Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

The Awe of Glittering Snow


It snowed all over North Carolina in December this year. Not just flurries and a bit of sugar dusting on the grassy areas, but real, actual snow accumulation. Not the norm in this area of the U.S. This impromptu storm (named Diego ... when did snowstorms start getting names?!) brought about government and school closings, treacherous roadways, and power outages. It also brought about community bonding, random assistance from neighbors and strangers, and the pure joyfulness of children's laughter ringing through the air as they took part in winter activities that normally never have a chance of occurring in the south. Positive light born from what could be viewed as catastrophe.

No matter where you live, there is something completely magical about watching snow fall. Its incredible asymmetry is breathtaking. There's a majestic quiet that's completely inspiring as millions of snowflakes drift to the ground and cover every inch in a chilly, sparkling white cloud. What before was browns and greens, with areas of dirt or litter, instantly becomes a purified vision of beauty. Eventually though, temperatures rise and the glittering snow begins to melt away. Slowly the blades of grass and areas of dirt and concrete begin to show through the purification of white. Eventually, no trace of the pristine gorgeousness remains, save our photos and memories.

Politics and humanity are similar in this phenomenon. A crisis, a catastrophe, a hardcore event occurs and the positive side of humanity is brought out. Communities worldwide bond, strangers assist those in need, and even children rejoice and take part in the positive that is born from the negative. Eventually though, recognition of the issue dies down, neighbors and strangers go back to their own sequestered lives and again turn a blind eye to injustices that occur daily, and the sense of hope and humanity that thrived during the the crisis begins to subside. But does it have to?

Just like those last sugar dustings of snow that refuse to melt away, so should our hopes, senses of empathy, and gifts of giving wholeheartedly to those who need our help. Just because the blinding, adrenaline-laced sparkle of catastrophic need eventually melts away doesn't mean that the requirement is not still there. That litter on the ground, like the needs of humanity, that was hidden by the previous glittering blanket of snow still needs to be cleaned up, to be assisted in becoming the epitome of quiet beauty and peace that only previously existed under a glittering blanket of snowflakes.

Maybe we could all strive to hang on to those charitable, giving ideals year-round. Not just during this, the season of giving, but throughout every season. Just like those final little patches of snow that refuse to melt, we too have the ability to create a glittering world of quiet beauty in someone else's life, if only we make sure those magic qualities of empathy and giving stay alive all year long.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

A Survivor's Take on Marsy's Law

Politics are a messy business.  This country was founded on the rights of all citizens to be heard, and to be considered equal.  It was also founded on the premise that anyone accused of a crime is innocent until proven guilty.  That's easier said than done.  There is always doubt.  There are always multiple sides to every story, and in that same vein, each side honestly believes that they are correct in their recollection of the incident.  But what about when there is undeniable proof of a crime?  What happens when the accusations are over, and the hearings, or the trial, are over?  What happens when the restraining orders expire and there are no longer legalities rolling through their governmental red tape processes?  Are the victims of said crime magically healed?  Is the accused suddenly reformed?  Do the rights of one side take precedence over the other?

A few years ago, I unwillingly became a survivor of domestic violence. This is not something that I have shared previously with all of you.  Partially because I am not a person to air personal issues publicly, partially because I was scared of him and did not want the backlash, and partially because no one wants to admit that some proverbial ogre got the better of them.  No. More.  I did not get insanely beaten up, but I was threatened, badgered, verbally battered, bruised, and verbally abused.  My home was trashed and physically shattered, my children and pets were endangered, and I ended up being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the ordeal.  I lost my confidence, my courage, and my trust in humanity.  Throughout the initial court process a group called Safe Alliance was my lifeline.  They walked me through every point of the process, got me a qualified lawyer to represent and fight for me when I could not, and gave me hugs when I was too terrified of the world to walk out into it.  But they could only go so far.  When my abuser was released from psychiatric commitment, I was not notified by the hospital nor the authorities, I was told by a close friend of his that was concerned for my safety.  After my abuser continually violated the restraining orders I had against him, and months later was jailed for similar crimes against others, I was not notified of his release, nor of the fact that he had reentered the area.  I was notified that he was working in an area nearby by another concerned friend of his, never by law enforcement or the district attorney, as the current law states should occur.  This man ultimately put my children at risk with his violent behavior and threats, and created a hell on earth life for me where I was so terrified of him that I blamed myself for the violence, cowered in fear in my own home, and felt it necessary to push large furniture against the doors nightly for months, until I moved residences without a forwarding address.  Even though there are still, to this day, warrants out for his arrest because of his multiple restraining order violations, the restraining order extension has expired. I worry every time I walk outside and am in constant stress about my children being away from home.  It's no way to live, truly actually Live life.

Marsy's Law is a constitutional amendment on the ballot this election.  Essentially it strengthens protection for victims of crime.  From requiring notification of hearings, escape, parole, and release, to allowing victims to appear at hearings and speak at such, it's a step in the right direction for victims' rights ... IF it's enforced.  Currently, the law in North Carolina states that notification is required "as soon as is practicable, but within 72 hours after identifying a victim covered by this Article, with ...".  It goes on to list available medical services, crime victims' compensation, address and phone number of the district attorney, and access to applicable law enforcement that should be given to the victim involved.  Seeing as my abuser managed to begin violating the initial emergency restraining order within 24 to 36 hours, and even though I called 911 and had all my paperwork, he ran away before they could arrest him, and the police didn't feel it was worth the effort to chase him down, the 72 hour thing appears to be a useless venture.  Furthermore, while the domestic violence team of my local law enforcement agency did do a great job of contacting me on a weekly basis for the first 6 to 8 months after the hearing, no one ever alerted me to his movements or release from any psychiatric or correctional facility.  In dealing with the healing process involved for not just myself, but also my family, those "heads up" moments would have been extraordinarily helpful.  Instead we, as a family, suffered emotional setbacks and continued worry and constant fear due in part to a lack of communication by the authorities and judicial system.  I would hope that my experience would not be the case for victims of felonious violent crime, as domestic violence is only considered a 'misdemeanor',  But, isn't any violent crime against another human being worth preventing and protecting, regardless of what 'label' the law puts upon it?

I know that there are those out there that will argue that once people serve their time, they should not have to endure a life sentence of judicial recrimination.  The ACLU is actually one of the groups lobbying against this Amendment. While I agree with many tenants of what the ACLU stands for, as a survivor of domestic violence who felt failed by the supposed protections of the law during my ordeal, I have a real problem with how our current laws actually follow through on violent crime cases.  I made the mistake of trusting my attacker for years before he brutally betrayed that trust, and still have trouble not startling when I hear noises while walking, or instinctively flinching when I'm not expecting the passing touch of someone nearby.  I cannot imagine what those who endure random violent crime experiences must be facing on a societal trust basis daily!  This Amendment can do wonderful things for those of us that have triumphed over the violent behavior of others, but Only if it is Actually and Consistently Enforced.

I implore law enforcement to take victims' rights seriously, and to actively attempt to enforce what the law already says.  In the hope that Marsy's Law is passed, I beg both law enforcement and the district attorney's offices to adhere to All Notification Stipulations Without Fail.  I know what acquiring post traumatic stress disorder in, what should be the safety of, your own home is like ... I can't imagine the hell that survivors of violent crime in random situations go through daily.

If nothing else spurs you on, then allow this blog to do so.  Get Out There And Vote.  Make your voice heard, and, vote your conscience for this Amendment.  Allow your voice to do for others what violent offenders strip their ability to do for themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

For more information on Marsy's Law:
https://marsyslaw.us

For more information on Safe Alliance:
https://safealliance.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org

Monday, August 11, 2014

In The Aftermath of Beloved Loss ... What Can We Learn?

Robin Williams died today.  Not via some physically degenerating disease, or by someone else's hand, his demise was to succumb to suicide after a long, difficult battle with depression.  The ripple effect created by anyone's suicide is enormous and debilitating for those left behind in its wake.  No tidal wave or tsunami on this planet can wreak the level of havoc that is felt emotionally by those affected, especially the ones closest to the suicide victim.  

Yes, victim.  I use the word victim because even though the person may have taken their life by their own hand, the weeks, the days, the moments leading up to such a final decision are as excruciating and painful as any physical disease could possibly be.  We've all seen that commercial with the phrase "depression hurts", but unless you've been in the depths of despair that true, deep depression creates, you have no idea of how it affects one's mind, one's outlook, one's self-perception.  While we, as an audience, adored, appreciated, and admired Robin Williams for many years as an actor and comedian, and we, as an audience, feel deep sorrowful loss over his death, he may have never realized how far reaching our true appreciation of him and his craft continued to be.  Depression is a disease that plays horrible tricks on your psyche, and, left untreated or not properly and effectively treated, can ultimately kill you just as easily as any brain tumor.  It can cripple a person of its own accord, or in conjunction with a variety of other emotional or mental issues such as bi-polar disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders, eating disorders ..... the list is endless.

I can only imagine the intense pain, grief, and moments of "what if" that his family and closest friends are experiencing right now.  I myself have been on both sides of that kind of grief and pain.  From losing close friends to suicide at a young age and dealing with the "what if" guilt, to being in the depths of depression so severe that I contemplated, and at one point actually planned, the same suicidal demise for myself.  Both sides are horrible places to be, but for those left behind, the horror is infinitely longer lasting and can affect your countenance, your emotions, and your decision processes with regards to relationships for the rest of your life.

My heart goes out to his family and friends, and I sincerely hope that they ultimately receive the counselling so integral to not allowing his death to take over the remainder of their lives.  For anyone who is contemplating the same fate, don't.  No matter how dark and filled with a black void the future seems, it truly is not.  Get help.  And if you know someone who seems to be going down that dark path of severe depression, reach out.  If I hadn't had a friend reach out to me many years ago under those same circumstances, I wouldn't be here today writing this blog you're reading!  Above all, never forget that no matter how bleak or desperate life seems at the moment, or has seemed over however long a period of time, there is always good, there are always those who care whether you realize it or not, and there is always HOPE ... no matter how far-fetched it may seem at the current moment.  

Robin Williams may have died, but don't allow his death to be a blotch on the psyche of society, allow it to raise awareness for the severity and consequences that mental illness and depression can create.  He brought joy to so many through the last few decades.  Maybe his death can raise awareness to the point that others who may not have sought help before, learn to find joy within themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Help For and Information About Depression:
  • http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/help-for-depression#TreatmentFacts1
  • http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm
  • http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
  • http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/18/9-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-when-you-have-depression/
Suicide Assistance:
  • http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm
  • http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm
  • http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
  • http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/



Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Awareness

I've had complaints about my lack of blogs of late ... my apologies.  This going back to school thing is kicking my you-know-what!  Regardless, one of my classes is public speaking .. for which I have to write and deliver a number of different types of speeches (duh).  Below is the narrative of the persuasive Monroe's Format speech I'll be giving tomorrow for my final ..... would love your thoughts!


Raise your hand if you know someone with a mental illness.
Raise your hand if you know the causes of different forms of mental illness.
Raise your hand if you think it's easy to recognize someone with a serious mental illness.
Finally, raise your hand if you think the best way to handle people with mental illness is to keep them in hospitals or behind locked doors.

My friend “Sarah” has a teenage daughter. Her daughter was an intelligent creative rambunctious child, but as she has gotten into her pre-teen and teenage years, she has become headstrong, belligerent, violent in her outbursts and attitude towards her parents and authority figures, lies about everything, even things that she's obviously lying about, and has begun to have issues with shoplifting. Her parents have tried everything from rules and strictness to counseling and are constantly involved with her school on her behalf. Nothing has seemed to make a difference, and the problems simply escalate the older she becomes.

A girl I know became more and more worried about one of her best friends. “Gina”, who was known for her outgoing nature and friendliness to all, was pulling away from everyone, turning down social invitations that she would have joyfully joined in previously, was falling way behind in her grades, and missing school constantly. When gently asked what was wrong or if everything was okay, she denied there was an issue and would occasionally get defensive. She began wearing long sleeves at all times, baggier clothing and withdrawing more and more from everyone around her.

A woman I know has always seemed, from the outside looking in, to have it all together. Single mom, great kids, decent job, good friends, always putting everyone else before herself and somehow managing to appear sane. The side that no one ever saw was when she was alone, constantly near tears, self esteem so low that she didn't feel she deserved to reach out for help to anyone in any part of her life, and sometimes that even though she didn't have the guts for suicide, that she didn't deserve to have the wonderful people and things she had in life and that she definitely didn't deserve to live. She was always able to dress so no one really noticed her weight continuing to drop, until it was too late.

Mental illness is a stigma that affects someone that most of us know. It can be brought on by traumatic life events, imbalances in brain chemicals, discrepancies in early brain development, and even genetic predisposition. Unfortunately, there's generally an attitude of misunderstanding and avoidance whenever it's brought up or made public as a diagnosis. Children suffering from forms of mental illness are subjected to bullying by their peers, and misunderstanding by authority figures. Adults, can be judged as lazy or unreliable or unintelligent. All due to the lack of understanding and diagnosis of various common mental illnesses. But what if the education and understanding began at an early age? What if elementary, middle, and high schools all incorporated mental health education into their curriculum, and preventative staff such as trained social workers and guidance counselors were a normal funded part of school staff in every school? Would the problem be so misunderstood? Be less widespread? Be more easily diagnosed and the ramifications of undiagnosed mental illness be proactively avoided? Let's examine why mental health education and crisis prevention should be a funded, required component of elementary, middle, and high school education.

For the purposes of clarification, a mental illness is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in perception, thinking and behavior. Out of the five major categories of mental illness, the most commonly diagnosed are anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and eating disorders. Many of these co-occur, such as someone suffering from PTSD, an anxiety disorder, also suffering from bi-polar disorder, a mood disorder, or, someone suffering from Anorexia, an eating disorder, could also suffer from depression, a mood disorder, or OCD, an anxiety disorder. Undiagnosed and untreated, mental illness can become a major contributing factor to substance abuse behaviors, migraine headaches, and increased susceptibility to physical illnesses such as thyroid disease, diabetes, and heart disease later in life. According to the World Health Organization, about 11 percent of adolescents have a major depressive disorder by age 18, and it is the leading cause of disability among Americans age 15 to 44. Additionally, in 2009, suicide was the third leading cause of death among people age 15 to 24, with depression and other mental disorders being a major cause. In the case of my friend Sarah's daughter, the teen has endured years of teasing and bullying from peers for not grasping academic concepts at school, a major school disciplinary record, and, more recently, a juvenile record with the courts for her inability to control outbursts and actions. She became depressed and suicidal and felt the entire world was against her. As it turns out, Sarah's daughter suffers from bi-polar disorder. She is now receiving treatment, and recovering, but she will have much to overcome with self-esteem, academics, and social skills from the years of misunderstanding and lack of diagnosis. Gina, whom I previously mentioned, was fortunate enough to be at a smaller school that had a full time guidance counselor and social worker. Through intervention on their part it was discovered that she suffered from major depression and had begun cutting. They, along with Gina's parents, were able to get her the help she needed through counseling and medication. Five years later she is a successful college student with a positive outlook on life.

As with any form of illness, early diagnosis and treatment is key. The School Social Work Association of America recommends a ratio of one social worker to every 250 students, yet this is not the case in most schools in our nation. In Orange County, FL, the ratio is one to every 4,150 students. On average, social workers tend to be responsible for 4 to 8 schools each, which makes intensive interventions difficult. Winter Park, FL has developed a model by combining public and private dollars that allows for each of their 12 schools to have a full or part-time social worker, mental health counselor, or family therapist dedicated to their students. Already this school year 433 students have completed 12-week therapy sessions, which have taught coping skills instead of shutting down and turning inward in response to negative situations. In Ontario, Canada, a program developed called Beyond the Cuckoos Nest that utilizes speakers from the community who are recovering from various forms of mental illness in addition to classroom teaching, has been successfully implemented into secondary schools. It has not only raised empathy and awareness among students and teachers, but has created an environment where stigma is decreased to the point that assistance is more likely to be sought by students dealing with symptoms of mental illness of any kind. One teacher who participated in the program noted that “Several things come through loud and clear. Kids come back with tremendous empathy and understanding of what it must be like to be in the presenters’ shoes, which is a huge step. They also come back with respect for the battle that people with mental illness fight, and cognizant of the courage it takes to fight the battle.” This past month, the US Senate passed the Mental Health Awareness and Improvement Act, which reauthorizes and improves programs administered by both the Departments of Education and Health and Human Services related to awareness, prevention, and early identification of mental health conditions, and the promotion of linkages to appropriate services for children and youth. This is a great step in the right direction.

Many of us forget that the brain is an organ that is susceptible to disease or illness, just like any other. Just as cancer or diabetes can be treated with therapy and medication, so can mental illness. Unfortunately, due to media stereotypes of those with mental illness being violent, dangerous, comical, incompetent, or fundamentally different from everyone else, a stigma has arisen that is equally as damaging as any form of racism. The funding for mental health education and crisis prevention in schools so that diagnosis, empathy, and understanding happens at an early age is key in combatting this issue. The single mom that I previously mentioned at the beginning of this speech, is me. I began having symptoms of major depression and eating disorders at age 15, but was never diagnosed, was too ashamed due to my perception of what others would think to try to get help, additionally developed panic disorder and problems with alcohol abuse in an attempt to cope on my own, and ultimately worsened over 25 years to the point of malnutrition and almost full digestive system failure. I was hospitalized and ultimately got the help I needed to begin to begin full recovery. If early awareness and diagnosis had been available and occurred when I was a teenager, many of the physical problems that I will battle for the rest of my life could have been avoided. Mental illness is not a choice. It is a disease like any other. Think back to the questions I asked you at the beginning of this speech that you raised your hand to. Raise your hand if you would now answer any of them differently. I urge you to support the newly reinstated Mental Health & Awareness Act, support other upcoming initiatives such as the Excellence in Mental Health Act, and spend time learning and educating those around you about the warning signs of and available care for all forms of mental illness. I was lucky. Even though it took 25 years, I was diagnosed and began treatment before it killed me. Without awareness and crisis prevention, the next person may not be.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

A Ripple Effect of Choice

There are a lot of things in this world that I do not understand.  Some are basic ... I do not understand calculus (nor do I want to), I do not understand the phenomenon that occurs when one straightens & cleans a room, only to turn around 20 minutes later to find it trashed again (this phenomenon generally occurs when children and/or puppy dogs are present, but we won't go there), I do not understand why when you take the time to wash and detail your vehicle, it seems to rain & get it all mucky again within the following 24 hours .... basic stuff.  One of the biggest things I have trouble with, however, is the existence and usage of hate.

Don't get me wrong, I've felt that horrible emotion.  More than once.  It will take you over, raise your blood pressure, and create thoughts in your head of terrible possibilities toward the offending entity that would make the coldest, hardest of criminals blush.  The emotion itself breeds a whole host of other responses that generally seem to include hurtful, damaging speech patterns at the least, and, moving further up the line, underhanded, sometimes clandestine actions, a general lack of thoughts and empathy for anyone or anything else in the world surrounding said entity, lashing out via any channel at one's disposal, and at worst, evil sorts of reactions that would only end up on the evening news or America's Most Wanted.  To embrace any form of this emotion and allow it to control even a portion of your life is something that is one of the most terrible things on earth.  Why would we do this to ourselves?  It doesn't make you feel any better.  In fact, it only makes you feel more stressed, more on edge, more hatred in every ounce of your being.  It's like it multiplies the more you utilize it.

There are people in this world who seem to live by nothing else.  Their actions and words do nothing but create grief and pain in the lives of everything around them, yet they continue to embrace this horrible, evil stance and outlook as if it's a life line that will save them from drowning.  It's so sad and unfortunate.  To spend your life wasting even an ounce of your energy on these negative endeavors ultimately only creates a gnawing, all-encompassing, empty, dark hopeless place within oneself that gets so ingrained it won't dissipate even with the happiest of moments or the brightest of sunshine.  There are wars being fought with hate at their root, simply because of people being narrow-minded in their belief systems & lashing out at those who believe differently.  There are legal battles that ensue, simply because one or both parties can't or won't let go of past hurtful moments between them and fully move forward with their lives.  There are children and spouses that are abused because the abuser has some form of hate inside them from past experience, regret, or fear that creates moments of physically lashing out due to their inability to let go of those past painful moments.  There are animals that are abused because that same hate has led to egotistical power trips in the minds of those doing the abusing. There are those with diseases like eating disorders and alcoholism who turn that hatred to an internal place and lash out at themselves.  It's a horrible, terrible, dark, lonely place to live.  Only when you begin to let go of the emotion, only when you allow yourself to realize that you are the only one in control of your actions and reactions, that you have the power to create happiness around you through positive words and actions instead of the negative ones, that the process of letting go of that all encompassing negativity and replacing it with empathy and kindness, will create an inner peace and light within yourself that can weather any storm or situation, and will transfer itself to everything and everyone around you so that they feel a bit less of that darkness within themselves, only then can you truly see the damage and darkness that hate can spawn like a ripple effect.

Hate.  It's defined in the dictionary as intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.  It ought to be the acronym for Horrible Actions Toward Everything.  Myself, I'm learning to let go of that emotion completely and refocus the intensity on more positive options.  If there's an intense dislike at base level, walking away and removing whatever or whomever it is from my life completely might be possible, or if that is not, then examining why I feel this way so that I might create a positive change for myself in my focus on the person, place, or thing creating the feeling.  Even if it's the actions of another human, do I really want to beat myself up and use every ounce of my energy on ultimately hurting myself with my thoughts, words, and reactions?  Or would my time be better served and my energy put to better use through focusing on positive things I can do, positive changes I can make, and empathy toward the offender who is only hurting themselves with their endeavors?  Instead of the dark, damaging ripple effect of hate, the calmer, brighter ripple effect of empathy, happiness, and peace.  It's not easy to choose the latter option, but I've learned it is worth the effort.  Which ripple effect will you choose?  Think about it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Monday, November 5, 2012

The Gaff of an Unrepentant Bully

http://www.npr.org/2012/11/05/164342230/a-special-olympian-on-pundits-use-of-the-r-word

I listened to the above piece on NPR today, and had to share it. John Franklin Stephens is an intelligent individual, that has accomplished more thus far in his life than many so-called "normal" people I know, regardless of the fact that he happens to have Down syndrome. 
 
Ann Coulter should be ashamed of herself. I'd like to see her overcome half of what many people with special needs overcome and successfully accomplish every day.  The additional fact that she feels she has no need to apologize for her gaff is inexcusable.  The use of harsh, ugly, discriminatory language, when there are a variety of other words and phrases she could have utilized to get her point across, only makes Ms. Coulter appear to be a horrible form of cyber-bully, and points to her own lack of intelligence.  Freedom of speech does not warrant a blantant lack of manners and empathy.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Seussical Outlooks

I love Dr. Seuss.  I realize that his rollicking rhymes are not for everyone over the age of 10, but I happen to be one of those overgrown kids that continues to find humor and enlightenment in his work.  There's so much real life knowledge & thoughtfulness that's hidden behind the facade of those children's rhymes.  Life is full of complicated questions, that we, as adults, tend to make even more complicated if only by our past precedents throughout life (colloquially known as "baggage").  Most things do not have to be as complicated as we make them, yet we continue to overthink and apply every school of thought imaginable in an effort to make "informed decisions".  It has begun to be more and more clear to me personally, that decisions are much better made without a perusal through every possible option or past precedent imaginable.  What if we all applied a Dr. Seuss mentality to our decisions for just one day?  Think about it ....

"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" - outlooks and reactions to life and its constant situational craziness would be so much more positive ...

"A person's a person, no matter how small" - no matter how small, or what gender, or what color, or what belief system, talk about erasing incredible amounts of "human-phobias" of all forms .....

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere" - that they are, and if we look at them and appreciate the absurdity of them, we all might be a bit more tolerant and a lot less angry ...

"He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man" - all forms of recovery, from grief and loss to addictions to disorders of any and every kind benefit from this one, I personally should remind myself of it daily, and subjecting ourselves to being any less than human simply isn't fair .....

"Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered" - if this is the day I will be remembered by, then I sure want it to be a day where I did as many positive things as possible .....

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some come from ahead some come from behind, but I've bought a big bat I'm all ready you see, now my troubles are going to have troubles with me" - I'd like to think of the "big bat" as theoretical, not violent actual, but you get the picture, letting the troubles take over, instead of the alternative, leads life down a much less positive, sadder road than what it could be if that "big bat" gets used on them ...

... AND FINALLY ...

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple" - think of how much easier life would be if we focused on the simplicity of the answers instead of the complications of the questions!  Take it back to the "baggage" I referenced at the beginning of this post.  Discontinuation of utilizing said "baggage" as our main focus would make life so much simpler, so much easier, so much happier and forward thinking!  Not trying to be Pollyanna, but seriously. 
I hope that everyone reading this goes forward in their day with a little brighter outlook and a bit more "Seussical" mindset! :)


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Positive Notes from the Rollercoaster

Sometimes things turn out better than they would originally seem.  Sometimes, even when you feel like the entire world is a sad, lost cause & that the best parts of your life are railing against you, occasionally, things turn themselves around via efforts that you didn't realize were noticed, and become absolutely fabulous.

I'm not going to go into specifics, but let's just say that the past 48 hours have been quite the rollercoaster ride.  But just like a rollercoaster, with drops that take your heart and breath away, paired with climbs to heights that are breathtakingly beautiful, eventually the ride slows down so you can catch your breath, look at the person in the seat beside you, & achieve the realization that the calmness after the adrenaline rush is an unequivocally beautiful thing.  Right now, I'm sitting beside a beautiful fire by candlelight, after an almost perfect day of friends, family, children, happy wishes and notes from so many I care about, and magical moments with someone incredibly important and dear to me.  Life may not be easy, or perfect every moment, but its ups and downs that sometimes resemble that death defying rollercoaster, do make the moments that are happy and wonderful and fulfilling so much more beyond words gratifingly phenomenal.  Even the tearful moments create a deep appreciation for the happy possibilities when they occur. 
Sometimes things turn out better than they would originally seem.  I don't think I would change one thing.  :)

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Happy Birthday to Me! :)
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Learning to Dance in the Rain

There's a saying that I've been thinking of lately: "Life isn't just about learning to weather the storms.  It's about learning to dance in the rain."  The more I think about that adage, the more it seems to make sense. The general advice given by well-meaning friends and family to someone going through rough times is to "stay strong", or "chin up", or "nothing lasts forever".  They want us to be the happy, positive person that they know we can be, as opposed to the sad, depressed, upset, wallowing mess that we become under intense circumstancial duress.

There's a scene in the movie Forrest Gump where the character Lieutenant Dan is in the crow's nest of the shrimp boat during a hurricane.  He's screaming at the storm, laughing at the storm, defying the intensity of the storm that would cause most of us to run for cover or cower in fear.  Now that may not be "dancing in the rain" ala Gene Kelly, but in my book it's similar.  Dancing seems to be a subjective verb that's open to interpretation.

Sometimes the "storms" in life aren't so much huge hurricanes that arrive, end, and leave us to make sense of the levels of perceived disaster left in their wake.  Sometimes the "storms" are seemingly constant squalls that feel like they're beginning to let up & give us some peace, but then another one hits, and another, and another, so that it doesn't ever seem that we're given a chance to truly breathe and move beyond the pain of the ones before.  To truly begin to enjoy that sunshine and calm that happens after an intense storm.  In the movie, Forrest and Lieutenant Dan are catapulted into a successful business thanks to that hurricane and their tenacity in not going back to port to hide from it.  It's not so simple to find the proverbial rainbow after the weathering of, or "dancing" in the rain of all of life's storms.  When it seems that everytime you find the strength to begin to get back up and put a smile on your face to handle life, another one hits to knock you back to your knees .... well, those rainbows don't appear through the clouds in a very apparent fashion. 

The thing about it is, all of those moments of circumstancial duress are not always random storms that appear and wreak havoc without our input.  Ultimately, our own decisions bring us to find almost every so-called storm.  Some of them are simply life passage storms, like the death of someone we chose to love, the breakup of a relationship we chose to be in, the leaving home of a child we chose to have.  Those seem intensely sad while going through, but the rainbows afterwards are easy to discern when we eventually look for them.  Some of them are more definitively our own doing in bringing the onset of, like financial issues or legal trouble.  Some of them, while ultimately tracing back to decisions we've made, aren't as easy to admit they're at least partially of our own making, like recovering from various diseases or addictions or injuries ..... so the "dancing" could really be confronting and embracing the pain in whatever form.  Not just cowering from it or attempting to ignore it until it's buried so deep it feels like it's gone, but truly facing it head on and embracing its existence so that it can ultimately be understood and moved beyond.  Dancing in the rain, embracing the rain, understanding the rain, accepting the rain ...... moving beyond the rain.  Synonyms?  Maybe if we didn't pigeonhole the verb dancing, the rainbows, or at least a bit of sunshine, would be easier to find in life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Selflessness and a Marathon

I was hanging out with a good friend of mine last evening.  Jason is a pretty typical, cool, marathon-runner, guy-friend who's started something not so typical.  After running the NYC marathon last year, he decided to something more than just run with his love for athletics.  Two years ago his grandfather was diagnosed with PPA (Primary Progessive Aphasia), which is a little known progressive form of dementia that causes the victim to lose the ability to communicate and comprehend language ... at present there is no treatment, and no cure.  (For those of you that are regular readers of my blog, I know I don't generally write about anything other than my own random opinions and mental tangents, but this really touched me, so I encourage you to continue reading!)

"Papa", Jason's grandfather, had lived his whole life doing for others.  Even in his 70's and 80's he would essentially donate his time outside of his pediatric practice to go to the homes of those who couldn't afford a doctor and treat them for simply whatever they could afford pay him.  When he began to lose his communication abilities, he immediately retired for the good of his patients until he figured out how to rectify and control the issue.  Sadly, the temporary retirement was to become permanent with his diagnosis.  The most horrible part of this disease is that Papa's mind is clear, & physically he's strong, he simply is less and less able to vocalize and comprehend language in the way the rest of us do. 

Seeing the growing frustration of his grandfather, a man whom had been a pediatrician for over 50 years and had always cared for everyone, now having to rely on others to care for him, caused Jason to want to truly make a difference in awareness of, and research on behalf of, this disease.  He decided that the best way to do that was to put himself through a marathon more gruelling and challenging than any other so that physically he would be forced to deal with a small level of the mental challenges his grandfather has to overcome on a daily basis.  He's not even going to allow himself music while running so that his entire being is completely challenged without a way to alleviate the mental and physical stress of running. 
Here's the kicker, Jason has chosen to achieve this goal by running the Great Wall of China marathon ... this May.  He's footing the bill for all of his expenses associated with travel and the marathon itself so that every dime of the money he raises can go to research toward treatment and a cure.  He's also been able to partner up with Northwestern University's Cognitive Neurology and Alzheimer's Disease Center, which is the #1 PPA research facility in the United States, so that any money donated on the website he created goes directly to the CNADC for that purpose.  What started a year ago with a goal of $20,000 has now grown to a goal of $50,000 as small donations that keep adding up from people worldwide keep coming in.  He says that he's looking forward to running the Great Wall marathon as he'll be "running with the support of all those battling and affected by PPA."  If his grandfather can push through every day, he should be able to push himself through the one day of this race.  He's not superhuman, people, he's just fire-at-the-core-of-his-being Determined.  Personally, I'm impressed.  I think everyone else should be too.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

For more information on PPA or to check out Jason's website (or to donate!), check out the links below:
www.run4papa.com
http://www.brain.northwestern.edu
www.giving.northwestern.edu/nu/CNADC (PPA Research and Education Fund - Run4Papa)