In The Aftermath of Beloved Loss ... What Can We Learn?

Robin Williams died today.  Not via some physically degenerating disease, or by someone else's hand, his demise was to succumb to suicide after a long, difficult battle with depression.  The ripple effect created by anyone's suicide is enormous and debilitating for those left behind in its wake.  No tidal wave or tsunami on this planet can wreak the level of havoc that is felt emotionally by those affected, especially the ones closest to the suicide victim.  

Yes, victim.  I use the word victim because even though the person may have taken their life by their own hand, the weeks, the days, the moments leading up to such a final decision are as excruciating and painful as any physical disease could possibly be.  We've all seen that commercial with the phrase "depression hurts", but unless you've been in the depths of despair that true, deep depression creates, you have no idea of how it affects one's mind, one's outlook, one's self-perception.  While we, as an audience, adored, appreciated, and admired Robin Williams for many years as an actor and comedian, and we, as an audience, feel deep sorrowful loss over his death, he may have never realized how far reaching our true appreciation of him and his craft continued to be.  Depression is a disease that plays horrible tricks on your psyche, and, left untreated or not properly and effectively treated, can ultimately kill you just as easily as any brain tumor.  It can cripple a person of its own accord, or in conjunction with a variety of other emotional or mental issues such as bi-polar disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders, eating disorders ..... the list is endless.

I can only imagine the intense pain, grief, and moments of "what if" that his family and closest friends are experiencing right now.  I myself have been on both sides of that kind of grief and pain.  From losing close friends to suicide at a young age and dealing with the "what if" guilt, to being in the depths of depression so severe that I contemplated, and at one point actually planned, the same suicidal demise for myself.  Both sides are horrible places to be, but for those left behind, the horror is infinitely longer lasting and can affect your countenance, your emotions, and your decision processes with regards to relationships for the rest of your life.

My heart goes out to his family and friends, and I sincerely hope that they ultimately receive the counselling so integral to not allowing his death to take over the remainder of their lives.  For anyone who is contemplating the same fate, don't.  No matter how dark and filled with a black void the future seems, it truly is not.  Get help.  And if you know someone who seems to be going down that dark path of severe depression, reach out.  If I hadn't had a friend reach out to me many years ago under those same circumstances, I wouldn't be here today writing this blog you're reading!  Above all, never forget that no matter how bleak or desperate life seems at the moment, or has seemed over however long a period of time, there is always good, there are always those who care whether you realize it or not, and there is always HOPE ... no matter how far-fetched it may seem at the current moment.  

Robin Williams may have died, but don't allow his death to be a blotch on the psyche of society, allow it to raise awareness for the severity and consequences that mental illness and depression can create.  He brought joy to so many through the last few decades.  Maybe his death can raise awareness to the point that others who may not have sought help before, learn to find joy within themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Help For and Information About Depression:

• http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/help-for-depression#TreatmentFacts1
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
• http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/18/9-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-when-you-have-depression/

Suicide Assistance:

• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm
• http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
• http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Is That Light An Oncoming Train?

Over the past year or so I've had the opportunity to discover a number of things about myself & the universe in general.  I've also discovered that many adages people use to assist them with understanding life & situations are not necessarily as they seem. Humor me for a moment as I explain.....

"Bad things happen in threes". Not necessarily. First of all, if something you consider to be seriously unfortunate at the time occurs, but it ultimately leads to positive things in life & important lessons learned, then was it actually a "bad" thing in the first place? Additionally, if we walk around assuming that the "Threes Rule" is valid, then we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of multiple seemingly "bad" occurrences.... due in part because we're actively looking for them!

This line of thinking obviously plays directly into the "Everything happens for a reason" adage. That does not mean that we will always like, or enjoy, or appreciate the "reason", but the reason or lesson that needs to happen will eventually show itself.  We simply have to focus on moving forward to find it & utilize it instead of wallowing in doomsday self pity that additional unfortunate events are bound to occur simply because one or two did in the first place. 

I'll give you an example.  Many of you who read my blog know that I am in recovery from Anorexia Bulimia, which I have suffered from since my teens. In early 2012 I was cited for DUI at a checkpoint, even though I knew I had only had 2 beers prior to driving home. Had that not occurred I would not have been faced with the physical ramifications of my disease, mainly that my digestive system was shutting down & therefore unable to metabolize almost anything. Had I not been forced to face that fact, I would not have been hospitalized for ED treatment, I would not have begun the long road of recovery, which ultimately caused me to lose my job from being unable to work for too many months, which caused me to reassess through recovery & return to school where I'm now working toward a degree in something that utilizes my existing skills, passions, & background, that I'm fascinated by & that will ultimately help others in the process. Had that "bad thing" not occurred, I would still be miserable, unhealthy, & probably dead.  Not that everyday is easy & perfect, but I'm actively learning & now continuing to recover, which is the polar opposite of the life death spiral I was on before.  I realize that's an extremely simplistic version of a major ripple effect event, but viewing it in that manner helps me continue to attempt to stay on track toward positive things, as opposed to focusing on negative, dark places that could or could not occur because of it. 

Truthfully, this also leads directly into the adage "The universe will never give you more than you can handle".  Ultimately I believe that to be true, but that does not mean it feels that way while you're dealing with everything life throws at you! Looking back you may wonder, how on earth you pulled it off and came out standing, but we do actually end up handling that which is "thrown" at us. Focusing on moving forward, finding a way, & learning those lessons is the best any of us can do.

I'll leave you with a thought. The proverbial "Light at the end of the tunnel" that we all search for during difficult times ... it could be the opening on the other side to happier times & better things, it could be someone coming towards you with a lantern that assists you, or it could be an oncoming train. Your choices then become: exiting the tunnel, accepting the assistance to shed light on your path forward, rejecting the assistance & continuing to trudge through the dark, staying on the track & getting hit by the train, or jumping out of the way to keep moving forward.  It's up to each of us to choose.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress