A Survivor's Take on Marsy's Law

Politics are a messy business.  This country was founded on the rights of all citizens to be heard, and to be considered equal.  It was also founded on the premise that anyone accused of a crime is innocent until proven guilty.  That's easier said than done.  There is always doubt.  There are always multiple sides to every story, and in that same vein, each side honestly believes that they are correct in their recollection of the incident.  But what about when there is undeniable proof of a crime?  What happens when the accusations are over, and the hearings, or the trial, are over?  What happens when the restraining orders expire and there are no longer legalities rolling through their governmental red tape processes?  Are the victims of said crime magically healed?  Is the accused suddenly reformed?  Do the rights of one side take precedence over the other?

A few years ago, I unwillingly became a survivor of domestic violence. This is not something that I have shared previously with all of you.  Partially because I am not a person to air personal issues publicly, partially because I was scared of him and did not want the backlash, and partially because no one wants to admit that some proverbial ogre got the better of them.  No. More.  I did not get insanely beaten up, but I was threatened, badgered, verbally battered, bruised, and verbally abused.  My home was trashed and physically shattered, my children and pets were endangered, and I ended up being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the ordeal.  I lost my confidence, my courage, and my trust in humanity.  Throughout the initial court process a group called Safe Alliance was my lifeline.  They walked me through every point of the process, got me a qualified lawyer to represent and fight for me when I could not, and gave me hugs when I was too terrified of the world to walk out into it.  But they could only go so far.  When my abuser was released from psychiatric commitment, I was not notified by the hospital nor the authorities, I was told by a close friend of his that was concerned for my safety.  After my abuser continually violated the restraining orders I had against him, and months later was jailed for similar crimes against others, I was not notified of his release, nor of the fact that he had reentered the area.  I was notified that he was working in an area nearby by another concerned friend of his, never by law enforcement or the district attorney, as the current law states should occur.  This man ultimately put my children at risk with his violent behavior and threats, and created a hell on earth life for me where I was so terrified of him that I blamed myself for the violence, cowered in fear in my own home, and felt it necessary to push large furniture against the doors nightly for months, until I moved residences without a forwarding address.  Even though there are still, to this day, warrants out for his arrest because of his multiple restraining order violations, the restraining order extension has expired. I worry every time I walk outside and am in constant stress about my children being away from home.  It's no way to live, truly actually Live life.

Marsy's Law is a constitutional amendment on the ballot this election.  Essentially it strengthens protection for victims of crime.  From requiring notification of hearings, escape, parole, and release, to allowing victims to appear at hearings and speak at such, it's a step in the right direction for victims' rights ... IF it's enforced.  Currently, the law in North Carolina states that notification is required "as soon as is practicable, but within 72 hours after identifying a victim covered by this Article, with ...".  It goes on to list available medical services, crime victims' compensation, address and phone number of the district attorney, and access to applicable law enforcement that should be given to the victim involved.  Seeing as my abuser managed to begin violating the initial emergency restraining order within 24 to 36 hours, and even though I called 911 and had all my paperwork, he ran away before they could arrest him, and the police didn't feel it was worth the effort to chase him down, the 72 hour thing appears to be a useless venture.  Furthermore, while the domestic violence team of my local law enforcement agency did do a great job of contacting me on a weekly basis for the first 6 to 8 months after the hearing, no one ever alerted me to his movements or release from any psychiatric or correctional facility.  In dealing with the healing process involved for not just myself, but also my family, those "heads up" moments would have been extraordinarily helpful.  Instead we, as a family, suffered emotional setbacks and continued worry and constant fear due in part to a lack of communication by the authorities and judicial system.  I would hope that my experience would not be the case for victims of felonious violent crime, as domestic violence is only considered a 'misdemeanor',  But, isn't any violent crime against another human being worth preventing and protecting, regardless of what 'label' the law puts upon it?

I know that there are those out there that will argue that once people serve their time, they should not have to endure a life sentence of judicial recrimination.  The ACLU is actually one of the groups lobbying against this Amendment. While I agree with many tenants of what the ACLU stands for, as a survivor of domestic violence who felt failed by the supposed protections of the law during my ordeal, I have a real problem with how our current laws actually follow through on violent crime cases.  I made the mistake of trusting my attacker for years before he brutally betrayed that trust, and still have trouble not startling when I hear noises while walking, or instinctively flinching when I'm not expecting the passing touch of someone nearby.  I cannot imagine what those who endure random violent crime experiences must be facing on a societal trust basis daily!  This Amendment can do wonderful things for those of us that have triumphed over the violent behavior of others, but Only if it is Actually and Consistently Enforced.

I implore law enforcement to take victims' rights seriously, and to actively attempt to enforce what the law already says.  In the hope that Marsy's Law is passed, I beg both law enforcement and the district attorney's offices to adhere to All Notification Stipulations Without Fail.  I know what acquiring post traumatic stress disorder in, what should be the safety of, your own home is like ... I can't imagine the hell that survivors of violent crime in random situations go through daily.

If nothing else spurs you on, then allow this blog to do so.  Get Out There And Vote.  Make your voice heard, and, vote your conscience for this Amendment.  Allow your voice to do for others what violent offenders strip their ability to do for themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

For more information on Marsy's Law:
https://marsyslaw.us

For more information on Safe Alliance:
https://safealliance.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org

Awareness

I've had complaints about my lack of blogs of late ... my apologies.  This going back to school thing is kicking my you-know-what!  Regardless, one of my classes is public speaking .. for which I have to write and deliver a number of different types of speeches (duh).  Below is the narrative of the persuasive Monroe's Format speech I'll be giving tomorrow for my final ..... would love your thoughts!

Raise your hand if you know someone with a mental illness.

Raise your hand if you know the causes of different forms of mental illness.

Raise your hand if you think it's easy to recognize someone with a serious mental illness.

Finally, raise your hand if you think the best way to handle people with mental illness is to keep them in hospitals or behind locked doors.

My friend “Sarah” has a teenage daughter. Her daughter was an intelligent creative rambunctious child, but as she has gotten into her pre-teen and teenage years, she has become headstrong, belligerent, violent in her outbursts and attitude towards her parents and authority figures, lies about everything, even things that she's obviously lying about, and has begun to have issues with shoplifting. Her parents have tried everything from rules and strictness to counseling and are constantly involved with her school on her behalf. Nothing has seemed to make a difference, and the problems simply escalate the older she becomes.

A girl I know became more and more worried about one of her best friends. “Gina”, who was known for her outgoing nature and friendliness to all, was pulling away from everyone, turning down social invitations that she would have joyfully joined in previously, was falling way behind in her grades, and missing school constantly. When gently asked what was wrong or if everything was okay, she denied there was an issue and would occasionally get defensive. She began wearing long sleeves at all times, baggier clothing and withdrawing more and more from everyone around her.

A woman I know has always seemed, from the outside looking in, to have it all together. Single mom, great kids, decent job, good friends, always putting everyone else before herself and somehow managing to appear sane. The side that no one ever saw was when she was alone, constantly near tears, self esteem so low that she didn't feel she deserved to reach out for help to anyone in any part of her life, and sometimes that even though she didn't have the guts for suicide, that she didn't deserve to have the wonderful people and things she had in life and that she definitely didn't deserve to live. She was always able to dress so no one really noticed her weight continuing to drop, until it was too late.

Mental illness is a stigma that affects someone that most of us know. It can be brought on by traumatic life events, imbalances in brain chemicals, discrepancies in early brain development, and even genetic predisposition. Unfortunately, there's generally an attitude of misunderstanding and avoidance whenever it's brought up or made public as a diagnosis. Children suffering from forms of mental illness are subjected to bullying by their peers, and misunderstanding by authority figures. Adults, can be judged as lazy or unreliable or unintelligent. All due to the lack of understanding and diagnosis of various common mental illnesses. But what if the education and understanding began at an early age? What if elementary, middle, and high schools all incorporated mental health education into their curriculum, and preventative staff such as trained social workers and guidance counselors were a normal funded part of school staff in every school? Would the problem be so misunderstood? Be less widespread? Be more easily diagnosed and the ramifications of undiagnosed mental illness be proactively avoided? Let's examine why mental health education and crisis prevention should be a funded, required component of elementary, middle, and high school education.

For the purposes of clarification, a mental illness is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in perception, thinking and behavior. Out of the five major categories of mental illness, the most commonly diagnosed are anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and eating disorders. Many of these co-occur, such as someone suffering from PTSD, an anxiety disorder, also suffering from bi-polar disorder, a mood disorder, or, someone suffering from Anorexia, an eating disorder, could also suffer from depression, a mood disorder, or OCD, an anxiety disorder. Undiagnosed and untreated, mental illness can become a major contributing factor to substance abuse behaviors, migraine headaches, and increased susceptibility to physical illnesses such as thyroid disease, diabetes, and heart disease later in life. According to the World Health Organization, about 11 percent of adolescents have a major depressive disorder by age 18, and it is the leading cause of disability among Americans age 15 to 44. Additionally, in 2009, suicide was the third leading cause of death among people age 15 to 24, with depression and other mental disorders being a major cause. In the case of my friend Sarah's daughter, the teen has endured years of teasing and bullying from peers for not grasping academic concepts at school, a major school disciplinary record, and, more recently, a juvenile record with the courts for her inability to control outbursts and actions. She became depressed and suicidal and felt the entire world was against her. As it turns out, Sarah's daughter suffers from bi-polar disorder. She is now receiving treatment, and recovering, but she will have much to overcome with self-esteem, academics, and social skills from the years of misunderstanding and lack of diagnosis. Gina, whom I previously mentioned, was fortunate enough to be at a smaller school that had a full time guidance counselor and social worker. Through intervention on their part it was discovered that she suffered from major depression and had begun cutting. They, along with Gina's parents, were able to get her the help she needed through counseling and medication. Five years later she is a successful college student with a positive outlook on life.

As with any form of illness, early diagnosis and treatment is key. The School Social Work Association of America recommends a ratio of one social worker to every 250 students, yet this is not the case in most schools in our nation. In Orange County, FL, the ratio is one to every 4,150 students. On average, social workers tend to be responsible for 4 to 8 schools each, which makes intensive interventions difficult. Winter Park, FL has developed a model by combining public and private dollars that allows for each of their 12 schools to have a full or part-time social worker, mental health counselor, or family therapist dedicated to their students. Already this school year 433 students have completed 12-week therapy sessions, which have taught coping skills instead of shutting down and turning inward in response to negative situations. In Ontario, Canada, a program developed called Beyond the Cuckoos Nest that utilizes speakers from the community who are recovering from various forms of mental illness in addition to classroom teaching, has been successfully implemented into secondary schools. It has not only raised empathy and awareness among students and teachers, but has created an environment where stigma is decreased to the point that assistance is more likely to be sought by students dealing with symptoms of mental illness of any kind. One teacher who participated in the program noted that “Several things come through loud and clear. Kids come back with tremendous empathy and understanding of what it must be like to be in the presenters’ shoes, which is a huge step. They also come back with respect for the battle that people with mental illness fight, and cognizant of the courage it takes to fight the battle.” This past month, the US Senate passed the Mental Health Awareness and Improvement Act, which reauthorizes and improves programs administered by both the Departments of Education and Health and Human Services related to awareness, prevention, and early identification of mental health conditions, and the promotion of linkages to appropriate services for children and youth. This is a great step in the right direction.

Many of us forget that the brain is an organ that is susceptible to disease or illness, just like any other. Just as cancer or diabetes can be treated with therapy and medication, so can mental illness. Unfortunately, due to media stereotypes of those with mental illness being violent, dangerous, comical, incompetent, or fundamentally different from everyone else, a stigma has arisen that is equally as damaging as any form of racism. The funding for mental health education and crisis prevention in schools so that diagnosis, empathy, and understanding happens at an early age is key in combatting this issue. The single mom that I previously mentioned at the beginning of this speech, is me. I began having symptoms of major depression and eating disorders at age 15, but was never diagnosed, was too ashamed due to my perception of what others would think to try to get help, additionally developed panic disorder and problems with alcohol abuse in an attempt to cope on my own, and ultimately worsened over 25 years to the point of malnutrition and almost full digestive system failure. I was hospitalized and ultimately got the help I needed to begin to begin full recovery. If early awareness and diagnosis had been available and occurred when I was a teenager, many of the physical problems that I will battle for the rest of my life could have been avoided. Mental illness is not a choice. It is a disease like any other. Think back to the questions I asked you at the beginning of this speech that you raised your hand to. Raise your hand if you would now answer any of them differently. I urge you to support the newly reinstated Mental Health & Awareness Act, support other upcoming initiatives such as the Excellence in Mental Health Act, and spend time learning and educating those around you about the warning signs of and available care for all forms of mental illness. I was lucky. Even though it took 25 years, I was diagnosed and began treatment before it killed me. Without awareness and crisis prevention, the next person may not be.

Warped Universe

From what I can see, the universe tends to have a pretty warped sense of humour. For example, I know someone who's income was sliced in half due to company accounting issues this month, and, of course, she ended up with a plumbing issue post-rainstorm that's going to cost around $1500 in addition to the child that got sick and ended up in the hospital last week, in addition to the $5K bill that showed up from her attorney. Warped.

Everyone has their own theory of the universe. Mine tends to be a mixture of many schools of thought, but I have a number of friends to whom Christianity makes the most sense & keeps them feeling grounded. I also have friends that follow Buddhism, and some who lean more toward Wicca and/or the earth-based religions. Regardless of what higher power or earth force anyone subscribes to, I do find that we are all of the same mind in this. Everyone would pretty much agree that most things happen for a reason .... there's even the old adage of "you'll never be given more in this life than you can handle". Bullshit. While you may realize that you can handle it later, and even further down the road, laugh about it, there does come a point when the amount of things hitting you at once that you have zero control over will make you want to sit holding your knees in a dark corner while rocking back and forth and singing nursery rhymes. I don't care how old you are or how strong you normally are. It happens.

Now, doesn't that just make you wonder if somewhere out there in the cosmos there's some sarcastic smart-ass albeit sometimes benevolent Overlord swirling their hands around saying "Heeheeheehee .. THIS will keep me from being bored! Let's see what happens!"

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress