Domino and Her Kittens .. Lessons Learned

Our kitten had kittens the other night.  I realize this sounds weird. I shall elaborate.

A little stray black kitten that "adopted" us back in early December, ended up pregnant, so we discovered 4 weeks ago. She was so tiny, it was hardly possible that she could be pregnant, but nature has a funny way of proving you wrong. Lo and behold, five tiny beings were added to our household 4 nights ago. We have now gone into the realm of "mommy knows best".

When Domino went into labor, she hopped onto our bed & trusted us throughout the experience. After she had rested a few hours with her newborn kittens, we moved her & her babies into another room, into the comfort of a blanket lined basket. Domino decided, much to the chagrin of my loving boyfriend, that she should move her babies under the bed. Initially we didn't realize it was her decision. As with all groups of small children, there is always the rouge wanderer, and as it was the kitten that had been attempting to go explore since birth, we thought that the kitten had wandered off under the bed. Nope! Domino felt safer with all her children hidden under that bed. I slid a blanket onto the floor under the bed yesterday & she happily moved them onto it. We baby-gated the doorway so our other animals can't get in the room, and now she comes and goes as she sees fit when her babies are sleeping. Earlier today I watched the kittens under the bed ... a small pile of little squirming beings that randomly threw tiny legs upward and mewed ... cutest, best entertainment ever!

Regardless of what we think is best for Domino's kittens, most of which stems from our narcissistic need to view and play with them, Domino knows what is best for her family. Mommies always do. We, the viewing public, may not agree with it because of our own thoughts and wants, but who are we to argue? Soon, very soon, the kittens will open their eyes, gain control of their limbs, and go off exploring throughout the house. Their mother's ideas of safety will no longer be part of the equation. Yet during the time of their tiny, blind-eyed childhood, her protection is the difference between their life and death .. so to speak.

Kittens and humans are definitely different in timelines and needs, but the basis is very similar. Children need their mommies & the love, support, & nourishment, in both philosophical and physical areas, that their mothers give them, until those same children are mature enough to leave the nest. Regardless of what anyone else thinks those kids should have or experience, their mother's love & protection is necessary for a child's success in life going forward. It may be considered far-reaching in some cases, but society should keep that fact in mind. Not everything is about what other people think should or should not be.

Thoughts for pondering.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Moments and Memories

I created our holiday card today. Going back through a year's worth of photos to find the perfect ones to use is always a fun pastime. The memories run the gamut for everything that occurred over the past year. Yet, looking at all those photos got me thinking, even though we document these moments in our lives, are we really present while they're occurring, or are we too busy documenting to completely enjoy each moment?

You may be wondering what I mean by the word "present". Obviously, if you're in the, photo you were physically there. The "present" I'm referring to, however, is the mental state of ignoring all other areas (like texts or Facebook or even phone calls) and being completely and totally focused on the here and now of what's happening immediately in front of you. In this day and age of push notifications and automatic updates, how often do we do that? How often do we completely give ourselves over to nothing but the moment that we're in and those that are physically there with us? How many priceless moments do we lose by not being completely present?

I know that there have been times where I'm more focused on documentation and uploading to social media than I am on what's happening in front of me. We are all probably guilty of that in some form. But as I look back over those photos, I regret it. Don't get me wrong, I love having the photographic memories, but the moments themselves are so much more important.

As we enter this holiday season, with all of its moments and memories, we should absolutely remember that even though the documentation is wonderful, the moments that we experience with those we love and appreciate are infinitely more important to completely experience while we're in them. Life and its precious minutes are something that shouldn't be taken for granted or ignored. In any situation.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Family ... In Every Form

Family. Amost everyone has one in some form. Be it by blood, or by marriage, or by choice, they exist in all of our lives. They're wonderful yet irking, supportive yet judging, have the ability to induce happiness yet can be completely maddening, all at the same time. It's quite the dichotomy.

I'm fortunate. I have a "blood family" that may drive me crazy upon occasion, but is ultimately truly wonderful, loving, and caring. Who may not always understand or agree, but does in fact accept me for the awkward enigma that I am. I also am lucky enough to to have a "chosen family" of friends so close that they can actually read my facial expressions and know me well enough to sense when I'm attempting to fake off negative emotions or reactions to life events.

Not everyone is as fortunate as I am. I have friends and acquaintances whose "blood family" is so different minded from them that an impass has been reached & they no longer speak or acknowledge each other. There are others whose families do not respect their family members' life choices to the point that they refuse to interact with them, unless those they disagree with develop the same mindset as those people precipitating the judging. There are some people out there with no family to speak of, that isolate themselves and attempt to navigate life on their own without physical or emotional support. Those are sad, unfortunate circumstances.

Which brings me to my point .... if we don't support those we're supposed to love or are destined to care for, how can we lead happy lives? Why is it so necessary that everyone live their life & think exactly alike? If Einstein or Monet or Edison or Gandhi had succumbed to the pressure of what everyone else thought, would the world be a better place today? Or would we stilll be living in medieval style times where the earth was considered flat and our planet was the center of the universe? Is it so farfetched to think or hope & expect that keeping an open mind, an open heart, and allowing others to be exactly who they are is a bad thing? Wasn't it one of the few major non secular, prophetic entities, who happens to be recognized by almost every major religion on this planet, that said "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,"?

Family. Whether you believe in evolution or religious beginnings or a combination of the two, we are All ultimately Family. Accept. Respect. Honor. Love. Tolerate. Appreciate. You just might look back and regret it if you don't.  Just my two cents.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

To The Man Who Stole My Wallet Yesterday

Dear Sir:

Please understand that the only reason I use the gentlemanly term of "sir", is because of your advanced age bracket, because what you did was not at at gentlemanly!  Yes, I do know what you look like. I remember you. You got onto the bus yesterday at the same place I did. I remember you sat down a couple rows behind me, and your beard and countenance reminded me of some sweet, grandfatherly figure ... or at least I thought so at the time. I wonder if you watched as I reached into the pocket of my bag to pull out my gloves just before my stop. I wonder if you saw my wallet fall out of that pocket as I did so, or if you simply noticed it as I stood up to disembark. I was the only person in that seat section, so it would have been obvious to whom the wallet belonged.

Did you know that I was on the way to meet my son? Five minutes after disembarking, as I walked into his music class to pay his tuition, I noticed that it was missing. Did you realize that the android phone you so unceremoniously chucked into that trashcan has GPS tracking? We were able to find it that way. Thank you, by the way, for simply throwing it in the trash. That's one less thing I have to replace.

You are actually quite photogenic. The video surveillance cameras in the store where you threw my phone away and then proceeded to rent Redbox movies using my bankcard were pointed right at you. The police have those, and some very good close up shots of you as you made your movie purchases. They were able to watch your every move. I hope those were fantastic movies. They just might cost you a lot more than you originally anticipated.

Your choice of action has caused me to contemplate many things as I go through the motions of reporting, canceling, and replacing all the parts of my life that were in that wallet. Yes, you did, in fact, have a choice. You could have alerted me to the wallet dropping or you could have turned it in to the bus driver. I have no idea of what your circumstances are. I'm sure that there is a reason you made the choice that you did. Maybe you've been out of work for some time, or maybe you were depressed, needed a relaxing movie evening, and felt that was the only way you could afford one. Whatever your reason, I am sure you thought it to be a valid one at the time. Unfortunate and misguided, but valid in your mind nonetheless ... it sucks for you that the only cash I had in there was about 35 cents.

I'd like to let you know a little about the woman you stole from. I am a single mother that is back in college after being laid off from my job over a year ago. I'm definitely a people person, and probably would have rented you those movies myself had you only asked politely. I tend to be impulsive and impatient at times, so this experience has been a great lesson in patience development for me, which is a good thing. It has also helped me with prioritizing skills over the past 24 hours. You see, in the middle of all the obvious things that were happening like freaking out over the loss of my wallet and phone, filing the report, canceling the id's and cards, and spending time with my son, I also had a number of things due for classes today and tomorrow. It really helps to know that I have the ability to navigate a whirlwind of stress, such as the one you created, and still am able to meet my school deadlines and focus on and assist my children. I appreciate the gift of that knowledge. Finally, it has caused me to truly evaluate and appreciate the things in my life that are not just "things". My mother, my boyfriend, and my son, who braved the freezing temperatures in that parking lot for over two hours while we worked with the police and assisted in any way possible with the legwork and computer tracking. The off duty officer who initially assisted me, then continued to work with us and the on duty officer who arrived shortly after to officially handle the case. Both of them were wonderful, intelligent,  efficient, and comforting, and we all even shared a few laughs in spite of the cold and frustration. The immediate helpfulness of the store management once they were informed of the situation. The fact that I am fortunate enough to have a thick, warm jacket to wear, a supportive, loving family to back me up, a warm, comfortable home to return to and eat hot soup after being in a frozen parking lot for all that time ... It is definitely the little things that are many times taken for granted that make life wonderful, and I am thankful your actions were able to remind me of that.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the unintentional lessons and wish good luck to you. I firmly believe that there is good somewhere in everyone and that even the most horrible experiences have silver linings somewhere.  I hope you read this and that you'll make better choices for your own life in the future.

Sincerely,
The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Muddled Lessons and A Frog

I was asked to write a narrative about an experience in my life that had taught me an unexpected life lesson.  While the particular lesson in this story didn't truly become "learned" until I had kids of my own, I hope you enjoy the tale from my childhood ....

The life lessons that we teach our children are, sometimes, crystal clear for their meaning and worth, but sometimes those lessons come across about as clear as swamp water. We as parents attempt to teach these lessons purposefully through both words and examples in our own behaviors, we ultimately teach them unintentionally through that which we ourselves say and do on a daily basis, and, upon occasion, we impart lessons through sheer unadulterated accident. The “accidental” lessons tend to have the most muddled meaning to a child initially, even though we may have thought ourselves clear as day.
In the summer of 1976 I was a headstrong, precocious, tomboy of a five year old.  I was not a bad child, and I did listen to and respect my parents, but I had my own ideas about doing things and tended to be fiercely independent, which tended to drive my parents nuts.  At that time we lived in a quiet little neighborhood near the local college on a cul-de-sac street called Nottingham Drive. Things were not as they are today. It was normal to be outside playing with friends from sunup to sundown, and even at five, although I was not allowed to roam about completely alone, I could walk across the street or down the a few houses to a friend's home without worry. I had learned to look both ways, then look both ways again, before crossing the street. I knew that riding my bicycle on the side of the road was okay on our street, but that big wheels were only allowed to be ridden on the sidewalk, as cars will see bikes in their way but not necessarily a low-to-the-ground big wheel. Hopscotch was a favorite game, but the boards were only to be drawn on the sidewalks and driveways, never in the middle of the road. Playing games in the middle of the road was forbidden. I loved animals, but I should only pet and play with the domesticated ones that belonged to people as pets, not the wild birds, squirrels, racoons or rabbits that fascinated me completely, and under no circumstance was I ever to touch a dead wild animal. Period.
One morning I was playing with the twin boys that lived a couple doors down my street.  We had decided to go on a quest, and although I remember putting together a backpack and utilizing a walking stick I do not remember what we were looking for on our so-called quest that particular day.  What I do remember vividly is finding the frog.  It was a rather large frog that had, unfortunately, been flattened by some unsuspecting driver smack in the middle of the road between our houses.  Talk about a dilemma!  We discussed the grave situation at hand, and decided that the best thing to do would be to bury the frog right where it lay in the middle of the street. We were not allowed to touch it to move it, as touching dead animals was forbidden, and it was bigger than our sandbox shovels could handle picking up, even though initially we did attempt that option.  This was not playing in the road.  A proper burial for the poor animal was no game in our minds.  Many bucketfuls of sand from our sandboxes later, the frog was properly covered. That mound of sand that could have rivaled sacred Indian burial mounds. We stood around the grave site, solemnly holding stems of leaves, clover and honeysuckle so as to properly give the frog his final send off.  Just as we were beginning to place our offerings on the grave mound, I heard a yell that made me jump out of my skin. “Shannon Recole Wightman! Get out of that road and in this house NOW!”  Uh oh.  “Just wait till your father gets home!” Even worse. I searched my mind to attempt to figure out what I had done that was so wrong it would deserve the full name yell and the father threat, which filled me with dread as I hid in my room for the final hours until he arrived.
After what seemed like forever, my father opened the door to my room and sat down on my bed, belt in hand. “Do you understand why you're being punished?” he asked. “You're old enough to know better than to play in the middle of a street.”  I was playing?  No I was not. We were conducting a solemn ritual of death, not playing!  I my mind, I knew I was right and this punishment was grossly unfair.  As my father spanked me I began to cry, “But Daddy!  I didn't touch the dead animal!” He finished, hugged me with what I now know to be suppressed laughter that shook him, and walked out my bedroom door.
In the mind of a child, what is considered “playing”, and what is considered an important, solemn event tend to be very different than what constitutes these in the mind of a grown up. Many times when my children were young, I thought back to that episode in my own life in an effort to make the parallel lessons clear to them.  New lesson: if you can't dig a hole to place something in, it is not buried, therefore, do not conduct burials in the middle of a road, even though you may not have touched the dead frog.

~ The Girl In the Little Black Dress

Second Chances

Second chances.  Why are these such a gray area for so many?  People change, and grow, and evolve into what is hopefully the best version of themselves that they can be. Should we forever continue to pass judgement based upon someone's past?

As I watched the Superbowl last night, I noticed that many people were posting on Facebook and Twitter that their reason for rooting against Baltimore was Ray Lewis' murder charge from a decade ago. There were just as many rooting for Baltimore because of his retirement. If someone is legally accused of something, but is acquitted or charges are dropped, or even if they're convicted & ultimately pay their debt & make amends, should we continue to judge them based upon that bad decision in their life? What if they've made the effort to change? What if they've learned valuable lessons and applied those lessons in their life? If they have made a true honest attempt to become a better person, should we continue to equate them with their past transgressions?

People give forgiveness for things large & small throughout their daily lives. Hurts of all forms, emotional, theoretical, & physical, are forgiven by those who have been injured every day. Parents forgive the child who shattered their most expensive vase, spouses forgive their partners for making mean hurtful comments in anger, neighbors forgive their neighbor for breaking something that was borrowed. The example of Ray Lewis is a larger, more global example, but the theory applies across the board on both personal and societal levels. If positive efforts are made, who is any one of us to forever judge?

"Too err is human, to forgive is divine"

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Musings From The Outside Looking In

Just read the most amazing book, "The Celestine Prophecy".  I love fiction that has enough truth in it that it makes you think, question, and reassess. This book did exactly that.

Life has so much constant competition in it. There's the obvious, like sports, and politics, and careers.  Then there's the not so obvious.  Relationships of every kind have their own forms of competition. The child that wants to create their own identity separate from their parents, and the parents that want to mold the child's future in the way they believe is best. The friends that secretly try to ensure they have the prettiest hair or the most fabulous outfit, while outwardly complimenting their counterparts.  The constant push for being heard and understood in a relationship, or simply the battle against unseen outside influences just to keep that relationship alive.  So many of these "competitions" leave us feeling drained, exhausted, and stressed, instead of the happy, fulfilled exuberance that we all ultimately would want out of life.  Why do we tend to push so hard, when those battles create feelings of the exact opposite nature than what we want?

Imagine what life would be like, how our relationships with others would be like, if we focused on empowering everyone around us.  If we strove to listen with both our ears and our eyes to truly comprehend the honest needs of all situations, and then followed through with our actions to compliment that comprehension. How might we act differently, or react differently in basic everyday situations?  Would our relationships with family, with friends, with coworkers, even with passing strangers, become calmer & more positive or productive?  If absolutely everyone operated that way, wouldn't everyone become stronger, feel better, be more empowered on all levels?

I do not subscribe to the idea of a Utopian society, nor do I think that the world is not made better without a variety of opinions and different ways of doing things.  It would be an excruciatingly boring existence if everyone thought and acted the exact same as everyone else.  But if there were less focus on judging, on rooting out the negative, on how "I'm right, so you must be wrong" ..... wouldn't basic daily life be ultimately easier, ultimately better for everyone, regardless of race, creed, or religion?  Food for thought.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress