The Awe of Glittering Snow

It snowed all over North Carolina in December this year. Not just flurries and a bit of sugar dusting on the grassy areas, but real, actual snow accumulation. Not the norm in this area of the U.S. This impromptu storm (named Diego ... when did snowstorms start getting names?!) brought about government and school closings, treacherous roadways, and power outages. It also brought about community bonding, random assistance from neighbors and strangers, and the pure joyfulness of children's laughter ringing through the air as they took part in winter activities that normally never have a chance of occurring in the south. Positive light born from what could be viewed as catastrophe.

No matter where you live, there is something completely magical about watching snow fall. Its incredible asymmetry is breathtaking. There's a majestic quiet that's completely inspiring as millions of snowflakes drift to the ground and cover every inch in a chilly, sparkling white cloud. What before was browns and greens, with areas of dirt or litter, instantly becomes a purified vision of beauty. Eventually though, temperatures rise and the glittering snow begins to melt away. Slowly the blades of grass and areas of dirt and concrete begin to show through the purification of white. Eventually, no trace of the pristine gorgeousness remains, save our photos and memories.

Politics and humanity are similar in this phenomenon. A crisis, a catastrophe, a hardcore event occurs and the positive side of humanity is brought out. Communities worldwide bond, strangers assist those in need, and even children rejoice and take part in the positive that is born from the negative. Eventually though, recognition of the issue dies down, neighbors and strangers go back to their own sequestered lives and again turn a blind eye to injustices that occur daily, and the sense of hope and humanity that thrived during the the crisis begins to subside. But does it have to?

Just like those last sugar dustings of snow that refuse to melt away, so should our hopes, senses of empathy, and gifts of giving wholeheartedly to those who need our help. Just because the blinding, adrenaline-laced sparkle of catastrophic need eventually melts away doesn't mean that the requirement is not still there. That litter on the ground, like the needs of humanity, that was hidden by the previous glittering blanket of snow still needs to be cleaned up, to be assisted in becoming the epitome of quiet beauty and peace that only previously existed under a glittering blanket of snowflakes.

Maybe we could all strive to hang on to those charitable, giving ideals year-round. Not just during this, the season of giving, but throughout every season. Just like those final little patches of snow that refuse to melt, we too have the ability to create a glittering world of quiet beauty in someone else's life, if only we make sure those magic qualities of empathy and giving stay alive all year long.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Cha-cha-cha-Changes

Life is a myriad of colors, shapes, situations, and perceptions.  At the risk of sounding totally "new age", like the ocean tides that constantly ebb and flow, the only thing we can truly count on is constant change, and the only thing that we can truly control is our actions and reactions with regards to it.

Change is not necessarily a bad thing.  The layoff from a job that's a hardcore stress point for the person offers the opportunity to find a career that's more fulfilling, the breakup of a relationship that's a negative influence in someone's life offers the opportunity to learn oneself and open themselves up to a supportive, positive relationship, the growth and flight forward into adulthood of a child from the nest of the home that has nurtured them through childhood offers them the opportunity to grow towards every ounce of potential that child has in themselves .. all of these changes, while initially scary for the individual experiencing them, have the potential to be positive ones. 

To be honest, regardless of potential, change is always unnerving.  Sometimes it's titillatingly scary, sometimes it's just plain nightmare level terrifying, but it's always some level of life driven scare tactic.  Over the past year I personally have gone through life changes on multiple levels.  From engaged and living with my fiancée to single and living alone, from in a relationship and stressed out to single and happy, from feeling secure about life to feeling secure about nothing.  The old adage is that whatever higher power you believe in doesn't give you anything you can't actually handle.  Malarky.  That may ultimately be true, but to be honest, I've had multiple moments over the past year of not feeling like I can handle getting out of bed to handle anything, much less what some omnipotent being thinks I can pull off! 

Change in general tends to bring about a combination of fear, excitement, misgiving, self-doubt, worry, anticipation, happiness, terror, nostalgia, melancholy, and exhilaration.  It's kind of like what Ron says in "Order of the Phoenix", "one person can't feel all of that .. they'd explode!"  Yet we don't explode.  We somehow plod through.  I suppose my point is this.  While I truly believe that each of us is put on this earth to learn specific lessons and to live our lives for a specific purpose, most of us (me included) are generally so busy focusing on daily minutia that we forget to pay attention to all of that. All we really tend to pay attention to are the situations occurring immediately in front of us, when what we really need to pay attention to, are the ramifications of those same situations and how we could use those moments to move forward in a positive manner.

A friend of mine recently told me that he wakes up each day with the goal to accomplish something, laugh at something, and learn something.  At base level for daily life, shouldn't that be the goal of all of us, regardless of whatever changes life throws our way?  A positive mantra to utilize for your next waking moment.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Autumn Eve Musings

It's our first firepit night of the season. While I realize this may be mundane news to many, I love what it represents. Seasons changing, dying out of the old and fresh opportunities of the new, excitement of that which is to come .... like the Phoenix that dies out to be reborn through fire and ash, the first firepit night reminds me of what is past and causes me to look forward towards what is to come.

Happy Autumn!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Clarity Through The Dust Storms of Life

Life is a proverbial whirlwind. Sometimes you're at the edge of it, floating in the circling breeze. Sometimes you're in the center of it, swirling so fast you don't know which direction is which, and some moments are simply somewhere in between. Dust and debris from the rapid winds can cloud your vision and your senses, so densely at certain points that it feels difficult to breathe. All you can do is keep trying to ride the cyclonic winds out until you reach that floating edge again.

A dear friend of mine has recently been experiencing the center winds of her own cyclonic storm, yet found a way to see past all the dust and debris. She's allowing me to share her experiences, and epiphanies, via her own words.

"Things I've learned being with my daughter (way too many times, and way too long) in the hospital :

1. The little prince was right. It is not with the eye one sees, but with the heart. Differences in nationality, mother tongue, religion, exterior looks, and age are completly insignificant. It is your smile, your kindness (or the lack of it), your approach towards others and essentially, your heart, which really matter. My daughter made friends of every single type. Muslims, Christians, handicapped - all these made no difference to her. I wish I could say the same for myself. As the song in Pocahontas goes- it's the colour of your heart that matters.
On a side note - I was sitting outside one day, when a young mother came and sat not far from me with her toddler in a wheelchair. He was completly maldeformed, reminding me of the hunchback of Notredam. Interestingly, contrary to my natural instinct to feel the need to flee, I looked him in the eyes. It was truly amazing. It took 2 seconds for me to fall for him. See, his eyes said it all - he was just a boy. A little boy, seeking love and joy, just as all little boys seek and are equally entitled to find and have. And I wished for him, tears clouding my eyes, that when he encounters people, it is his eyes that they see, not the shell he is trapped in...

2. We are all the same (on the same note as #1, only from a grown up's perspective). We may be lawyers, business people, doctors, dancers or unemployment collectors. Educated, uneducated, classy or skanky - we all become equally helpless when our children's health is poor. We all love our kids more than anything else, and we'd all give everything we had to spare our children the suffering they're under going. We are all parents.

3. I have learned from my daughter about courage and strength. About happiness. And about true love.
Courage and strength - Undergoing poking, pricking, tubing, bleeding, probing and drugging, she has gone through all these things with so much patience, grace, strength and courage. Many a time, I have found myself cringing, crying, or feeling pain for things she had to undergo, when she did none of the above. It was almost as though it all just passed by her, not through her. It was almost as though she understood these things had to happen for her own good, and that was it. No self pity. Just take it all head on.
Happiness - It is sometimes the small things that matter. She could be poked a million times, but the sight of soap bubbles blown at her was all it took to get the biggest, most beautiful and radiant smile on her face. She could have a needle in her hand and be connected to wires, but that wasn't going to dampen the joy of going down a slide. I wish I remembered to appreciate things the way she does.
True love - I almost felt unworthy, when after every dreadful, tearful treatment she had to go through, all she needed was the comfort and safety of my arms to calm her down. Not candy, or a bottle, or anything else. The feeling of closeness to her favourite person was all it took. I hope to one day live up to, and maybe become, the person she sees when she looks at me.

5. Blessings - We all have problems. All of us. All sorts of different problems. There's an old Chinese saying, that if all the people of the world were to gather round and throw their problems in a pile, free to then pick from the pile whichever problem they like, they'd end up picking their own. My life is not simple. Not even a bit. However, seeing certain things in the hospital has totally gotten me thanking God for my problems. See, somehow, I think I can handle mine. No chance I'd be able to deal with some of the things I was faced with, and exposed to in this hospital.

6. Home - no matter how intense, insane, or stressful home may be, there really is no place like home. And my bed, which I so badly miss...

I truly feel blessed, having children. I feel I have so much to learn from them. I just hope, once this is all over and we're back to our regular crazy, insane routine, I will still be able to see things as clearly as I do on this long endless night in the hospital."

As adults, we tend to let the whirling, swirling, dust filled winds of life clog our eyes, senses, and outlooks. Yet, as children, the sight of bubbles or balloons, or the simple joy of sliding on a playground or finding a new friend of any kind could immediately erase the blinding dust storms of life. Maybe as adults, all we really need is a different kind of goggles.

Lessons to ponder.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Magical Dragonflies ...

This morning, while drinking coffee, I was greeted by a swarm of dragonflies. I can't think of anything more poetic. So many positive things have been happening in my life as of late, that it has caused me to second guess myself upon recent occasion. That bevy of dragonfly positivity brought me back to the realm of "I Can".

Dragonflies are born in water, then mature into air. They represent strength, perseverance, and metamorphosis. Things we all strive for in some form. We all want to be the best person we can become, we all want to morph into what is better than we began as, we all want to be stronger than the adversity that we encounter on a daily basis. It's intrinsically important to our psyche.

Lately, there have been a number of trying times that have caused me to forget that lesson. Today I remembered it. Funny how sometimes it only takes opening your eyes to see the beautiful moment that's in front of you to realize what you knew deep down inside all along.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Keeping The Fire Burning In The Storm

There are multitudes of sayings out there that speak about staying positive, staying strong, and weathering life's storms. While they can be useful, uplifting, and wonderful mantra-type things, when you're in the midst of seriously tough times, they can be difficult to not only hear, but to live by. Everyday tragedies and triumphs, petty grievances and positive thoughts can be found on all forms of media, as well as general life surrounding everyone, but does anyone really know what someone else is dealing with? What another person's life is truly experiencing? Sure, they may show the world smiles and positivity, but is it just a facade?

What does anyone know about others behind their proverbial closed doors? The single parent that's not only paycheck to paycheck, but week to week and day to day with how they'll pull off what is needed for their family's basic needs, but greets colleagues and friends with a smile and triumphant kid stories. The bagger at your local grocery who's always courteous & helpful, but goes home to a shelter. The sales rep that goes above and beyond for your account, but can't make ends meet at home because the company he or she works for continually screws over their employees financially.  The student that is working hard to finish their degree in a later life situation, but can't get a basic level job to help with expenses because they're either too old or too young. These people all go home, to wherever that may be, and instead of rejuvenation after a long day, are in a stress flux of how to make it through the next day. Those who see and interact with them on a daily basis probably don't know anything about that area of their lives.

Sometimes it's just not so easy to apply and live by those positive adages, no matter how much you want to. Sometimes the general stress of life simply gets too much to handle for a regular average individual. Then what?

On Halloween we had a gathering complete with a beautiful fire in our outdoor firepit. Then the storm began. Hardcore rain and wind .... yet, somehow, that lovely fire kept going. Even when the storm died down to a mere drizzle, there were still small flames and glowing embers. It seemed almost impossible with the harsh downpour of the rain & whipping of the cold wind, that the fire would survive. Yet, it did. The glowing embers lit newly placed logs and the flames rose back up just as prettily as before. That fire just wouldn't give itself up to the storm that seemed determined to destroy it.

I'm guessing that's what those positive sayings or adages mean when I think about what our lovely little fire did. Keep whatever flames going you can manage in the downpour, and let the dormant embers continue to glow, because once the right log is put back in, you'll burn bright and strong once again.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Humanity of Give Versus Take

A neighbor of mine said the other day, "there are givers and takers in this world ... unfortunately, the givers usually end up getting screwed,"  I agree with him .. for the most part.

Those who are the "takers" spend their lives expecting everyone to do what they want, give in to their needs ... essentially bow to them and their every whim. They use multiple forms of persuasion, tactics that smack of under-handedness, and any con artist move they can, legal or non, to achieve whatever their ultimate goal is. It's actually a truly pitiful existence. To only be able to take without experiencing the joy of giving.

Those who are "givers" get the opportunity to experience and appreciate the smiles and pure joy on someone's face when they create a token of words or gifts or actions that require no return of actions or strings attached. They feel happy by doing such things. They don't need hurrahs or accolades, they just do these things for others because it should be done out of pure respect for humanity. They're content to do so, and don't think about "what's in it for them" in the process.

The "givers" versus the "takers". Most of us have a little of both in us.  While I truly believe that both Yin and Yang, light and darkness, is in each of us, and that one cannot exist without the other, I also believe that the "givers", regardless of getting trod upon, live happier lives than the "takers". While unfair pain may be experienced at times, the reward of life's little things, like a child's smile, a friend in need's hug, a loved one's kiss, the total body wagging of a pet greeting you just because you showed up, unexpected laughter, ultimate trust ... these are things that can never be truly known or appreciated by the "takers".

It's to be pitied, actually. The sad fact is that there are people out there who view themselves as so entitled, so above the echelon, so above reproach, that in their quest for the perfect life they end up living the lives that are more miserable than most. How sad is that?!

Gandhi said that "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean become dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Well said, Sir!  I pity those that can only take and not give, can only hurt and not help, can only think of themselves and not others. I truly believe, though, that that Yin, that light as opposed to dark is somewhere deep in all of us. Hopefully someday those people will find it in themselves and no longer wreak the havoc that creates a negative ripple effect doomed to surround them. Poor, misguided humans.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

What You Have (but may not see) Might Be All That You Need

Life is generally a random form of crazy lately. I say this because I'm currently choreographing 2 theater shows, busting my brain with a full time school schedule, trying to be a good mom, trying to be a good girlfriend to the love of my life that I live with, actively fighting my ex over custody issues with our son, actively backing my sweetheart on his own issues with an ex .... with all of that, sometimes it seems that the diagnosed schizophrenics & psychotics have it easy by comparison!

Then I look around.  I have an an amazing, inspiring, creative & strong two children who love me, I have a romantic partner in my life who backs me up regardless & is never absent if a shoulder is needed, I have a close knit group of friends that are there no mattet what, & a family that supports me, even if they don't truly understand the issue.

Crazy Life, Bring It On. I do believe I can completely handle this! (and so can you .. just look for what you already have!)

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress