The Awe of Glittering Snow

It snowed all over North Carolina in December this year. Not just flurries and a bit of sugar dusting on the grassy areas, but real, actual snow accumulation. Not the norm in this area of the U.S. This impromptu storm (named Diego ... when did snowstorms start getting names?!) brought about government and school closings, treacherous roadways, and power outages. It also brought about community bonding, random assistance from neighbors and strangers, and the pure joyfulness of children's laughter ringing through the air as they took part in winter activities that normally never have a chance of occurring in the south. Positive light born from what could be viewed as catastrophe.

No matter where you live, there is something completely magical about watching snow fall. Its incredible asymmetry is breathtaking. There's a majestic quiet that's completely inspiring as millions of snowflakes drift to the ground and cover every inch in a chilly, sparkling white cloud. What before was browns and greens, with areas of dirt or litter, instantly becomes a purified vision of beauty. Eventually though, temperatures rise and the glittering snow begins to melt away. Slowly the blades of grass and areas of dirt and concrete begin to show through the purification of white. Eventually, no trace of the pristine gorgeousness remains, save our photos and memories.

Politics and humanity are similar in this phenomenon. A crisis, a catastrophe, a hardcore event occurs and the positive side of humanity is brought out. Communities worldwide bond, strangers assist those in need, and even children rejoice and take part in the positive that is born from the negative. Eventually though, recognition of the issue dies down, neighbors and strangers go back to their own sequestered lives and again turn a blind eye to injustices that occur daily, and the sense of hope and humanity that thrived during the the crisis begins to subside. But does it have to?

Just like those last sugar dustings of snow that refuse to melt away, so should our hopes, senses of empathy, and gifts of giving wholeheartedly to those who need our help. Just because the blinding, adrenaline-laced sparkle of catastrophic need eventually melts away doesn't mean that the requirement is not still there. That litter on the ground, like the needs of humanity, that was hidden by the previous glittering blanket of snow still needs to be cleaned up, to be assisted in becoming the epitome of quiet beauty and peace that only previously existed under a glittering blanket of snowflakes.

Maybe we could all strive to hang on to those charitable, giving ideals year-round. Not just during this, the season of giving, but throughout every season. Just like those final little patches of snow that refuse to melt, we too have the ability to create a glittering world of quiet beauty in someone else's life, if only we make sure those magic qualities of empathy and giving stay alive all year long.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

A Life Worth Living

I know it's been a long time since I posted, and for that I apologize. Life has been, well, Life. Today's events, however, caused me to sit back and contemplate.

I attended the funeral of the mother of one of my childhood friends today. She was a beautiful, amazing woman who brightened the life of anyone she met. She did so right up until the end of her very brief, but truly courageous battle with cancer. Being at that service, and reconnecting with, if only for a moment, all the friends that I cherished so greatly growing up caused me to ponder the true shortness of life. Why does it take a tragedy to bring people out of the daily requirements of our existence to come together?

As a kid, there was a sense of infallibility. We all had it. Our friends, our family, and those who surrounded us would, in our minds, be there for eternity. As we grew into adults, daily life took over. Always a chore, always a preconceived need, always someone or something that required our immediate attention. The days of carefree attention to the moment at hand left by the wayside. My point, is that really the best way to live? Is something like a work deadline, or a household chore really more important than taking active part in our children's & family's lives or taking a few moments to lend an ear to someone we love? Why do we make the mundane tasks of everyday the precedent takers, as opposed to the moments and memories that become so much more long term important when those that we love are no longer there?

The lessons of today, for me anyways, are this ... take time, even if only for a moment each day, to notice the sunshine peeking through the rain clouds. To pay attention to that person who may need a hand. To applaud the small glimpses of brilliance your child has daily. To hug a friend. To really kiss & say loving words to your significant other. To truly listen with both ears regardless of the situation. To simply take a second to breathe deeply and be present and involved with not just your own world, but the world of those you hold dear in your life.

We only get one shot at this go round. Make it count. If we close our eyes and hearts too long, it just might pass us by.

Hugs & love to all
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Life Of A Phoenix

I completed one of those online "which ___ are you" questionnaires today. In this case it was about Greek mythological beings. Mine came back as "Phoenix". I love phoenixes. They are reborn from the ashes of each death to live another, fuller life, they are beautiful, and mysterious, they can carry loads 1000s of times their size, and (as learned from the Harry Potter movies) can heal any wound with simply their tears. What a wonderful thing to associate oneself with.

Personally, as those of you that read this on a regular basis know, I've dealt with a lot over the past year or so. Simply another reason to appreciate the Phoenix. No matter what life throws you, or how difficult the trial may seem, there's always an opportunity to "rise from the ashes" to live anew another day, as long as you're willing to embrace it and the lessons involved. The loads of life can be carried as long as you're willing to spread your wings and try to fly, and the sun will actually rise again for another chance, regardless of how deathly the previous day showed itself to be. The wounds inflicted by life can begin healing with empathy towards them, and, no matter how ragged you feel after a day in the trenches, those aforementioned characteristics will allow your true, erethral beauty to shine through.

So here's to all the phoenixes of the world. May you carry the loads, heal the wounds, reinvent yourselves from the ashes, and rejoice in your own beauty. They world needs more of that in it.

~ The Girl In the Little Black Dress

Choices

"You never know how strong you are, until Strong is the only choice you have."

Life is a series of choices.  Whether we realize it or not, all situations, good and bad, are created of our own doing.  Simple things like choosing to run up the street to the grocery store when we're hungry, purchasing more than we actually need (hungry in the grocery store always seems to work out that way!), then receiving a notice that the account has been overdrawn by an online bill posting through later that day, is due (in part) to choosing to shop at the grocery hungry, not choosing to check the account before shopping, and choosing to ignore the date on the calendar for when the bill is going to be paid.  Choosing to play in a pick up game of a favorite sport after being told by one's doctor about a joint injury, subsequently causing the injury to become worse, resulting in a painful sleepless night, and being exhausted the following day, is a choice of our own doing resulting in, not just pain, but exhaustion, lack of mental alertness, and possible grumpiness.  On the flip side, choosing to find delight and joy in small moments of every day, like noticing a new flower in the yard, or enjoying the feel of warm sunshine on your face, or rejoicing in the triumph of someone close to you (or a small, daily triumph of your own!), can make any day a positive one simply by choosing to view it that way.  It's all about our personal choices on a minute by minute, hourly, and daily basis.

A friend of mine made the comment, "Life is a constant spiral upward or downward, but it's never stagnant."  How true!  When we choose to respect those around us & treat them with kindness, no matter if they are someone on the street, someone that we work with, someone we love, or even ourselves, our choice of using positivity in daily life will create a ripple effect of the same.  Not just in our own lives, but also in the lives of others.  Choosing to hold onto anger, hold onto fear, or hold onto negativity, and treat others, or ourselves, in that manner, results in what seems like a dark cloud around us that envelopes everyone else we come in contact with.  It's unfortunate, but true.  We all claim to try to make the best choices for our own lives, but do we really?  Blaming anyone or anything for our own actions and reactions is simply an attempt at putting our heads in the sand like an ostrich and refusing to see our own responsibility for the situation.  Life is constantly moving forward in one direction or another.  Which direction it moves is solely up to us.

So, choose Letting Go.  Choose Joy.  Choose Happiness.  Choose Respect.  Choose Responsibility for Your Own Life.  Let go of that which is negative.  You may just find more happiness and strength in each moment of every day than you ever knew possible.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Comfort of Happiness

There is a Dean Karnazas quote that states, "Don't confuse comfort with happiness." While in many cases this may be true, I believe that comfort can be the first step to happiness.

Think of the families that are homeless, for no other reason than economic misfortune. Would a warm place to sleep out of the cold rain, and a meal to quell the feelings of hunger in their bellies not bring a small amount of happiness through the acquisition of those basic comforts? Think of the person who lost a loved one or is simply experiencing a difficult time in life. Would a hug from a friend saying "I'm here for you" not bring comfort that helps them heal and eventually feel happiness once again? A child who falls and sustains injury, a mother escaping with her children from an abusive relationship, an elderly resident of a nursing home who simply feels alone as they live out the final years of their life, small gestures of comfort from others bring happiness back, if only for a moment. Even abused and abandoned animals become loving, loyal pets once they're given basic comforts and shown kind actions.

My point is this, while comfort may not be a synonym for happiness, those who feel comforted can more easily find happiness and subsequently comfort others. In this world of constant upheavals and daily stress, if everyone took a single moment each day to utilize comfort as an action instead of a state of their own being, would life, our communities, and the world in general not be happier as a result? Pay it forward. It's the ultimate chain reaction that can change the world.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Autumn Eve Musings

It's our first firepit night of the season. While I realize this may be mundane news to many, I love what it represents. Seasons changing, dying out of the old and fresh opportunities of the new, excitement of that which is to come .... like the Phoenix that dies out to be reborn through fire and ash, the first firepit night reminds me of what is past and causes me to look forward towards what is to come.

Happy Autumn!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Attitude and Options

The life of a pet. Have you ever considered it? No matter what breed of animal they are, we love them like family and tend to discipline them in that same manner. They, of course, respond in kind. A home front chain of command of sorts. The underlings learn to act and respond in the manner in which they are treated. As I watch our dog play with our kitten, greet us excitedly when we arrive home, and hide under the bed when scolded, it occurs to me that humanity isn't that much different.

Whether we want to believe it or not, we are all slaves to our loved ones, our livelihoods, and the society that surrounds us. We strive for approval, love, and positive reinforcement from the people and things that are important to us, and our learned actions (or reactions) tend to mirror that which is done to us on a regular basis. The scriptures that tell us to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," are dead on target when it comes to reciprocating behavior, no matter what species or situation we're dealing with. Why then, do we allow ourselves to live in, to stay a slave to, that which causes us stress, grief, or angst at every turn?

All species have the capacity to love and hate, to act with caring or disdain, to help or to hurt. As humans, we have the additional capacity to actively choose which of those options we wish to utilize in any situation, and, if necessary, we can choose to to walk away from any situation that doesn't meet our needs if we cannot change it to do so. Unlike our pets who may bare their teeth and growl, or run and hide under the furniture in response to negativity, we have the capability to leave and start over. To find a new attitude, a new livelihood, a new living space, a new love of life. While there are constants that will follow us, the ultimate result of how we live is up to us individually. To say that any situation requires us to stay put in misery is unrealistic. Even our pets know when to cut and run. So how do we apply that thought process of finding happiness in our lives?

You may have heard the phrase "It's all about attitude." It truly is. Our attitude towards others, whether they be in positions of power, or those that we have some form of power over as parents, teachers, bosses, or the like ... If we show understanding, caring, and acceptance, it's likely the same will be shown toward us in return. Our attitudes toward ourselves. If we embrace instead of damn ourselves for that which makes us unique and different, and find ways to incorporate those attributes into our lives and livelihoods, we have the fantastic opportunity to live in a way that we can be the most happy and have the fewest regrets. Blaming the actions of others for occurrences in our own lives does no one any good. Ultimately, all of life's scenarios are born of our own choices.

As I write this, our dog is now alternately running around the yard with our neighbor's puppy, and attempting to jump in my lap for a scratch behind the ears. Soon, she'll trot indoors to touch noses with our kitten, then engage in a game of chase that will drive me batty. She is exactly who she is, loud, loyal, loving, playful, energetic, protective, and a bit impish ... no excuses, no regrets. While she tries to listen, learn, and make us happy, she is who she is and would be exactly that regardless of where she was or whom she was with.
A lesson for humanity.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Polite Bully

Do you ever feel invisible? Not literally, of course, but as if the only way that you can be seen by the world is by morphing yourself, your actions, and your attitude, into whatever those around you need in that particular moment, or, only seen as the person that you acted like prior to any level of personal growth? It's maddening, it's frustrating, and it can make you want to shriek, or go crazy in some way, or sink into any form of depression, or all of the above.

I think back to when I was a kid, attempting to determine my place in the world around me. Keep in mind, that I was raised as a Southern girl, which essentially means that I learned how to make someone feel like they were being complimented and cared for while I was telling them off, at a fairly young age. If that sounds wrong or confusing, don't worry, it is for those of us that were raised that way too! Always smile, always be pleasant, whether you're shaking someone's hand, or cursing them out. No wonder therapists have such a solid business ... instead of saying what we truly think and acting in the manner that corresponds, we've been trained to articulate and act in ways that are opposite to what we really think and feel!

Which brings me to my point, we preach to kids to "stop the bullying", but as adults, we engage in exactly that, on a daily basis. Lawyers push their clients and badger their opponents, bankers do the same with finances, salespeople do it with whomever steps into their establishment and looks mildly interested, teachers do so upon occasion in an effort to meld the minds of their students, even as parents we tend to engage in those same narrow-minded tactics to attempt to ensure our children grow up with a similar mindset to ours ... all in the name of "what's right" or "what's best". Why? What's so wrong with people growing, changing, learning, morphing, becoming their own individualistic persons with their own individualistic thoughts and feelings, and having the ability to show those feelings in a way that corresponds appropriately to their verbalization of them? What's wrong with not just giving speaking time to the adage "people change", but actively accepting that they do and letting what is in the past stay in the past, not using it as a judgement tactic in the present? What's wrong with allowing everyone to be exactly who they are and to feel whatever they feel in the immediate moment that it occurs? No judgment, no recriminations, no preconceptions, simply acceptance and a knowledge that even if we don't truly understand or agree, that we can appreciate and empathize with their feelings and points of view.

Honestly, as far as I can tell, the only way that bullying with children will completely cease, is if the adults stop doing it to each other, and ourselves, first.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Clarity Through The Dust Storms of Life

Life is a proverbial whirlwind. Sometimes you're at the edge of it, floating in the circling breeze. Sometimes you're in the center of it, swirling so fast you don't know which direction is which, and some moments are simply somewhere in between. Dust and debris from the rapid winds can cloud your vision and your senses, so densely at certain points that it feels difficult to breathe. All you can do is keep trying to ride the cyclonic winds out until you reach that floating edge again.

A dear friend of mine has recently been experiencing the center winds of her own cyclonic storm, yet found a way to see past all the dust and debris. She's allowing me to share her experiences, and epiphanies, via her own words.

"Things I've learned being with my daughter (way too many times, and way too long) in the hospital :

1. The little prince was right. It is not with the eye one sees, but with the heart. Differences in nationality, mother tongue, religion, exterior looks, and age are completly insignificant. It is your smile, your kindness (or the lack of it), your approach towards others and essentially, your heart, which really matter. My daughter made friends of every single type. Muslims, Christians, handicapped - all these made no difference to her. I wish I could say the same for myself. As the song in Pocahontas goes- it's the colour of your heart that matters.
On a side note - I was sitting outside one day, when a young mother came and sat not far from me with her toddler in a wheelchair. He was completly maldeformed, reminding me of the hunchback of Notredam. Interestingly, contrary to my natural instinct to feel the need to flee, I looked him in the eyes. It was truly amazing. It took 2 seconds for me to fall for him. See, his eyes said it all - he was just a boy. A little boy, seeking love and joy, just as all little boys seek and are equally entitled to find and have. And I wished for him, tears clouding my eyes, that when he encounters people, it is his eyes that they see, not the shell he is trapped in...

2. We are all the same (on the same note as #1, only from a grown up's perspective). We may be lawyers, business people, doctors, dancers or unemployment collectors. Educated, uneducated, classy or skanky - we all become equally helpless when our children's health is poor. We all love our kids more than anything else, and we'd all give everything we had to spare our children the suffering they're under going. We are all parents.

3. I have learned from my daughter about courage and strength. About happiness. And about true love.
Courage and strength - Undergoing poking, pricking, tubing, bleeding, probing and drugging, she has gone through all these things with so much patience, grace, strength and courage. Many a time, I have found myself cringing, crying, or feeling pain for things she had to undergo, when she did none of the above. It was almost as though it all just passed by her, not through her. It was almost as though she understood these things had to happen for her own good, and that was it. No self pity. Just take it all head on.
Happiness - It is sometimes the small things that matter. She could be poked a million times, but the sight of soap bubbles blown at her was all it took to get the biggest, most beautiful and radiant smile on her face. She could have a needle in her hand and be connected to wires, but that wasn't going to dampen the joy of going down a slide. I wish I remembered to appreciate things the way she does.
True love - I almost felt unworthy, when after every dreadful, tearful treatment she had to go through, all she needed was the comfort and safety of my arms to calm her down. Not candy, or a bottle, or anything else. The feeling of closeness to her favourite person was all it took. I hope to one day live up to, and maybe become, the person she sees when she looks at me.

5. Blessings - We all have problems. All of us. All sorts of different problems. There's an old Chinese saying, that if all the people of the world were to gather round and throw their problems in a pile, free to then pick from the pile whichever problem they like, they'd end up picking their own. My life is not simple. Not even a bit. However, seeing certain things in the hospital has totally gotten me thanking God for my problems. See, somehow, I think I can handle mine. No chance I'd be able to deal with some of the things I was faced with, and exposed to in this hospital.

6. Home - no matter how intense, insane, or stressful home may be, there really is no place like home. And my bed, which I so badly miss...

I truly feel blessed, having children. I feel I have so much to learn from them. I just hope, once this is all over and we're back to our regular crazy, insane routine, I will still be able to see things as clearly as I do on this long endless night in the hospital."

As adults, we tend to let the whirling, swirling, dust filled winds of life clog our eyes, senses, and outlooks. Yet, as children, the sight of bubbles or balloons, or the simple joy of sliding on a playground or finding a new friend of any kind could immediately erase the blinding dust storms of life. Maybe as adults, all we really need is a different kind of goggles.

Lessons to ponder.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Summer Day, Evening Breeze

I love sitting outdoors at night.  The crickets, the traffic in the distance, the sound of the breeze as it gently fondles the trees. Even when it's stifling hot every day (like currently), something about the evening is so incredibly soothing. As if the universe is saying, "yeah, I was a bit harsh today, but here's your reprieve for making it through." It soothes the soul.

Many people don't seem to see those bones the universe throws us. Those moments of cool breeze on a hot day, or bursts of sunshine on a stormy one. They feel the sweltering heat, or notice the rain and storm clouds, but when it momentarily passes, they're too focused on the previous to realize the present.

Each minute of every day has its positive and negative, its trials and accomplishments, its fantastic and its annoying. In my mind, it is much like remembering those who have passed, we're more likely to focus on the good times than the horrible ones. So it goes with the minutes of each day. If the moment is behind us, it's essentially dead and unchangeable, why reflect upon it as a bad one?

I'm going to sit on my patio, dog at my feet, and relax to the sound of the crickets singing in the slight breeze. Life is good if you simply choose to view it that way!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Figurative and Literal Glitter of Rocky

The end of anything in life is a time of reflection. From jobs, to relationships, to school, to life experiences, it causes us to look back and reminisce, gain new insight, and, if we're lucky, gain additional insight into ourselves from that which we've now left behind. If we're really fortunate, we're able to look forward and see not only new possibilities born out of those lessons we garnered, but also to bring new friendships and newly learned talents and outlooks with us into our futures that stem directly from what's now over and done with.

Recently, I choreographed a local version of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". When I began this endeavor back in February, I was extremely excited about choreographing the show, but a bit nervous about the level of undertaking. If you've never seen "Rocky Horror", it's quite a large musical that employs a rather small cast. Lots of innuendo, lots of glitter, multiple characters that strongly develop from one extreme to the other, and a hard core dose of crazy. Kind of a sci-fi "Romeo and Juliette" meets "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" melded with a warped "Wizard of Oz". Intensely fun, but as a choreographer, daunting on a number of levels. I can honestly say that my fears were unfounded.

From day one of auditions, the director and I had shared visions of what the show should look like. From week one of rehearsals, the cast jelled like no other I've ever worked with. Even when bumps in the road occurred, everyone supported each other and picked up any slack. No matter whether it was rehearsals or shows or times in between, this group of individuals not only brought their talent to the table, but also their open mindedness and compassion on all fronts. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have been a part of this show experience.

So what did I learn? What did I take away? It's not only the choreography & its execution that I'm proud of regarding this show. I learned that leaning on the people around you every day when life gets rough, even if they're still new friends, is a positive thing. I learned that letting go and simply enjoying the exact moment that you're in brings incredible joy. Practically, I even re-learned to run a light board and realized that dabbling in set design is a really fun thing! Most importantly, I gained a group of friends that are some of the most giving, talented, incredible individuals that I've ever had the good fortune to work with.

Our run of "Rocky Horror" finished this past weekend, and while I hate to let go of what has been an amazing ride, I look forward to life knowing these new people I've grown to adore, and the new positive life outlooks I've learned because of them and this experience. I now move forward in my own life, a better, more glittery person for the experience.

"And crawling, on the planet's face, some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space .. and meaning." - Narrator, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Waiting For Sunrise

"It's always darkest before the dawn."  I've always been drawn to that phrase. It gives me hope whenever things seem negative and hopeless in life. As if no matter how dark or depressing anything feels, the experience is there for the purpose of allowing me to appreciate the beauty of the more positive things that are sure to follow it. Sometimes, though, our periods of darkness in life can be so pitch black, and seem to last so long, that it becomes increasingly difficult to remember that a period of light is sure to follow.

Everyone deals with tough times differently. Some bury themselves in work or hobbies, some isolate themselves in misery to shut out the world, some become any and every crazy version of social simply to numb the pain, some even lash out at absolutely everything and everyone in a vain attempt to destroy the painful world they feel is surrounding them. The unfortunate fact is, no matter what anyone does, the only thing that will break through the darkness and alleviate the pain, is Time. It takes time for situations to run their course, time for darkness to fade into light, time for emotions to calm into peacefulness, time for storms to subside. The world doesn't stop revolving for anyone's heartache or hardships, but even that stark fact can bring hope, as it means that the sun will always rise again. All of it simply takes time, and no amount of seeking vengeance, or angry outbursts, or even burying one's head in the sand in an effort to ignore or hide, will make things right again any faster. Honestly, none of us feels like playing Pollyanna during difficult times in our lives, but are the repercussions of self-destruction, or the accidental collateral damages, worth the possible additional angst?

I honestly believe that we are all on this earth to learn positive lessons, and that each life is meant to learn specific ones. As humans, we, many times, only seem to pay attention and truly learn life's lessons when the universe unceremoniously smacks us down with them. Maybe that's why it's always darkest before dawn. To truly learn something new, and to appreciate it and the wonderful things that already surround us that we may not have noticed previously, we have to proceed blindly forward for a while. It doesn't mean that we don't fight to get through the tough times, the point, I suppose, is to make yourself keep moving forward.

I'll leave you with my favorite quote (from the immortal Dr Seuss) to mull over ... just in case you need to borrow it for a dark time in life.  "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat! I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me!"

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Dichotomy of Angst

Worry, hardships, grief, stress in general ... it manifests different ways in different people.  Some become more nurturing and peacemaking, some get blinders-on focused and belligerent towards anyone or anything in their way, some become isolationary & introspective, some even do everything in their power to avoid dealing with the situation, whether it be through humor or avoidance or adopting self-destructive tactics. There is no one right way to deal with life's perilous situations, it's completely specific to the individual and their outlook. The commandment "Love thy neighbor as thyself," doesn't always work well if you tend to negatively react to situations, in part because self esteem is at a minimum.

Life throws us curve balls constantly. Whether it's to test us, or to empower us, I do not pretend to know.  One thing I do know is this, we are only as emotionally strong as we allow ourselves to be. We all need assistance and/or reassurance from others at times. We all need to be left alone to assess the situation in our own way at times. The constant, is how we actively choose to communicate those needs to others. Those who love us will understand and forgive our eccentricities, but we should also remember that the only reason that they do so is because of that love, which shouldn't be taken for granted even in the harshest of moments in our lives.

Love your neighbor as yourself. No matter how much or little we love ourselves, taking a second of thanks, or just verbalizing an awareness of someone's efforts, giving a hug, or extending a kind word, those moments go a long, long way in solidifying the love and assistance that we sometimes take for granted, especially during tough times.

Simply thoughts to ponder, and possibly remember, the next time a speed bump occurs in the road of life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Of All The Relationships In The World ...

Relationship. The word elicits a slightly different emotion from everyone. Some people lean more towards the Hopeful spectrum, and some people lean more towards the Terrified spectrum. Some towards Excitement, some towards Fear, and some people fall into the Ambivalent sectors. If all of those spectrums of emotion, plus the infinite number of other emotional possibilities, were placed in a Venn diagram, it would probably look like a hot mess mosaic. Mainly, because we all have felt every one of these, and many other unnamed emotions, or a combination thereof, at some point in our lifetimes.

Relationships themselves come in a plethora of forms. Ones that every one of us experience in our daily lives. From the relationships with those that we adore as friends, to the relationships with those we don't trust but still tolerate, from business relationships, to personal relationships, to love relationships, to family relationships; the myriad is endless. Regardless of the type, all relationships have, in my humble opinion, a basic need for what I personally consider the Relationship Fab Five: respect, trust, forgiveness, communication, and joy. If none of these qualities are present, a person tends to fall squarely in the middle of everything negative that's in that aforementioned Venn diagram. If you consider it in terms of the intersecting circles, it's inevitable that we all move slowly through a variety of both the positive and negative intersections on a constant basis. Some periods of time are squarely within the positive sectors, while some periods of time pass through, or occasionally get stuck in, the negative ones. It truly is all fluid motion, thanks in part to basic human nature. That's where my theoretical "Fab Five" come into play. Holding steady in any negative sector pattern only causes stress, grief, and angst for those who are experiencing it, in addition to eventually causing the same for anyone who is around that person. Staying in that negative area too long results in forms of depression and paranoia in all of one's relationships, regardless of whether any of those particular relationships were initially involved with the negativity or not. Sometimes we can get so entrenched in the negative spectrum, that it becomes difficult to find a way out into any of the positive ones. What happens, though, when only one or two of those five attributes are missing?  What about three or four of them? Can the person experiencing this bring themselves out of it? Do that person's relationships stay intact regardless?

I know from personal experience that, for me, if communication is missing, the trust eventually goes down the drain. If the joy is missing, the communication ultimately dies off. If there's no trust, there's not much communication beyond the necessary superficial, which can lead to a lack of respect for both myself and others, which can make it difficult to forgive even the smallest faux pas, which causes the constantly growing perceived mountain of difficulties to eat away at my psyche, which definitely diminishes any joy and happiness. It becomes a horrible, vicious circle of upsetting occurrences both internally and externally. So how do we make it stop? How do we get our fluidity back so that we can move back into the positive sectors? Additionally, once we hit those lower than low places in our lives, we sometimes tend to become our own worst enemy. We lash out at those closest to us simply because they are the targets within the easiest reach. We isolate ourselves and end up berating ourselves internally, which creates a horrible vacuum of emptiness and negative feelings no matter how much effort anyone else in our lives makes to help us out of the abyss. Then what?

Honestly, upon much reflection, I believe the most important relationship we should actively attempt to keep the joy, communication, trust, and, most importantly, respect and forgiveness in, is the relationship with Ourselves. It is not easy. In fact, it is probably the most difficult of all relationships to maintain! In the end though, if we can pull it off, all the rest of our outside relationships will, most of the time, fall much more smoothly into place. I suppose the old adage is true ... "the best things in life don't come easy".

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Domino and Her Kittens .. Lessons Learned

Our kitten had kittens the other night.  I realize this sounds weird. I shall elaborate.

A little stray black kitten that "adopted" us back in early December, ended up pregnant, so we discovered 4 weeks ago. She was so tiny, it was hardly possible that she could be pregnant, but nature has a funny way of proving you wrong. Lo and behold, five tiny beings were added to our household 4 nights ago. We have now gone into the realm of "mommy knows best".

When Domino went into labor, she hopped onto our bed & trusted us throughout the experience. After she had rested a few hours with her newborn kittens, we moved her & her babies into another room, into the comfort of a blanket lined basket. Domino decided, much to the chagrin of my loving boyfriend, that she should move her babies under the bed. Initially we didn't realize it was her decision. As with all groups of small children, there is always the rouge wanderer, and as it was the kitten that had been attempting to go explore since birth, we thought that the kitten had wandered off under the bed. Nope! Domino felt safer with all her children hidden under that bed. I slid a blanket onto the floor under the bed yesterday & she happily moved them onto it. We baby-gated the doorway so our other animals can't get in the room, and now she comes and goes as she sees fit when her babies are sleeping. Earlier today I watched the kittens under the bed ... a small pile of little squirming beings that randomly threw tiny legs upward and mewed ... cutest, best entertainment ever!

Regardless of what we think is best for Domino's kittens, most of which stems from our narcissistic need to view and play with them, Domino knows what is best for her family. Mommies always do. We, the viewing public, may not agree with it because of our own thoughts and wants, but who are we to argue? Soon, very soon, the kittens will open their eyes, gain control of their limbs, and go off exploring throughout the house. Their mother's ideas of safety will no longer be part of the equation. Yet during the time of their tiny, blind-eyed childhood, her protection is the difference between their life and death .. so to speak.

Kittens and humans are definitely different in timelines and needs, but the basis is very similar. Children need their mommies & the love, support, & nourishment, in both philosophical and physical areas, that their mothers give them, until those same children are mature enough to leave the nest. Regardless of what anyone else thinks those kids should have or experience, their mother's love & protection is necessary for a child's success in life going forward. It may be considered far-reaching in some cases, but society should keep that fact in mind. Not everything is about what other people think should or should not be.

Thoughts for pondering.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Valentine's Day Thoughts

Today is Valentine's Day. When I was a kid, I loved it for all the cards and candy I might receive in the "box" on my desk. As I got older, I would stress over whether or not I would receive a flower in class. After high school, it became a mundane holiday that annoyed me if I wasn't dating anyone, & brought me joy if I was dating someone. My mentor died on Valentine's Day in 2002, and there were a number of years that I hated the holiday for that memory. This year I realized something. ....

Much like every other holiday, those who we hold dear may or may not be our blood relatives, but they are the family of our choosing. They bring us joy and laughter, positivity & solace, every day of the year. They are the ones we should celebrate on this day of loved ones. The media sometimes leads us to believe that if you're not being spoiled with jewelry & flowers, Valentine's Day isn't complete. I disagree.

On this, the day of celebrating those we love, the ones I love the most are my children, my sweetheart, my family, & my closest friends. I love, adore, & appreciate them more than words can say every day of the year. Today just happens to be their day, no matter what their title.

Take a moment to smile at someone, give a huge hug for no reason to a friend, a kiss on the cheek to someone you adore, a moment of gratitude, whatever works for you today. You just might discover that love comes in many colors, shapes, and forms, and love might just appear back to you!

Happy Valentine's Day!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

American Dream, or Nightmare?

Relationships. Webster defines a relationship as "the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other." That certainly leaves much to interpretation. Good or bad, positive or negative, caring or rude .... everyone we come in contact with is a form of "relationship" according to Webster! What about the relationships that mean the most to us? Our spouses or significant others, our family, our close friends ... how does that definition apply?

Theoretically we all strive to do right by those people in our lives we care about. It doesn't matter if it's a friend, family member, or coworker, I believe that if you see the good in someone else it brings out the good in yourself. We all have our "dark days". We all have our moments where we aren't at our best, but the Golden Rule of treating others as you would treat yourself absolutely applies. Essentially, if you truly care about someone, slips of attitude can always be forgiven in time. But what about the relationships that are without immediate human interaction? Dealings with landlords, banks, the decision makers in companies that one may never actually meet ... how do we keep those relationships positive when we have little to no interaction with anything but a slip of paper?

I recently watched a documentary entitled "American Winter". If you haven't seen it, you should. It pointed out the absolute obvious in our current economic climate. Over the past few years, the majority of us have gone through some form of economic hardship, but the major corporations have seen increased profits. Regardless of efforts by those people who are working multiple jobs and returning to school in an effort to better their opportunities, the companies who "hold the cards" like mortgage companies, landlords, and utilities providers, generally seem to refuse to give a benefit of the doubt and allow for a bit of altruism so that those people making an effort can get caught up from hardships and back on track. It would seem that they (the companies) are more interested in the short term rather than the benefits of what the long term will bring if only they treated clients with compassion and respect, instead of hard lining the immediate where money is concerned. It's no wonder the homeless rate has risen to ridiculous proportions and charitable organizations like food banks can no longer keep up with demand. While America is nowhere near the tragedies of the Great Depression, it would seem that FDR's New Deal enacted in the 1930's that got companies to raise the minimum wage while keeping costs of goods and services at the lowest possible rate should be seriously revisited if we are going to get the average American back on their feet without the need for federal or state assistance on a weekly and monthly basis. To quote from "American Winter", 'Right now, the American dream is to make it through tomorrow, and next week'. It's a sad state of affairs for a country that's supposed to be one of the richest in the world. To compound the issue, we seem to have reverted back to the days of Tammany Hall on a congressional level where there's more consideration for those who already hold wealth and power at the corporation level, than those who are desperately attempting to make ends meet at the family nucleus level. How many more lives will be destroyed before empathy is extended so that those who make the effort can get ahead without repercussions that only set them back again?

My hope for this new year is awareness that leads to empathy, that leads to action for the betterment of others. No one is entitled to a hand out without putting forth an honest effort, but those who put forth an honest effort should be allowed to not be knocked back down by the greed of others every time they do.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Moments and Memories

I created our holiday card today. Going back through a year's worth of photos to find the perfect ones to use is always a fun pastime. The memories run the gamut for everything that occurred over the past year. Yet, looking at all those photos got me thinking, even though we document these moments in our lives, are we really present while they're occurring, or are we too busy documenting to completely enjoy each moment?

You may be wondering what I mean by the word "present". Obviously, if you're in the, photo you were physically there. The "present" I'm referring to, however, is the mental state of ignoring all other areas (like texts or Facebook or even phone calls) and being completely and totally focused on the here and now of what's happening immediately in front of you. In this day and age of push notifications and automatic updates, how often do we do that? How often do we completely give ourselves over to nothing but the moment that we're in and those that are physically there with us? How many priceless moments do we lose by not being completely present?

I know that there have been times where I'm more focused on documentation and uploading to social media than I am on what's happening in front of me. We are all probably guilty of that in some form. But as I look back over those photos, I regret it. Don't get me wrong, I love having the photographic memories, but the moments themselves are so much more important.

As we enter this holiday season, with all of its moments and memories, we should absolutely remember that even though the documentation is wonderful, the moments that we experience with those we love and appreciate are infinitely more important to completely experience while we're in them. Life and its precious minutes are something that shouldn't be taken for granted or ignored. In any situation.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Keeping The Fire Burning In The Storm

There are multitudes of sayings out there that speak about staying positive, staying strong, and weathering life's storms. While they can be useful, uplifting, and wonderful mantra-type things, when you're in the midst of seriously tough times, they can be difficult to not only hear, but to live by. Everyday tragedies and triumphs, petty grievances and positive thoughts can be found on all forms of media, as well as general life surrounding everyone, but does anyone really know what someone else is dealing with? What another person's life is truly experiencing? Sure, they may show the world smiles and positivity, but is it just a facade?

What does anyone know about others behind their proverbial closed doors? The single parent that's not only paycheck to paycheck, but week to week and day to day with how they'll pull off what is needed for their family's basic needs, but greets colleagues and friends with a smile and triumphant kid stories. The bagger at your local grocery who's always courteous & helpful, but goes home to a shelter. The sales rep that goes above and beyond for your account, but can't make ends meet at home because the company he or she works for continually screws over their employees financially.  The student that is working hard to finish their degree in a later life situation, but can't get a basic level job to help with expenses because they're either too old or too young. These people all go home, to wherever that may be, and instead of rejuvenation after a long day, are in a stress flux of how to make it through the next day. Those who see and interact with them on a daily basis probably don't know anything about that area of their lives.

Sometimes it's just not so easy to apply and live by those positive adages, no matter how much you want to. Sometimes the general stress of life simply gets too much to handle for a regular average individual. Then what?

On Halloween we had a gathering complete with a beautiful fire in our outdoor firepit. Then the storm began. Hardcore rain and wind .... yet, somehow, that lovely fire kept going. Even when the storm died down to a mere drizzle, there were still small flames and glowing embers. It seemed almost impossible with the harsh downpour of the rain & whipping of the cold wind, that the fire would survive. Yet, it did. The glowing embers lit newly placed logs and the flames rose back up just as prettily as before. That fire just wouldn't give itself up to the storm that seemed determined to destroy it.

I'm guessing that's what those positive sayings or adages mean when I think about what our lovely little fire did. Keep whatever flames going you can manage in the downpour, and let the dormant embers continue to glow, because once the right log is put back in, you'll burn bright and strong once again.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

What Would You Take?

In the movie "Leap Year", the question is asked, "If your house caught on fire and you only had 10 seconds to grab what's most important to you and get out safely, what would you take?" Think about it. What would you take? In this world that we live in, where possessions sometimes seem to be our most important assets, what would you grab in those 10 seconds? If your brain starts to sift through photos, memorabilia, and heirloom baubles, stop and ponder .... why is your first thought not living creatures? Have we as a society become so attached to what can be purchased, that we've lost track of the importance of humankind? Is the possession of "things" really that important?

No matter what the item, whether it's technology, favorite photos, books, or furniture, a handed-down heirloom, or one-of-a-kind memorabilia, it is, at base level, a Thing. A possession. An inanimate object that could ultimately be bought in some form. While we may have emotional attachments to some of these objects, they are still, in fact, objects that will reside in our memories whether they are next to us or not. Why do we put so much stock into these possessions that our mind would go to those things first in a "grab and get out" situation? At what point did we, as a society, become so brainwashed, that our immediate thoughts would go to saving objects first?

Life. Love. Friendship. Laughter. None of these can be a two-way relationship with an object. A shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen to your worries and triumphs. A source of pride in another's achievements. None of these happen with an inanimate object either. All of these only exist with living, breathing, people. Family, friends, pets (they're family too!) .... shouldn't they be first on the "grab list"?

For me personally, my two children, the love of my life, and our dog & cat are the first and foremost to save. Yes, there are objects in our home that hold a special place in my heart, but they're just objects that can be replaced in some way ..... to me, the living creatures cannot.

Food for thought.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress