"Wrinkles" In Politics and Humanity

Recently, I finally got the chance to watch A Wrinkle In Time.  Don't judge.  It was one of my favorite books when I was a pre-teen.  I remember sitting in the school library, immersed in that book, thinking to myself, 'if Meg can do it, so can I!'  That book gave me confidence, courage, and hope during an extremely difficult time in my childhood.  Watching that movie brought back memories .. not all of them wonderful.  However, it also brought to light parts of the story that I had forgotten, or maybe just not understood due to my youth. Parts of the story that, I feel, are truly relevant to life and the current political climate.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basis of the story, Meg is the preteen, self-doubting heroine that travels through space and time with her genius preschool brother, and their neighborhood friend, to save their scientist father who has been missing for many years.  The pretense is that travel between far areas of the universe is, in fact, able to be done by tesseract (which is a sort of bending of time by specific vibration).  Meg's father had discovered this and accidentally gotten trapped on a dark planet, created by an evil force called 'The IT', from whence there was no seemable escape ... until his children come to save him.  Obviously, there are many more intricacies that are too numerous to go into in this blog .. (go watch the movie!) .. however, the manner in which the screenplay depicted the three muses, and their assistance tactics within the children's quest was wonderfully hopeful and enlightening for our current world.

I find it intrinsically fascinating that the name of the 'planet' created by 'The IT', is 'Camazotz'.  The planet Camazotz initially appears in the movie with a menacing growl and the far off appearance of a cancerous tumor spreading its tentacles. Interestingly enough, the name 'Camazotz' is the name of the Mayan bat god associated with darkness, death, and sacrifice.  How apropos that the core of the evil force in this tale should be named after that. 
One of the muses in A Wrinkle In Time, Mrs. Which, counsels Meg that "The only thing in the universe that travels faster than light is darkness.  It invades the place inside of us where hope and joy lives and replaces it with jealousy, judgement, pain and despair."  Additionally, she notes that, "The IT does this one person at a time .. fear takes over, fear leads to rage, then rage leads to violence."  So jealousy, judgement, pain, and despair lead to fear, which then lead to rage, which then lead to violence.  Somehow I can only think of the current political climate.  A state where currently, we have a U.S. President that espouses fear and hatred far more than empathy and understanding.  As one BBC article recently put it "Donald Trump does politics with one crucial psychological insight. Rage is an emotion that sticks around a lot longer than hope." (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-46099744)  How is this a positive thing for the U.S. or the world in general?  Day after day, we fight against the rage and hatred of religious sects and fringe groups that espouse nothing but bigoted disgust and disdain for those different from them. We fight them in the hope that the positive, shining light of democracy will win out. Yet the U.S. President takes joy in rallying the evil troops?

The henchman for 'The IT' in A Wrinkle In Time, is ultimately shown to be a marionette of the entity.  Prior to revealing this, he tells the children "Everything is taken care of in total without options or alternatives."  What a chilling statement.  Almost as chilling as the scene where all the houses on the cul-de-sac are exactly the same, with a single child in each driveway bouncing a ball in absolute unison.  It's a visual statement that leans towards the mindless flock of sheep mentality, which currently seems to be permeating the nation.  However, there are rays of hope.  Not everyone views the world through the same hue of glasses.  Once Meg puts on the prism glasses given to her by the muses when they leave the children on Camazotz, she is able to see that things are not as they seem.  The area is not enclosed, her father is actually held captive there, and she can, in fact, reach him.  I suppose our world is a lot like that.  Sometimes you just need to look through a different set of glasses to find the real answers.

I think that the most poignant moment for me in this movie, stems from another quote from Mrs. Which, "Do you realize how many events and choices had to occur, since the birth of the universe, to lead to the making of you, just exactly as you are?"  

There are times in life when we all feel down, feel depressed, doubt our choices, even doubt ourselves and question our own self-worth.  It happens to everyone.  It's human nature.  It's also a natural part of growing up.  Having those feelings and thoughts, however, does not make them a true reflection of who we are.  Our lives are essentially mirrors.  Mirrors of our thoughts, mirrors of our actions, and most importantly, mirrors of those surrounding us.  Whom we choose to closely surround ourselves with has the ability to, many times, show us the clearest reflection of ourselves, but only if we are willing to look. 

It is easy to get bogged down in the minutiae of societal expectations, political rhetoric, and judgement, but, if we allow ourselves to truly see what those closest to us see in our hearts and minds, we can then begin to embrace and live up to the amazing people we actually have the potential to be, regardless of society's chain gang mentality.  As we learned in Wrinkle, love is the only force that can destroy the darkness of 'The IT'.  Love ultimately destroys jealousy, love destroys judgement, love destroys pain and despair.  How we treat others, how we speak to others, how we respect those who think differently than us, is the truest measure of humanity. That's definitely something that the President, and all of those running for office, should remember every time they open their mouths.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Choices

"You never know how strong you are, until Strong is the only choice you have."

Life is a series of choices.  Whether we realize it or not, all situations, good and bad, are created of our own doing.  Simple things like choosing to run up the street to the grocery store when we're hungry, purchasing more than we actually need (hungry in the grocery store always seems to work out that way!), then receiving a notice that the account has been overdrawn by an online bill posting through later that day, is due (in part) to choosing to shop at the grocery hungry, not choosing to check the account before shopping, and choosing to ignore the date on the calendar for when the bill is going to be paid.  Choosing to play in a pick up game of a favorite sport after being told by one's doctor about a joint injury, subsequently causing the injury to become worse, resulting in a painful sleepless night, and being exhausted the following day, is a choice of our own doing resulting in, not just pain, but exhaustion, lack of mental alertness, and possible grumpiness.  On the flip side, choosing to find delight and joy in small moments of every day, like noticing a new flower in the yard, or enjoying the feel of warm sunshine on your face, or rejoicing in the triumph of someone close to you (or a small, daily triumph of your own!), can make any day a positive one simply by choosing to view it that way.  It's all about our personal choices on a minute by minute, hourly, and daily basis.

A friend of mine made the comment, "Life is a constant spiral upward or downward, but it's never stagnant."  How true!  When we choose to respect those around us & treat them with kindness, no matter if they are someone on the street, someone that we work with, someone we love, or even ourselves, our choice of using positivity in daily life will create a ripple effect of the same.  Not just in our own lives, but also in the lives of others.  Choosing to hold onto anger, hold onto fear, or hold onto negativity, and treat others, or ourselves, in that manner, results in what seems like a dark cloud around us that envelopes everyone else we come in contact with.  It's unfortunate, but true.  We all claim to try to make the best choices for our own lives, but do we really?  Blaming anyone or anything for our own actions and reactions is simply an attempt at putting our heads in the sand like an ostrich and refusing to see our own responsibility for the situation.  Life is constantly moving forward in one direction or another.  Which direction it moves is solely up to us.

So, choose Letting Go.  Choose Joy.  Choose Happiness.  Choose Respect.  Choose Responsibility for Your Own Life.  Let go of that which is negative.  You may just find more happiness and strength in each moment of every day than you ever knew possible.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Serenity of Gratefulness

The beginning of a new year tends to bring about reminiscences of the passing year's adventures had, triumphs won, and moments lost. It's difficult not to rejoice in the new year's upcoming possibilities without dwelling, at least momentarily, upon times past.

I had lunch with a sweet friend the other day. Both of us have experienced fairly major life changes over the past year. As we chatted and laughed, enjoying the few hours we had without worries or responsibilities, I felt a sense of carefree happiness, the likes of which I haven't felt in many months. It occurred to me, that being grateful for moments of that nature, is a much better use of my year-end reminiscing than worrying about the past, or the future. So, in an effort to pay homage to all forms of moments upcoming, and those gone but not forgotten, I've decided to write a Grateful List.

 

• Family - Through good and bad, exciting and mundane, happy and sad, they are and will always be a constant. There are times that their well-meaning assistance helps, and there are times that it has been known to drive us all a bit nuts, but family will always be a part of our lives. Our children and all the insightful, surprising lessons they teach us, just by being themselves, every day; our parents and family members with all of their well-meaning help and encouragement, even though they may frustrate us at times because their views and beliefs may not coincide with our own, from them we have the ability to learn so much about ourselves and the world around us. A living breathing reminder of who we are, where we've come from, and the manifestation of the hopes for generations to come. For that, I am Grateful.
• Relationships - No matter whether they're current or former, positive or negative, happy or painful, there is always something learned from each and every one. Some lessons are about how we perceive others, some are about how we view ourselves. As long as we pay attention and utilize the lessons that are there for us, no relationship is ever a waste of time. Even the ones that make us wonder how on earth we could have been that stupid hold valuable lessons for us to take forward in our lives. I am grateful for the lessons of past and present relationships.
• There are so many other things, big and small, that we might overlook in the hustle and bustle of daily life, that are cause for reflection and a moment of gratitude towards the universe. The smile of a child, the sight of a flower or beautiful sunset. The warmth of a hug, the kindness of a stranger, the sound of laughter with a friend. Random acts of kindness, or someone simply taking the time to listen and care. The warmth and scent of a roaring fire on a chilly evening, the caress of a cool breeze on a hot day, the pure joy of a pet's loving greeting upon your arrival home (even if you've only been gone for a few minutes!). A place to call home, the aroma of fresh baked goods, the sound of music on a starry night. For all of these things, and many more, I am truly grateful.

Take a moment, in the birth month of this new year, to stop, contemplate, and enjoy the immediate present. No matter what that immediate present may be, I bet you find a bit of happiness in it. All you have to do is stop, look, and be there.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

In The Aftermath of Beloved Loss ... What Can We Learn?

Robin Williams died today.  Not via some physically degenerating disease, or by someone else's hand, his demise was to succumb to suicide after a long, difficult battle with depression.  The ripple effect created by anyone's suicide is enormous and debilitating for those left behind in its wake.  No tidal wave or tsunami on this planet can wreak the level of havoc that is felt emotionally by those affected, especially the ones closest to the suicide victim.  

Yes, victim.  I use the word victim because even though the person may have taken their life by their own hand, the weeks, the days, the moments leading up to such a final decision are as excruciating and painful as any physical disease could possibly be.  We've all seen that commercial with the phrase "depression hurts", but unless you've been in the depths of despair that true, deep depression creates, you have no idea of how it affects one's mind, one's outlook, one's self-perception.  While we, as an audience, adored, appreciated, and admired Robin Williams for many years as an actor and comedian, and we, as an audience, feel deep sorrowful loss over his death, he may have never realized how far reaching our true appreciation of him and his craft continued to be.  Depression is a disease that plays horrible tricks on your psyche, and, left untreated or not properly and effectively treated, can ultimately kill you just as easily as any brain tumor.  It can cripple a person of its own accord, or in conjunction with a variety of other emotional or mental issues such as bi-polar disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders, eating disorders ..... the list is endless.

I can only imagine the intense pain, grief, and moments of "what if" that his family and closest friends are experiencing right now.  I myself have been on both sides of that kind of grief and pain.  From losing close friends to suicide at a young age and dealing with the "what if" guilt, to being in the depths of depression so severe that I contemplated, and at one point actually planned, the same suicidal demise for myself.  Both sides are horrible places to be, but for those left behind, the horror is infinitely longer lasting and can affect your countenance, your emotions, and your decision processes with regards to relationships for the rest of your life.

My heart goes out to his family and friends, and I sincerely hope that they ultimately receive the counselling so integral to not allowing his death to take over the remainder of their lives.  For anyone who is contemplating the same fate, don't.  No matter how dark and filled with a black void the future seems, it truly is not.  Get help.  And if you know someone who seems to be going down that dark path of severe depression, reach out.  If I hadn't had a friend reach out to me many years ago under those same circumstances, I wouldn't be here today writing this blog you're reading!  Above all, never forget that no matter how bleak or desperate life seems at the moment, or has seemed over however long a period of time, there is always good, there are always those who care whether you realize it or not, and there is always HOPE ... no matter how far-fetched it may seem at the current moment.  

Robin Williams may have died, but don't allow his death to be a blotch on the psyche of society, allow it to raise awareness for the severity and consequences that mental illness and depression can create.  He brought joy to so many through the last few decades.  Maybe his death can raise awareness to the point that others who may not have sought help before, learn to find joy within themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Help For and Information About Depression:

• http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/help-for-depression#TreatmentFacts1
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
• http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/18/9-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-when-you-have-depression/

Suicide Assistance:

• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm
• http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
• http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

The Myth Of Perfection

Perfection. The ultimate, always desired, unattainable goal. We all want it in some form. Rarely does one hear someone say "I'm striving for average." Yet what is perfection? Is it a universal entity, or something that is completely subjective to each individual? Why does it stress us out so badly when it's supposed to be (theoretically) what will cause the greatest happiness? If someone puts forth their best effort possible under their particular circumstances, but can't quite achieve what others view as the best possible outcome, does that mean that person is doomed to live a life of disappointment?  A life in which they'll never measure up? Why is it so important to so many of us to be the best and most successful according to other's perceptions?

We're bombarded with it daily. Every time we turn on a television and see a commercial, every time we open a magazine, every time someone tells us we can do or be better, every time we look in the mirror and see even a minute flaw that others may not even notice. It's always there. Haunting us. Telling us subconsciously that we don't measure up. Reminding us that we are not everything that "should" be or that we try to be. Why? If you don't look like "this", or live your life like "this", or dress a certain way, or follow a certain thought process, or make straight A's, or achieve a certain level of financial success .... the list goes on and on. It's exhausting.

Perfection is a myth. A horrible, demeaning myth designed by those who probably are in some way dissatisfied or disappointed with their own lives and wish for others to be as dissatisfied and disappointed as they are. No one is perfect in every facet of their life and being. No one goes through their days on this earth without making a single mistake. We all have our great moments, our screw-up moments, and even our awkward moments. It's called being Human.

Personally, I beat myself up constantly over mistakes and "imperfections" of every kind. I'm learning to work on that. To attempt to ignore the voices in every direction around me and work towards what's the best I can be. It isn't easy, but I'm sure it will ultimately be worth it once I get there. Maybe that's what perfection really is. The ability to recognize the naysayers and societal pressure, then simply put forth your best efforts and do what's best for your own life in the end. Thoughts to ponder.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Love, Empathy, and Clouds

What do you do when someone you love is going through a horribly difficult time that stresses out every ounce of their being? It's actually a pretty difficult question. Being there for them ... being truly present & listening is always an option, but sometimes talking it out only makes things worse for the one that's hurting. Hugs are always good ... the kind that are warm, & caring, & completely enveloping, but once the hug is released, the pain is still there. Gifts are only a temporary smile, and activities designed to redirect their mind only work while the activity is occurring ... then their mind reverts again. It truly is a dilemma.

How do you help someone you deeply care for feel more positive when they can't find positive on their own?

I know, from personal experience, that being in the depths of despair is impossible to climb out of other than momentarily. There's no amount of frivolity, or laughter, or hugs, or sunshine that can keep the annoying little dark thunder cloud from following you about. Those things may disperse it for a short while, but ultimately it storms back up again, directly overhead. The good fortune of others, while you desperately want to feel happiness for them, only reiterates the horrid thoughts about yourself in your own mind. I think that it's actually what the British mean by the term "sticky wicket"!

I have also learned that the only way to truly bring yourself out of a horrible, ultimate funk, is to actively do something about it. I tend to paint and mosaic, as it helps me feel that I'm purposefully creating positive change out of that which was bland & negative before. Everyone is different, so each individual has to find their own niche of creating positive in their surroundings. Burying one's head may quell the pain temporarily, but actively Allowing yourself to create it out, cry it out, exercise it out, work it out, Get It Out is the only way to truly dissipate that dark cloud. Those around you who love & care can & will assist & support, but the only person with the power to make the dark cloud truly leave is the person to whom that cloud belongs.

I suppose that no matter how much you love someone, no matter how deeply you care, or how strongly you support them, the choice is ultimately theirs. You can point out the sunshine that lies beyond the clouds in every way possible, but it's up to them to push through the storm to the happiness beyond the clouds in the end.

I shall now end with a favorite Dr. Seuss quote that I hope inspires: "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some come from ahead, some come from behind, but I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready, you see, Now My Troubles Are Going To Have Troubles With Me!"

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Output of Fire

Fire is one of the most therapeutic, fantastic, inspiring elements on the planet (to me).  It provides warmth, light, positiveness, and burns away that which we choose to no longer hold onto.  How awesome is that?!

We sat out by our fire-pit for a couple hours tonight ... so relaxing and lovely.  There is truly something about sitting beside a live fire (not the "fake" gas enabled ones) that simply calms one's senses,  The warmth, the solidness of the logs, the disintegration of anything you happen to throw into it, the beauty of the flames and the glowing embers.  It is truly an organic beauty of an experience.

In work, in school, in family dynamics, in life, are we not similar to the embers and the flames?  There are many moments that any of us is "smoldering" ... figuring things out but not yet ready to let loose.  Then there's the "glowing". So many people "glow" in society but may not realize that they are "warming" those around them.  How unfortunate that they don't realize their worth with regards to everyone they encounter.

The loveliness of the fire and the logs, the dancing flames randomly working themselves through the barriers that might otherwise keep them from the air, which makes those flames further reaching.  How many of us are filled with "fire" to accomplish something, be it a task or job or goal, but in order to achieve that which we desire we must randomly work our way through multiple barriers?  I know it happens to me.  I also know that those dancing, frolicking, colorful flames are similar to the alternative arenas in which I tend to look for "the way through" .... is that true for anyone else?  Is how we look to find a way through situations that may challenge us or stress us indicative of our own colorful personalities?

What about the smoke that rises like ghosts out of what is being disintegrated from something like a fire-pit? What if we took the potential energy of the embers and combined it with the expending energy of the smoke ghosts?  Would it create something unworldly in our minds or imaginations?  Would any of us have the courage to act upon it?

As far as I can see, it's all subjective. Everything in this world is how one actively chooses to view things.  A rainy day can be viewed as a deterrent, or an opportunity to meander in the rain while playing like a happy child in the puddles ... a social media comment that denotes something that goes completely against everything you hold dear can be viewed as a depressant that keeps you up all night, or a challenge to be the better person that helps you look yourself in the mirror each morning ... a voice mail or text or letter that says derogatory things can either cause you to believe you're not good enough, or something that lights those embers underneath you to start a fire flame that simply burns with warmth toward humankind and refuses to put forth ghosts of smoke to blind others in its path.

Isn't it, essentially, up to each and every one of us to determine our reactions to every situation?

Simply my thoughts as I stare at the lovely, warm disintegrating embers of this fire that I enjoyed for most of the evening.  Feel free to come to your own conclusions.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Musings From The Outside Looking In

Just read the most amazing book, "The Celestine Prophecy".  I love fiction that has enough truth in it that it makes you think, question, and reassess. This book did exactly that.

Life has so much constant competition in it. There's the obvious, like sports, and politics, and careers.  Then there's the not so obvious.  Relationships of every kind have their own forms of competition. The child that wants to create their own identity separate from their parents, and the parents that want to mold the child's future in the way they believe is best. The friends that secretly try to ensure they have the prettiest hair or the most fabulous outfit, while outwardly complimenting their counterparts.  The constant push for being heard and understood in a relationship, or simply the battle against unseen outside influences just to keep that relationship alive.  So many of these "competitions" leave us feeling drained, exhausted, and stressed, instead of the happy, fulfilled exuberance that we all ultimately would want out of life.  Why do we tend to push so hard, when those battles create feelings of the exact opposite nature than what we want?

Imagine what life would be like, how our relationships with others would be like, if we focused on empowering everyone around us.  If we strove to listen with both our ears and our eyes to truly comprehend the honest needs of all situations, and then followed through with our actions to compliment that comprehension. How might we act differently, or react differently in basic everyday situations?  Would our relationships with family, with friends, with coworkers, even with passing strangers, become calmer & more positive or productive?  If absolutely everyone operated that way, wouldn't everyone become stronger, feel better, be more empowered on all levels?

I do not subscribe to the idea of a Utopian society, nor do I think that the world is not made better without a variety of opinions and different ways of doing things.  It would be an excruciatingly boring existence if everyone thought and acted the exact same as everyone else.  But if there were less focus on judging, on rooting out the negative, on how "I'm right, so you must be wrong" ..... wouldn't basic daily life be ultimately easier, ultimately better for everyone, regardless of race, creed, or religion?  Food for thought.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress