The Figurative and Literal Glitter of Rocky

The end of anything in life is a time of reflection. From jobs, to relationships, to school, to life experiences, it causes us to look back and reminisce, gain new insight, and, if we're lucky, gain additional insight into ourselves from that which we've now left behind. If we're really fortunate, we're able to look forward and see not only new possibilities born out of those lessons we garnered, but also to bring new friendships and newly learned talents and outlooks with us into our futures that stem directly from what's now over and done with.

Recently, I choreographed a local version of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". When I began this endeavor back in February, I was extremely excited about choreographing the show, but a bit nervous about the level of undertaking. If you've never seen "Rocky Horror", it's quite a large musical that employs a rather small cast. Lots of innuendo, lots of glitter, multiple characters that strongly develop from one extreme to the other, and a hard core dose of crazy. Kind of a sci-fi "Romeo and Juliette" meets "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" melded with a warped "Wizard of Oz". Intensely fun, but as a choreographer, daunting on a number of levels. I can honestly say that my fears were unfounded.

From day one of auditions, the director and I had shared visions of what the show should look like. From week one of rehearsals, the cast jelled like no other I've ever worked with. Even when bumps in the road occurred, everyone supported each other and picked up any slack. No matter whether it was rehearsals or shows or times in between, this group of individuals not only brought their talent to the table, but also their open mindedness and compassion on all fronts. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have been a part of this show experience.

So what did I learn? What did I take away? It's not only the choreography & its execution that I'm proud of regarding this show. I learned that leaning on the people around you every day when life gets rough, even if they're still new friends, is a positive thing. I learned that letting go and simply enjoying the exact moment that you're in brings incredible joy. Practically, I even re-learned to run a light board and realized that dabbling in set design is a really fun thing! Most importantly, I gained a group of friends that are some of the most giving, talented, incredible individuals that I've ever had the good fortune to work with.

Our run of "Rocky Horror" finished this past weekend, and while I hate to let go of what has been an amazing ride, I look forward to life knowing these new people I've grown to adore, and the new positive life outlooks I've learned because of them and this experience. I now move forward in my own life, a better, more glittery person for the experience.

"And crawling, on the planet's face, some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space .. and meaning." - Narrator, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Key To Happiness: Fact or Fiction?

There are literally thousands of articles, books, blogs, and quotes that claim to tell us what the "key to happiness" is.  Some are old, some new, some are based more in religious origins, and some are more based in adages or folktales.  They all give us different, yet similar words of wisdom.  So what exactly is this elusive key? Is it able to be found? Is it a constant for everyone?

I believe the answer is no.  No, it cannot be "found" like a lost article of clothing or a good luck trinket.  No, it is not a constant entity that is the same for everyone.  No, it is not one single simplistic word, or thought, or action, or way of doing things, or entity of any kind.  I have come to learn, that the key to happiness is within yourself.  An individual way of thinking, acting, and living that exists in each of us.  Allow me to elaborate.

Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a girl that honestly believed that if she did everything that everyone else wanted her to do in the exact way that made everyone else happy, she would be the best person she could be, and therefore, be happy herself.  Over a period of many years, she came to realize that just because someone else wanted things done a certain way, or thought that she should act or be a certain way, that was ultimately life as it should be lived according to that other person, not to her. In essence, she was making herself miserable, and losing the parts of herself that made her happy, by trying so desperately hard to make sure everyone else was happy and secure with how she handled everything in her life. Once she came to this realization, and began to do things in ways that worked for her, some of those close to her initially got their feelings hurt and many eventually faded out of her life, and, some of those that she thought were positive for her life turned out to be not so positive for her at all. There were a few, though, that even though they initially were confused or resisted the change, ultimately became the people who truly respected, understood, and are, to this day, her closest confidants and biggest supporters.  That change also opened her up to new people who loved and respected her for exactly who she was and how she chose to live.

The moral of the story is this ...... happiness is what works for each individual person.  There is no "key".  There is no one single path.  There is no magic potion or perfect way of acting or living.  It is simply being who you are and not allowing anyone or anything else, be it friend or foe, family or non, neither colleagues nor strangers, to have the power to control or change what is ultimately best for You.

Life is filled with combinations of stress and relaxation, happiness and sadness, joy and despair, hopeful moments and depressive moments.  That's the point.  Living each of them to the fullest makes us human.  Squelching our natural selves so that others are happy doesn't allow us to live those moments at all.  Our ability to be happy also changes in nature over time.  What worked when we were kids, or teenagers (did anything work when we were teenagers?!), changes.  Through each decade of life, and each stage of life, that which makes us most happy is in constant flux, yet, if we allow ourselves to simply be ourselves, it can absolutely be found within each of us, and happiness achieved.

I challenge everyone reading this blog to try at least one of these .... the next time you walk to the store or walk the dog, notice something new or different that you pass every 10 to 12 steps; the next time you go into a store of any kind, smile at someone for no reason at all or say "have a great day" to a total stranger; and notice the reactions in both yourself and the other person. The next time you feel stressed out, paint what you feel, or play with a pet, or knit a scarf in bright colors you wouldn't normally use, or plant a beautiful flower by your window.  Notice the beauty of the most simple things around you.  Do a yoga sun salutation each morning, or simply take your coffee cup with you outdoors, breathe in the air and look at what's surrounding you, wherever you may be. The smallest things can be the biggest triggers to finding your niche, so don't discount them.

Whatever works for You, is Your key to happiness.  It doesn't have to be complex, it's simply whatever brings a smile to your face, or a temporary quiet to your mind.  Find it and embrace it, whatever "it" may be.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Demise of Self-Doubt?

There comes a time in life when standing up for yourself is the only option. Actually, there's probably many times in life of this nature, but for some reason many of us seem to skirt the issue and try to placate or "make nice" instead of meeting it head on. Meeting such issues head on can be extremely daunting. Even the thought of doing so can bring up feelings of guilt from concern for other's feelings, self-doubt from actually standing up for yourself if you're not the type of person that does such a thing very often, worry for the ripple effect of ramifications that might occur .... in essence, over thinking every nuance instead of just taking a deep breath and announcing "I will not be bullied any longer!" If you're dealing with an ex or a family member, the second guessing of yourself can become extremely harsh. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we acquiesce to what we know is not right for us, just to keep the peace? What is it that causes us to not only be our own worst critic, but to take those internal criticisms so to heart, that we freeze instead of standing up to the people in our lives who attempt to judge, control, and overtake it for their own agenda? Why does being our own worst critic seem to culminate in the creation of ourselves as our own worst enemy?

Personally, I've had multiple opportunities to stand up for myself in my life. Many, I didn't take advantage of simply out of fear for one reason or another. Lately, when those opportunities have presented themselves, I have taken advantage of them. Stood up for myself, and my beliefs. Then, unfortunately, I end up with more fear, feelings of guilt for possibly making a situation more volitile (even though that may not be the case), worry and dread over the possible responses or repercussions ... but somewhere, deep down inside, is a small, glimmering light of pride and hope. Actually being proud of myself for not allowing someone to push me around, and hope that my words and actions will result in something better going forward. The fear is larger and stronger than that small, glimmering light, but using every ounce of my being to focus on that little light instead of the fear, helps me to realize that there is, in fact, hope for a better day tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a new day with endless possibilities. Don't let today's issues cause you to miss out on it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Is That Light An Oncoming Train?

Over the past year or so I've had the opportunity to discover a number of things about myself & the universe in general.  I've also discovered that many adages people use to assist them with understanding life & situations are not necessarily as they seem. Humor me for a moment as I explain.....

"Bad things happen in threes". Not necessarily. First of all, if something you consider to be seriously unfortunate at the time occurs, but it ultimately leads to positive things in life & important lessons learned, then was it actually a "bad" thing in the first place? Additionally, if we walk around assuming that the "Threes Rule" is valid, then we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of multiple seemingly "bad" occurrences.... due in part because we're actively looking for them!

This line of thinking obviously plays directly into the "Everything happens for a reason" adage. That does not mean that we will always like, or enjoy, or appreciate the "reason", but the reason or lesson that needs to happen will eventually show itself.  We simply have to focus on moving forward to find it & utilize it instead of wallowing in doomsday self pity that additional unfortunate events are bound to occur simply because one or two did in the first place. 

I'll give you an example.  Many of you who read my blog know that I am in recovery from Anorexia Bulimia, which I have suffered from since my teens. In early 2012 I was cited for DUI at a checkpoint, even though I knew I had only had 2 beers prior to driving home. Had that not occurred I would not have been faced with the physical ramifications of my disease, mainly that my digestive system was shutting down & therefore unable to metabolize almost anything. Had I not been forced to face that fact, I would not have been hospitalized for ED treatment, I would not have begun the long road of recovery, which ultimately caused me to lose my job from being unable to work for too many months, which caused me to reassess through recovery & return to school where I'm now working toward a degree in something that utilizes my existing skills, passions, & background, that I'm fascinated by & that will ultimately help others in the process. Had that "bad thing" not occurred, I would still be miserable, unhealthy, & probably dead.  Not that everyday is easy & perfect, but I'm actively learning & now continuing to recover, which is the polar opposite of the life death spiral I was on before.  I realize that's an extremely simplistic version of a major ripple effect event, but viewing it in that manner helps me continue to attempt to stay on track toward positive things, as opposed to focusing on negative, dark places that could or could not occur because of it. 

Truthfully, this also leads directly into the adage "The universe will never give you more than you can handle".  Ultimately I believe that to be true, but that does not mean it feels that way while you're dealing with everything life throws at you! Looking back you may wonder, how on earth you pulled it off and came out standing, but we do actually end up handling that which is "thrown" at us. Focusing on moving forward, finding a way, & learning those lessons is the best any of us can do.

I'll leave you with a thought. The proverbial "Light at the end of the tunnel" that we all search for during difficult times ... it could be the opening on the other side to happier times & better things, it could be someone coming towards you with a lantern that assists you, or it could be an oncoming train. Your choices then become: exiting the tunnel, accepting the assistance to shed light on your path forward, rejecting the assistance & continuing to trudge through the dark, staying on the track & getting hit by the train, or jumping out of the way to keep moving forward.  It's up to each of us to choose.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Complexity of Forgive

"Forgive & Forget". Such a difficult concept for so many, both in separate parts, and as a unit together.  The words "I forgive you" can be used and truly meant, but if the action or actions that were forgiven stay in our minds, or are brought up as examples in later discussions or arguments, were they really forgiven? Is true human forgiveness possible when we can't delete the memories from our heads?  Do we, as humans, honestly have the ability to completely forgive & forget all transgressions?

I do believe, have to believe, that in many ways it is possible.  I also believe that it depends upon the person.  There are those out there with an ego that is so self-righteous, for whatever reason, that they simply do not possess this empathetic capability, are doomed to judge everyone on their own personal terms, and will never let things from the past go. I pity them.

The harshest, most difficult "forgive & forget" I have found, however, is towards ourselves. Personally, I struggle with that one, even regarding the smallest of mistakes, every day. Again, even if you "forgive" yourself, is it possible to achieve the level of "forget" to where one does not berate themselves in their mind by past comparison? Difficult personal lessons ... I hope one day to learn them fully.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Second Chances

Second chances.  Why are these such a gray area for so many?  People change, and grow, and evolve into what is hopefully the best version of themselves that they can be. Should we forever continue to pass judgement based upon someone's past?

As I watched the Superbowl last night, I noticed that many people were posting on Facebook and Twitter that their reason for rooting against Baltimore was Ray Lewis' murder charge from a decade ago. There were just as many rooting for Baltimore because of his retirement. If someone is legally accused of something, but is acquitted or charges are dropped, or even if they're convicted & ultimately pay their debt & make amends, should we continue to judge them based upon that bad decision in their life? What if they've made the effort to change? What if they've learned valuable lessons and applied those lessons in their life? If they have made a true honest attempt to become a better person, should we continue to equate them with their past transgressions?

People give forgiveness for things large & small throughout their daily lives. Hurts of all forms, emotional, theoretical, & physical, are forgiven by those who have been injured every day. Parents forgive the child who shattered their most expensive vase, spouses forgive their partners for making mean hurtful comments in anger, neighbors forgive their neighbor for breaking something that was borrowed. The example of Ray Lewis is a larger, more global example, but the theory applies across the board on both personal and societal levels. If positive efforts are made, who is any one of us to forever judge?

"Too err is human, to forgive is divine"

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress