day with endless possibilities. Don't let today's issues cause you to miss out on it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Sunday, July 6, 2014

A Vent Session

Okay, my lovely, wonderful readers. I know it's not the norm for me, but i need to have a little vent. I apologize in advance.

WHY are there people in this world who actively and on purpose gain happiness from the misery of others that they cause?! I do not understand the need to wreak havoc in someone else's life simply to make one's own life feel more fulfilled and valid. I do not understand the inability to "live and let live". Most of all, I do not understand the cockamamy, beauracratical, biased to those who operate in the theoretical "legal  community" where Who you know shows to be more important than actual legality, legal system! I am OVER egotistical, self-important, lawyers .... I am OVER this system that allows for judges to rule on cases when they haven't heard both sides of the story ... I am OVER the ridiculous amount of money required to fight or bring Anything to court. It's bullsh*t!

I am tired of the egotistical, self-righteous, underhanded, legal maneuvering of the female (dare she be referred to as human) that is my boyfriend's ex-wife.

I am appalled at the level of stress this "woman" causes in our personal life due to the level of stress and subsequent physical duress that her antics create.

I am OVER the bullying nonsense that my ex-husband utilizes in an effort to control and undermine me, just like he did when we were married.

I am OVER the fact that his bullying includes constant attempts to control my daily life outside of contact with our son, as I am attempting to do what's right and better myself daily.

It is affecting me in horrible ways, but even worse, it's affecting the wonderful, funny, caring, sweet and romantic, truly fantastic person who is my parter in life.

No attempt to be supportive, or understanding, or empathic, or sympathetic is met with anything but despondency, as he is a Good Man that has been pushed over the edge by constant worry over what's best for everyone else in his life, and the constant stress and malarkey created by those who use the legal system as their First resort instead of their Last.

Hate is a terrible thing to be avoided. Yet how can one avoid it and move forward in life if the other party or parties keep pushing the limits? It's unfair, unjust, not right, and unequivocally WRONG.

I am now finished venting. SOS for positive thoughts, karma,  and prayers Fast!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Humanity of Give Versus Take

A neighbor of mine said the other day, "there are givers and takers in this world ... unfortunately, the givers usually end up getting screwed,"  I agree with him .. for the most part.

Those who are the "takers" spend their lives expecting everyone to do what they want, give in to their needs ... essentially bow to them and their every whim. They use multiple forms of persuasion, tactics that smack of under-handedness, and any con artist move they can, legal or non, to achieve whatever their ultimate goal is. It's actually a truly pitiful existence. To only be able to take without experiencing the joy of giving.

Those who are "givers" get the opportunity to experience and appreciate the smiles and pure joy on someone's face when they create a token of words or gifts or actions that require no return of actions or strings attached. They feel happy by doing such things. They don't need hurrahs or accolades, they just do these things for others because it should be done out of pure respect for humanity. They're content to do so, and don't think about "what's in it for them" in the process.

The "givers" versus the "takers". Most of us have a little of both in us.  While I truly believe that both Yin and Yang, light and darkness, is in each of us, and that one cannot exist without the other, I also believe that the "givers", regardless of getting trod upon, live happier lives than the "takers". While unfair pain may be experienced at times, the reward of life's little things, like a child's smile, a friend in need's hug, a loved one's kiss, the total body wagging of a pet greeting you just because you showed up, unexpected laughter, ultimate trust ... these are things that can never be truly known or appreciated by the "takers".

It's to be pitied, actually. The sad fact is that there are people out there who view themselves as so entitled, so above the echelon, so above reproach, that in their quest for the perfect life they end up living the lives that are more miserable than most. How sad is that?!

Gandhi said that "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean become dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Well said, Sir!  I pity those that can only take and not give, can only hurt and not help, can only think of themselves and not others. I truly believe, though, that that Yin, that light as opposed to dark is somewhere deep in all of us. Hopefully someday those people will find it in themselves and no longer wreak the havoc that creates a negative ripple effect doomed to surround them. Poor, misguided humans.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Monday, May 26, 2014

The Infallible Certainty of Humanity

People. We're all human. We all have our own issues and problems and insecurities regarding ourselves and others. We all succumb to worry, fear, sadness, stress, and even occasional panic or paranoia at various times in our lives. We all make decisions, both intelligent and not so intelligent, and pay the price in some way for the not so bright ones. Remembering that, and having others in our lives that we can count on to be there as a shoulder when we're down, help us up when we've been hurt, and trust when we need to vent out anything ..  and knowing that those people can be truly trusted to keep our private worries to themselves without turning that information into any form of gossip, vicious or non, is an immensely important part of every one of us staying sane. Those types of family and friends are of the utmost high value.

There will always be those in our lives who judge without proof. There will always be those who jump to conclusions and turn those conclusions into accusations or gossip. There will always be those who, well, surprise you in the most unfortunate and disheartening ways that cause additional frustration, doubt in your own abilities, and, at worst, break your heart with their actions and reactions.

We are ALL human, and humans are infallible. Everyone of us is. Passing judgment, turning suspicion into gossip, and utilizing hypocrisy in conversation or actions is much like becoming the playground bully who takes the little kids' lunch money.

There's an old adage that talks about "killing them with kindness". No matter what the situation, I find that to be the best response. The only one you can truly count on to be okay with what you see in the mirror at the end of each day is Yourself .. and knowing that you took that higher road without gossip, without judgment based in pure suspicion, and without hypocrisy, is ultimately the only way any of us will be able to live with ourselves on a daily basis.

Things to remember as we trudge forward in life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Awareness

I've had complaints about my lack of blogs of late ... my apologies.  This going back to school thing is kicking my you-know-what!  Regardless, one of my classes is public speaking .. for which I have to write and deliver a number of different types of speeches (duh).  Below is the narrative of the persuasive Monroe's Format speech I'll be giving tomorrow for my final ..... would love your thoughts!


Raise your hand if you know someone with a mental illness.
Raise your hand if you know the causes of different forms of mental illness.
Raise your hand if you think it's easy to recognize someone with a serious mental illness.
Finally, raise your hand if you think the best way to handle people with mental illness is to keep them in hospitals or behind locked doors.

My friend “Sarah” has a teenage daughter. Her daughter was an intelligent creative rambunctious child, but as she has gotten into her pre-teen and teenage years, she has become headstrong, belligerent, violent in her outbursts and attitude towards her parents and authority figures, lies about everything, even things that she's obviously lying about, and has begun to have issues with shoplifting. Her parents have tried everything from rules and strictness to counseling and are constantly involved with her school on her behalf. Nothing has seemed to make a difference, and the problems simply escalate the older she becomes.

A girl I know became more and more worried about one of her best friends. “Gina”, who was known for her outgoing nature and friendliness to all, was pulling away from everyone, turning down social invitations that she would have joyfully joined in previously, was falling way behind in her grades, and missing school constantly. When gently asked what was wrong or if everything was okay, she denied there was an issue and would occasionally get defensive. She began wearing long sleeves at all times, baggier clothing and withdrawing more and more from everyone around her.

A woman I know has always seemed, from the outside looking in, to have it all together. Single mom, great kids, decent job, good friends, always putting everyone else before herself and somehow managing to appear sane. The side that no one ever saw was when she was alone, constantly near tears, self esteem so low that she didn't feel she deserved to reach out for help to anyone in any part of her life, and sometimes that even though she didn't have the guts for suicide, that she didn't deserve to have the wonderful people and things she had in life and that she definitely didn't deserve to live. She was always able to dress so no one really noticed her weight continuing to drop, until it was too late.

Mental illness is a stigma that affects someone that most of us know. It can be brought on by traumatic life events, imbalances in brain chemicals, discrepancies in early brain development, and even genetic predisposition. Unfortunately, there's generally an attitude of misunderstanding and avoidance whenever it's brought up or made public as a diagnosis. Children suffering from forms of mental illness are subjected to bullying by their peers, and misunderstanding by authority figures. Adults, can be judged as lazy or unreliable or unintelligent. All due to the lack of understanding and diagnosis of various common mental illnesses. But what if the education and understanding began at an early age? What if elementary, middle, and high schools all incorporated mental health education into their curriculum, and preventative staff such as trained social workers and guidance counselors were a normal funded part of school staff in every school? Would the problem be so misunderstood? Be less widespread? Be more easily diagnosed and the ramifications of undiagnosed mental illness be proactively avoided? Let's examine why mental health education and crisis prevention should be a funded, required component of elementary, middle, and high school education.

For the purposes of clarification, a mental illness is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in perception, thinking and behavior. Out of the five major categories of mental illness, the most commonly diagnosed are anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and eating disorders. Many of these co-occur, such as someone suffering from PTSD, an anxiety disorder, also suffering from bi-polar disorder, a mood disorder, or, someone suffering from Anorexia, an eating disorder, could also suffer from depression, a mood disorder, or OCD, an anxiety disorder. Undiagnosed and untreated, mental illness can become a major contributing factor to substance abuse behaviors, migraine headaches, and increased susceptibility to physical illnesses such as thyroid disease, diabetes, and heart disease later in life. According to the World Health Organization, about 11 percent of adolescents have a major depressive disorder by age 18, and it is the leading cause of disability among Americans age 15 to 44. Additionally, in 2009, suicide was the third leading cause of death among people age 15 to 24, with depression and other mental disorders being a major cause. In the case of my friend Sarah's daughter, the teen has endured years of teasing and bullying from peers for not grasping academic concepts at school, a major school disciplinary record, and, more recently, a juvenile record with the courts for her inability to control outbursts and actions. She became depressed and suicidal and felt the entire world was against her. As it turns out, Sarah's daughter suffers from bi-polar disorder. She is now receiving treatment, and recovering, but she will have much to overcome with self-esteem, academics, and social skills from the years of misunderstanding and lack of diagnosis. Gina, whom I previously mentioned, was fortunate enough to be at a smaller school that had a full time guidance counselor and social worker. Through intervention on their part it was discovered that she suffered from major depression and had begun cutting. They, along with Gina's parents, were able to get her the help she needed through counseling and medication. Five years later she is a successful college student with a positive outlook on life.

As with any form of illness, early diagnosis and treatment is key. The School Social Work Association of America recommends a ratio of one social worker to every 250 students, yet this is not the case in most schools in our nation. In Orange County, FL, the ratio is one to every 4,150 students. On average, social workers tend to be responsible for 4 to 8 schools each, which makes intensive interventions difficult. Winter Park, FL has developed a model by combining public and private dollars that allows for each of their 12 schools to have a full or part-time social worker, mental health counselor, or family therapist dedicated to their students. Already this school year 433 students have completed 12-week therapy sessions, which have taught coping skills instead of shutting down and turning inward in response to negative situations. In Ontario, Canada, a program developed called Beyond the Cuckoos Nest that utilizes speakers from the community who are recovering from various forms of mental illness in addition to classroom teaching, has been successfully implemented into secondary schools. It has not only raised empathy and awareness among students and teachers, but has created an environment where stigma is decreased to the point that assistance is more likely to be sought by students dealing with symptoms of mental illness of any kind. One teacher who participated in the program noted that “Several things come through loud and clear. Kids come back with tremendous empathy and understanding of what it must be like to be in the presenters’ shoes, which is a huge step. They also come back with respect for the battle that people with mental illness fight, and cognizant of the courage it takes to fight the battle.” This past month, the US Senate passed the Mental Health Awareness and Improvement Act, which reauthorizes and improves programs administered by both the Departments of Education and Health and Human Services related to awareness, prevention, and early identification of mental health conditions, and the promotion of linkages to appropriate services for children and youth. This is a great step in the right direction.

Many of us forget that the brain is an organ that is susceptible to disease or illness, just like any other. Just as cancer or diabetes can be treated with therapy and medication, so can mental illness. Unfortunately, due to media stereotypes of those with mental illness being violent, dangerous, comical, incompetent, or fundamentally different from everyone else, a stigma has arisen that is equally as damaging as any form of racism. The funding for mental health education and crisis prevention in schools so that diagnosis, empathy, and understanding happens at an early age is key in combatting this issue. The single mom that I previously mentioned at the beginning of this speech, is me. I began having symptoms of major depression and eating disorders at age 15, but was never diagnosed, was too ashamed due to my perception of what others would think to try to get help, additionally developed panic disorder and problems with alcohol abuse in an attempt to cope on my own, and ultimately worsened over 25 years to the point of malnutrition and almost full digestive system failure. I was hospitalized and ultimately got the help I needed to begin to begin full recovery. If early awareness and diagnosis had been available and occurred when I was a teenager, many of the physical problems that I will battle for the rest of my life could have been avoided. Mental illness is not a choice. It is a disease like any other. Think back to the questions I asked you at the beginning of this speech that you raised your hand to. Raise your hand if you would now answer any of them differently. I urge you to support the newly reinstated Mental Health & Awareness Act, support other upcoming initiatives such as the Excellence in Mental Health Act, and spend time learning and educating those around you about the warning signs of and available care for all forms of mental illness. I was lucky. Even though it took 25 years, I was diagnosed and began treatment before it killed me. Without awareness and crisis prevention, the next person may not be.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Bullying By Example

Bullying.  There's a large movement to increase awareness & prevent bullying with kids & adolescents. I agree with it wholeheartedly. Children, however, tend to learn most effectively by example.  Let's face it.  The examples being set by the grownups in society are not exactly stellar in the effort against bullying. Give those tactics a different name, & all of a sudden it's okay & accepted. Not exactly conducive to learning by example.

Many managers & executives in the business arena govern their employees with threats, ultimatums, & constant micromanagement fear of pay cuts or job loss. This is usually known as "management styles" or "business tactics". 
Some lawyers, aka "Ambulance Chasers", make their living seeking out clients for lawsuits of any kind in an effort to exhort money, create mistrust, & dissolve relationships, while divorcing spouses & their lawyers use everything from past settled arguments to threats of withholding property and, at most damaging, the children themselves, in an attempt to achieve each of their outcomes, without thought for the cost to others involved.  This tends to be referred to as "the Justice System". 
The salesman that pressures customers to purchase that which they may not really need or want (Sales Tactics).  The governments that sanction or retaliate against other governments for not operating the same as their own (International Policy).  The religious groups that condone violence against others due to a difference in beliefs or ways of living (Religious Right).  No matter how it's spun, these are examples of bullying at the grownup level.

Now think about how all of the aforementioned appears to a child. If the supposed adults in charge use pressure, coercion, & threats in a variety of forms to achieve their goals daily, what should we really expect them to take away from those examples?  What are they truly learning by example? It would seem, until the grownups figure out how to conduct themselves in a more accepting, empathetic, less subversive manner, the problem of childhood bullying will continue to be an issue across the board.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress