"Wrinkles" In Politics and Humanity

Recently, I finally got the chance to watch A Wrinkle In Time.  Don't judge.  It was one of my favorite books when I was a pre-teen.  I remember sitting in the school library, immersed in that book, thinking to myself, 'if Meg can do it, so can I!'  That book gave me confidence, courage, and hope during an extremely difficult time in my childhood.  Watching that movie brought back memories .. not all of them wonderful.  However, it also brought to light parts of the story that I had forgotten, or maybe just not understood due to my youth. Parts of the story that, I feel, are truly relevant to life and the current political climate.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basis of the story, Meg is the preteen, self-doubting heroine that travels through space and time with her genius preschool brother, and their neighborhood friend, to save their scientist father who has been missing for many years.  The pretense is that travel between far areas of the universe is, in fact, able to be done by tesseract (which is a sort of bending of time by specific vibration).  Meg's father had discovered this and accidentally gotten trapped on a dark planet, created by an evil force called 'The IT', from whence there was no seemable escape ... until his children come to save him.  Obviously, there are many more intricacies that are too numerous to go into in this blog .. (go watch the movie!) .. however, the manner in which the screenplay depicted the three muses, and their assistance tactics within the children's quest was wonderfully hopeful and enlightening for our current world.

I find it intrinsically fascinating that the name of the 'planet' created by 'The IT', is 'Camazotz'.  The planet Camazotz initially appears in the movie with a menacing growl and the far off appearance of a cancerous tumor spreading its tentacles. Interestingly enough, the name 'Camazotz' is the name of the Mayan bat god associated with darkness, death, and sacrifice.  How apropos that the core of the evil force in this tale should be named after that. 
One of the muses in A Wrinkle In Time, Mrs. Which, counsels Meg that "The only thing in the universe that travels faster than light is darkness.  It invades the place inside of us where hope and joy lives and replaces it with jealousy, judgement, pain and despair."  Additionally, she notes that, "The IT does this one person at a time .. fear takes over, fear leads to rage, then rage leads to violence."  So jealousy, judgement, pain, and despair lead to fear, which then lead to rage, which then lead to violence.  Somehow I can only think of the current political climate.  A state where currently, we have a U.S. President that espouses fear and hatred far more than empathy and understanding.  As one BBC article recently put it "Donald Trump does politics with one crucial psychological insight. Rage is an emotion that sticks around a lot longer than hope." (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-46099744)  How is this a positive thing for the U.S. or the world in general?  Day after day, we fight against the rage and hatred of religious sects and fringe groups that espouse nothing but bigoted disgust and disdain for those different from them. We fight them in the hope that the positive, shining light of democracy will win out. Yet the U.S. President takes joy in rallying the evil troops?

The henchman for 'The IT' in A Wrinkle In Time, is ultimately shown to be a marionette of the entity.  Prior to revealing this, he tells the children "Everything is taken care of in total without options or alternatives."  What a chilling statement.  Almost as chilling as the scene where all the houses on the cul-de-sac are exactly the same, with a single child in each driveway bouncing a ball in absolute unison.  It's a visual statement that leans towards the mindless flock of sheep mentality, which currently seems to be permeating the nation.  However, there are rays of hope.  Not everyone views the world through the same hue of glasses.  Once Meg puts on the prism glasses given to her by the muses when they leave the children on Camazotz, she is able to see that things are not as they seem.  The area is not enclosed, her father is actually held captive there, and she can, in fact, reach him.  I suppose our world is a lot like that.  Sometimes you just need to look through a different set of glasses to find the real answers.

I think that the most poignant moment for me in this movie, stems from another quote from Mrs. Which, "Do you realize how many events and choices had to occur, since the birth of the universe, to lead to the making of you, just exactly as you are?"  

There are times in life when we all feel down, feel depressed, doubt our choices, even doubt ourselves and question our own self-worth.  It happens to everyone.  It's human nature.  It's also a natural part of growing up.  Having those feelings and thoughts, however, does not make them a true reflection of who we are.  Our lives are essentially mirrors.  Mirrors of our thoughts, mirrors of our actions, and most importantly, mirrors of those surrounding us.  Whom we choose to closely surround ourselves with has the ability to, many times, show us the clearest reflection of ourselves, but only if we are willing to look. 

It is easy to get bogged down in the minutiae of societal expectations, political rhetoric, and judgement, but, if we allow ourselves to truly see what those closest to us see in our hearts and minds, we can then begin to embrace and live up to the amazing people we actually have the potential to be, regardless of society's chain gang mentality.  As we learned in Wrinkle, love is the only force that can destroy the darkness of 'The IT'.  Love ultimately destroys jealousy, love destroys judgement, love destroys pain and despair.  How we treat others, how we speak to others, how we respect those who think differently than us, is the truest measure of humanity. That's definitely something that the President, and all of those running for office, should remember every time they open their mouths.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

A Life Worth Living

I know it's been a long time since I posted, and for that I apologize. Life has been, well, Life. Today's events, however, caused me to sit back and contemplate.

I attended the funeral of the mother of one of my childhood friends today. She was a beautiful, amazing woman who brightened the life of anyone she met. She did so right up until the end of her very brief, but truly courageous battle with cancer. Being at that service, and reconnecting with, if only for a moment, all the friends that I cherished so greatly growing up caused me to ponder the true shortness of life. Why does it take a tragedy to bring people out of the daily requirements of our existence to come together?

As a kid, there was a sense of infallibility. We all had it. Our friends, our family, and those who surrounded us would, in our minds, be there for eternity. As we grew into adults, daily life took over. Always a chore, always a preconceived need, always someone or something that required our immediate attention. The days of carefree attention to the moment at hand left by the wayside. My point, is that really the best way to live? Is something like a work deadline, or a household chore really more important than taking active part in our children's & family's lives or taking a few moments to lend an ear to someone we love? Why do we make the mundane tasks of everyday the precedent takers, as opposed to the moments and memories that become so much more long term important when those that we love are no longer there?

The lessons of today, for me anyways, are this ... take time, even if only for a moment each day, to notice the sunshine peeking through the rain clouds. To pay attention to that person who may need a hand. To applaud the small glimpses of brilliance your child has daily. To hug a friend. To really kiss & say loving words to your significant other. To truly listen with both ears regardless of the situation. To simply take a second to breathe deeply and be present and involved with not just your own world, but the world of those you hold dear in your life.

We only get one shot at this go round. Make it count. If we close our eyes and hearts too long, it just might pass us by.

Hugs & love to all
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Cha-cha-cha-Changes

Life is a myriad of colors, shapes, situations, and perceptions.  At the risk of sounding totally "new age", like the ocean tides that constantly ebb and flow, the only thing we can truly count on is constant change, and the only thing that we can truly control is our actions and reactions with regards to it.

Change is not necessarily a bad thing.  The layoff from a job that's a hardcore stress point for the person offers the opportunity to find a career that's more fulfilling, the breakup of a relationship that's a negative influence in someone's life offers the opportunity to learn oneself and open themselves up to a supportive, positive relationship, the growth and flight forward into adulthood of a child from the nest of the home that has nurtured them through childhood offers them the opportunity to grow towards every ounce of potential that child has in themselves .. all of these changes, while initially scary for the individual experiencing them, have the potential to be positive ones. 

To be honest, regardless of potential, change is always unnerving.  Sometimes it's titillatingly scary, sometimes it's just plain nightmare level terrifying, but it's always some level of life driven scare tactic.  Over the past year I personally have gone through life changes on multiple levels.  From engaged and living with my fiancée to single and living alone, from in a relationship and stressed out to single and happy, from feeling secure about life to feeling secure about nothing.  The old adage is that whatever higher power you believe in doesn't give you anything you can't actually handle.  Malarky.  That may ultimately be true, but to be honest, I've had multiple moments over the past year of not feeling like I can handle getting out of bed to handle anything, much less what some omnipotent being thinks I can pull off! 

Change in general tends to bring about a combination of fear, excitement, misgiving, self-doubt, worry, anticipation, happiness, terror, nostalgia, melancholy, and exhilaration.  It's kind of like what Ron says in "Order of the Phoenix", "one person can't feel all of that .. they'd explode!"  Yet we don't explode.  We somehow plod through.  I suppose my point is this.  While I truly believe that each of us is put on this earth to learn specific lessons and to live our lives for a specific purpose, most of us (me included) are generally so busy focusing on daily minutia that we forget to pay attention to all of that. All we really tend to pay attention to are the situations occurring immediately in front of us, when what we really need to pay attention to, are the ramifications of those same situations and how we could use those moments to move forward in a positive manner.

A friend of mine recently told me that he wakes up each day with the goal to accomplish something, laugh at something, and learn something.  At base level for daily life, shouldn't that be the goal of all of us, regardless of whatever changes life throws our way?  A positive mantra to utilize for your next waking moment.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Choices

"You never know how strong you are, until Strong is the only choice you have."

Life is a series of choices.  Whether we realize it or not, all situations, good and bad, are created of our own doing.  Simple things like choosing to run up the street to the grocery store when we're hungry, purchasing more than we actually need (hungry in the grocery store always seems to work out that way!), then receiving a notice that the account has been overdrawn by an online bill posting through later that day, is due (in part) to choosing to shop at the grocery hungry, not choosing to check the account before shopping, and choosing to ignore the date on the calendar for when the bill is going to be paid.  Choosing to play in a pick up game of a favorite sport after being told by one's doctor about a joint injury, subsequently causing the injury to become worse, resulting in a painful sleepless night, and being exhausted the following day, is a choice of our own doing resulting in, not just pain, but exhaustion, lack of mental alertness, and possible grumpiness.  On the flip side, choosing to find delight and joy in small moments of every day, like noticing a new flower in the yard, or enjoying the feel of warm sunshine on your face, or rejoicing in the triumph of someone close to you (or a small, daily triumph of your own!), can make any day a positive one simply by choosing to view it that way.  It's all about our personal choices on a minute by minute, hourly, and daily basis.

A friend of mine made the comment, "Life is a constant spiral upward or downward, but it's never stagnant."  How true!  When we choose to respect those around us & treat them with kindness, no matter if they are someone on the street, someone that we work with, someone we love, or even ourselves, our choice of using positivity in daily life will create a ripple effect of the same.  Not just in our own lives, but also in the lives of others.  Choosing to hold onto anger, hold onto fear, or hold onto negativity, and treat others, or ourselves, in that manner, results in what seems like a dark cloud around us that envelopes everyone else we come in contact with.  It's unfortunate, but true.  We all claim to try to make the best choices for our own lives, but do we really?  Blaming anyone or anything for our own actions and reactions is simply an attempt at putting our heads in the sand like an ostrich and refusing to see our own responsibility for the situation.  Life is constantly moving forward in one direction or another.  Which direction it moves is solely up to us.

So, choose Letting Go.  Choose Joy.  Choose Happiness.  Choose Respect.  Choose Responsibility for Your Own Life.  Let go of that which is negative.  You may just find more happiness and strength in each moment of every day than you ever knew possible.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Comfort of Happiness

There is a Dean Karnazas quote that states, "Don't confuse comfort with happiness." While in many cases this may be true, I believe that comfort can be the first step to happiness.

Think of the families that are homeless, for no other reason than economic misfortune. Would a warm place to sleep out of the cold rain, and a meal to quell the feelings of hunger in their bellies not bring a small amount of happiness through the acquisition of those basic comforts? Think of the person who lost a loved one or is simply experiencing a difficult time in life. Would a hug from a friend saying "I'm here for you" not bring comfort that helps them heal and eventually feel happiness once again? A child who falls and sustains injury, a mother escaping with her children from an abusive relationship, an elderly resident of a nursing home who simply feels alone as they live out the final years of their life, small gestures of comfort from others bring happiness back, if only for a moment. Even abused and abandoned animals become loving, loyal pets once they're given basic comforts and shown kind actions.

My point is this, while comfort may not be a synonym for happiness, those who feel comforted can more easily find happiness and subsequently comfort others. In this world of constant upheavals and daily stress, if everyone took a single moment each day to utilize comfort as an action instead of a state of their own being, would life, our communities, and the world in general not be happier as a result? Pay it forward. It's the ultimate chain reaction that can change the world.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Keeping The Fire Burning In The Storm

There are multitudes of sayings out there that speak about staying positive, staying strong, and weathering life's storms. While they can be useful, uplifting, and wonderful mantra-type things, when you're in the midst of seriously tough times, they can be difficult to not only hear, but to live by. Everyday tragedies and triumphs, petty grievances and positive thoughts can be found on all forms of media, as well as general life surrounding everyone, but does anyone really know what someone else is dealing with? What another person's life is truly experiencing? Sure, they may show the world smiles and positivity, but is it just a facade?

What does anyone know about others behind their proverbial closed doors? The single parent that's not only paycheck to paycheck, but week to week and day to day with how they'll pull off what is needed for their family's basic needs, but greets colleagues and friends with a smile and triumphant kid stories. The bagger at your local grocery who's always courteous & helpful, but goes home to a shelter. The sales rep that goes above and beyond for your account, but can't make ends meet at home because the company he or she works for continually screws over their employees financially.  The student that is working hard to finish their degree in a later life situation, but can't get a basic level job to help with expenses because they're either too old or too young. These people all go home, to wherever that may be, and instead of rejuvenation after a long day, are in a stress flux of how to make it through the next day. Those who see and interact with them on a daily basis probably don't know anything about that area of their lives.

Sometimes it's just not so easy to apply and live by those positive adages, no matter how much you want to. Sometimes the general stress of life simply gets too much to handle for a regular average individual. Then what?

On Halloween we had a gathering complete with a beautiful fire in our outdoor firepit. Then the storm began. Hardcore rain and wind .... yet, somehow, that lovely fire kept going. Even when the storm died down to a mere drizzle, there were still small flames and glowing embers. It seemed almost impossible with the harsh downpour of the rain & whipping of the cold wind, that the fire would survive. Yet, it did. The glowing embers lit newly placed logs and the flames rose back up just as prettily as before. That fire just wouldn't give itself up to the storm that seemed determined to destroy it.

I'm guessing that's what those positive sayings or adages mean when I think about what our lovely little fire did. Keep whatever flames going you can manage in the downpour, and let the dormant embers continue to glow, because once the right log is put back in, you'll burn bright and strong once again.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Humanity At Its Most Fascinating

Yard Sales. Whether you call them "yard" or "garage" or "estate" sales, they're all ultimately the opportunity for "one man's trash" to become "someone else's treasure". There can be so much more than just selling off possessions to those yard / garage / estate sales, though!

We had a "yard sale" this past weekend. I say "weekend", because what was supposed to be just all day Saturday, ended up being both Saturday and Sunday. People who found furniture that they wanted on Saturday, couldn't pick it up till Sunday, so we simply continued the sale through Sunday. It made logical sense to us at the time, so why not? Over the course of those two days we met many neighbors, some awesome couples and families, and a number of random interesting people that we might not have had the opportunity to meet had we not decided to delve into such an adventure. To me, that's always fun, and never a bad thing. Personally, I did learn some valuable humanistic lessons, so I'd like to share my Top Five.....

Lesson 5: That old adage that talks about "Momma is always right", is true no matter what the relationship. From every form of couples that meandered through, to groups of people who "checked with their significant other" before purchasing, if SHE has her mind set on having whatever "It" is, then she shall ultimately have it.  I actually had one guy text me via his wife to say that the pictures looked great, but it didn't matter what he thought anyways as he really didn't get a vote! (I found that hysterical)

Lesson 4: Just because you list a time frame on the sale does not mean people will pay attention to it. Granted, knowing that hard core Saturday yard sale fanatics will show up early, we were ready at 6:00am, which at this time of year, was before sunrise. We had people actually show up, and purchase, via flashlight, before the sun rose that morning! Go figure!! Seeing as there's a whole demographic of people who are night owls, I'm wondering if we should hold the next one beginning at dusk!

Lesson 3: Just because someone appears to be "browsing", doesn't mean they won't buy something. This is where the getting to know others part comes into play. Striking up conversation & finding common ground creates a friendly trust of sorts, which creates bargaining, which leads to sales. Don't knock it till you've tried it!

Lesson 2: Chatting with neighbors that you've never met is a positive thing (regardless of what other neighbors have said about them previously!). Not only can sales end up happening, but it also creates a safer feeling of the neighborhood atmosphere as you end up getting to know each other. That, and just because someone may have a "reputation" in the neighborhood, doesn't mean you can't get to know a different side of them .. which is not a bad thing!

Lesson 1: There are some seriously interesting humans that attend yard sales. From the elderly woman speaking Creole that couldn't count without assistance, to the couple in their 20's who bought a set of luggage ala 1980 that they swore was "vintage", to the 7 year old kid that borrowed money from his buddy's foster mom to purchase a video game (He was too excited and adorable, so I gave him a discount) .... there are monumentally fascinating people all around you that, if you simply take the time to talk with them instead of wandering away because they're not whom you'd normally chat with, become even more monumentally fascinating. I love that! Goes back to the old saying "don't judge a book by its cover". Just because someone doesn't appear to be who you'd want to talk to, doesn't mean they aren't!

To sum it up, the yard sale weekend went great, and what was left over we've sold almost all of on Craigslist or donated to Salvation Army.  In many ways, getting rid of the unused stuff was way less exciting than the getting to know the mass variety of people who came through. And, while the accidental upper body workout via the entire process had me feeling like I would never be able to use my arms again for 24 hours afterwards, I look forward to the next opportunity to do something similar. People in general are so incredibly fascinating!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Opinion or Judgement .. who decides?

The world is an opinionated, judgemental place. Some of this is in good fun, like friends getting together, sharing stories, & ribbing each other good-naturedly. Unfortunately, much of it is not that way. From political ads on television slamming the opponent for views of opposition, to "talking trash" about the beliefs, actions, attire, and/or life choices of others, to simply sharing unasked for and unnecessary opinions that smack of negativity .... are we so egotistical as a society,  that constantly playing the eternal judge & jury of others' choices is a necessary component of living?
Opinions are a fact of life. We all have them, we all share them via conversation, or social media, or electronic communications. We are all entitled to our opinions, whether others agree with them or not .... hence the rights of a "free society". Where, though, does the line begin between what is an Opinion & what is a Judgement? When does an opinion become a judgement?
To my personal understanding, an opinion is something that is important to someone for their own reasons, and, if shared with others, is shared on the level of discussion that incorporates give and take with those others.
There seems to be a lot of "opinions" out there being shared that are put forth more so as "judgments". Not open for discussion or exchange of ideas, just a pure, hard-headed way of looking at any situation without room for other viewpoints .. aka  Judgements. Do people not understand that this tactic only brings about negative feelings and harsh replies to the sayer? The most brilliant minds over the past two-hundred years in our societies had many opinions that they put forth as discussion points .. because of this we now have a better understanding of the human mind & body, the Earth, and the universe as a whole. In my humble opinion, that should be taken into consideration with our communication on a daily basis.
No two people have the exact same beliefs, opinions, and/or viewpoints on any level or subject. To put an opinion out into whatever form of the universe that one chooses, in an effort to foster communication, is a wonderful thing that should be done. To judge without the consideration of all the facts or a lack of knowledge of the other parties involved is simply rude.
Imagine hanging out at any establishment and seeing a person who has an unfortunate case of alopecia. Have you talked with them & realized that they're going through chemotherapy, or genetically they have a predisposition to this,  or do you just laugh at them behind their back?
Imagine hanging out at that same establishment and seeing a person who is clinically obese or, on the flip side, skeleton thin. Do you chat with them and get to know them as a person? Maybe they have a glandular disorder. Maybe they have an eating disorder. Maybe they've been going through an immensely emotional trauma that has caused one of those extremes to occur. Do you take that into consideration before making snide comments?
Imagine seeing a photo on social media that isn't the most flattering of someone. Do you automatically assume they're being stupid or totally trashed? Or do you give them the benefit of the doubt that not all photos are flattering?
Opinions versus Judgements. The line is thin and gray at times, but in the interest of a society that works together, should we not think it through before speaking in any form? Food for thought.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Key To Happiness: Fact or Fiction?

There are literally thousands of articles, books, blogs, and quotes that claim to tell us what the "key to happiness" is.  Some are old, some new, some are based more in religious origins, and some are more based in adages or folktales.  They all give us different, yet similar words of wisdom.  So what exactly is this elusive key? Is it able to be found? Is it a constant for everyone?

I believe the answer is no.  No, it cannot be "found" like a lost article of clothing or a good luck trinket.  No, it is not a constant entity that is the same for everyone.  No, it is not one single simplistic word, or thought, or action, or way of doing things, or entity of any kind.  I have come to learn, that the key to happiness is within yourself.  An individual way of thinking, acting, and living that exists in each of us.  Allow me to elaborate.

Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a girl that honestly believed that if she did everything that everyone else wanted her to do in the exact way that made everyone else happy, she would be the best person she could be, and therefore, be happy herself.  Over a period of many years, she came to realize that just because someone else wanted things done a certain way, or thought that she should act or be a certain way, that was ultimately life as it should be lived according to that other person, not to her. In essence, she was making herself miserable, and losing the parts of herself that made her happy, by trying so desperately hard to make sure everyone else was happy and secure with how she handled everything in her life. Once she came to this realization, and began to do things in ways that worked for her, some of those close to her initially got their feelings hurt and many eventually faded out of her life, and, some of those that she thought were positive for her life turned out to be not so positive for her at all. There were a few, though, that even though they initially were confused or resisted the change, ultimately became the people who truly respected, understood, and are, to this day, her closest confidants and biggest supporters.  That change also opened her up to new people who loved and respected her for exactly who she was and how she chose to live.

The moral of the story is this ...... happiness is what works for each individual person.  There is no "key".  There is no one single path.  There is no magic potion or perfect way of acting or living.  It is simply being who you are and not allowing anyone or anything else, be it friend or foe, family or non, neither colleagues nor strangers, to have the power to control or change what is ultimately best for You.

Life is filled with combinations of stress and relaxation, happiness and sadness, joy and despair, hopeful moments and depressive moments.  That's the point.  Living each of them to the fullest makes us human.  Squelching our natural selves so that others are happy doesn't allow us to live those moments at all.  Our ability to be happy also changes in nature over time.  What worked when we were kids, or teenagers (did anything work when we were teenagers?!), changes.  Through each decade of life, and each stage of life, that which makes us most happy is in constant flux, yet, if we allow ourselves to simply be ourselves, it can absolutely be found within each of us, and happiness achieved.

I challenge everyone reading this blog to try at least one of these .... the next time you walk to the store or walk the dog, notice something new or different that you pass every 10 to 12 steps; the next time you go into a store of any kind, smile at someone for no reason at all or say "have a great day" to a total stranger; and notice the reactions in both yourself and the other person. The next time you feel stressed out, paint what you feel, or play with a pet, or knit a scarf in bright colors you wouldn't normally use, or plant a beautiful flower by your window.  Notice the beauty of the most simple things around you.  Do a yoga sun salutation each morning, or simply take your coffee cup with you outdoors, breathe in the air and look at what's surrounding you, wherever you may be. The smallest things can be the biggest triggers to finding your niche, so don't discount them.

Whatever works for You, is Your key to happiness.  It doesn't have to be complex, it's simply whatever brings a smile to your face, or a temporary quiet to your mind.  Find it and embrace it, whatever "it" may be.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Life Learned From Art

Show closings are always bittersweet.  The show that I've been performing in closed last night. It has been an absolutely fantastic run. Great, productive rehearsals with just enough goofing off and laughing at each other, sold out shows, constant adrenaline highs from enthusiastic audiences, stellar reviews, laughter & inside jokes backstage with the cast, and the thrill of being cast with and getting to perform as a couple with my "significant other" .... after the final curtain closes and the final bows are taken it's both disconcerting & somehow a bit sad.

No more show calls, no more rehearsals, no more adjusting schedules to make sure one is where one needs to be with time to get into character, and, if it's a show night, transform yourself physically into whatever character you're portraying. Initially, it feels confusing & weird.  Like, what do people do when they have free time??

Every show I perform in, I somehow seem to learn a lesson or two of some sort. It may be because of the direction, or the interaction with the cast, or the character I'm portraying herself, but there always seems to be at least one life lesson there.

This show in particular, I played a narcissistic, sexually independent woman who happens to be having a "fling" with a mafia hitman .... who just happens to be her therapist's brother. Needless to say, that is not where my lessons occurred ... other than possibly learning my character's ability to completely let go and be exactly who you are regardless of what anyone else thinks .. which is not necessarily a bad lesson for my life!

This show, however, taught me Perseverance. No matter what else is happening in your life or how stressful it may be, persevere to be prepared, know your lines, understand your character, interact with and actively listen to what's going on around you, and above all, leave your personal issues outside the stage door. Step away from the malarkey of daily life and honestly become a completely different person (in the eyes of the audience) for a few hours a night. That truly is one of the beauties (and benefits!) of acting. The ability to step out of your own life for a few hours a day. It is a lesson, however, that can be applied under normal circumstances.

There will always be things both small and large in our lives that will cause stress, cause pain, cause anguish, or simply create complete befuddlement of our brains. The ability to step away, let go, and focus on what's directly in front of you that needs your attention at the time, to persevere no matter what else is happening around you is an attribute that we all should strive for. Without it, we allow the negative and mundane to take over our lives, and we risk missing out on the fabulous moments that we could achieve if only we continued to focus & persevere.

Life is a marathon. Don't give up just before the final mile is finished. There just might be something fantastic around that final corner.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Lessons from "Orange Is The New Black"

I began watching a show recently called Orange is the New Black. Technically, as it's on Netflix, I got a bit hooked and watched the entirety of Season One in 2 days!

The show is a compilation of amazing, heart-wrenching yet warming, terrifying stories about a group of female characters in Federal Prison. Who they were before, and how the choices they made that landed them there. It makes you ponder ...

I dare anyone over the age of 17 to say they've never done a single illegal thing. From turning right on red when the sign says not to, to running a stop sign by accident, to trying pot once because your friends were, to sipping wine underage. No one on this planet can say that they've never made a choice that wasn't in their best interests. As Sean Connery once said "Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time." Although, I doubt most of us thought it that far through!

There are so many relatable characters in this show. From the main character who has a short sentence but keeps making choices based on the "outside world" as opposed to the "prison bubble", to the Transgender just attempting to do best by his wife & son, to the athlete who simply wanted to fit in but made bad decisions by doing so, to the tales inside the prison of the need for simple human contact. It's essentially high school on steroids with a meth drug twist. The guards are warped, the system is biased ...... talk about shades of life!

We all have our own "prison". Mine is my ED and all the misgivings and second guessing, self-doubt that goes with it .... others have anything possible that attempts to bring them down & hold them where they'd rather not be. We've all made choices in our lives that, if caught and prosecuted, could have sent us to jail. We all feel trapped, and without choices or other options at times.

The final show of Season One ends with the main character, imprisoned for transporting drug money one time ten years prior, beating up a woman who's trying to kill her, who was actually imprisoned for killing an abortion nurse, after her 5th abortion, but the Christian right wing is paying all her legal fees, and she now feels she's the mouthpiece of God because she's been "forgiven by God". It's the definition of lava hot mess. Currently, my ex-husband is attempting to continue the bullying, abusive tactics he employed during our marriage almost a decade ago in a custody battle for our son. I'm using words instead of fists to fight him, but isn't it basically the same?

The characters in this show work through their past mistakes and attempt to learn and better themselves from such. Most of us try to do the same. We screw up, we pay the price or "do the time", and move on. Unfortunately, there are people out there who constantly and consistently judge every one of us by our past transgressions ... even if we've made up for them, learned from them, and attempted to better ourselves from the lessons learned from them. These judgemental people are the saddest, most insecure humans on the planet. Anyone who is so insecure or self-centered with their own life that does not have the ability to see or appreciate strides made in the area of reparations by others, well, I pity those people. The ones who are so miserable, or stressed out by their own lives, that they have to pass judgment on others just to make themselves feel better.  It's a much worse fate than anyone who owns up to a mistake and pays the price for it.

So to those people out there that deem themselves to know what's best for everyone else who happens to pass through their lives, to those who regard anyone who doesn't think or act in exactly the same way as they personally do, to those who can't appreciate the beauty of the forest because they're too busy looking at the knots on the tree trunks ... take a deep breath and appreciate the beauty of the differences in the world. Those who don't, are missing out on more beautiful facets of life and original thought process than they'll ever know.

Everyone makes mistakes. The mistakes are not what should define a person. It's what someone Does with the Lessons from those mistakes that are a truer definition of who they are.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Sometimes "Everything" is an adage

As many of you who read my blogs may have noticed, I've had an emotional couple weeks. While yes, I do tend to write in generalities, I do actually write from life experiences ... mainly to refocus my brain in a more positive manner!

There are so many events and situations that have occurred over these past few weeks, I feel like I'm spinning in a never ending emotional tornado at times.

My boyfriend made a comment the other day regarding stresses of his own, "I know all of this is supposedly happening for a reason or lesson. How do I determine what that is?!" That, is the ultimate question for which there is no clear answer. Some people say "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Others say "it takes a truly strong person to cry, to let things out, and to attempt to move forward with life." Still others say "You're only as strong as you choose to allow yourself to be," and even other people say "you make the bed, you gotta lie in it!" After much thought, introspection, and consideration, I believe a combination of all these to be true. Allow me to explain ....

While everything we do in life is, in reality, an active choice we make at that time, and how we choose to handle the repercussions or glories of those choices are no one's responsibility but our own, there are many situations in life that occur completely out of our control. Some are great, some are horrid, some are euphoric, and some resemble the depths of hell. I said in a previous blog that it was told to me that our Feelings are never wrong, our Actions resulting from and our Reactions to those feelings are what make the difference.

Personally, I've made some really stupid, horrible decisions in life, but I've made some incredibly fantastic, fabulous ones too. We all have. At times we all feel hopeless or hopeful, like a failure or a complete success, sad or happy, elated and ambitious or in the depths of despair.  A person pointed out to me recently "I've watched you lose everything", yet I've gained so much!  I lost my job via illness and layoff, but gained my sanity and life direction. I lost my car, but gained freedom in so many ways including walking through a park daily to get home just because it's there and I don't have the transportation crutch of a car to keep me from choosing not to. If "losing everything " is mainly to do with the things that can be bought, well, they're worth losing to make room for better, more important things.

I choose to be a mom and do the best I can for my children daily. That may not always be monetary ability, but they talk to me, we have amazing times together by mutual choice, and I try to be there for them with an open ear and open mind no matter what. I choose to live with the man that I love and adore. Every day may not be perfect bliss, but we are each others' trust, rock, and absolutely the "yin to each other's yang". I choose to be a full time student, not only to ultimately have a true career in an area I'm interested in and passionate about, but also to set the example for my kids that it's never too late to go back and complete what was started in the first place or to be what you truly should and wanted to be in the first place. I live in a place and area of this city that I love, my partner is the love of my life, I'm fascinated by what I study in school, I get paid to choreograph, dance, act, and paint ... I simply don't see the aforementioned loss of "Everything".

Recently I watched my youngest child go through "graduation" ceremonies from elementary to middle school. I cried. Yep, I did. I cried with pride for all he's accomplished, and mommy worry over all that he has yet to experience that I'll not be able to protect him from. I felt nostalgia for those moments in his childhood when he would run immediately to me if anything scary in his life occurred. My hope for him is that he learns the lessons I've learned at an earlier age than I.

In response to the original adages, if you're not physically killed by it, can find a way to get whatever "it" is out of your system through cathartic and/or positive activities, push forward to better yourself in whatever way possible, admit your faults and pay your dues for those faults if needed, treat others in the same empathic manner in which you yourself would hope to be treated, and to simply put your feet on the ground to attempt to move forward daily, there's no way that those universal reasons won't reveal themselves in due time.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

What You Have (but may not see) Might Be All That You Need

Life is generally a random form of crazy lately. I say this because I'm currently choreographing 2 theater shows, busting my brain with a full time school schedule, trying to be a good mom, trying to be a good girlfriend to the love of my life that I live with, actively fighting my ex over custody issues with our son, actively backing my sweetheart on his own issues with an ex .... with all of that, sometimes it seems that the diagnosed schizophrenics & psychotics have it easy by comparison!

Then I look around.  I have an an amazing, inspiring, creative & strong two children who love me, I have a romantic partner in my life who backs me up regardless & is never absent if a shoulder is needed, I have a close knit group of friends that are there no mattet what, & a family that supports me, even if they don't truly understand the issue.

Crazy Life, Bring It On. I do believe I can completely handle this! (and so can you .. just look for what you already have!)

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Love, Empathy, and Clouds

What do you do when someone you love is going through a horribly difficult time that stresses out every ounce of their being? It's actually a pretty difficult question. Being there for them ... being truly present & listening is always an option, but sometimes talking it out only makes things worse for the one that's hurting. Hugs are always good ... the kind that are warm, & caring, & completely enveloping, but once the hug is released, the pain is still there. Gifts are only a temporary smile, and activities designed to redirect their mind only work while the activity is occurring ... then their mind reverts again. It truly is a dilemma.

How do you help someone you deeply care for feel more positive when they can't find positive on their own?

I know, from personal experience, that being in the depths of despair is impossible to climb out of other than momentarily. There's no amount of frivolity, or laughter, or hugs, or sunshine that can keep the annoying little dark thunder cloud from following you about. Those things may disperse it for a short while, but ultimately it storms back up again, directly overhead. The good fortune of others, while you desperately want to feel happiness for them, only reiterates the horrid thoughts about yourself in your own mind. I think that it's actually what the British mean by the term "sticky wicket"!

I have also learned that the only way to truly bring yourself out of a horrible, ultimate funk, is to actively do something about it. I tend to paint and mosaic, as it helps me feel that I'm purposefully creating positive change out of that which was bland & negative before. Everyone is different, so each individual has to find their own niche of creating positive in their surroundings. Burying one's head may quell the pain temporarily, but actively Allowing yourself to create it out, cry it out, exercise it out, work it out, Get It Out is the only way to truly dissipate that dark cloud. Those around you who love & care can & will assist & support, but the only person with the power to make the dark cloud truly leave is the person to whom that cloud belongs.

I suppose that no matter how much you love someone, no matter how deeply you care, or how strongly you support them, the choice is ultimately theirs. You can point out the sunshine that lies beyond the clouds in every way possible, but it's up to them to push through the storm to the happiness beyond the clouds in the end.

I shall now end with a favorite Dr. Seuss quote that I hope inspires: "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some come from ahead, some come from behind, but I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready, you see, Now My Troubles Are Going To Have Troubles With Me!"

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Intentions vs. Actions ... The Chicken or The Egg?

Intentions versus actions.  Both can be misconstrued or completely appreciated.  Both can be understood or misunderstood.  Both can be positive or negative.  Both have the power to lift others up into a happier place, or to bring others down into the depths of despair.  Is one more important than the other?

Our intentions tend to drive our actions.  What happens when the intentions don't match the actions in the eyes of others?  Does that mean that our intentions were impure?  The intention to create a surprise for someone we love that will make them happy after a tough day, but the action brings up unknown, unhappy memories from their past that only makes things worse ... the intention to help a friend, but the action causes unintentional grief ... the intention to guide a child in a positive direction, but the action causes them confusion and hurt in the aftermath.  What about the other side?  When someone intends to be hurtful or crass or just plain mean, but the actions only cause laughter and ego-bruising for the person intending to be hurtful ... what happens to intention versus action then?

It's almost a "which comes first, the chicken or the egg" question.  The old adage is "actions speak louder than words", but what happens when the actions create an unintended result in either direction?  Should we place more importance on the intention with which the action was undertaken, or the resulting action regardless of the intention?  My personal opinion is that communication to understand the origin of the action is crucial.  It's understandable to feel hurt by an action, but that hurt can be assuaged, or at the least, lessened, by realizing and understanding the intention.  No one is perfect, so what seems to be a plausible action or reaction to one person, might seem unrealistic or inappropriate to another.  All relationships, from co-workers to friends to significant others to life partners, benefit from attempting to understand the intention behind another's actions.  Taking that minute or two to hear someone out instead of jumping to a possibly incorrect conclusion is a key component in any relationship.  I truly believe that.  We may not always understand each other immediately, but our relationships can ultimately stand the test of time with just a little open-mindedness and curiosity of understanding.

I suppose my point is that the intention can definitely be more important than the action taken.  If the intention was pure and positive, then to me, any unintentional, negative results from the actions are ultimately completely forgivable.  If the intentions were mean and horrid, then any unintentional positive results from the actions are ultimately a happy surprise.  Intentions versus Actions ... I don't know if one is truly more powerful than the other, but I'd rather focus on the intent.  To me, it seems an infinitely more important, more telling focus.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Earth Moved On Valentines Day

Apparently we had an earthquake. I also apparently missed it. Not saying that earthquakes are exciting adventures to be experienced, but feeling the earth actually move on Valentines Day is a bit poetic. Maybe, (hopefully) it's a positive sign of the love for one another and the kindness towards our fellow humankind out there. There's snow on the ground that juxtaposes with the warm colors of rose petals warmly given and lovingly received on this day of love....maybe that juxtaposition here in the south has something to do with the movement of this continent's easternmost plate boundaries. Who knows! Fortunately, there seems to be no reports of major damage or life loss. We should take it as a sign that enough love in the world actually Can move mountains!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Continuation of the Wallet Lessons ....

Many of you know that my wallet was stolen about 2 weeks ago, and that I learned a number of life lessons from reflection upon the experience.  Those lessons have definitely continued!  Through the process of canceling and reordering or replacing all the elements of my life contained in that wallet, I have discovered the following ....

1. There are so many people out there who are wonderful and helpful and willing to empathize. At the grocery store when ID is needed to validate a purchase, but all you have is an expired one because your new one hasn't shown up yet after reordering, or bank customer service spending extra time making sure that the system recognizes your new joint account card, even though you have yet to receive your new passcode, or going to the pharmacy to refill a prescription and the pharmacy tech simply pulls your past information so that you don't have to worry about the insurance cards you haven't received replacement on yet .... restoration of faith in strangers.
2. I am with someone who completely supports, assists, and goes above and beyond even though it may disrupt his life.  The fact that we had to pre-plan so that he got cash out for me so that I could grocery shop or even just basic function for the week and he automatically did without thought, the fact that when my new debit card came in from the bank and wouldn't work correctly he left work to come meet me so that I wasn't stuck at the grocery store and unable to make rehearsal on time, which was his immediate reaction.  No repercussions, no issues, no annoyed sighs or exasperated glances.  Just automatic done.  He's a keeper on so many levels.
3. There are bigger problems in the world out there than searching for the downtrodden jerk who created this issue in the first place.  I watch the news and see people that have been shot, or fires that have been set, or children that have suffered abuse at the hands of those they trusted, or horrible occurrences happening throughout the world ... my issue, while sometimes all-encompassing and definitely stress-making in my life, is far less important in the grand scheme of things than any of these other things.  I have a police report, and, while everything was being reported, I had the total concentration of some really wonderful officers of the law who embodied everything that one would hope for during a time such as that.  Hopefully the person will be caught, but I would fully expect and rather that they focus on the larger problems of the world than my, by comparison, important to me but less important in the big picture issue.

There you are.  Just had to get that out.  Happy Monday to everyone!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Muddled Lessons and A Frog

I was asked to write a narrative about an experience in my life that had taught me an unexpected life lesson.  While the particular lesson in this story didn't truly become "learned" until I had kids of my own, I hope you enjoy the tale from my childhood ....

The life lessons that we teach our children are, sometimes, crystal clear for their meaning and worth, but sometimes those lessons come across about as clear as swamp water. We as parents attempt to teach these lessons purposefully through both words and examples in our own behaviors, we ultimately teach them unintentionally through that which we ourselves say and do on a daily basis, and, upon occasion, we impart lessons through sheer unadulterated accident. The “accidental” lessons tend to have the most muddled meaning to a child initially, even though we may have thought ourselves clear as day.
In the summer of 1976 I was a headstrong, precocious, tomboy of a five year old.  I was not a bad child, and I did listen to and respect my parents, but I had my own ideas about doing things and tended to be fiercely independent, which tended to drive my parents nuts.  At that time we lived in a quiet little neighborhood near the local college on a cul-de-sac street called Nottingham Drive. Things were not as they are today. It was normal to be outside playing with friends from sunup to sundown, and even at five, although I was not allowed to roam about completely alone, I could walk across the street or down the a few houses to a friend's home without worry. I had learned to look both ways, then look both ways again, before crossing the street. I knew that riding my bicycle on the side of the road was okay on our street, but that big wheels were only allowed to be ridden on the sidewalk, as cars will see bikes in their way but not necessarily a low-to-the-ground big wheel. Hopscotch was a favorite game, but the boards were only to be drawn on the sidewalks and driveways, never in the middle of the road. Playing games in the middle of the road was forbidden. I loved animals, but I should only pet and play with the domesticated ones that belonged to people as pets, not the wild birds, squirrels, racoons or rabbits that fascinated me completely, and under no circumstance was I ever to touch a dead wild animal. Period.
One morning I was playing with the twin boys that lived a couple doors down my street.  We had decided to go on a quest, and although I remember putting together a backpack and utilizing a walking stick I do not remember what we were looking for on our so-called quest that particular day.  What I do remember vividly is finding the frog.  It was a rather large frog that had, unfortunately, been flattened by some unsuspecting driver smack in the middle of the road between our houses.  Talk about a dilemma!  We discussed the grave situation at hand, and decided that the best thing to do would be to bury the frog right where it lay in the middle of the street. We were not allowed to touch it to move it, as touching dead animals was forbidden, and it was bigger than our sandbox shovels could handle picking up, even though initially we did attempt that option.  This was not playing in the road.  A proper burial for the poor animal was no game in our minds.  Many bucketfuls of sand from our sandboxes later, the frog was properly covered. That mound of sand that could have rivaled sacred Indian burial mounds. We stood around the grave site, solemnly holding stems of leaves, clover and honeysuckle so as to properly give the frog his final send off.  Just as we were beginning to place our offerings on the grave mound, I heard a yell that made me jump out of my skin. “Shannon Recole Wightman! Get out of that road and in this house NOW!”  Uh oh.  “Just wait till your father gets home!” Even worse. I searched my mind to attempt to figure out what I had done that was so wrong it would deserve the full name yell and the father threat, which filled me with dread as I hid in my room for the final hours until he arrived.
After what seemed like forever, my father opened the door to my room and sat down on my bed, belt in hand. “Do you understand why you're being punished?” he asked. “You're old enough to know better than to play in the middle of a street.”  I was playing?  No I was not. We were conducting a solemn ritual of death, not playing!  I my mind, I knew I was right and this punishment was grossly unfair.  As my father spanked me I began to cry, “But Daddy!  I didn't touch the dead animal!” He finished, hugged me with what I now know to be suppressed laughter that shook him, and walked out my bedroom door.
In the mind of a child, what is considered “playing”, and what is considered an important, solemn event tend to be very different than what constitutes these in the mind of a grown up. Many times when my children were young, I thought back to that episode in my own life in an effort to make the parallel lessons clear to them.  New lesson: if you can't dig a hole to place something in, it is not buried, therefore, do not conduct burials in the middle of a road, even though you may not have touched the dead frog.

~ The Girl In the Little Black Dress