Clarity Through The Dust Storms of Life

Life is a proverbial whirlwind. Sometimes you're at the edge of it, floating in the circling breeze. Sometimes you're in the center of it, swirling so fast you don't know which direction is which, and some moments are simply somewhere in between. Dust and debris from the rapid winds can cloud your vision and your senses, so densely at certain points that it feels difficult to breathe. All you can do is keep trying to ride the cyclonic winds out until you reach that floating edge again.

A dear friend of mine has recently been experiencing the center winds of her own cyclonic storm, yet found a way to see past all the dust and debris. She's allowing me to share her experiences, and epiphanies, via her own words.

"Things I've learned being with my daughter (way too many times, and way too long) in the hospital :

1. The little prince was right. It is not with the eye one sees, but with the heart. Differences in nationality, mother tongue, religion, exterior looks, and age are completly insignificant. It is your smile, your kindness (or the lack of it), your approach towards others and essentially, your heart, which really matter. My daughter made friends of every single type. Muslims, Christians, handicapped - all these made no difference to her. I wish I could say the same for myself. As the song in Pocahontas goes- it's the colour of your heart that matters.
On a side note - I was sitting outside one day, when a young mother came and sat not far from me with her toddler in a wheelchair. He was completly maldeformed, reminding me of the hunchback of Notredam. Interestingly, contrary to my natural instinct to feel the need to flee, I looked him in the eyes. It was truly amazing. It took 2 seconds for me to fall for him. See, his eyes said it all - he was just a boy. A little boy, seeking love and joy, just as all little boys seek and are equally entitled to find and have. And I wished for him, tears clouding my eyes, that when he encounters people, it is his eyes that they see, not the shell he is trapped in...

2. We are all the same (on the same note as #1, only from a grown up's perspective). We may be lawyers, business people, doctors, dancers or unemployment collectors. Educated, uneducated, classy or skanky - we all become equally helpless when our children's health is poor. We all love our kids more than anything else, and we'd all give everything we had to spare our children the suffering they're under going. We are all parents.

3. I have learned from my daughter about courage and strength. About happiness. And about true love.
Courage and strength - Undergoing poking, pricking, tubing, bleeding, probing and drugging, she has gone through all these things with so much patience, grace, strength and courage. Many a time, I have found myself cringing, crying, or feeling pain for things she had to undergo, when she did none of the above. It was almost as though it all just passed by her, not through her. It was almost as though she understood these things had to happen for her own good, and that was it. No self pity. Just take it all head on.
Happiness - It is sometimes the small things that matter. She could be poked a million times, but the sight of soap bubbles blown at her was all it took to get the biggest, most beautiful and radiant smile on her face. She could have a needle in her hand and be connected to wires, but that wasn't going to dampen the joy of going down a slide. I wish I remembered to appreciate things the way she does.
True love - I almost felt unworthy, when after every dreadful, tearful treatment she had to go through, all she needed was the comfort and safety of my arms to calm her down. Not candy, or a bottle, or anything else. The feeling of closeness to her favourite person was all it took. I hope to one day live up to, and maybe become, the person she sees when she looks at me.

5. Blessings - We all have problems. All of us. All sorts of different problems. There's an old Chinese saying, that if all the people of the world were to gather round and throw their problems in a pile, free to then pick from the pile whichever problem they like, they'd end up picking their own. My life is not simple. Not even a bit. However, seeing certain things in the hospital has totally gotten me thanking God for my problems. See, somehow, I think I can handle mine. No chance I'd be able to deal with some of the things I was faced with, and exposed to in this hospital.

6. Home - no matter how intense, insane, or stressful home may be, there really is no place like home. And my bed, which I so badly miss...

I truly feel blessed, having children. I feel I have so much to learn from them. I just hope, once this is all over and we're back to our regular crazy, insane routine, I will still be able to see things as clearly as I do on this long endless night in the hospital."

As adults, we tend to let the whirling, swirling, dust filled winds of life clog our eyes, senses, and outlooks. Yet, as children, the sight of bubbles or balloons, or the simple joy of sliding on a playground or finding a new friend of any kind could immediately erase the blinding dust storms of life. Maybe as adults, all we really need is a different kind of goggles.

Lessons to ponder.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Family ... In Every Form

Family. Amost everyone has one in some form. Be it by blood, or by marriage, or by choice, they exist in all of our lives. They're wonderful yet irking, supportive yet judging, have the ability to induce happiness yet can be completely maddening, all at the same time. It's quite the dichotomy.

I'm fortunate. I have a "blood family" that may drive me crazy upon occasion, but is ultimately truly wonderful, loving, and caring. Who may not always understand or agree, but does in fact accept me for the awkward enigma that I am. I also am lucky enough to to have a "chosen family" of friends so close that they can actually read my facial expressions and know me well enough to sense when I'm attempting to fake off negative emotions or reactions to life events.

Not everyone is as fortunate as I am. I have friends and acquaintances whose "blood family" is so different minded from them that an impass has been reached & they no longer speak or acknowledge each other. There are others whose families do not respect their family members' life choices to the point that they refuse to interact with them, unless those they disagree with develop the same mindset as those people precipitating the judging. There are some people out there with no family to speak of, that isolate themselves and attempt to navigate life on their own without physical or emotional support. Those are sad, unfortunate circumstances.

Which brings me to my point .... if we don't support those we're supposed to love or are destined to care for, how can we lead happy lives? Why is it so necessary that everyone live their life & think exactly alike? If Einstein or Monet or Edison or Gandhi had succumbed to the pressure of what everyone else thought, would the world be a better place today? Or would we stilll be living in medieval style times where the earth was considered flat and our planet was the center of the universe? Is it so farfetched to think or hope & expect that keeping an open mind, an open heart, and allowing others to be exactly who they are is a bad thing? Wasn't it one of the few major non secular, prophetic entities, who happens to be recognized by almost every major religion on this planet, that said "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,"?

Family. Whether you believe in evolution or religious beginnings or a combination of the two, we are All ultimately Family. Accept. Respect. Honor. Love. Tolerate. Appreciate. You just might look back and regret it if you don't.  Just my two cents.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Gaff of an Unrepentant Bully

http://www.npr.org/2012/11/05/164342230/a-special-olympian-on-pundits-use-of-the-r-word

I listened to the above piece on NPR today, and had to share it. John Franklin Stephens is an intelligent individual, that has accomplished more thus far in his life than many so-called "normal" people I know, regardless of the fact that he happens to have Down syndrome. 
 
Ann Coulter should be ashamed of herself. I'd like to see her overcome half of what many people with special needs overcome and successfully accomplish every day.  The additional fact that she feels she has no need to apologize for her gaff is inexcusable.  The use of harsh, ugly, discriminatory language, when there are a variety of other words and phrases she could have utilized to get her point across, only makes Ms. Coulter appear to be a horrible form of cyber-bully, and points to her own lack of intelligence.  Freedom of speech does not warrant a blantant lack of manners and empathy.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Seussical Outlooks

I love Dr. Seuss.  I realize that his rollicking rhymes are not for everyone over the age of 10, but I happen to be one of those overgrown kids that continues to find humor and enlightenment in his work.  There's so much real life knowledge & thoughtfulness that's hidden behind the facade of those children's rhymes.  Life is full of complicated questions, that we, as adults, tend to make even more complicated if only by our past precedents throughout life (colloquially known as "baggage").  Most things do not have to be as complicated as we make them, yet we continue to overthink and apply every school of thought imaginable in an effort to make "informed decisions".  It has begun to be more and more clear to me personally, that decisions are much better made without a perusal through every possible option or past precedent imaginable.  What if we all applied a Dr. Seuss mentality to our decisions for just one day?  Think about it ....

"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" - outlooks and reactions to life and its constant situational craziness would be so much more positive ...

"A person's a person, no matter how small" - no matter how small, or what gender, or what color, or what belief system, talk about erasing incredible amounts of "human-phobias" of all forms .....

"From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere" - that they are, and if we look at them and appreciate the absurdity of them, we all might be a bit more tolerant and a lot less angry ...

"He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man" - all forms of recovery, from grief and loss to addictions to disorders of any and every kind benefit from this one, I personally should remind myself of it daily, and subjecting ourselves to being any less than human simply isn't fair .....

"Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered" - if this is the day I will be remembered by, then I sure want it to be a day where I did as many positive things as possible .....

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some come from ahead some come from behind, but I've bought a big bat I'm all ready you see, now my troubles are going to have troubles with me" - I'd like to think of the "big bat" as theoretical, not violent actual, but you get the picture, letting the troubles take over, instead of the alternative, leads life down a much less positive, sadder road than what it could be if that "big bat" gets used on them ...

... AND FINALLY ...

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple" - think of how much easier life would be if we focused on the simplicity of the answers instead of the complications of the questions!  Take it back to the "baggage" I referenced at the beginning of this post.  Discontinuation of utilizing said "baggage" as our main focus would make life so much simpler, so much easier, so much happier and forward thinking!  Not trying to be Pollyanna, but seriously. 
I hope that everyone reading this goes forward in their day with a little brighter outlook and a bit more "Seussical" mindset! :)


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Facets of Complication

Complicated.  The word encompasses so many areas of life.  From description of WHO we individually are, to HOW we individually act and react, to circumstances in general.  Looking inside yourself, however, is the most complicated thing of all.  Why do I do the things that I do?  Why do I make the decisions that I make?  Why do I react the way that I react?  Why do I act the way that I act?  Talk about complicated ...... the most complicated of all, however, seems to be the understanding and melding of different ideologies, actions, reactions, and ways of dealing with situations in a relationship.  Take two humans who share a romantic passionate connection, then attempt to achieve understanding from each to the other of how that person thinks, acts and reacts in any given situation, and have each accept the differences without getting their own feelings hurt in some way .... equals in complicated WORK from both parties.

Why are relationships so much work?

In truth, we can think that we are making every effort to be upfront, honest, flexible and understanding in any relationship, but if the other party communicates and/or thinks in a different way, they may not feel that we are putting forth any effort at all.  The delicate balance between what we think and feel we're putting forth regarding effort vs. what someone else thinks or feels we or they are putting forth, vs. the overarching looking at the equation from the outside .... well, things are never quite what they seem in our own heads.  While relationships of all types do require effort, I'm learning that the most important part of that is that all parties put in the effort and that it is recognized by all parties involved.  If it's not recognized that the effort is being made on all fronts ... well, let's just say that it's a recipe for hurt feelings and relationship disaster on every front.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Positive Notes from the Rollercoaster

Sometimes things turn out better than they would originally seem.  Sometimes, even when you feel like the entire world is a sad, lost cause & that the best parts of your life are railing against you, occasionally, things turn themselves around via efforts that you didn't realize were noticed, and become absolutely fabulous.

I'm not going to go into specifics, but let's just say that the past 48 hours have been quite the rollercoaster ride.  But just like a rollercoaster, with drops that take your heart and breath away, paired with climbs to heights that are breathtakingly beautiful, eventually the ride slows down so you can catch your breath, look at the person in the seat beside you, & achieve the realization that the calmness after the adrenaline rush is an unequivocally beautiful thing.  Right now, I'm sitting beside a beautiful fire by candlelight, after an almost perfect day of friends, family, children, happy wishes and notes from so many I care about, and magical moments with someone incredibly important and dear to me.  Life may not be easy, or perfect every moment, but its ups and downs that sometimes resemble that death defying rollercoaster, do make the moments that are happy and wonderful and fulfilling so much more beyond words gratifingly phenomenal.  Even the tearful moments create a deep appreciation for the happy possibilities when they occur. 
Sometimes things turn out better than they would originally seem.  I don't think I would change one thing.  :)

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Happy Birthday to Me! :)
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Landscape Qualities

Hello Everyone!  Apologies for the long absence .... I've been working on getting my head screwed on straight, so to speak.  Still working through it, so I thought I'd begin back with a journal writing from the past few months .... more to follow!

The Hole
Arizona has fascinating landscape qualities.  Where, in North Carolina, there are mountains with trees and forests and fauna of a myriad of colors surrounded by shades of green of every hue, in Arizona there's dark red deserts peppered with random scraggly but strangely beautiful shubbery and cacti and large rock formations in shades of adobe and gray that don't seem to be joined together in any formal pattern, but simply appear throughout the aforementioned landscape as far as the eye can see.  We went to "climb" one of those rock formations called "The Hole".
The Hole is about as wide as a pair of houses, and as tall as a castle, with scattered, cavelike indentations and one single oblong opening at the top that tunnels from front to back.  As the whole thing is located on a bit of a hill, one can see all the way from Tempe to Phoenix when standing on top of it.  What struck me most was not the view, though it was quite beautiful.  The trail itself is what got me pondering ....
Everyone in our group began the journey to the top via a basic trail through the sea of red sandy dirt and pebbles circling the base, then up a rock stairway which was obviously man-made, but designed to at least pretend to blend into its surroundings.  Once at the top, one could go straight across through "the hole" to view the sights, or to the far left to climb around, or continue trail options to the right, which eventually would lead back around the face and down again to the starting point.  At first we all went straight through to stand in "the hole" on the front face of the rock.  To ooh and ahh and marvel and take photographs with about 20 other random strangers from all walks of life that happened to be there that day too.  Everyone split off in their chosen direction after that.  Some simply followed the wide path back down and around the formation.  A few circled it back up, as before, then followed it down with mild variations again.  One scaled the face to the very top and found climbing footholds to descend to the trail below.  I chose to take every alternative the trail down offered.  This took me back up and over the side of the formation, through a lovely yet partially hidden tunnel in the rock, scale back up a quarter of the face, then journey back down to the path's intended end via gulley-like openings.  Eventually, we all made it back down to the beginning, no matter which path we chose.  None of them were particularly gruelling or difficult, not compared to other trails I've hiked in North Carolina anyway, but the point is that we all made it back to our appointed location in our own way.
I guess life is a little bit like that rock trail.  We all begin life in essentially the same way, on the same initial path.  We all take those societally-created stairs to the initial stopping point and take a moment, no matter how brief, to survey our surroundings.  Then we decide, we choose, we join forces with others, we follow, or we simply wander aimlessly until it's time to make our way back to the starting point.  Some go the wide trail direct route, some go back the route they know from the way they came.  Some choose the treacherous climb up and over, some take that wide trail but circle it back again to reexperience.  Myself, I chose to wander through every available alternative trail of ups and downs, rocks and tunnels, scaggly bushes, odd trail formations that may not have actually been trails at all, mildly sloped climbs and dried out gulleys, to eventually reach that same spot with everyone else, but on my own in a roundabout fashion.  What do these path choices say about how we make decisions?  Life choices?  Confront issues?  Find happiness or solace?  Could my choice of solitary wandering trails on that rock be indicative of my life and how I've lived it to this point?  The more random and slightly difficult path did introduce me to images of natural beauty that I could have missed had I chosen the wide direct trails, affirmation of a level of strength and balance via climbing up and down unmarked areas, and most importantly, the fact that no matter what crazy random direction I advertently or inadvertently took, there is always some way for one to find the way back down to where you're supposed to be.  Just goes to show, there's no one right way, no one path for everyone.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Protections Of An Actual Democracy

There are some people who need to take a good, long, difficult look at themselves and their own lives, before they open their mouths to speak. 

The catalyst behind this particular post is a certain Republican spout-off, whom I shall not name (except for in the tags).  Let's start with a fact that I've stated before, we live in a country where everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinion and may vocalize it without fear of repercussion.  That applies to you, to me, to this particular person of whom I speak.  However, to throw out opinions as facts, into the media, when no research into the issue other than one's own side has obviously been explored, is ... overstepping at best.  In this particular case, someone who has spent his career accusing and ostracizing others, while, in many cases, doing the exact same thing that he speaks out against himself .... Seriously, those who live in glass houses...

The following are my thoughts on the subject.  Again, they're My Thoughts, which I'm allowed to voice and am afforded that right under the same Constitution that allows the human I speak of to voice his!

If you're going to declare hard-line right wing family values and call someone a "slut" for using birth control, don't have 3 divorces, cheat on your wives, & live in seperate houses while you're married.

If you're going to talk about the "poverty line" as something you understand, you probably shouldn't have grown up in a well-off politically-endowed midwestern family, and make $45M per year.

If you're going to spout un-ending hardline support for the military through a voice that's emphatically against anything non-military, you shouldn't have used a loophole to stay out of the draft when your number came up during the Vietnam War.

If you're going to damn anyone who suffers with an addiction, you shouldn't have been addicted to prescription drugs and busted for illegally purchasing them yourself.

Basically it boils down to this, everyone is absolutely, unequivocably entitled to voice their own opinion, but if you're going to voice it, then it's better to be able to back it up with your own life, or at least be sensitive to the other side (that you may have been on). 
Actions  Speak  Louder  Than  Words.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Societal Facets and Differing Viewpoints

I'm scrolling through the news of the day on Google, and after reading a number of articles two things occur to me ... 1. we are incredibly lucky to live in a society that allows and publishes voices of every opinion, and 2. there are alot of people, companies, and causes out there that allow politics and gossip to permeate their existence when they shouldn't.

Take the current situation of the Susan G. Komen foundation.  Here is this organization whose focus is supposed to be about ultimately eradicating breast cancer through research, prevention & treatment.  Unfortunately they appear to have allowed the voices of the right-wing pro-life AND the left-wing pro-choice to cause them to waive on their ultimate goal.  You can align yourself with either side of the pro-life/pro-choice equation, but everyone agrees that breast cancer is a disease that should be fought on every front.  Many organizations that do great things via providing needed prevention screening, treatment, and even research, have other areas of women's health that they also support that may be more controversial.  That does not mean that the Komen foundation should focus on anything but the area that they're providing the funding for ... the prevention of breast cancer for all women.  Politics was not the reason they began this organization, and it shouldn't now become a part of their decision making process for any reason as it causes the mission of their organization to become blurred.  Stay the course, people!

Example number two: the Obama Administration's fight to have all companies and organizations that offer health insurance to their employees cover contraception, regardless of their religious backing.  Before anyone gets up in arms over this one, let's look at the logical facts.  The First Amendment of the US Constitution states "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."  Granted, there's quite a bit of room for interpretation in the wording, but ultimately it boils down to a simple point: government needs to not attempt to control religion, and religion needs to not attempt to control government.  Besides, the government controlled healthcare plan that is open to everyone will be covering contraception.  Why should a religious organization be forced to go against their beliefs by the government, if that same government will ultimately be handling the part that makes them so uncomfortable in the first place?  Seriously, live and let live, and stay out of each others' sh*t!

Another example ... the group One Million Moms getting fired up over J.C.Penny's continued backing of Ellen DeGeneres as their national spokeswoman.  To be honest, I don't really understand how an acclaimed comedian/actress/talk show host would be able to sway or change someone's family values by representing a store that sells clothing, cosmetics and household goods .......... seems a ridiculous waste of perfectly good energy that could be used towards actual issues like the treatement and prevention of juvenile diabetes, or bettering the level of education in this country, or combatting human trafficking.  This is a woman who brings laughter to millions, and supports countless charities and worthwhile causes with not only donations but by giving her voice and time as well, and, while there are some who have issues with same-sex relationships, it should be pointed out that she and her partner are married, committed and monogamous, and have been so for far longer than many heterosexual relationships last in this day and age.  Still don't see what any of this has to do with clothing ....

Back to the original point ... it's truly a wonderful thing to live in a society where, no matter what your opinion, you can be heard.  It should also be remembered that the variety of opinions and viewpoints are what makes all of this worthwhile.  The world would be an awfully boring, flat, uninteresting, unintelligent place if everyone thought, looked and acted exactly the same as everyone else.  There would be no original ideas, no creativity, no passion for anything as it would all be the same as everywhere else.  Just because someone else's voice is different than your own, or their politics are different than your own, doesn't mean that their voice and thoughts aren't valid points that should be respected for the added societal facets they bring to the table.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress