The Cha-Cha Dance of American Democracy

July 4th is nationally recognized as a day to celebrate American independence from British rule. And while this is definitely a day to celebrate and be thankful, it is also an opportunity to take a step back and give our current situation serious thought.

The preamble of the Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

Inspiring words, written by many equally inspiring individuals. While the Declaration of Independence is not a legally binding document, it does state the premises that America was founded upon, and under current political conditions, it brings to mind the question of whether or not our current government is upholding those premises.

"All men are created equal." While technically at the time this was written, they didn't exactly mean every human being in the country - women were considered inferior and anyone of color was given the asinine designation of 3/5 of a person (which is stupid - how is that even evolutionarily possible?!) - thanks to the 13th and 14th Amendments that issue was legally rectified.

Unfortunately, hundreds of years later, we are still experiencing some of the same biased, unenlightened rhetoric that existed back then. If everyone is equal and entitled to the same rights and due process then why are people of color subjected to harsher judicial punishments, rampant profiling, and far higher instances of death during an arrest than their caucasian counterparts?

One of the current arguments at hand is the existence of the American police force. Many groups are claiming that the origins of the police as we know it in the U.S. are slave patrols. The reality is, that fact is only true in the south or what would have been the confederacy during the American Civil War.

The earliest examples of policing were night watchmen in the 1600s created to protect colonial shipping interests (what would now be considered corporate interests). Many of the colonial night watchmen were actually criminals given the duty as a punishment - which speaks even more broadly to corruption in the police force that dates back to its origins - but the point I'm making here is that not all police forces in America date back to slave patrols. However, since according to the preamble "when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security" changes MUST be made to our country's current outdated policing, judicial, and legal system tactics. If everyone is now truly equal under Constitutional protections, then policing efforts should reflect that fact and not randomly backslide into colonial-era mentality.

In a truly interesting article entitled "The Stylistic Artistry of the Declaration" written by Stephen E. Lucas, it is noted that the Declaration of Independence actually contains a series of five propositions each building upon the other. First, "all men are created equal," which leads to "they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights," which then leads to "among these (rights) are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." 

Those first three propositions lend themselves directly to the final two "to secure these rights governments are instituted among men" and the final and what I think is the most important "whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends (meaning the aforementioned rights of everyone) it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it."

Now obviously the American forefathers were referring to unreasonable royal rule by King George from an ocean away, but our current political situation isn't honestly that much different. America has a presidency and federal government that may technically be considered 'elected', but between the electoral college that seems to override the popular vote (which should be considered the true "will of the people") and proven foreign government interference in the electoral process, our country is largely being governed by a group of narcissistic, money-grubbing nihilists that are far more concerned with personal lobbyist payouts than the needs of the populations whom they're supposed to represent. 

This fact is especially true at the leadership level - the presidency in particular. When Donald J. Trump originally took office, there were many that labored under the delusion that putting in place someone to run the country with the strategy of a corporate business would alleviate many of the perceived economic issues. In theory, that may have sounded like a good idea, but in reality, when you put a corrupt corporate leader who bankrupts his own companies, prefers to shoot first and ask questions later when it comes to policy dealings, finds the company of totalitarians and dictators preferable to that of reasonable democratic leaders, and seems to think that all White House staff and advisors should be treated like contestants in his former reality show (complete with weekly firings and social media bashings), you've literally created a situation that sends America straight down the road of tyranny that our forefathers fought so hard to eradicate.

So what can we do? First and foremost, Speak Up. No matter whether it's phone calls and letters, opinion editorials, news interviews, taking part in peaceful protests, testifying at your local and state hearings, or (especially!) the simple act of voting - the only way we are going to turn this governmental travesty around is by making the people's voices heard. 

That last point, VOTING, is incredibly important. 

Vote to end the electoral college (which was created in the late 1700s when this country was widespread and vastly undeveloped to ensure that those who did not have access to information about the presidential candidates were properly represented in the voting process - which is obviously now a moot point and has been for a long time). 

Vote to ensure term limits. It's far more likely that someone who only is allowed to hold an office for a few terms will put forth and enact legislation in the best interests of the people that they represent instead of the interests of the highest paying lobbyist that approaches them.

Vote to remove blatant corruption from elected office. The cast of players that currently hold power looks a lot like a Shakespearean tragedy. Thieves (example: Richard Burr - NC), villains (example: Mitch McConnell - KY), and groups of despots (prime example: Donald Trump, et al) abound.

Change happens one small step at a time, and even though sometimes it feels like for every step forward there are two steps back, it's all worth the effort when that perceived cha-cha of effort ultimately gets us where we need to be. 

So on this national day of thankfulness and remembrance let's be thankful for the sacrifices of those long before us that gave their lives to ensure our freedom - and let's also think and move forward to make sure their sacrifices did not go to waste!


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Primary School Lessons from the Cohen Hearings

After watching the first part of the Cohen hearing today, I felt the need to turn it off and do a negativity cleanse throughout my house. Seriously. It wasn't Cohen's testimony that caused me to react that way, although his testimony did cause me to have quite a few moments of thinking "oh holy crap!" It was the methods of posturing questioning by the House Representatives that really made it sickening. They, for the most part, conducted themselves like overly verbose primary school bullies desperately intent on taking a classmate's lunch money. The entire spectacle brought to mind the book "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten", mainly because I felt like everyone involved could benefit from reading it! On second thought, that book and a refresher course in basic manners!

If You Don't Listen You Won't Learn.

The constant interrupting and lack of ability to allow Cohen to answer any question that had just been asked was a tactic utilized by the majority of the representatives that was annoying, disheartening, and frankly, just rude. Why bother asking a question if you don't intend to listen to the answer? Furthermore, if anyone plans to get to the bottom of this quagmire, the ability to listen to the answers given to those questions is absolutely necessary. Cohen may have a questionably horrible reputation when it comes to being trustworthy in testimony, but he has more long term inside information on the situation than every other person in that room. Everyone might just learn something helpful if they all simply shut up and listened.

Don't Take Things That Aren't Yours. / Keep Your Hands to Yourself

This goes for Congress, Michael Cohen, the President's son, and most importantly, President Trump himself. No matter whether it's money, pictures, or documents, turns, words, ideas, or actions. If it isn't yours, do not touch it. Not only don't touch it, don't gossip about it, don't pretend untruthful involvement with it; just leave whatever it is that is not yours completely alone and quietly move away from it. Period. Most of the problems that brought about this hearing, in addition to the ones that occurred during the debacle of the hearing itself, could have been avoided if those simple rules had been adhered to in the first place.

Don't Be a Bully

Really don't know how much I need to elaborate here as politics seems to be the biggest bullying ring of all, especially since the supreme leader of bullying, Donald Trump, is currently the ultimate bully king! It's the worst version of trickle down effect ever known. Do these people go home and instruct their children on how to behave respectfully? If so, the hypocrisy is unequivocal. A little kindness and respect towards others goes a long way towards achieving any goal. Every person involved in this hearing in any way should try it sometime.

These are basic lessons that we attempt to instill in our children, yet put adults in a televised hearing circumstance and those same lessons seem to fly out the window. It's unfortunate, disheartening, and quite honestly, pathetic. The truth will never come out if posturing for the cameras is more important than actually discovering the truth. If a mulligan was ever needed, this is it.  One thing is for certain, if the lack of respect towards procedure and each other is any indication of how these people are attempting to represent the citizens of the country, our future is anything but secure.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

A Survivor's Take on Marsy's Law

Politics are a messy business.  This country was founded on the rights of all citizens to be heard, and to be considered equal.  It was also founded on the premise that anyone accused of a crime is innocent until proven guilty.  That's easier said than done.  There is always doubt.  There are always multiple sides to every story, and in that same vein, each side honestly believes that they are correct in their recollection of the incident.  But what about when there is undeniable proof of a crime?  What happens when the accusations are over, and the hearings, or the trial, are over?  What happens when the restraining orders expire and there are no longer legalities rolling through their governmental red tape processes?  Are the victims of said crime magically healed?  Is the accused suddenly reformed?  Do the rights of one side take precedence over the other?

A few years ago, I unwillingly became a survivor of domestic violence. This is not something that I have shared previously with all of you.  Partially because I am not a person to air personal issues publicly, partially because I was scared of him and did not want the backlash, and partially because no one wants to admit that some proverbial ogre got the better of them.  No. More.  I did not get insanely beaten up, but I was threatened, badgered, verbally battered, bruised, and verbally abused.  My home was trashed and physically shattered, my children and pets were endangered, and I ended up being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the ordeal.  I lost my confidence, my courage, and my trust in humanity.  Throughout the initial court process a group called Safe Alliance was my lifeline.  They walked me through every point of the process, got me a qualified lawyer to represent and fight for me when I could not, and gave me hugs when I was too terrified of the world to walk out into it.  But they could only go so far.  When my abuser was released from psychiatric commitment, I was not notified by the hospital nor the authorities, I was told by a close friend of his that was concerned for my safety.  After my abuser continually violated the restraining orders I had against him, and months later was jailed for similar crimes against others, I was not notified of his release, nor of the fact that he had reentered the area.  I was notified that he was working in an area nearby by another concerned friend of his, never by law enforcement or the district attorney, as the current law states should occur.  This man ultimately put my children at risk with his violent behavior and threats, and created a hell on earth life for me where I was so terrified of him that I blamed myself for the violence, cowered in fear in my own home, and felt it necessary to push large furniture against the doors nightly for months, until I moved residences without a forwarding address.  Even though there are still, to this day, warrants out for his arrest because of his multiple restraining order violations, the restraining order extension has expired. I worry every time I walk outside and am in constant stress about my children being away from home.  It's no way to live, truly actually Live life.

Marsy's Law is a constitutional amendment on the ballot this election.  Essentially it strengthens protection for victims of crime.  From requiring notification of hearings, escape, parole, and release, to allowing victims to appear at hearings and speak at such, it's a step in the right direction for victims' rights ... IF it's enforced.  Currently, the law in North Carolina states that notification is required "as soon as is practicable, but within 72 hours after identifying a victim covered by this Article, with ...".  It goes on to list available medical services, crime victims' compensation, address and phone number of the district attorney, and access to applicable law enforcement that should be given to the victim involved.  Seeing as my abuser managed to begin violating the initial emergency restraining order within 24 to 36 hours, and even though I called 911 and had all my paperwork, he ran away before they could arrest him, and the police didn't feel it was worth the effort to chase him down, the 72 hour thing appears to be a useless venture.  Furthermore, while the domestic violence team of my local law enforcement agency did do a great job of contacting me on a weekly basis for the first 6 to 8 months after the hearing, no one ever alerted me to his movements or release from any psychiatric or correctional facility.  In dealing with the healing process involved for not just myself, but also my family, those "heads up" moments would have been extraordinarily helpful.  Instead we, as a family, suffered emotional setbacks and continued worry and constant fear due in part to a lack of communication by the authorities and judicial system.  I would hope that my experience would not be the case for victims of felonious violent crime, as domestic violence is only considered a 'misdemeanor',  But, isn't any violent crime against another human being worth preventing and protecting, regardless of what 'label' the law puts upon it?

I know that there are those out there that will argue that once people serve their time, they should not have to endure a life sentence of judicial recrimination.  The ACLU is actually one of the groups lobbying against this Amendment. While I agree with many tenants of what the ACLU stands for, as a survivor of domestic violence who felt failed by the supposed protections of the law during my ordeal, I have a real problem with how our current laws actually follow through on violent crime cases.  I made the mistake of trusting my attacker for years before he brutally betrayed that trust, and still have trouble not startling when I hear noises while walking, or instinctively flinching when I'm not expecting the passing touch of someone nearby.  I cannot imagine what those who endure random violent crime experiences must be facing on a societal trust basis daily!  This Amendment can do wonderful things for those of us that have triumphed over the violent behavior of others, but Only if it is Actually and Consistently Enforced.

I implore law enforcement to take victims' rights seriously, and to actively attempt to enforce what the law already says.  In the hope that Marsy's Law is passed, I beg both law enforcement and the district attorney's offices to adhere to All Notification Stipulations Without Fail.  I know what acquiring post traumatic stress disorder in, what should be the safety of, your own home is like ... I can't imagine the hell that survivors of violent crime in random situations go through daily.

If nothing else spurs you on, then allow this blog to do so.  Get Out There And Vote.  Make your voice heard, and, vote your conscience for this Amendment.  Allow your voice to do for others what violent offenders strip their ability to do for themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

For more information on Marsy's Law:
https://marsyslaw.us

For more information on Safe Alliance:
https://safealliance.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org

American Dream, or Nightmare?

Relationships. Webster defines a relationship as "the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other." That certainly leaves much to interpretation. Good or bad, positive or negative, caring or rude .... everyone we come in contact with is a form of "relationship" according to Webster! What about the relationships that mean the most to us? Our spouses or significant others, our family, our close friends ... how does that definition apply?

Theoretically we all strive to do right by those people in our lives we care about. It doesn't matter if it's a friend, family member, or coworker, I believe that if you see the good in someone else it brings out the good in yourself. We all have our "dark days". We all have our moments where we aren't at our best, but the Golden Rule of treating others as you would treat yourself absolutely applies. Essentially, if you truly care about someone, slips of attitude can always be forgiven in time. But what about the relationships that are without immediate human interaction? Dealings with landlords, banks, the decision makers in companies that one may never actually meet ... how do we keep those relationships positive when we have little to no interaction with anything but a slip of paper?

I recently watched a documentary entitled "American Winter". If you haven't seen it, you should. It pointed out the absolute obvious in our current economic climate. Over the past few years, the majority of us have gone through some form of economic hardship, but the major corporations have seen increased profits. Regardless of efforts by those people who are working multiple jobs and returning to school in an effort to better their opportunities, the companies who "hold the cards" like mortgage companies, landlords, and utilities providers, generally seem to refuse to give a benefit of the doubt and allow for a bit of altruism so that those people making an effort can get caught up from hardships and back on track. It would seem that they (the companies) are more interested in the short term rather than the benefits of what the long term will bring if only they treated clients with compassion and respect, instead of hard lining the immediate where money is concerned. It's no wonder the homeless rate has risen to ridiculous proportions and charitable organizations like food banks can no longer keep up with demand. While America is nowhere near the tragedies of the Great Depression, it would seem that FDR's New Deal enacted in the 1930's that got companies to raise the minimum wage while keeping costs of goods and services at the lowest possible rate should be seriously revisited if we are going to get the average American back on their feet without the need for federal or state assistance on a weekly and monthly basis. To quote from "American Winter", 'Right now, the American dream is to make it through tomorrow, and next week'. It's a sad state of affairs for a country that's supposed to be one of the richest in the world. To compound the issue, we seem to have reverted back to the days of Tammany Hall on a congressional level where there's more consideration for those who already hold wealth and power at the corporation level, than those who are desperately attempting to make ends meet at the family nucleus level. How many more lives will be destroyed before empathy is extended so that those who make the effort can get ahead without repercussions that only set them back again?

My hope for this new year is awareness that leads to empathy, that leads to action for the betterment of others. No one is entitled to a hand out without putting forth an honest effort, but those who put forth an honest effort should be allowed to not be knocked back down by the greed of others every time they do.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

A Vent Session

Okay, my lovely, wonderful readers. I know it's not the norm for me, but i need to have a little vent. I apologize in advance.

WHY are there people in this world who actively and on purpose gain happiness from the misery of others that they cause?! I do not understand the need to wreak havoc in someone else's life simply to make one's own life feel more fulfilled and valid. I do not understand the inability to "live and let live". Most of all, I do not understand the cockamamy, beauracratical, biased to those who operate in the theoretical "legal  community" where Who you know shows to be more important than actual legality, legal system! I am OVER egotistical, self-important, lawyers .... I am OVER this system that allows for judges to rule on cases when they haven't heard both sides of the story ... I am OVER the ridiculous amount of money required to fight or bring Anything to court. It's bullsh*t!

I am tired of the egotistical, self-righteous, underhanded, legal maneuvering of the female (dare she be referred to as human) that is my boyfriend's ex-wife.

I am appalled at the level of stress this "woman" causes in our personal life due to the level of stress and subsequent physical duress that her antics create.

I am OVER the bullying nonsense that my ex-husband utilizes in an effort to control and undermine me, just like he did when we were married.

I am OVER the fact that his bullying includes constant attempts to control my daily life outside of contact with our son, as I am attempting to do what's right and better myself daily.

It is affecting me in horrible ways, but even worse, it's affecting the wonderful, funny, caring, sweet and romantic, truly fantastic person who is my parter in life.

No attempt to be supportive, or understanding, or empathic, or sympathetic is met with anything but despondency, as he is a Good Man that has been pushed over the edge by constant worry over what's best for everyone else in his life, and the constant stress and malarkey created by those who use the legal system as their First resort instead of their Last.

Hate is a terrible thing to be avoided. Yet how can one avoid it and move forward in life if the other party or parties keep pushing the limits? It's unfair, unjust, not right, and unequivocally WRONG.

I am now finished venting. SOS for positive thoughts, karma,  and prayers Fast!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Terrible Awful eXtra-issues Day

Tax Day. A title that is both ominous, & hopeful.  One can definitively look forward to a few hours of mind numbing numbers calculations, & hopefully look forward to a refund as the end result .. like a savings account you forgot you had. The alternative is after all those mind numbing numbers, one discovers that they owe additional money to a government that they may or may not agree with. Not as happy a occurrence.

While I agree that taxes are a necessary entity to keep the government running & its employees paid, why must they be so intricate and stressful? I don't know how it is in other countries,  having only lived in the US, but should all taxes require having to answer questions about things you don't know the meaning of?? I'm a full time student that only works as an artistic contractor sporadically, yet there are various lettered "schedules" that I have to navigate in order to complete this tax ordeal, regardless of the fact that technically I earn yearly an amount that's akin to poverty level. Why must this be so involved & stressful?

What's the reason we can't just pay a dead fixed amount on what we make at any level, then the government handles its budget off that total citizen amount each year? No stupid extras for the politicians that none of us agreed to, no special interest incentives, just basic math!

I suppose my view of what Should be is the proverbial Utopia, but that's my view & I make no apologies!  Guess that's why I'm registered as "unaffiliated" :)

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Continuation of the Wallet Lessons ....

Many of you know that my wallet was stolen about 2 weeks ago, and that I learned a number of life lessons from reflection upon the experience.  Those lessons have definitely continued!  Through the process of canceling and reordering or replacing all the elements of my life contained in that wallet, I have discovered the following ....

1. There are so many people out there who are wonderful and helpful and willing to empathize. At the grocery store when ID is needed to validate a purchase, but all you have is an expired one because your new one hasn't shown up yet after reordering, or bank customer service spending extra time making sure that the system recognizes your new joint account card, even though you have yet to receive your new passcode, or going to the pharmacy to refill a prescription and the pharmacy tech simply pulls your past information so that you don't have to worry about the insurance cards you haven't received replacement on yet .... restoration of faith in strangers.
2. I am with someone who completely supports, assists, and goes above and beyond even though it may disrupt his life.  The fact that we had to pre-plan so that he got cash out for me so that I could grocery shop or even just basic function for the week and he automatically did without thought, the fact that when my new debit card came in from the bank and wouldn't work correctly he left work to come meet me so that I wasn't stuck at the grocery store and unable to make rehearsal on time, which was his immediate reaction.  No repercussions, no issues, no annoyed sighs or exasperated glances.  Just automatic done.  He's a keeper on so many levels.
3. There are bigger problems in the world out there than searching for the downtrodden jerk who created this issue in the first place.  I watch the news and see people that have been shot, or fires that have been set, or children that have suffered abuse at the hands of those they trusted, or horrible occurrences happening throughout the world ... my issue, while sometimes all-encompassing and definitely stress-making in my life, is far less important in the grand scheme of things than any of these other things.  I have a police report, and, while everything was being reported, I had the total concentration of some really wonderful officers of the law who embodied everything that one would hope for during a time such as that.  Hopefully the person will be caught, but I would fully expect and rather that they focus on the larger problems of the world than my, by comparison, important to me but less important in the big picture issue.

There you are.  Just had to get that out.  Happy Monday to everyone!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

"Common Sense" .. still true in modern day?

I find the current, pointless, sophomoric government shutdown situation annoying at best, and ridiculously pathetic at worst.  Recently, I read Thomas Paine's "Common Sense" and realized that, while we are definitely not struggling with secession from a government on another continent,  under current conditions our government seems almost equally as far removed and unaware as the colonists felt about the British Crown. Below are my thoughts on the document itself and my subsequent thoughts on its application to the current political climate.

Thomas Paine makes many valid points in his document "Common Sense" that can still be applied and deemed true in today's government debacle.  He begins by citing a theoretical example of a society that is forged in a new land though common community needs in which all members equally share and assist each other. He furthers this idea with the notion that as the community grows larger that representatives from each area of the community should be chosen by their peers to represent each area's interests for the good of the whole, and that logically, these representatives should be re-chosen on a regular basis so that all represntatives are active, aware members of their individual communities and its needs. He even goes so far to say that this group of elected representatives should choose a leader, but that it should be via a process that rotates throughout each community,  or in this case, colony, so no one area or person has the ability to become too egotistically filled with power and/or detached from the real daily needs and issues of the society as a whole that they represent the interests of.   He contines his logic by likening the English monarchy, its rules of aristocracy and hereditary succession,  as well as the supposed checks and balances that are in theory, only to the Papacy and the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs.  He points out that God should be the only true governing Lord and that the idea of government rulers as heads of both church and state are the same as the practices of heathen religions of ancient times. He further points out that under the colonies' current conditions with the English monarchy, aristocracy,  and House of Commons, that their money is simply going to a government that wants to keep them in check to the point of slavery to the Crown.  He continues to note that much of the population of the colonies is not of British descent, and seeing as the British government has no affiliation to or understanding of the burgeoning society of America, that being considered British subjects only sets them up to be at odds with any government Britain is at odds with, instead of working with, trading with, and at peace with all other nations which are truthfully represented in the population of the colonies.   Paine then makes valid points about the continuation of a government simply because it is what people are accustomed to and not because it is what is appropriate or best for the populace. I particularly liked his point "We may as well assert that because a child has thrived upon milk, that it is never to have meat, or that the first twenty years of our lives is to become a precedent for the next twenty. But even this is admitting more than is true; for I answer roundly that America would have flourished as much, and probably much more, had no European power taken any notice of her. The commerce by which she hath enriched herself are the necessaries of life, and will always have a market while eating is the custom of Europe." He also points out the various industries and agriculural ventures in which the colonies have the ability to be self-sufficient, including the building and maintaining of their own naval fleet, and ultimately gives us an initial breakdown of what a Constitution, a Continental Congress, and subsequent American President would be structured like in the best interests of the Colonies and the Colonists themselves.  

In my opinion, many of the points made in "Common Sense" are valid and should be readdressed by the American population today.  We live under a government that tends to be so far removed from the real, daily lives and issues of most of the citizens in our society, that they appear to spend their time consorting only with those that will line their pockets, keep them in positions of power via buying out the politcal process, and currently, find it okay to argue so much among themselves that the government is in a shutdown period because internal bullheaded quabbling about their own interests and needs has caused an inability to reach any sort of agreement. While the original precepts of our Constitution are still valid, they are being abused and misquoted by this group of narcissist individuals who claim to be looking out for the best interests of the population. As Paine pointed out, force and revolution are only a final, last case option, but under current conditions it would seem that we as citizens need a modern day Thomas Paine figure to bring our government back to its basic senses, back to the roots of those whom they represent, and quite possibly, quietly and logically remove from power those who have made a career of basking in it.

Simply my opinion. I realize that it may ruffle the feathers of some who read it, but theoretically our democracy allows for opinionated freedom of speech, so we are all entitled to our own.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Awareness

I've had complaints about my lack of blogs of late ... my apologies.  This going back to school thing is kicking my you-know-what!  Regardless, one of my classes is public speaking .. for which I have to write and deliver a number of different types of speeches (duh).  Below is the narrative of the persuasive Monroe's Format speech I'll be giving tomorrow for my final ..... would love your thoughts!

Raise your hand if you know someone with a mental illness.

Raise your hand if you know the causes of different forms of mental illness.

Raise your hand if you think it's easy to recognize someone with a serious mental illness.

Finally, raise your hand if you think the best way to handle people with mental illness is to keep them in hospitals or behind locked doors.

My friend “Sarah” has a teenage daughter. Her daughter was an intelligent creative rambunctious child, but as she has gotten into her pre-teen and teenage years, she has become headstrong, belligerent, violent in her outbursts and attitude towards her parents and authority figures, lies about everything, even things that she's obviously lying about, and has begun to have issues with shoplifting. Her parents have tried everything from rules and strictness to counseling and are constantly involved with her school on her behalf. Nothing has seemed to make a difference, and the problems simply escalate the older she becomes.

A girl I know became more and more worried about one of her best friends. “Gina”, who was known for her outgoing nature and friendliness to all, was pulling away from everyone, turning down social invitations that she would have joyfully joined in previously, was falling way behind in her grades, and missing school constantly. When gently asked what was wrong or if everything was okay, she denied there was an issue and would occasionally get defensive. She began wearing long sleeves at all times, baggier clothing and withdrawing more and more from everyone around her.

A woman I know has always seemed, from the outside looking in, to have it all together. Single mom, great kids, decent job, good friends, always putting everyone else before herself and somehow managing to appear sane. The side that no one ever saw was when she was alone, constantly near tears, self esteem so low that she didn't feel she deserved to reach out for help to anyone in any part of her life, and sometimes that even though she didn't have the guts for suicide, that she didn't deserve to have the wonderful people and things she had in life and that she definitely didn't deserve to live. She was always able to dress so no one really noticed her weight continuing to drop, until it was too late.

Mental illness is a stigma that affects someone that most of us know. It can be brought on by traumatic life events, imbalances in brain chemicals, discrepancies in early brain development, and even genetic predisposition. Unfortunately, there's generally an attitude of misunderstanding and avoidance whenever it's brought up or made public as a diagnosis. Children suffering from forms of mental illness are subjected to bullying by their peers, and misunderstanding by authority figures. Adults, can be judged as lazy or unreliable or unintelligent. All due to the lack of understanding and diagnosis of various common mental illnesses. But what if the education and understanding began at an early age? What if elementary, middle, and high schools all incorporated mental health education into their curriculum, and preventative staff such as trained social workers and guidance counselors were a normal funded part of school staff in every school? Would the problem be so misunderstood? Be less widespread? Be more easily diagnosed and the ramifications of undiagnosed mental illness be proactively avoided? Let's examine why mental health education and crisis prevention should be a funded, required component of elementary, middle, and high school education.

For the purposes of clarification, a mental illness is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in perception, thinking and behavior. Out of the five major categories of mental illness, the most commonly diagnosed are anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and eating disorders. Many of these co-occur, such as someone suffering from PTSD, an anxiety disorder, also suffering from bi-polar disorder, a mood disorder, or, someone suffering from Anorexia, an eating disorder, could also suffer from depression, a mood disorder, or OCD, an anxiety disorder. Undiagnosed and untreated, mental illness can become a major contributing factor to substance abuse behaviors, migraine headaches, and increased susceptibility to physical illnesses such as thyroid disease, diabetes, and heart disease later in life. According to the World Health Organization, about 11 percent of adolescents have a major depressive disorder by age 18, and it is the leading cause of disability among Americans age 15 to 44. Additionally, in 2009, suicide was the third leading cause of death among people age 15 to 24, with depression and other mental disorders being a major cause. In the case of my friend Sarah's daughter, the teen has endured years of teasing and bullying from peers for not grasping academic concepts at school, a major school disciplinary record, and, more recently, a juvenile record with the courts for her inability to control outbursts and actions. She became depressed and suicidal and felt the entire world was against her. As it turns out, Sarah's daughter suffers from bi-polar disorder. She is now receiving treatment, and recovering, but she will have much to overcome with self-esteem, academics, and social skills from the years of misunderstanding and lack of diagnosis. Gina, whom I previously mentioned, was fortunate enough to be at a smaller school that had a full time guidance counselor and social worker. Through intervention on their part it was discovered that she suffered from major depression and had begun cutting. They, along with Gina's parents, were able to get her the help she needed through counseling and medication. Five years later she is a successful college student with a positive outlook on life.

As with any form of illness, early diagnosis and treatment is key. The School Social Work Association of America recommends a ratio of one social worker to every 250 students, yet this is not the case in most schools in our nation. In Orange County, FL, the ratio is one to every 4,150 students. On average, social workers tend to be responsible for 4 to 8 schools each, which makes intensive interventions difficult. Winter Park, FL has developed a model by combining public and private dollars that allows for each of their 12 schools to have a full or part-time social worker, mental health counselor, or family therapist dedicated to their students. Already this school year 433 students have completed 12-week therapy sessions, which have taught coping skills instead of shutting down and turning inward in response to negative situations. In Ontario, Canada, a program developed called Beyond the Cuckoos Nest that utilizes speakers from the community who are recovering from various forms of mental illness in addition to classroom teaching, has been successfully implemented into secondary schools. It has not only raised empathy and awareness among students and teachers, but has created an environment where stigma is decreased to the point that assistance is more likely to be sought by students dealing with symptoms of mental illness of any kind. One teacher who participated in the program noted that “Several things come through loud and clear. Kids come back with tremendous empathy and understanding of what it must be like to be in the presenters’ shoes, which is a huge step. They also come back with respect for the battle that people with mental illness fight, and cognizant of the courage it takes to fight the battle.” This past month, the US Senate passed the Mental Health Awareness and Improvement Act, which reauthorizes and improves programs administered by both the Departments of Education and Health and Human Services related to awareness, prevention, and early identification of mental health conditions, and the promotion of linkages to appropriate services for children and youth. This is a great step in the right direction.

Many of us forget that the brain is an organ that is susceptible to disease or illness, just like any other. Just as cancer or diabetes can be treated with therapy and medication, so can mental illness. Unfortunately, due to media stereotypes of those with mental illness being violent, dangerous, comical, incompetent, or fundamentally different from everyone else, a stigma has arisen that is equally as damaging as any form of racism. The funding for mental health education and crisis prevention in schools so that diagnosis, empathy, and understanding happens at an early age is key in combatting this issue. The single mom that I previously mentioned at the beginning of this speech, is me. I began having symptoms of major depression and eating disorders at age 15, but was never diagnosed, was too ashamed due to my perception of what others would think to try to get help, additionally developed panic disorder and problems with alcohol abuse in an attempt to cope on my own, and ultimately worsened over 25 years to the point of malnutrition and almost full digestive system failure. I was hospitalized and ultimately got the help I needed to begin to begin full recovery. If early awareness and diagnosis had been available and occurred when I was a teenager, many of the physical problems that I will battle for the rest of my life could have been avoided. Mental illness is not a choice. It is a disease like any other. Think back to the questions I asked you at the beginning of this speech that you raised your hand to. Raise your hand if you would now answer any of them differently. I urge you to support the newly reinstated Mental Health & Awareness Act, support other upcoming initiatives such as the Excellence in Mental Health Act, and spend time learning and educating those around you about the warning signs of and available care for all forms of mental illness. I was lucky. Even though it took 25 years, I was diagnosed and began treatment before it killed me. Without awareness and crisis prevention, the next person may not be.

Bullying By Example

Bullying.  There's a large movement to increase awareness & prevent bullying with kids & adolescents. I agree with it wholeheartedly. Children, however, tend to learn most effectively by example.  Let's face it.  The examples being set by the grownups in society are not exactly stellar in the effort against bullying. Give those tactics a different name, & all of a sudden it's okay & accepted. Not exactly conducive to learning by example.

Many managers & executives in the business arena govern their employees with threats, ultimatums, & constant micromanagement fear of pay cuts or job loss. This is usually known as "management styles" or "business tactics". 
Some lawyers, aka "Ambulance Chasers", make their living seeking out clients for lawsuits of any kind in an effort to exhort money, create mistrust, & dissolve relationships, while divorcing spouses & their lawyers use everything from past settled arguments to threats of withholding property and, at most damaging, the children themselves, in an attempt to achieve each of their outcomes, without thought for the cost to others involved.  This tends to be referred to as "the Justice System". 
The salesman that pressures customers to purchase that which they may not really need or want (Sales Tactics).  The governments that sanction or retaliate against other governments for not operating the same as their own (International Policy).  The religious groups that condone violence against others due to a difference in beliefs or ways of living (Religious Right).  No matter how it's spun, these are examples of bullying at the grownup level.

Now think about how all of the aforementioned appears to a child. If the supposed adults in charge use pressure, coercion, & threats in a variety of forms to achieve their goals daily, what should we really expect them to take away from those examples?  What are they truly learning by example? It would seem, until the grownups figure out how to conduct themselves in a more accepting, empathetic, less subversive manner, the problem of childhood bullying will continue to be an issue across the board.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Ripple Effect of Focus

Negativity is defined by Webster as the following: a : lacking positive qualities; especially : disagreeable  b : marked by features of hostility, withdrawal, or pessimism that hinder or oppose constructive treatment or development .  Doesn't sound that great, does it?  Synonyms for the word are adversarial, antagonistic, inhospitable, hostile, unfriendly, & unsympathetic.  None of these sound, or are, pleasant or happy or like anything we would actively want to align ourselves with in any way.  Yet, all of this seems to exist as a main focus in our attitudes and the world around us on a regular basis.  The media tends to focus on anything that will raise a ruckus or cause people to go up in arms, politics are a major offender with every moment filled by partisanship and pointing fingers, many people seem to use social media, such as Facebook & Twitter, as their constant personal venting diary ... why is it that the negative occurrences, the hostile actions, the pessimistic attitudes, and the unsympathetic thoughts are focused on so much more than the positive, kind, friendly ones?

If the media took even one day and focused on only the good deeds of random strangers, the daily positive actions of educators and first responders, the happy dreams realized of anyone who achieves them, instead of giving validity through sensationalism to criminals and the corrupt, what would we think throughout that day?  How might we act and react in daily situations or occurrences?  What might we be inspired to do that day?

If politicians took one week to do nothing but get face to face with those who they represent, and regardless of party affiliation or income level, sat down and truly listened to what's occurring and what's needed in those areas by the people who voted them into office, if they completely ignored party lines or anything driven by monetary gain and simply talked with their constituents and each other, how much would be accomplished?  No campaigning, no promises, just listening and honest conversation.  Would better goals be set that would be more reflective of what's actually needed in our communities?  Would the intention to follow through with those goals be more concrete and the results of those intentions be more effective due to the open, honest communication that only focused on the needs of those represented, and not partisanship or finger pointing?

If everyone who uses social media of any form made a pact to only post positive thoughts, happy occurrences, and non-judgmental opinions for even a day or two, what would we learn about those around us?  What attributes might we glean about others that we'd never realized before?  Would it inspire us?  Make us laugh?  Allow us to feel a bit of happiness with regards to the good fortune of someone else?

The thing about it is this, most of us tend to focus so constantly on that which is wrong, or stressful, or irritating, or depressing, that we can't see, and many times forget, that around us which is Good.  The moment of calming silence after a long tiring day, the sheerly happy smile of a baby or small child, the stranger that immediately assists with picking up the papers someone accidentally dropped, or the phone call from a friend that occurs at the exact moment you needed a friendly voice.  The hug from someone who loves you, the frenzied thrilled greeting from a pet upon your arrival home, the beautiful flower that somehow grew in a not beautiful place, or the feel of your favorite fuzzy blanket wrapped around you on a chilly day.  Happy conversations with friends, a compliment from a coworker, a gesture of goodwill given without thought of returning the favor.  These are the things that our days are made up of.  Even in the middle of stressful situations surrounding work, or school, or homelife, these things exist.  If we focused mainly on them, as opposed to that which upsets or brings us down, would our relationships change?  Would our outlooks and attitudes change?  What about our communities as a whole?

Just thoughts.  It may sound a bit Utopian, but as I sit here this morning, with sleet coming down outside & my entire day annoyingly rerouted and rearranged due to the weather, I think that I shall focus on the fact that the cinnamon spice coffee I'm brewing makes my place smell yummy, and there's a list of things I've been procrastinating about that I can now get done instead of having to rush out, and that an evening snuggled in front of the fireplace watching movies that make me laugh is a splendid thing to look forward to.  Life.  It really can be so much happier if we simply do a bit of adjusting from concentrating on the negative moments, to focusing on the positive ones.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Unfortunate Sophomoric Slant of Politics

The current political arena is driving me nuts.  There is no doubt that every one of the people running for office are intelligent in their own right, but for some reason, instead of focusing on real actual issues with the domestic economy or international relations or crime, they seem to constantly spout rhetoric about how their opponents don't know what they're talking about and can't or won't get the job done.  Even worse, they focus more on smear campaigns to trash their opponents based upon whatever they can find in their opponents' past personal lives or long ago voting records, than on the aforementioned real issues.  There is no one who can honestly say that every opinion / stand / decision that they personally had or made 10 / 15 / 20 years earlier in their lives is the exact same as they would do in the here and now ... which makes the smear campaigns make zero sense.  It's like watching a bunch of high school girls use gossip and subterfuge to try and oust each other to win the homecoming crown. 

Doesn't the constitution state that the government is supposed to be "by the people, for the people"?  Last I checked there was no amendment to the constitution that changed it to "by the people, for whatever the views and whims of the elected ones are".  Inciting a riot by twisting words or telling quarter truths doesn't effectively represent the needs of the population anywhere.  Politicians seem to be guilty of this whether running for office or in office.  Sue me for being simplistic, but candidates simply talking about Their Own views, Their Own Values, Their Own Plans for public policy & economic reform & crime & international relations would be much more useful information for voters than pointing fingers at others.  Ultimately, when elected, they're supposed to be representing the views of the population that voted for them to be there, so understanding where they themselves are coming from is rather crucial.

Additionally, this country's constitution specifically mentions "freedom of worship" for a reason.  Our forefathers wanted all citizens to be free to choose their own religion and follow it without fear of persecution.  As far as I can tell, that would mean that even though one may not understand or agree with someone else's religious choice, it should be respected and not condemned or bashed.  Not in the political arena especially.  If that's a deal-breaker point for a voter, then they'll pay attention to the candidate that most closely aligns with their own beliefs.  Trying to make someone look bad because their religion is different than your own or is something that you don't understand ..... well, that just seems a bit far reaching & completely opposite of what "freedom of worship" is supposed to mean.

The past life of any person, place or event obviously cannot be changed, and speaking constantly of someone else's parts in those past things or someone else's past itself, only makes one's own appear as if there's something to hide.  Focusing on the future, however, current issues, short term and long term plans, goals, the wins in your own past .... well, that would be a much better use of everyone's time & listening skills.  If the candidates focus on that, we might actually be able to elect a government that can truly work together to deliver answers.  The sophmoric tactics and high school popularity political standards need to be taken out of it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress