Any Unsilenced Voice

Its been a long time since I've posted, and for that I apologize. You see, I allowed others to silence my voice. This is not anyone's fault but my own. While going through the healing process from a violent breakup of an abusive relationship, I acquiesced to requests that, I'm sure, were for my safety at the time. I love and respect those voices, but the national situation at hand is a ripple effect that should no longer, and Never be held silent.

As a parent, I cannot pretend to know what the surviving parents and families of school shootings are going through. Nor do I want to. However, this type of tragedy is, unfortunately, becoming a harsh, terrifying reality on a daily basis. You only have to turn on the news, and the vast majority of information revolves around someone getting shot, or murdered, or killing themselves and others in places that we all once thought of as safe havens. I watched the #ListeningSession with President Trump on YouTube tonight.  Tears rolled down my face as I listened to the parents and kids speak.  As I listened I realized that, while I was ensconced in my own little world of issues, these teenagers who had firsthand experienced terrifying tragedy beyond comprehension were able to get out of bed and spur on an entire nation to change the world ... who was I to cowardly sit silent in fear?!  No. More.

When My generation was in middle and high school (yep, I'm going to date myself here), the biggest worry was brass knuckles and fights with that kind of thing after school.  We did have suicides, but the vast majority of them were not due to guns.  Now, in this age of 3D printers that can produce firearms, where does the "line in the sand" that protects our kids, and the innocent in general, lie??? I wholeheartedly agree with one of the Sandy Hook moms that spoke at the listening session with the President  .. "How many more deaths can we take as a country?? How many more times must this happen again??" Is the answer in x-ray machines and metal detectors that turn every institute of learning into a Homeland Security guarded zone?  Is it in educating the population in mental wellness, and creating a society that does not view mental illness such as depression, bipolar, and schizophrenia as taboo incurable subjects?  Is it in honest, non-political discussion and implementation of adjustments to gun rights laws that respect the 2nd Amendment, but police and deter those who do not have the empathetic capability for humanity, and/or are not old enough to completely grasp the consequences of using guns responsibly?  In my mind, all of these are viable reasons to revisit the gun laws, to amend the 2nd amendment, and to go all the way to the Supreme Court and demand that Nationally Something Must Change so that the innocent in our population are safe on a daily basis!

One of the Sandy Hook fathers who pioneered the non-profit group Rachel's Challenge commented during the session, "If we focus too much on diversity, we create division, and if we focus too much on unity, we create compromise.  However, if we focus on Relatedness, and how we can relate with one another, we can celebrate diversity and we can see the unity take place.  The focus needs to be on how we connect."  When it comes to mental wellness I can only agree completely. The lack of knowledge and understanding by the general population of anything that falls under the heading of "mental illness" or any other stigma that is not considered "normal" in our society is abysmal.  This needs to change.  Regardless, anyone who attempts to end their life, or puts live wishes to do so on social media, at the very least, should not be legally allowed to own or utilize a firearm of any kind, much less an assault weapon.  Quite honestly, I cannot image why the NRA would not back a platform of this nature.  No one is saying not to own a gun.  They are simply saying that those who are mentally unstable and more likely to cause harm to themselves or others should not be able to purchase one. The NRA has always put forth the mantra that it is people that kill people, not the gun  ....  in that vein of belief I can only assume that they would Fully back an amendment that is not a rights violation, but a safeguard for those who need safety! Suicide is currently the number 2 killer of our kids in the USA.  Knowledge is definitely prevention.

To my way of thinking, all of this is a ripple effect.  The #MeToo movement was due to forms of abuse that grew to refuse to be silent.  Abuse takes many forms, including violent ones, in every area of all our lives.  From school shootings, to adolescent and teen suicide, to domestic violence (of which I know too well), to drive by shootings of innocent bystanders, a change in all gun laws to protect the innocent and derail the ability of those not worthy or capable of respecting the weapon is crucial!  Changes in background checks & age limitations, changes in state laws, awareness, and, not just responsibility but Accountability, all are key in proactively creating a world where this type of tragedy Never Happens Again. 

#PresidentTrump, you campaigned on "Make America Great Again" ... here's your chance.  Proactively do it!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

#parklandstudentsspeak  #enoughisenough  #itsnotaboutpolitics  #studentsstandup #stoptheviolence

In The Aftermath of Beloved Loss ... What Can We Learn?

Robin Williams died today.  Not via some physically degenerating disease, or by someone else's hand, his demise was to succumb to suicide after a long, difficult battle with depression.  The ripple effect created by anyone's suicide is enormous and debilitating for those left behind in its wake.  No tidal wave or tsunami on this planet can wreak the level of havoc that is felt emotionally by those affected, especially the ones closest to the suicide victim.  

Yes, victim.  I use the word victim because even though the person may have taken their life by their own hand, the weeks, the days, the moments leading up to such a final decision are as excruciating and painful as any physical disease could possibly be.  We've all seen that commercial with the phrase "depression hurts", but unless you've been in the depths of despair that true, deep depression creates, you have no idea of how it affects one's mind, one's outlook, one's self-perception.  While we, as an audience, adored, appreciated, and admired Robin Williams for many years as an actor and comedian, and we, as an audience, feel deep sorrowful loss over his death, he may have never realized how far reaching our true appreciation of him and his craft continued to be.  Depression is a disease that plays horrible tricks on your psyche, and, left untreated or not properly and effectively treated, can ultimately kill you just as easily as any brain tumor.  It can cripple a person of its own accord, or in conjunction with a variety of other emotional or mental issues such as bi-polar disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders, eating disorders ..... the list is endless.

I can only imagine the intense pain, grief, and moments of "what if" that his family and closest friends are experiencing right now.  I myself have been on both sides of that kind of grief and pain.  From losing close friends to suicide at a young age and dealing with the "what if" guilt, to being in the depths of depression so severe that I contemplated, and at one point actually planned, the same suicidal demise for myself.  Both sides are horrible places to be, but for those left behind, the horror is infinitely longer lasting and can affect your countenance, your emotions, and your decision processes with regards to relationships for the rest of your life.

My heart goes out to his family and friends, and I sincerely hope that they ultimately receive the counselling so integral to not allowing his death to take over the remainder of their lives.  For anyone who is contemplating the same fate, don't.  No matter how dark and filled with a black void the future seems, it truly is not.  Get help.  And if you know someone who seems to be going down that dark path of severe depression, reach out.  If I hadn't had a friend reach out to me many years ago under those same circumstances, I wouldn't be here today writing this blog you're reading!  Above all, never forget that no matter how bleak or desperate life seems at the moment, or has seemed over however long a period of time, there is always good, there are always those who care whether you realize it or not, and there is always HOPE ... no matter how far-fetched it may seem at the current moment.  

Robin Williams may have died, but don't allow his death to be a blotch on the psyche of society, allow it to raise awareness for the severity and consequences that mental illness and depression can create.  He brought joy to so many through the last few decades.  Maybe his death can raise awareness to the point that others who may not have sought help before, learn to find joy within themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Help For and Information About Depression:

• http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/help-for-depression#TreatmentFacts1
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
• http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/18/9-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-when-you-have-depression/

Suicide Assistance:

• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm
• http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm
• http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
• http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/