Cha-cha-cha-Changes

Life is a myriad of colors, shapes, situations, and perceptions.  At the risk of sounding totally "new age", like the ocean tides that constantly ebb and flow, the only thing we can truly count on is constant change, and the only thing that we can truly control is our actions and reactions with regards to it.

Change is not necessarily a bad thing.  The layoff from a job that's a hardcore stress point for the person offers the opportunity to find a career that's more fulfilling, the breakup of a relationship that's a negative influence in someone's life offers the opportunity to learn oneself and open themselves up to a supportive, positive relationship, the growth and flight forward into adulthood of a child from the nest of the home that has nurtured them through childhood offers them the opportunity to grow towards every ounce of potential that child has in themselves .. all of these changes, while initially scary for the individual experiencing them, have the potential to be positive ones. 

To be honest, regardless of potential, change is always unnerving.  Sometimes it's titillatingly scary, sometimes it's just plain nightmare level terrifying, but it's always some level of life driven scare tactic.  Over the past year I personally have gone through life changes on multiple levels.  From engaged and living with my fiancée to single and living alone, from in a relationship and stressed out to single and happy, from feeling secure about life to feeling secure about nothing.  The old adage is that whatever higher power you believe in doesn't give you anything you can't actually handle.  Malarky.  That may ultimately be true, but to be honest, I've had multiple moments over the past year of not feeling like I can handle getting out of bed to handle anything, much less what some omnipotent being thinks I can pull off! 

Change in general tends to bring about a combination of fear, excitement, misgiving, self-doubt, worry, anticipation, happiness, terror, nostalgia, melancholy, and exhilaration.  It's kind of like what Ron says in "Order of the Phoenix", "one person can't feel all of that .. they'd explode!"  Yet we don't explode.  We somehow plod through.  I suppose my point is this.  While I truly believe that each of us is put on this earth to learn specific lessons and to live our lives for a specific purpose, most of us (me included) are generally so busy focusing on daily minutia that we forget to pay attention to all of that. All we really tend to pay attention to are the situations occurring immediately in front of us, when what we really need to pay attention to, are the ramifications of those same situations and how we could use those moments to move forward in a positive manner.

A friend of mine recently told me that he wakes up each day with the goal to accomplish something, laugh at something, and learn something.  At base level for daily life, shouldn't that be the goal of all of us, regardless of whatever changes life throws our way?  A positive mantra to utilize for your next waking moment.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Autumn Eve Musings

It's our first firepit night of the season. While I realize this may be mundane news to many, I love what it represents. Seasons changing, dying out of the old and fresh opportunities of the new, excitement of that which is to come .... like the Phoenix that dies out to be reborn through fire and ash, the first firepit night reminds me of what is past and causes me to look forward towards what is to come.

Happy Autumn!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Life as a Philosophical Seussism

Dr. Seuss was a Master Philosopher.  I firmly believe this.  All you have to do is read even slightly between the lines of his, on the surface, nonsensical writing style, or take a look at any of his many famous quotes, and the truth is absolutely there.

Consider the quote, "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."  While I feel like I need to write this as a reminder at the top of every physics exam page, it is also quite true for most of life.  We overthink, and stress about, and complicate so much of our daily occurrences. If we were to, instead, take a deep breath, step back, and truly look at the entire picture, then focus on the solution, might not the best answer be the simplist one possible?

What about the phrase from One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish? "From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!"  No.  Joke.  From children, to pets, to random humans in the grocery or on the street, to the silly stupid jokes shared with those closest to you, there is almost always something out there to laugh at .... including yourself!

Another, would be from The Lorax, "It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become."  This one I believe to be true for both good and bad, positive and negative, truths and lies, and everything in-between.  Think about it.  All things are what they are, and are exactly what they are in the way that one sees, interprets, and applies them.  They begin as they exactly are, and become whatever we turn them into.  Ponder that one.

The quote that I deep down believe was a political statement (well hidden) is from The Cat In The Hat.  "And this mess is so big, and so deep and so tall, we cannot pick it up, there is no way at all!"  That one, politically, speaks for itself (in my opinion).

My personal favorite, that I tend to revert to like a mantra whenever I'm stressed out or hurt by other people in life is a quote that's not from one of his books.  It goes like this, "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready, you see.  Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"  Best.  Empowering.  Quote.  Ever.

There are literally THOUSANDS of quotes and passages from Dr. Suess's books and lifetime that would apply to my life, your life, and the life of everyone and everything on this planet in almost any situation or scenario.  Here is a link if you want to look at more of them: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/61105.Dr_Seuss

Until next time, try to remember as you go forward in your day the immortal, philosophical words "So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)"


~ The Girl In The LIttle Black Dress (with assistance from Dr. Seuss)

The Key To Happiness: Fact or Fiction?

There are literally thousands of articles, books, blogs, and quotes that claim to tell us what the "key to happiness" is.  Some are old, some new, some are based more in religious origins, and some are more based in adages or folktales.  They all give us different, yet similar words of wisdom.  So what exactly is this elusive key? Is it able to be found? Is it a constant for everyone?

I believe the answer is no.  No, it cannot be "found" like a lost article of clothing or a good luck trinket.  No, it is not a constant entity that is the same for everyone.  No, it is not one single simplistic word, or thought, or action, or way of doing things, or entity of any kind.  I have come to learn, that the key to happiness is within yourself.  An individual way of thinking, acting, and living that exists in each of us.  Allow me to elaborate.

Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a girl that honestly believed that if she did everything that everyone else wanted her to do in the exact way that made everyone else happy, she would be the best person she could be, and therefore, be happy herself.  Over a period of many years, she came to realize that just because someone else wanted things done a certain way, or thought that she should act or be a certain way, that was ultimately life as it should be lived according to that other person, not to her. In essence, she was making herself miserable, and losing the parts of herself that made her happy, by trying so desperately hard to make sure everyone else was happy and secure with how she handled everything in her life. Once she came to this realization, and began to do things in ways that worked for her, some of those close to her initially got their feelings hurt and many eventually faded out of her life, and, some of those that she thought were positive for her life turned out to be not so positive for her at all. There were a few, though, that even though they initially were confused or resisted the change, ultimately became the people who truly respected, understood, and are, to this day, her closest confidants and biggest supporters.  That change also opened her up to new people who loved and respected her for exactly who she was and how she chose to live.

The moral of the story is this ...... happiness is what works for each individual person.  There is no "key".  There is no one single path.  There is no magic potion or perfect way of acting or living.  It is simply being who you are and not allowing anyone or anything else, be it friend or foe, family or non, neither colleagues nor strangers, to have the power to control or change what is ultimately best for You.

Life is filled with combinations of stress and relaxation, happiness and sadness, joy and despair, hopeful moments and depressive moments.  That's the point.  Living each of them to the fullest makes us human.  Squelching our natural selves so that others are happy doesn't allow us to live those moments at all.  Our ability to be happy also changes in nature over time.  What worked when we were kids, or teenagers (did anything work when we were teenagers?!), changes.  Through each decade of life, and each stage of life, that which makes us most happy is in constant flux, yet, if we allow ourselves to simply be ourselves, it can absolutely be found within each of us, and happiness achieved.

I challenge everyone reading this blog to try at least one of these .... the next time you walk to the store or walk the dog, notice something new or different that you pass every 10 to 12 steps; the next time you go into a store of any kind, smile at someone for no reason at all or say "have a great day" to a total stranger; and notice the reactions in both yourself and the other person. The next time you feel stressed out, paint what you feel, or play with a pet, or knit a scarf in bright colors you wouldn't normally use, or plant a beautiful flower by your window.  Notice the beauty of the most simple things around you.  Do a yoga sun salutation each morning, or simply take your coffee cup with you outdoors, breathe in the air and look at what's surrounding you, wherever you may be. The smallest things can be the biggest triggers to finding your niche, so don't discount them.

Whatever works for You, is Your key to happiness.  It doesn't have to be complex, it's simply whatever brings a smile to your face, or a temporary quiet to your mind.  Find it and embrace it, whatever "it" may be.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Humanity of Give Versus Take

A neighbor of mine said the other day, "there are givers and takers in this world ... unfortunately, the givers usually end up getting screwed,"  I agree with him .. for the most part.

Those who are the "takers" spend their lives expecting everyone to do what they want, give in to their needs ... essentially bow to them and their every whim. They use multiple forms of persuasion, tactics that smack of under-handedness, and any con artist move they can, legal or non, to achieve whatever their ultimate goal is. It's actually a truly pitiful existence. To only be able to take without experiencing the joy of giving.

Those who are "givers" get the opportunity to experience and appreciate the smiles and pure joy on someone's face when they create a token of words or gifts or actions that require no return of actions or strings attached. They feel happy by doing such things. They don't need hurrahs or accolades, they just do these things for others because it should be done out of pure respect for humanity. They're content to do so, and don't think about "what's in it for them" in the process.

The "givers" versus the "takers". Most of us have a little of both in us.  While I truly believe that both Yin and Yang, light and darkness, is in each of us, and that one cannot exist without the other, I also believe that the "givers", regardless of getting trod upon, live happier lives than the "takers". While unfair pain may be experienced at times, the reward of life's little things, like a child's smile, a friend in need's hug, a loved one's kiss, the total body wagging of a pet greeting you just because you showed up, unexpected laughter, ultimate trust ... these are things that can never be truly known or appreciated by the "takers".

It's to be pitied, actually. The sad fact is that there are people out there who view themselves as so entitled, so above the echelon, so above reproach, that in their quest for the perfect life they end up living the lives that are more miserable than most. How sad is that?!

Gandhi said that "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean become dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Well said, Sir!  I pity those that can only take and not give, can only hurt and not help, can only think of themselves and not others. I truly believe, though, that that Yin, that light as opposed to dark is somewhere deep in all of us. Hopefully someday those people will find it in themselves and no longer wreak the havoc that creates a negative ripple effect doomed to surround them. Poor, misguided humans.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

There's No One Perfect Answer

Today a friend confided horrid news that's left her feeling broken and embarrassed and depressed. Same thing happened with another friend a few days ago, something happened that left her feeling hurt and helpless and worried. While the situations are different, the results are similar. It happens to all of us at some point. Something unfortunate or horrible happens due to the actions of others, and we're left to muddle through a myriad of terrible, self-recriminating emotions. Why do we ultimately allow others, no matter how close, to have such control over how we feel about ourselves?

I am one of the world's worst about this. I tend to turn around negative situations and blame myself immediately. I try not to, I attempt to think it through logically, reminding myself that I cannot control the actions of others, but it's just not that easy to move beyond the depression and self-hatred sometimes.

A wise person once told me that our Feelings in reaction to any situation are Never wrong. It's what we Do with those feelings, our Actions in response to them, that can be appropriate or inappropriate. I find that somehow comforting. It's okay to feel these horrible, uncomfortable emotions, but as long as we find a way to actively release them that works for us and doesn't cause additional stress to any innocent bystanders in the process, then there's no wrong way to go about it. Be it confiding in a friend who has a great shoulder to cry on, be it joining a support group or talking to a professional, be it painting, or exercise, or long walks, or rearranging the furniture in every room of the house .... there's no one correct way to release and move forward. It's whatever works for each individual.

I suppose it's all ultimately a healing process. Our feelings towards ourselves, our feelings towards those who caused our pain, how we ultimately find the strength, courage, fortitude, and forgiveness to move forward with our lives in a new direction that we might never have planned for. The point is, that we Move Forward. Some of the most beautiful things in life can eventually grow out of the muck, if we only allow them to do so.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Is That Light An Oncoming Train?

Over the past year or so I've had the opportunity to discover a number of things about myself & the universe in general.  I've also discovered that many adages people use to assist them with understanding life & situations are not necessarily as they seem. Humor me for a moment as I explain.....

"Bad things happen in threes". Not necessarily. First of all, if something you consider to be seriously unfortunate at the time occurs, but it ultimately leads to positive things in life & important lessons learned, then was it actually a "bad" thing in the first place? Additionally, if we walk around assuming that the "Threes Rule" is valid, then we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of multiple seemingly "bad" occurrences.... due in part because we're actively looking for them!

This line of thinking obviously plays directly into the "Everything happens for a reason" adage. That does not mean that we will always like, or enjoy, or appreciate the "reason", but the reason or lesson that needs to happen will eventually show itself.  We simply have to focus on moving forward to find it & utilize it instead of wallowing in doomsday self pity that additional unfortunate events are bound to occur simply because one or two did in the first place. 

I'll give you an example.  Many of you who read my blog know that I am in recovery from Anorexia Bulimia, which I have suffered from since my teens. In early 2012 I was cited for DUI at a checkpoint, even though I knew I had only had 2 beers prior to driving home. Had that not occurred I would not have been faced with the physical ramifications of my disease, mainly that my digestive system was shutting down & therefore unable to metabolize almost anything. Had I not been forced to face that fact, I would not have been hospitalized for ED treatment, I would not have begun the long road of recovery, which ultimately caused me to lose my job from being unable to work for too many months, which caused me to reassess through recovery & return to school where I'm now working toward a degree in something that utilizes my existing skills, passions, & background, that I'm fascinated by & that will ultimately help others in the process. Had that "bad thing" not occurred, I would still be miserable, unhealthy, & probably dead.  Not that everyday is easy & perfect, but I'm actively learning & now continuing to recover, which is the polar opposite of the life death spiral I was on before.  I realize that's an extremely simplistic version of a major ripple effect event, but viewing it in that manner helps me continue to attempt to stay on track toward positive things, as opposed to focusing on negative, dark places that could or could not occur because of it. 

Truthfully, this also leads directly into the adage "The universe will never give you more than you can handle".  Ultimately I believe that to be true, but that does not mean it feels that way while you're dealing with everything life throws at you! Looking back you may wonder, how on earth you pulled it off and came out standing, but we do actually end up handling that which is "thrown" at us. Focusing on moving forward, finding a way, & learning those lessons is the best any of us can do.

I'll leave you with a thought. The proverbial "Light at the end of the tunnel" that we all search for during difficult times ... it could be the opening on the other side to happier times & better things, it could be someone coming towards you with a lantern that assists you, or it could be an oncoming train. Your choices then become: exiting the tunnel, accepting the assistance to shed light on your path forward, rejecting the assistance & continuing to trudge through the dark, staying on the track & getting hit by the train, or jumping out of the way to keep moving forward.  It's up to each of us to choose.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Ripple Effect of Focus

Negativity is defined by Webster as the following: a : lacking positive qualities; especially : disagreeable  b : marked by features of hostility, withdrawal, or pessimism that hinder or oppose constructive treatment or development .  Doesn't sound that great, does it?  Synonyms for the word are adversarial, antagonistic, inhospitable, hostile, unfriendly, & unsympathetic.  None of these sound, or are, pleasant or happy or like anything we would actively want to align ourselves with in any way.  Yet, all of this seems to exist as a main focus in our attitudes and the world around us on a regular basis.  The media tends to focus on anything that will raise a ruckus or cause people to go up in arms, politics are a major offender with every moment filled by partisanship and pointing fingers, many people seem to use social media, such as Facebook & Twitter, as their constant personal venting diary ... why is it that the negative occurrences, the hostile actions, the pessimistic attitudes, and the unsympathetic thoughts are focused on so much more than the positive, kind, friendly ones?

If the media took even one day and focused on only the good deeds of random strangers, the daily positive actions of educators and first responders, the happy dreams realized of anyone who achieves them, instead of giving validity through sensationalism to criminals and the corrupt, what would we think throughout that day?  How might we act and react in daily situations or occurrences?  What might we be inspired to do that day?

If politicians took one week to do nothing but get face to face with those who they represent, and regardless of party affiliation or income level, sat down and truly listened to what's occurring and what's needed in those areas by the people who voted them into office, if they completely ignored party lines or anything driven by monetary gain and simply talked with their constituents and each other, how much would be accomplished?  No campaigning, no promises, just listening and honest conversation.  Would better goals be set that would be more reflective of what's actually needed in our communities?  Would the intention to follow through with those goals be more concrete and the results of those intentions be more effective due to the open, honest communication that only focused on the needs of those represented, and not partisanship or finger pointing?

If everyone who uses social media of any form made a pact to only post positive thoughts, happy occurrences, and non-judgmental opinions for even a day or two, what would we learn about those around us?  What attributes might we glean about others that we'd never realized before?  Would it inspire us?  Make us laugh?  Allow us to feel a bit of happiness with regards to the good fortune of someone else?

The thing about it is this, most of us tend to focus so constantly on that which is wrong, or stressful, or irritating, or depressing, that we can't see, and many times forget, that around us which is Good.  The moment of calming silence after a long tiring day, the sheerly happy smile of a baby or small child, the stranger that immediately assists with picking up the papers someone accidentally dropped, or the phone call from a friend that occurs at the exact moment you needed a friendly voice.  The hug from someone who loves you, the frenzied thrilled greeting from a pet upon your arrival home, the beautiful flower that somehow grew in a not beautiful place, or the feel of your favorite fuzzy blanket wrapped around you on a chilly day.  Happy conversations with friends, a compliment from a coworker, a gesture of goodwill given without thought of returning the favor.  These are the things that our days are made up of.  Even in the middle of stressful situations surrounding work, or school, or homelife, these things exist.  If we focused mainly on them, as opposed to that which upsets or brings us down, would our relationships change?  Would our outlooks and attitudes change?  What about our communities as a whole?

Just thoughts.  It may sound a bit Utopian, but as I sit here this morning, with sleet coming down outside & my entire day annoyingly rerouted and rearranged due to the weather, I think that I shall focus on the fact that the cinnamon spice coffee I'm brewing makes my place smell yummy, and there's a list of things I've been procrastinating about that I can now get done instead of having to rush out, and that an evening snuggled in front of the fireplace watching movies that make me laugh is a splendid thing to look forward to.  Life.  It really can be so much happier if we simply do a bit of adjusting from concentrating on the negative moments, to focusing on the positive ones.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Seussical Outlooks

I love Dr. Seuss.  I realize that his rollicking rhymes are not for everyone over the age of 10, but I happen to be one of those overgrown kids that continues to find humor and enlightenment in his work.  There's so much real life knowledge & thoughtfulness that's hidden behind the facade of those children's rhymes.  Life is full of complicated questions, that we, as adults, tend to make even more complicated if only by our past precedents throughout life (colloquially known as "baggage").  Most things do not have to be as complicated as we make them, yet we continue to overthink and apply every school of thought imaginable in an effort to make "informed decisions".  It has begun to be more and more clear to me personally, that decisions are much better made without a perusal through every possible option or past precedent imaginable.  What if we all applied a Dr. Seuss mentality to our decisions for just one day?  Think about it ....

"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" - outlooks and reactions to life and its constant situational craziness would be so much more positive ...

"A person's a person, no matter how small" - no matter how small, or what gender, or what color, or what belief system, talk about erasing incredible amounts of "human-phobias" of all forms .....

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere" - that they are, and if we look at them and appreciate the absurdity of them, we all might be a bit more tolerant and a lot less angry ...

"He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man" - all forms of recovery, from grief and loss to addictions to disorders of any and every kind benefit from this one, I personally should remind myself of it daily, and subjecting ourselves to being any less than human simply isn't fair .....

"Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered" - if this is the day I will be remembered by, then I sure want it to be a day where I did as many positive things as possible .....

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some come from ahead some come from behind, but I've bought a big bat I'm all ready you see, now my troubles are going to have troubles with me" - I'd like to think of the "big bat" as theoretical, not violent actual, but you get the picture, letting the troubles take over, instead of the alternative, leads life down a much less positive, sadder road than what it could be if that "big bat" gets used on them ...

... AND FINALLY ...

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple" - think of how much easier life would be if we focused on the simplicity of the answers instead of the complications of the questions!  Take it back to the "baggage" I referenced at the beginning of this post.  Discontinuation of utilizing said "baggage" as our main focus would make life so much simpler, so much easier, so much happier and forward thinking!  Not trying to be Pollyanna, but seriously. 
I hope that everyone reading this goes forward in their day with a little brighter outlook and a bit more "Seussical" mindset! :)


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Facets of Complication

Complicated.  The word encompasses so many areas of life.  From description of WHO we individually are, to HOW we individually act and react, to circumstances in general.  Looking inside yourself, however, is the most complicated thing of all.  Why do I do the things that I do?  Why do I make the decisions that I make?  Why do I react the way that I react?  Why do I act the way that I act?  Talk about complicated ...... the most complicated of all, however, seems to be the understanding and melding of different ideologies, actions, reactions, and ways of dealing with situations in a relationship.  Take two humans who share a romantic passionate connection, then attempt to achieve understanding from each to the other of how that person thinks, acts and reacts in any given situation, and have each accept the differences without getting their own feelings hurt in some way .... equals in complicated WORK from both parties.

Why are relationships so much work?

In truth, we can think that we are making every effort to be upfront, honest, flexible and understanding in any relationship, but if the other party communicates and/or thinks in a different way, they may not feel that we are putting forth any effort at all.  The delicate balance between what we think and feel we're putting forth regarding effort vs. what someone else thinks or feels we or they are putting forth, vs. the overarching looking at the equation from the outside .... well, things are never quite what they seem in our own heads.  While relationships of all types do require effort, I'm learning that the most important part of that is that all parties put in the effort and that it is recognized by all parties involved.  If it's not recognized that the effort is being made on all fronts ... well, let's just say that it's a recipe for hurt feelings and relationship disaster on every front.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Positive Notes from the Rollercoaster

Sometimes things turn out better than they would originally seem.  Sometimes, even when you feel like the entire world is a sad, lost cause & that the best parts of your life are railing against you, occasionally, things turn themselves around via efforts that you didn't realize were noticed, and become absolutely fabulous.

I'm not going to go into specifics, but let's just say that the past 48 hours have been quite the rollercoaster ride.  But just like a rollercoaster, with drops that take your heart and breath away, paired with climbs to heights that are breathtakingly beautiful, eventually the ride slows down so you can catch your breath, look at the person in the seat beside you, & achieve the realization that the calmness after the adrenaline rush is an unequivocally beautiful thing.  Right now, I'm sitting beside a beautiful fire by candlelight, after an almost perfect day of friends, family, children, happy wishes and notes from so many I care about, and magical moments with someone incredibly important and dear to me.  Life may not be easy, or perfect every moment, but its ups and downs that sometimes resemble that death defying rollercoaster, do make the moments that are happy and wonderful and fulfilling so much more beyond words gratifingly phenomenal.  Even the tearful moments create a deep appreciation for the happy possibilities when they occur. 
Sometimes things turn out better than they would originally seem.  I don't think I would change one thing.  :)

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Happy Birthday to Me! :)
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Learning to Dance in the Rain

There's a saying that I've been thinking of lately: "Life isn't just about learning to weather the storms.  It's about learning to dance in the rain."  The more I think about that adage, the more it seems to make sense. The general advice given by well-meaning friends and family to someone going through rough times is to "stay strong", or "chin up", or "nothing lasts forever".  They want us to be the happy, positive person that they know we can be, as opposed to the sad, depressed, upset, wallowing mess that we become under intense circumstancial duress.

There's a scene in the movie Forrest Gump where the character Lieutenant Dan is in the crow's nest of the shrimp boat during a hurricane.  He's screaming at the storm, laughing at the storm, defying the intensity of the storm that would cause most of us to run for cover or cower in fear.  Now that may not be "dancing in the rain" ala Gene Kelly, but in my book it's similar.  Dancing seems to be a subjective verb that's open to interpretation.

Sometimes the "storms" in life aren't so much huge hurricanes that arrive, end, and leave us to make sense of the levels of perceived disaster left in their wake.  Sometimes the "storms" are seemingly constant squalls that feel like they're beginning to let up & give us some peace, but then another one hits, and another, and another, so that it doesn't ever seem that we're given a chance to truly breathe and move beyond the pain of the ones before.  To truly begin to enjoy that sunshine and calm that happens after an intense storm.  In the movie, Forrest and Lieutenant Dan are catapulted into a successful business thanks to that hurricane and their tenacity in not going back to port to hide from it.  It's not so simple to find the proverbial rainbow after the weathering of, or "dancing" in the rain of all of life's storms.  When it seems that everytime you find the strength to begin to get back up and put a smile on your face to handle life, another one hits to knock you back to your knees .... well, those rainbows don't appear through the clouds in a very apparent fashion. 

The thing about it is, all of those moments of circumstancial duress are not always random storms that appear and wreak havoc without our input.  Ultimately, our own decisions bring us to find almost every so-called storm.  Some of them are simply life passage storms, like the death of someone we chose to love, the breakup of a relationship we chose to be in, the leaving home of a child we chose to have.  Those seem intensely sad while going through, but the rainbows afterwards are easy to discern when we eventually look for them.  Some of them are more definitively our own doing in bringing the onset of, like financial issues or legal trouble.  Some of them, while ultimately tracing back to decisions we've made, aren't as easy to admit they're at least partially of our own making, like recovering from various diseases or addictions or injuries ..... so the "dancing" could really be confronting and embracing the pain in whatever form.  Not just cowering from it or attempting to ignore it until it's buried so deep it feels like it's gone, but truly facing it head on and embracing its existence so that it can ultimately be understood and moved beyond.  Dancing in the rain, embracing the rain, understanding the rain, accepting the rain ...... moving beyond the rain.  Synonyms?  Maybe if we didn't pigeonhole the verb dancing, the rainbows, or at least a bit of sunshine, would be easier to find in life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Landscape Qualities

Hello Everyone!  Apologies for the long absence .... I've been working on getting my head screwed on straight, so to speak.  Still working through it, so I thought I'd begin back with a journal writing from the past few months .... more to follow!

The Hole
Arizona has fascinating landscape qualities.  Where, in North Carolina, there are mountains with trees and forests and fauna of a myriad of colors surrounded by shades of green of every hue, in Arizona there's dark red deserts peppered with random scraggly but strangely beautiful shubbery and cacti and large rock formations in shades of adobe and gray that don't seem to be joined together in any formal pattern, but simply appear throughout the aforementioned landscape as far as the eye can see.  We went to "climb" one of those rock formations called "The Hole".
The Hole is about as wide as a pair of houses, and as tall as a castle, with scattered, cavelike indentations and one single oblong opening at the top that tunnels from front to back.  As the whole thing is located on a bit of a hill, one can see all the way from Tempe to Phoenix when standing on top of it.  What struck me most was not the view, though it was quite beautiful.  The trail itself is what got me pondering ....
Everyone in our group began the journey to the top via a basic trail through the sea of red sandy dirt and pebbles circling the base, then up a rock stairway which was obviously man-made, but designed to at least pretend to blend into its surroundings.  Once at the top, one could go straight across through "the hole" to view the sights, or to the far left to climb around, or continue trail options to the right, which eventually would lead back around the face and down again to the starting point.  At first we all went straight through to stand in "the hole" on the front face of the rock.  To ooh and ahh and marvel and take photographs with about 20 other random strangers from all walks of life that happened to be there that day too.  Everyone split off in their chosen direction after that.  Some simply followed the wide path back down and around the formation.  A few circled it back up, as before, then followed it down with mild variations again.  One scaled the face to the very top and found climbing footholds to descend to the trail below.  I chose to take every alternative the trail down offered.  This took me back up and over the side of the formation, through a lovely yet partially hidden tunnel in the rock, scale back up a quarter of the face, then journey back down to the path's intended end via gulley-like openings.  Eventually, we all made it back down to the beginning, no matter which path we chose.  None of them were particularly gruelling or difficult, not compared to other trails I've hiked in North Carolina anyway, but the point is that we all made it back to our appointed location in our own way.
I guess life is a little bit like that rock trail.  We all begin life in essentially the same way, on the same initial path.  We all take those societally-created stairs to the initial stopping point and take a moment, no matter how brief, to survey our surroundings.  Then we decide, we choose, we join forces with others, we follow, or we simply wander aimlessly until it's time to make our way back to the starting point.  Some go the wide trail direct route, some go back the route they know from the way they came.  Some choose the treacherous climb up and over, some take that wide trail but circle it back again to reexperience.  Myself, I chose to wander through every available alternative trail of ups and downs, rocks and tunnels, scaggly bushes, odd trail formations that may not have actually been trails at all, mildly sloped climbs and dried out gulleys, to eventually reach that same spot with everyone else, but on my own in a roundabout fashion.  What do these path choices say about how we make decisions?  Life choices?  Confront issues?  Find happiness or solace?  Could my choice of solitary wandering trails on that rock be indicative of my life and how I've lived it to this point?  The more random and slightly difficult path did introduce me to images of natural beauty that I could have missed had I chosen the wide direct trails, affirmation of a level of strength and balance via climbing up and down unmarked areas, and most importantly, the fact that no matter what crazy random direction I advertently or inadvertently took, there is always some way for one to find the way back down to where you're supposed to be.  Just goes to show, there's no one right way, no one path for everyone.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Politics .. Are They? Or Aren't They?

Politics are everywhere ... even if you don't think they're involved,  rest assured,  in some form they are.  From managing how we respond to the mundane daily nonsense with the hierarchy of the office, to schools, to church groups, even to some conversations with friends, politics in some form come into play.  Think about it.  When is the last time any of us stopped short of saying what we originally wanted to say because we were in the middle of the office cubicles where the boss / a manager / HR / the gossipy co-worker might overhear?  Or because we were in that same situation at a party or in a restaurant or at a group gathering where the gossipy acquaintance or the wrong set of ears might hear it, misunderstand, and tell a dear friend and twist the meaning?  What about when we get news or information from a friend that, in their defense, is only attempting to be a good friend by giving us said information, but we knee jerk react with our response and afterwards wish we'd been more "politically correct" and thought through to "edit" our response?  What about the times we overhear a bit of information out of context and make a snide remark to ourselves without regard for who's in hearing distance, or, repeat what we heard while drawing our own conclusions?  In most areas, we edit those responses, those thoughts, those words emitting from our beings in an effort to fit in, or to avoid angering or offending those in our midst, or, wish we could take back or alter how or what we said at the time.  In the latter, hindsight becomes 20/20.

Ergo, politics are everywhere.  From the basic nepotism that gets someone a job because they "know" the right people to get them in the door for the coveted interview, to the aforementioned examples.  None of us appreciate it, many of us downright dislike it, the majority of us participate in it.  Most of the examples would make a superb sequel to the book Everything I Need To Know, I Learned In Kindergarten, entitiled Everything I Need To Know, I Learned In High School. 

Personally, it makes me wonder why we're surprised that Congress can't get anything completely accomplished without a bunch of subterfuge!  Seriously, we've got a bunch of people in office that have made what's supposed to be a position that's representative of their area neighbors' wants and needs, a position that's reprsentative of the highest bidder in their area.  You combine that with any President, who, we would hope goes into vying for the job with the nation's best interests at heart, but inevitably ends up playing The Political Game with everybody and their brother just to get a 24 pack of toilet paper onto the operating budget .... well, you get the picture.

That's not saying that many people from every walk of life don't actively attempt to greet every day with a positive output.  There are those who strive to make the world around them a better place on a daily basis.  To treat others how they would wish to be treated themselves.  Even these enlightened individuals engage in some form of politics on some level at some point.

What if the world were without all the politics?  What if, every single waking moment of every single day was without judgement, without subterfuge, without an ultimate agenda?  What if everytime everyone opened their mouths it was completely and totally honest without regard for repercussions?  That'd be a heck of a different world ....

Hmmmmmm .............

Yeah, right.  Like that's gonna happen!  Human nature is, by nature, human nature after all, and a Pollyanna view of society only gets you hurt in the end unless the person you're dealing with is the Dahli Lama or Mother Teresa.  Even Elle Woods had an agenda at heart.  I guess the question then becomes, "Do the ENDS justify the MEANS"?  Things to think about ... in every situation.

~The Girl In The Little Black Dress