Primary School Lessons from the Cohen Hearings

After watching the first part of the Cohen hearing today, I felt the need to turn it off and do a negativity cleanse throughout my house. Seriously. It wasn't Cohen's testimony that caused me to react that way, although his testimony did cause me to have quite a few moments of thinking "oh holy crap!" It was the methods of posturing questioning by the House Representatives that really made it sickening. They, for the most part, conducted themselves like overly verbose primary school bullies desperately intent on taking a classmate's lunch money. The entire spectacle brought to mind the book "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten", mainly because I felt like everyone involved could benefit from reading it! On second thought, that book and a refresher course in basic manners!

If You Don't Listen You Won't Learn.

The constant interrupting and lack of ability to allow Cohen to answer any question that had just been asked was a tactic utilized by the majority of the representatives that was annoying, disheartening, and frankly, just rude. Why bother asking a question if you don't intend to listen to the answer? Furthermore, if anyone plans to get to the bottom of this quagmire, the ability to listen to the answers given to those questions is absolutely necessary. Cohen may have a questionably horrible reputation when it comes to being trustworthy in testimony, but he has more long term inside information on the situation than every other person in that room. Everyone might just learn something helpful if they all simply shut up and listened.

Don't Take Things That Aren't Yours. / Keep Your Hands to Yourself

This goes for Congress, Michael Cohen, the President's son, and most importantly, President Trump himself. No matter whether it's money, pictures, or documents, turns, words, ideas, or actions. If it isn't yours, do not touch it. Not only don't touch it, don't gossip about it, don't pretend untruthful involvement with it; just leave whatever it is that is not yours completely alone and quietly move away from it. Period. Most of the problems that brought about this hearing, in addition to the ones that occurred during the debacle of the hearing itself, could have been avoided if those simple rules had been adhered to in the first place.

Don't Be a Bully

Really don't know how much I need to elaborate here as politics seems to be the biggest bullying ring of all, especially since the supreme leader of bullying, Donald Trump, is currently the ultimate bully king! It's the worst version of trickle down effect ever known. Do these people go home and instruct their children on how to behave respectfully? If so, the hypocrisy is unequivocal. A little kindness and respect towards others goes a long way towards achieving any goal. Every person involved in this hearing in any way should try it sometime.

These are basic lessons that we attempt to instill in our children, yet put adults in a televised hearing circumstance and those same lessons seem to fly out the window. It's unfortunate, disheartening, and quite honestly, pathetic. The truth will never come out if posturing for the cameras is more important than actually discovering the truth. If a mulligan was ever needed, this is it.  One thing is for certain, if the lack of respect towards procedure and each other is any indication of how these people are attempting to represent the citizens of the country, our future is anything but secure.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Quest

I've learned many lessons over the past year.... actually, "learned" may not not be the appropriate word... honestly, I've taken the opportunity to regain parts of myself which were lost or buried over the past decades.

I used to be brave. While I've always tried to find the positive in any situation, due to many years of emotional beat downs in life, I lost the ability to truly be brave in my own mind. Over the past few months I've refound that bravery. Call it inspiration, or simply the support of those who mean the most to me when needed, regardless of the reason, it's back. For that, I am grateful.

I used to be a dreamer. Those same emotional beat downs temporarily took that away from me ... no more!  I can again dream, I can again aspire, I again truly believe!

Not saying that there aren't challenges in life, there are every day. However, healing, no matter how slowly, causes the scars of past pains to eventually recede to the point of naked eye invisibility. The wearer knows they're there ... the beholder, not so much.

One year ago I was shrinking and terrified .. blockading the doors nightly to keep my children and myself safe.  I look back on that woman and would not wish those feelings or circumstances on my worst enemy. This past year's introspection & support have given way to a new woman. One who looks at her surroundings and actively determines what is best for her and her children's lives, not just "doormats" herself on the whims of unbeknownst untrustworthy others.

Most importantly, I've learned to forgive myself. Everyone makes mistakes. In judgement, in actions, and in life. None of us are perfect. To be able to forgive yourself, means the ability to move forward in your own life. Not an easy obstacle to overcome.

So on this, the eve of renewal, I salute that scared, downtrodden, terrified individual I was at this time last year. Thank you for the lessons. They are the best gift one could give themselves to move forward in life. Cheers!

~ The Girl In the Little Black Dress

Clarity Through The Dust Storms of Life

Life is a proverbial whirlwind. Sometimes you're at the edge of it, floating in the circling breeze. Sometimes you're in the center of it, swirling so fast you don't know which direction is which, and some moments are simply somewhere in between. Dust and debris from the rapid winds can cloud your vision and your senses, so densely at certain points that it feels difficult to breathe. All you can do is keep trying to ride the cyclonic winds out until you reach that floating edge again.

A dear friend of mine has recently been experiencing the center winds of her own cyclonic storm, yet found a way to see past all the dust and debris. She's allowing me to share her experiences, and epiphanies, via her own words.

"Things I've learned being with my daughter (way too many times, and way too long) in the hospital :

1. The little prince was right. It is not with the eye one sees, but with the heart. Differences in nationality, mother tongue, religion, exterior looks, and age are completly insignificant. It is your smile, your kindness (or the lack of it), your approach towards others and essentially, your heart, which really matter. My daughter made friends of every single type. Muslims, Christians, handicapped - all these made no difference to her. I wish I could say the same for myself. As the song in Pocahontas goes- it's the colour of your heart that matters.
On a side note - I was sitting outside one day, when a young mother came and sat not far from me with her toddler in a wheelchair. He was completly maldeformed, reminding me of the hunchback of Notredam. Interestingly, contrary to my natural instinct to feel the need to flee, I looked him in the eyes. It was truly amazing. It took 2 seconds for me to fall for him. See, his eyes said it all - he was just a boy. A little boy, seeking love and joy, just as all little boys seek and are equally entitled to find and have. And I wished for him, tears clouding my eyes, that when he encounters people, it is his eyes that they see, not the shell he is trapped in...

2. We are all the same (on the same note as #1, only from a grown up's perspective). We may be lawyers, business people, doctors, dancers or unemployment collectors. Educated, uneducated, classy or skanky - we all become equally helpless when our children's health is poor. We all love our kids more than anything else, and we'd all give everything we had to spare our children the suffering they're under going. We are all parents.

3. I have learned from my daughter about courage and strength. About happiness. And about true love.
Courage and strength - Undergoing poking, pricking, tubing, bleeding, probing and drugging, she has gone through all these things with so much patience, grace, strength and courage. Many a time, I have found myself cringing, crying, or feeling pain for things she had to undergo, when she did none of the above. It was almost as though it all just passed by her, not through her. It was almost as though she understood these things had to happen for her own good, and that was it. No self pity. Just take it all head on.
Happiness - It is sometimes the small things that matter. She could be poked a million times, but the sight of soap bubbles blown at her was all it took to get the biggest, most beautiful and radiant smile on her face. She could have a needle in her hand and be connected to wires, but that wasn't going to dampen the joy of going down a slide. I wish I remembered to appreciate things the way she does.
True love - I almost felt unworthy, when after every dreadful, tearful treatment she had to go through, all she needed was the comfort and safety of my arms to calm her down. Not candy, or a bottle, or anything else. The feeling of closeness to her favourite person was all it took. I hope to one day live up to, and maybe become, the person she sees when she looks at me.

5. Blessings - We all have problems. All of us. All sorts of different problems. There's an old Chinese saying, that if all the people of the world were to gather round and throw their problems in a pile, free to then pick from the pile whichever problem they like, they'd end up picking their own. My life is not simple. Not even a bit. However, seeing certain things in the hospital has totally gotten me thanking God for my problems. See, somehow, I think I can handle mine. No chance I'd be able to deal with some of the things I was faced with, and exposed to in this hospital.

6. Home - no matter how intense, insane, or stressful home may be, there really is no place like home. And my bed, which I so badly miss...

I truly feel blessed, having children. I feel I have so much to learn from them. I just hope, once this is all over and we're back to our regular crazy, insane routine, I will still be able to see things as clearly as I do on this long endless night in the hospital."

As adults, we tend to let the whirling, swirling, dust filled winds of life clog our eyes, senses, and outlooks. Yet, as children, the sight of bubbles or balloons, or the simple joy of sliding on a playground or finding a new friend of any kind could immediately erase the blinding dust storms of life. Maybe as adults, all we really need is a different kind of goggles.

Lessons to ponder.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Figurative and Literal Glitter of Rocky

The end of anything in life is a time of reflection. From jobs, to relationships, to school, to life experiences, it causes us to look back and reminisce, gain new insight, and, if we're lucky, gain additional insight into ourselves from that which we've now left behind. If we're really fortunate, we're able to look forward and see not only new possibilities born out of those lessons we garnered, but also to bring new friendships and newly learned talents and outlooks with us into our futures that stem directly from what's now over and done with.

Recently, I choreographed a local version of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". When I began this endeavor back in February, I was extremely excited about choreographing the show, but a bit nervous about the level of undertaking. If you've never seen "Rocky Horror", it's quite a large musical that employs a rather small cast. Lots of innuendo, lots of glitter, multiple characters that strongly develop from one extreme to the other, and a hard core dose of crazy. Kind of a sci-fi "Romeo and Juliette" meets "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" melded with a warped "Wizard of Oz". Intensely fun, but as a choreographer, daunting on a number of levels. I can honestly say that my fears were unfounded.

From day one of auditions, the director and I had shared visions of what the show should look like. From week one of rehearsals, the cast jelled like no other I've ever worked with. Even when bumps in the road occurred, everyone supported each other and picked up any slack. No matter whether it was rehearsals or shows or times in between, this group of individuals not only brought their talent to the table, but also their open mindedness and compassion on all fronts. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have been a part of this show experience.

So what did I learn? What did I take away? It's not only the choreography & its execution that I'm proud of regarding this show. I learned that leaning on the people around you every day when life gets rough, even if they're still new friends, is a positive thing. I learned that letting go and simply enjoying the exact moment that you're in brings incredible joy. Practically, I even re-learned to run a light board and realized that dabbling in set design is a really fun thing! Most importantly, I gained a group of friends that are some of the most giving, talented, incredible individuals that I've ever had the good fortune to work with.

Our run of "Rocky Horror" finished this past weekend, and while I hate to let go of what has been an amazing ride, I look forward to life knowing these new people I've grown to adore, and the new positive life outlooks I've learned because of them and this experience. I now move forward in my own life, a better, more glittery person for the experience.

"And crawling, on the planet's face, some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space .. and meaning." - Narrator, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Of All The Relationships In The World ...

Relationship. The word elicits a slightly different emotion from everyone. Some people lean more towards the Hopeful spectrum, and some people lean more towards the Terrified spectrum. Some towards Excitement, some towards Fear, and some people fall into the Ambivalent sectors. If all of those spectrums of emotion, plus the infinite number of other emotional possibilities, were placed in a Venn diagram, it would probably look like a hot mess mosaic. Mainly, because we all have felt every one of these, and many other unnamed emotions, or a combination thereof, at some point in our lifetimes.

Relationships themselves come in a plethora of forms. Ones that every one of us experience in our daily lives. From the relationships with those that we adore as friends, to the relationships with those we don't trust but still tolerate, from business relationships, to personal relationships, to love relationships, to family relationships; the myriad is endless. Regardless of the type, all relationships have, in my humble opinion, a basic need for what I personally consider the Relationship Fab Five: respect, trust, forgiveness, communication, and joy. If none of these qualities are present, a person tends to fall squarely in the middle of everything negative that's in that aforementioned Venn diagram. If you consider it in terms of the intersecting circles, it's inevitable that we all move slowly through a variety of both the positive and negative intersections on a constant basis. Some periods of time are squarely within the positive sectors, while some periods of time pass through, or occasionally get stuck in, the negative ones. It truly is all fluid motion, thanks in part to basic human nature. That's where my theoretical "Fab Five" come into play. Holding steady in any negative sector pattern only causes stress, grief, and angst for those who are experiencing it, in addition to eventually causing the same for anyone who is around that person. Staying in that negative area too long results in forms of depression and paranoia in all of one's relationships, regardless of whether any of those particular relationships were initially involved with the negativity or not. Sometimes we can get so entrenched in the negative spectrum, that it becomes difficult to find a way out into any of the positive ones. What happens, though, when only one or two of those five attributes are missing?  What about three or four of them? Can the person experiencing this bring themselves out of it? Do that person's relationships stay intact regardless?

I know from personal experience that, for me, if communication is missing, the trust eventually goes down the drain. If the joy is missing, the communication ultimately dies off. If there's no trust, there's not much communication beyond the necessary superficial, which can lead to a lack of respect for both myself and others, which can make it difficult to forgive even the smallest faux pas, which causes the constantly growing perceived mountain of difficulties to eat away at my psyche, which definitely diminishes any joy and happiness. It becomes a horrible, vicious circle of upsetting occurrences both internally and externally. So how do we make it stop? How do we get our fluidity back so that we can move back into the positive sectors? Additionally, once we hit those lower than low places in our lives, we sometimes tend to become our own worst enemy. We lash out at those closest to us simply because they are the targets within the easiest reach. We isolate ourselves and end up berating ourselves internally, which creates a horrible vacuum of emptiness and negative feelings no matter how much effort anyone else in our lives makes to help us out of the abyss. Then what?

Honestly, upon much reflection, I believe the most important relationship we should actively attempt to keep the joy, communication, trust, and, most importantly, respect and forgiveness in, is the relationship with Ourselves. It is not easy. In fact, it is probably the most difficult of all relationships to maintain! In the end though, if we can pull it off, all the rest of our outside relationships will, most of the time, fall much more smoothly into place. I suppose the old adage is true ... "the best things in life don't come easy".

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Moments and Memories

I created our holiday card today. Going back through a year's worth of photos to find the perfect ones to use is always a fun pastime. The memories run the gamut for everything that occurred over the past year. Yet, looking at all those photos got me thinking, even though we document these moments in our lives, are we really present while they're occurring, or are we too busy documenting to completely enjoy each moment?

You may be wondering what I mean by the word "present". Obviously, if you're in the, photo you were physically there. The "present" I'm referring to, however, is the mental state of ignoring all other areas (like texts or Facebook or even phone calls) and being completely and totally focused on the here and now of what's happening immediately in front of you. In this day and age of push notifications and automatic updates, how often do we do that? How often do we completely give ourselves over to nothing but the moment that we're in and those that are physically there with us? How many priceless moments do we lose by not being completely present?

I know that there have been times where I'm more focused on documentation and uploading to social media than I am on what's happening in front of me. We are all probably guilty of that in some form. But as I look back over those photos, I regret it. Don't get me wrong, I love having the photographic memories, but the moments themselves are so much more important.

As we enter this holiday season, with all of its moments and memories, we should absolutely remember that even though the documentation is wonderful, the moments that we experience with those we love and appreciate are infinitely more important to completely experience while we're in them. Life and its precious minutes are something that shouldn't be taken for granted or ignored. In any situation.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Keeping The Fire Burning In The Storm

There are multitudes of sayings out there that speak about staying positive, staying strong, and weathering life's storms. While they can be useful, uplifting, and wonderful mantra-type things, when you're in the midst of seriously tough times, they can be difficult to not only hear, but to live by. Everyday tragedies and triumphs, petty grievances and positive thoughts can be found on all forms of media, as well as general life surrounding everyone, but does anyone really know what someone else is dealing with? What another person's life is truly experiencing? Sure, they may show the world smiles and positivity, but is it just a facade?

What does anyone know about others behind their proverbial closed doors? The single parent that's not only paycheck to paycheck, but week to week and day to day with how they'll pull off what is needed for their family's basic needs, but greets colleagues and friends with a smile and triumphant kid stories. The bagger at your local grocery who's always courteous & helpful, but goes home to a shelter. The sales rep that goes above and beyond for your account, but can't make ends meet at home because the company he or she works for continually screws over their employees financially.  The student that is working hard to finish their degree in a later life situation, but can't get a basic level job to help with expenses because they're either too old or too young. These people all go home, to wherever that may be, and instead of rejuvenation after a long day, are in a stress flux of how to make it through the next day. Those who see and interact with them on a daily basis probably don't know anything about that area of their lives.

Sometimes it's just not so easy to apply and live by those positive adages, no matter how much you want to. Sometimes the general stress of life simply gets too much to handle for a regular average individual. Then what?

On Halloween we had a gathering complete with a beautiful fire in our outdoor firepit. Then the storm began. Hardcore rain and wind .... yet, somehow, that lovely fire kept going. Even when the storm died down to a mere drizzle, there were still small flames and glowing embers. It seemed almost impossible with the harsh downpour of the rain & whipping of the cold wind, that the fire would survive. Yet, it did. The glowing embers lit newly placed logs and the flames rose back up just as prettily as before. That fire just wouldn't give itself up to the storm that seemed determined to destroy it.

I'm guessing that's what those positive sayings or adages mean when I think about what our lovely little fire did. Keep whatever flames going you can manage in the downpour, and let the dormant embers continue to glow, because once the right log is put back in, you'll burn bright and strong once again.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

What Would You Take?

In the movie "Leap Year", the question is asked, "If your house caught on fire and you only had 10 seconds to grab what's most important to you and get out safely, what would you take?" Think about it. What would you take? In this world that we live in, where possessions sometimes seem to be our most important assets, what would you grab in those 10 seconds? If your brain starts to sift through photos, memorabilia, and heirloom baubles, stop and ponder .... why is your first thought not living creatures? Have we as a society become so attached to what can be purchased, that we've lost track of the importance of humankind? Is the possession of "things" really that important?

No matter what the item, whether it's technology, favorite photos, books, or furniture, a handed-down heirloom, or one-of-a-kind memorabilia, it is, at base level, a Thing. A possession. An inanimate object that could ultimately be bought in some form. While we may have emotional attachments to some of these objects, they are still, in fact, objects that will reside in our memories whether they are next to us or not. Why do we put so much stock into these possessions that our mind would go to those things first in a "grab and get out" situation? At what point did we, as a society, become so brainwashed, that our immediate thoughts would go to saving objects first?

Life. Love. Friendship. Laughter. None of these can be a two-way relationship with an object. A shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen to your worries and triumphs. A source of pride in another's achievements. None of these happen with an inanimate object either. All of these only exist with living, breathing, people. Family, friends, pets (they're family too!) .... shouldn't they be first on the "grab list"?

For me personally, my two children, the love of my life, and our dog & cat are the first and foremost to save. Yes, there are objects in our home that hold a special place in my heart, but they're just objects that can be replaced in some way ..... to me, the living creatures cannot.

Food for thought.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Humanity At Its Most Fascinating

Yard Sales. Whether you call them "yard" or "garage" or "estate" sales, they're all ultimately the opportunity for "one man's trash" to become "someone else's treasure". There can be so much more than just selling off possessions to those yard / garage / estate sales, though!

We had a "yard sale" this past weekend. I say "weekend", because what was supposed to be just all day Saturday, ended up being both Saturday and Sunday. People who found furniture that they wanted on Saturday, couldn't pick it up till Sunday, so we simply continued the sale through Sunday. It made logical sense to us at the time, so why not? Over the course of those two days we met many neighbors, some awesome couples and families, and a number of random interesting people that we might not have had the opportunity to meet had we not decided to delve into such an adventure. To me, that's always fun, and never a bad thing. Personally, I did learn some valuable humanistic lessons, so I'd like to share my Top Five.....

Lesson 5: That old adage that talks about "Momma is always right", is true no matter what the relationship. From every form of couples that meandered through, to groups of people who "checked with their significant other" before purchasing, if SHE has her mind set on having whatever "It" is, then she shall ultimately have it.  I actually had one guy text me via his wife to say that the pictures looked great, but it didn't matter what he thought anyways as he really didn't get a vote! (I found that hysterical)

Lesson 4: Just because you list a time frame on the sale does not mean people will pay attention to it. Granted, knowing that hard core Saturday yard sale fanatics will show up early, we were ready at 6:00am, which at this time of year, was before sunrise. We had people actually show up, and purchase, via flashlight, before the sun rose that morning! Go figure!! Seeing as there's a whole demographic of people who are night owls, I'm wondering if we should hold the next one beginning at dusk!

Lesson 3: Just because someone appears to be "browsing", doesn't mean they won't buy something. This is where the getting to know others part comes into play. Striking up conversation & finding common ground creates a friendly trust of sorts, which creates bargaining, which leads to sales. Don't knock it till you've tried it!

Lesson 2: Chatting with neighbors that you've never met is a positive thing (regardless of what other neighbors have said about them previously!). Not only can sales end up happening, but it also creates a safer feeling of the neighborhood atmosphere as you end up getting to know each other. That, and just because someone may have a "reputation" in the neighborhood, doesn't mean you can't get to know a different side of them .. which is not a bad thing!

Lesson 1: There are some seriously interesting humans that attend yard sales. From the elderly woman speaking Creole that couldn't count without assistance, to the couple in their 20's who bought a set of luggage ala 1980 that they swore was "vintage", to the 7 year old kid that borrowed money from his buddy's foster mom to purchase a video game (He was too excited and adorable, so I gave him a discount) .... there are monumentally fascinating people all around you that, if you simply take the time to talk with them instead of wandering away because they're not whom you'd normally chat with, become even more monumentally fascinating. I love that! Goes back to the old saying "don't judge a book by its cover". Just because someone doesn't appear to be who you'd want to talk to, doesn't mean they aren't!

To sum it up, the yard sale weekend went great, and what was left over we've sold almost all of on Craigslist or donated to Salvation Army.  In many ways, getting rid of the unused stuff was way less exciting than the getting to know the mass variety of people who came through. And, while the accidental upper body workout via the entire process had me feeling like I would never be able to use my arms again for 24 hours afterwards, I look forward to the next opportunity to do something similar. People in general are so incredibly fascinating!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Opinion or Judgement .. who decides?

The world is an opinionated, judgemental place. Some of this is in good fun, like friends getting together, sharing stories, & ribbing each other good-naturedly. Unfortunately, much of it is not that way. From political ads on television slamming the opponent for views of opposition, to "talking trash" about the beliefs, actions, attire, and/or life choices of others, to simply sharing unasked for and unnecessary opinions that smack of negativity .... are we so egotistical as a society,  that constantly playing the eternal judge & jury of others' choices is a necessary component of living?
Opinions are a fact of life. We all have them, we all share them via conversation, or social media, or electronic communications. We are all entitled to our opinions, whether others agree with them or not .... hence the rights of a "free society". Where, though, does the line begin between what is an Opinion & what is a Judgement? When does an opinion become a judgement?
To my personal understanding, an opinion is something that is important to someone for their own reasons, and, if shared with others, is shared on the level of discussion that incorporates give and take with those others.
There seems to be a lot of "opinions" out there being shared that are put forth more so as "judgments". Not open for discussion or exchange of ideas, just a pure, hard-headed way of looking at any situation without room for other viewpoints .. aka  Judgements. Do people not understand that this tactic only brings about negative feelings and harsh replies to the sayer? The most brilliant minds over the past two-hundred years in our societies had many opinions that they put forth as discussion points .. because of this we now have a better understanding of the human mind & body, the Earth, and the universe as a whole. In my humble opinion, that should be taken into consideration with our communication on a daily basis.
No two people have the exact same beliefs, opinions, and/or viewpoints on any level or subject. To put an opinion out into whatever form of the universe that one chooses, in an effort to foster communication, is a wonderful thing that should be done. To judge without the consideration of all the facts or a lack of knowledge of the other parties involved is simply rude.
Imagine hanging out at any establishment and seeing a person who has an unfortunate case of alopecia. Have you talked with them & realized that they're going through chemotherapy, or genetically they have a predisposition to this,  or do you just laugh at them behind their back?
Imagine hanging out at that same establishment and seeing a person who is clinically obese or, on the flip side, skeleton thin. Do you chat with them and get to know them as a person? Maybe they have a glandular disorder. Maybe they have an eating disorder. Maybe they've been going through an immensely emotional trauma that has caused one of those extremes to occur. Do you take that into consideration before making snide comments?
Imagine seeing a photo on social media that isn't the most flattering of someone. Do you automatically assume they're being stupid or totally trashed? Or do you give them the benefit of the doubt that not all photos are flattering?
Opinions versus Judgements. The line is thin and gray at times, but in the interest of a society that works together, should we not think it through before speaking in any form? Food for thought.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Life as a Philosophical Seussism

Dr. Seuss was a Master Philosopher.  I firmly believe this.  All you have to do is read even slightly between the lines of his, on the surface, nonsensical writing style, or take a look at any of his many famous quotes, and the truth is absolutely there.

Consider the quote, "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."  While I feel like I need to write this as a reminder at the top of every physics exam page, it is also quite true for most of life.  We overthink, and stress about, and complicate so much of our daily occurrences. If we were to, instead, take a deep breath, step back, and truly look at the entire picture, then focus on the solution, might not the best answer be the simplist one possible?

What about the phrase from One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish? "From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!"  No.  Joke.  From children, to pets, to random humans in the grocery or on the street, to the silly stupid jokes shared with those closest to you, there is almost always something out there to laugh at .... including yourself!

Another, would be from The Lorax, "It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become."  This one I believe to be true for both good and bad, positive and negative, truths and lies, and everything in-between.  Think about it.  All things are what they are, and are exactly what they are in the way that one sees, interprets, and applies them.  They begin as they exactly are, and become whatever we turn them into.  Ponder that one.

The quote that I deep down believe was a political statement (well hidden) is from The Cat In The Hat.  "And this mess is so big, and so deep and so tall, we cannot pick it up, there is no way at all!"  That one, politically, speaks for itself (in my opinion).

My personal favorite, that I tend to revert to like a mantra whenever I'm stressed out or hurt by other people in life is a quote that's not from one of his books.  It goes like this, "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready, you see.  Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"  Best.  Empowering.  Quote.  Ever.

There are literally THOUSANDS of quotes and passages from Dr. Suess's books and lifetime that would apply to my life, your life, and the life of everyone and everything on this planet in almost any situation or scenario.  Here is a link if you want to look at more of them: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/61105.Dr_Seuss

Until next time, try to remember as you go forward in your day the immortal, philosophical words "So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed)"


~ The Girl In The LIttle Black Dress (with assistance from Dr. Seuss)

The Key To Happiness: Fact or Fiction?

There are literally thousands of articles, books, blogs, and quotes that claim to tell us what the "key to happiness" is.  Some are old, some new, some are based more in religious origins, and some are more based in adages or folktales.  They all give us different, yet similar words of wisdom.  So what exactly is this elusive key? Is it able to be found? Is it a constant for everyone?

I believe the answer is no.  No, it cannot be "found" like a lost article of clothing or a good luck trinket.  No, it is not a constant entity that is the same for everyone.  No, it is not one single simplistic word, or thought, or action, or way of doing things, or entity of any kind.  I have come to learn, that the key to happiness is within yourself.  An individual way of thinking, acting, and living that exists in each of us.  Allow me to elaborate.

Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a girl that honestly believed that if she did everything that everyone else wanted her to do in the exact way that made everyone else happy, she would be the best person she could be, and therefore, be happy herself.  Over a period of many years, she came to realize that just because someone else wanted things done a certain way, or thought that she should act or be a certain way, that was ultimately life as it should be lived according to that other person, not to her. In essence, she was making herself miserable, and losing the parts of herself that made her happy, by trying so desperately hard to make sure everyone else was happy and secure with how she handled everything in her life. Once she came to this realization, and began to do things in ways that worked for her, some of those close to her initially got their feelings hurt and many eventually faded out of her life, and, some of those that she thought were positive for her life turned out to be not so positive for her at all. There were a few, though, that even though they initially were confused or resisted the change, ultimately became the people who truly respected, understood, and are, to this day, her closest confidants and biggest supporters.  That change also opened her up to new people who loved and respected her for exactly who she was and how she chose to live.

The moral of the story is this ...... happiness is what works for each individual person.  There is no "key".  There is no one single path.  There is no magic potion or perfect way of acting or living.  It is simply being who you are and not allowing anyone or anything else, be it friend or foe, family or non, neither colleagues nor strangers, to have the power to control or change what is ultimately best for You.

Life is filled with combinations of stress and relaxation, happiness and sadness, joy and despair, hopeful moments and depressive moments.  That's the point.  Living each of them to the fullest makes us human.  Squelching our natural selves so that others are happy doesn't allow us to live those moments at all.  Our ability to be happy also changes in nature over time.  What worked when we were kids, or teenagers (did anything work when we were teenagers?!), changes.  Through each decade of life, and each stage of life, that which makes us most happy is in constant flux, yet, if we allow ourselves to simply be ourselves, it can absolutely be found within each of us, and happiness achieved.

I challenge everyone reading this blog to try at least one of these .... the next time you walk to the store or walk the dog, notice something new or different that you pass every 10 to 12 steps; the next time you go into a store of any kind, smile at someone for no reason at all or say "have a great day" to a total stranger; and notice the reactions in both yourself and the other person. The next time you feel stressed out, paint what you feel, or play with a pet, or knit a scarf in bright colors you wouldn't normally use, or plant a beautiful flower by your window.  Notice the beauty of the most simple things around you.  Do a yoga sun salutation each morning, or simply take your coffee cup with you outdoors, breathe in the air and look at what's surrounding you, wherever you may be. The smallest things can be the biggest triggers to finding your niche, so don't discount them.

Whatever works for You, is Your key to happiness.  It doesn't have to be complex, it's simply whatever brings a smile to your face, or a temporary quiet to your mind.  Find it and embrace it, whatever "it" may be.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Life Learned From Art

Show closings are always bittersweet.  The show that I've been performing in closed last night. It has been an absolutely fantastic run. Great, productive rehearsals with just enough goofing off and laughing at each other, sold out shows, constant adrenaline highs from enthusiastic audiences, stellar reviews, laughter & inside jokes backstage with the cast, and the thrill of being cast with and getting to perform as a couple with my "significant other" .... after the final curtain closes and the final bows are taken it's both disconcerting & somehow a bit sad.

No more show calls, no more rehearsals, no more adjusting schedules to make sure one is where one needs to be with time to get into character, and, if it's a show night, transform yourself physically into whatever character you're portraying. Initially, it feels confusing & weird.  Like, what do people do when they have free time??

Every show I perform in, I somehow seem to learn a lesson or two of some sort. It may be because of the direction, or the interaction with the cast, or the character I'm portraying herself, but there always seems to be at least one life lesson there.

This show in particular, I played a narcissistic, sexually independent woman who happens to be having a "fling" with a mafia hitman .... who just happens to be her therapist's brother. Needless to say, that is not where my lessons occurred ... other than possibly learning my character's ability to completely let go and be exactly who you are regardless of what anyone else thinks .. which is not necessarily a bad lesson for my life!

This show, however, taught me Perseverance. No matter what else is happening in your life or how stressful it may be, persevere to be prepared, know your lines, understand your character, interact with and actively listen to what's going on around you, and above all, leave your personal issues outside the stage door. Step away from the malarkey of daily life and honestly become a completely different person (in the eyes of the audience) for a few hours a night. That truly is one of the beauties (and benefits!) of acting. The ability to step out of your own life for a few hours a day. It is a lesson, however, that can be applied under normal circumstances.

There will always be things both small and large in our lives that will cause stress, cause pain, cause anguish, or simply create complete befuddlement of our brains. The ability to step away, let go, and focus on what's directly in front of you that needs your attention at the time, to persevere no matter what else is happening around you is an attribute that we all should strive for. Without it, we allow the negative and mundane to take over our lives, and we risk missing out on the fabulous moments that we could achieve if only we continued to focus & persevere.

Life is a marathon. Don't give up just before the final mile is finished. There just might be something fantastic around that final corner.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Sometimes "Everything" is an adage

As many of you who read my blogs may have noticed, I've had an emotional couple weeks. While yes, I do tend to write in generalities, I do actually write from life experiences ... mainly to refocus my brain in a more positive manner!

There are so many events and situations that have occurred over these past few weeks, I feel like I'm spinning in a never ending emotional tornado at times.

My boyfriend made a comment the other day regarding stresses of his own, "I know all of this is supposedly happening for a reason or lesson. How do I determine what that is?!" That, is the ultimate question for which there is no clear answer. Some people say "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Others say "it takes a truly strong person to cry, to let things out, and to attempt to move forward with life." Still others say "You're only as strong as you choose to allow yourself to be," and even other people say "you make the bed, you gotta lie in it!" After much thought, introspection, and consideration, I believe a combination of all these to be true. Allow me to explain ....

While everything we do in life is, in reality, an active choice we make at that time, and how we choose to handle the repercussions or glories of those choices are no one's responsibility but our own, there are many situations in life that occur completely out of our control. Some are great, some are horrid, some are euphoric, and some resemble the depths of hell. I said in a previous blog that it was told to me that our Feelings are never wrong, our Actions resulting from and our Reactions to those feelings are what make the difference.

Personally, I've made some really stupid, horrible decisions in life, but I've made some incredibly fantastic, fabulous ones too. We all have. At times we all feel hopeless or hopeful, like a failure or a complete success, sad or happy, elated and ambitious or in the depths of despair.  A person pointed out to me recently "I've watched you lose everything", yet I've gained so much!  I lost my job via illness and layoff, but gained my sanity and life direction. I lost my car, but gained freedom in so many ways including walking through a park daily to get home just because it's there and I don't have the transportation crutch of a car to keep me from choosing not to. If "losing everything " is mainly to do with the things that can be bought, well, they're worth losing to make room for better, more important things.

I choose to be a mom and do the best I can for my children daily. That may not always be monetary ability, but they talk to me, we have amazing times together by mutual choice, and I try to be there for them with an open ear and open mind no matter what. I choose to live with the man that I love and adore. Every day may not be perfect bliss, but we are each others' trust, rock, and absolutely the "yin to each other's yang". I choose to be a full time student, not only to ultimately have a true career in an area I'm interested in and passionate about, but also to set the example for my kids that it's never too late to go back and complete what was started in the first place or to be what you truly should and wanted to be in the first place. I live in a place and area of this city that I love, my partner is the love of my life, I'm fascinated by what I study in school, I get paid to choreograph, dance, act, and paint ... I simply don't see the aforementioned loss of "Everything".

Recently I watched my youngest child go through "graduation" ceremonies from elementary to middle school. I cried. Yep, I did. I cried with pride for all he's accomplished, and mommy worry over all that he has yet to experience that I'll not be able to protect him from. I felt nostalgia for those moments in his childhood when he would run immediately to me if anything scary in his life occurred. My hope for him is that he learns the lessons I've learned at an earlier age than I.

In response to the original adages, if you're not physically killed by it, can find a way to get whatever "it" is out of your system through cathartic and/or positive activities, push forward to better yourself in whatever way possible, admit your faults and pay your dues for those faults if needed, treat others in the same empathic manner in which you yourself would hope to be treated, and to simply put your feet on the ground to attempt to move forward daily, there's no way that those universal reasons won't reveal themselves in due time.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Intentions vs. Actions ... The Chicken or The Egg?

Intentions versus actions.  Both can be misconstrued or completely appreciated.  Both can be understood or misunderstood.  Both can be positive or negative.  Both have the power to lift others up into a happier place, or to bring others down into the depths of despair.  Is one more important than the other?

Our intentions tend to drive our actions.  What happens when the intentions don't match the actions in the eyes of others?  Does that mean that our intentions were impure?  The intention to create a surprise for someone we love that will make them happy after a tough day, but the action brings up unknown, unhappy memories from their past that only makes things worse ... the intention to help a friend, but the action causes unintentional grief ... the intention to guide a child in a positive direction, but the action causes them confusion and hurt in the aftermath.  What about the other side?  When someone intends to be hurtful or crass or just plain mean, but the actions only cause laughter and ego-bruising for the person intending to be hurtful ... what happens to intention versus action then?

It's almost a "which comes first, the chicken or the egg" question.  The old adage is "actions speak louder than words", but what happens when the actions create an unintended result in either direction?  Should we place more importance on the intention with which the action was undertaken, or the resulting action regardless of the intention?  My personal opinion is that communication to understand the origin of the action is crucial.  It's understandable to feel hurt by an action, but that hurt can be assuaged, or at the least, lessened, by realizing and understanding the intention.  No one is perfect, so what seems to be a plausible action or reaction to one person, might seem unrealistic or inappropriate to another.  All relationships, from co-workers to friends to significant others to life partners, benefit from attempting to understand the intention behind another's actions.  Taking that minute or two to hear someone out instead of jumping to a possibly incorrect conclusion is a key component in any relationship.  I truly believe that.  We may not always understand each other immediately, but our relationships can ultimately stand the test of time with just a little open-mindedness and curiosity of understanding.

I suppose my point is that the intention can definitely be more important than the action taken.  If the intention was pure and positive, then to me, any unintentional, negative results from the actions are ultimately completely forgivable.  If the intentions were mean and horrid, then any unintentional positive results from the actions are ultimately a happy surprise.  Intentions versus Actions ... I don't know if one is truly more powerful than the other, but I'd rather focus on the intent.  To me, it seems an infinitely more important, more telling focus.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Output of Fire

Fire is one of the most therapeutic, fantastic, inspiring elements on the planet (to me).  It provides warmth, light, positiveness, and burns away that which we choose to no longer hold onto.  How awesome is that?!

We sat out by our fire-pit for a couple hours tonight ... so relaxing and lovely.  There is truly something about sitting beside a live fire (not the "fake" gas enabled ones) that simply calms one's senses,  The warmth, the solidness of the logs, the disintegration of anything you happen to throw into it, the beauty of the flames and the glowing embers.  It is truly an organic beauty of an experience.

In work, in school, in family dynamics, in life, are we not similar to the embers and the flames?  There are many moments that any of us is "smoldering" ... figuring things out but not yet ready to let loose.  Then there's the "glowing". So many people "glow" in society but may not realize that they are "warming" those around them.  How unfortunate that they don't realize their worth with regards to everyone they encounter.

The loveliness of the fire and the logs, the dancing flames randomly working themselves through the barriers that might otherwise keep them from the air, which makes those flames further reaching.  How many of us are filled with "fire" to accomplish something, be it a task or job or goal, but in order to achieve that which we desire we must randomly work our way through multiple barriers?  I know it happens to me.  I also know that those dancing, frolicking, colorful flames are similar to the alternative arenas in which I tend to look for "the way through" .... is that true for anyone else?  Is how we look to find a way through situations that may challenge us or stress us indicative of our own colorful personalities?

What about the smoke that rises like ghosts out of what is being disintegrated from something like a fire-pit? What if we took the potential energy of the embers and combined it with the expending energy of the smoke ghosts?  Would it create something unworldly in our minds or imaginations?  Would any of us have the courage to act upon it?

As far as I can see, it's all subjective. Everything in this world is how one actively chooses to view things.  A rainy day can be viewed as a deterrent, or an opportunity to meander in the rain while playing like a happy child in the puddles ... a social media comment that denotes something that goes completely against everything you hold dear can be viewed as a depressant that keeps you up all night, or a challenge to be the better person that helps you look yourself in the mirror each morning ... a voice mail or text or letter that says derogatory things can either cause you to believe you're not good enough, or something that lights those embers underneath you to start a fire flame that simply burns with warmth toward humankind and refuses to put forth ghosts of smoke to blind others in its path.

Isn't it, essentially, up to each and every one of us to determine our reactions to every situation?

Simply my thoughts as I stare at the lovely, warm disintegrating embers of this fire that I enjoyed for most of the evening.  Feel free to come to your own conclusions.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress