The Comfort of Happiness

There is a Dean Karnazas quote that states, "Don't confuse comfort with happiness." While in many cases this may be true, I believe that comfort can be the first step to happiness.

Think of the families that are homeless, for no other reason than economic misfortune. Would a warm place to sleep out of the cold rain, and a meal to quell the feelings of hunger in their bellies not bring a small amount of happiness through the acquisition of those basic comforts? Think of the person who lost a loved one or is simply experiencing a difficult time in life. Would a hug from a friend saying "I'm here for you" not bring comfort that helps them heal and eventually feel happiness once again? A child who falls and sustains injury, a mother escaping with her children from an abusive relationship, an elderly resident of a nursing home who simply feels alone as they live out the final years of their life, small gestures of comfort from others bring happiness back, if only for a moment. Even abused and abandoned animals become loving, loyal pets once they're given basic comforts and shown kind actions.

My point is this, while comfort may not be a synonym for happiness, those who feel comforted can more easily find happiness and subsequently comfort others. In this world of constant upheavals and daily stress, if everyone took a single moment each day to utilize comfort as an action instead of a state of their own being, would life, our communities, and the world in general not be happier as a result? Pay it forward. It's the ultimate chain reaction that can change the world.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Summer Day, Evening Breeze

I love sitting outdoors at night.  The crickets, the traffic in the distance, the sound of the breeze as it gently fondles the trees. Even when it's stifling hot every day (like currently), something about the evening is so incredibly soothing. As if the universe is saying, "yeah, I was a bit harsh today, but here's your reprieve for making it through." It soothes the soul.

Many people don't seem to see those bones the universe throws us. Those moments of cool breeze on a hot day, or bursts of sunshine on a stormy one. They feel the sweltering heat, or notice the rain and storm clouds, but when it momentarily passes, they're too focused on the previous to realize the present.

Each minute of every day has its positive and negative, its trials and accomplishments, its fantastic and its annoying. In my mind, it is much like remembering those who have passed, we're more likely to focus on the good times than the horrible ones. So it goes with the minutes of each day. If the moment is behind us, it's essentially dead and unchangeable, why reflect upon it as a bad one?

I'm going to sit on my patio, dog at my feet, and relax to the sound of the crickets singing in the slight breeze. Life is good if you simply choose to view it that way!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Intentions vs. Actions ... The Chicken or The Egg?

Intentions versus actions.  Both can be misconstrued or completely appreciated.  Both can be understood or misunderstood.  Both can be positive or negative.  Both have the power to lift others up into a happier place, or to bring others down into the depths of despair.  Is one more important than the other?

Our intentions tend to drive our actions.  What happens when the intentions don't match the actions in the eyes of others?  Does that mean that our intentions were impure?  The intention to create a surprise for someone we love that will make them happy after a tough day, but the action brings up unknown, unhappy memories from their past that only makes things worse ... the intention to help a friend, but the action causes unintentional grief ... the intention to guide a child in a positive direction, but the action causes them confusion and hurt in the aftermath.  What about the other side?  When someone intends to be hurtful or crass or just plain mean, but the actions only cause laughter and ego-bruising for the person intending to be hurtful ... what happens to intention versus action then?

It's almost a "which comes first, the chicken or the egg" question.  The old adage is "actions speak louder than words", but what happens when the actions create an unintended result in either direction?  Should we place more importance on the intention with which the action was undertaken, or the resulting action regardless of the intention?  My personal opinion is that communication to understand the origin of the action is crucial.  It's understandable to feel hurt by an action, but that hurt can be assuaged, or at the least, lessened, by realizing and understanding the intention.  No one is perfect, so what seems to be a plausible action or reaction to one person, might seem unrealistic or inappropriate to another.  All relationships, from co-workers to friends to significant others to life partners, benefit from attempting to understand the intention behind another's actions.  Taking that minute or two to hear someone out instead of jumping to a possibly incorrect conclusion is a key component in any relationship.  I truly believe that.  We may not always understand each other immediately, but our relationships can ultimately stand the test of time with just a little open-mindedness and curiosity of understanding.

I suppose my point is that the intention can definitely be more important than the action taken.  If the intention was pure and positive, then to me, any unintentional, negative results from the actions are ultimately completely forgivable.  If the intentions were mean and horrid, then any unintentional positive results from the actions are ultimately a happy surprise.  Intentions versus Actions ... I don't know if one is truly more powerful than the other, but I'd rather focus on the intent.  To me, it seems an infinitely more important, more telling focus.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Ego versus Empathy

"Everybody's got the right to be, happy. Everybody's got the right to feel free! Rich man, poor man, black or white, grab the apple, take a bite! Everybody's got the right to their dreams!"

Lyrics. I'm currently choreographing a musical theater show titled "Assassins". It's a poignant dark comedy, but those lyrics seem to hit home in so many other areas.

Why is it that some people feel it is their right to attempt to take away the rights & dreams & happiness of others?  From something global like the former Apartheid or the current Middle East jihad unrest, to something national like Gay Marriage Rights, or something more personal like nasty divorces or custody battles. In every single case, it ultimately boils down to the views & values & beliefs of one person versus that of another. While basic laws must be in place for a civilized society to exist, who is anyone of us on this planet to judge what makes another happy or what their dreams & path in life should be?  Who among those of us that walk this earth are so perfect, They should be given the right to pass that judgment? 

Civil wars throughout the world, opposing political party viewpoints, children being denied one parent simply due to the views of another ..... all of these are tragedies that occur when one human takes it upon themselves to stand on a soapbox & proclaim that their way of doing things is the only one that is correct.  It's sad.  It's egotistical.  It's just plain demented.

Last I checked, no matter what your theological beliefs or moral value systems are, the Constitution of the United States of America proclaims that All are Equal. If that truly is the case, then who is any of us to judge the thoughts, feelings, belief systems, & lifestyle choices of anyone except holding our own selves accountable?

So you're religious? Why can someone else's religious beliefs not be as equally valuable to them as yours are to you? 

So you're straight? Why can someone else's gender preferences not be as equally viable to them as yours are to you? 

So you're divorced? Well you obviously had differences of opinion to begin with or you wouldn't be divorced.  Why then must your children suffer because you personally disagree with lifestyle choices your ex is making, as long as the children are loved & cared for by both sides?

Unfortunately, thanks to the overinflated egos of many humans out there, a utopian society of true empathy, compassion, & understanding will never truly exist.  However, if my thoughts cause you to take a tiny step back & reassess what the overarching good of a possibly tumultuous situation might be the next time you encounter such a thing ...... Just saying ......

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress