The Valuable Commodity of Trust

There are moments in life that occur on a regular and/or semi-regular basis, that you want to share with your friends ... Especially those specific friends who get what you're going through, or talking about. The ones who have similar life experiences. The ones that you implicitly trust. What happens, though, when those people no longer exist in your life?

Friendship break ups are similar to lover break ups, but somehow worse. There's always those small things that you associate with a particular person that makes you miss them. Situations or occurrences that bring up memories of good times, of shared experiences, but none of those instances make you okay with allowing that person back into your life. You might want to share with them despite the circumstances, but the thought of any form of contact makes you feel timid, insecure, and without trust for any conversation or revelations that would come of such contact. There is no way possible that you can imagine doing so without causing horrible anguish to yourself and your psyche. 

Why is that? Why do we have difficulty trusting our own judgment in the after effect of removing those who are toxic for us, or simply not good for us to associate with, from our lives?

Unfortunately, it's even worse when a group of friends break up (so to speak). There's second guessing,  mistrust, variance in alliances,  & worry that what one might say in confidence to another, may be retold incorrectly and judged unfairly by those whom you've cut ties with. It sucks.

Which leads me to my point .... why can't we live a life, with those who we deem closest to us, Without Judgment? Why can't we accept those we choose to love and trust for who they are, resist the tendency to jump to conclusions, ask them directly if we don't understand, and support them in the decisions that they make for their own lives, which might be different than what we may ultimately choose for our own?

There's always that one friend who, you may not agree with their life decisions, but you support them in what they feel is best for themselves,  regardless of whether or not it's best for you. There's always that friend who, at times, you become concerned about, but because you value and cherish the friendship, you talk through your concerns, even though you may want to jump to conclusions via gossip heard.

Is friendship truly trustworthy? Is it ok to share your deepest, darkest secrets with someone that you have no guarantee may turn on you at a critical moment?  It makes you wonder ... and, unfortunately, question your own judgment of the trustworthiness of those who are closest to you.

Still wondering. Trust is a valuable,  fragile commodity that, when broken, is truly difficult to earn back.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Infallible Certainty of Humanity

People. We're all human. We all have our own issues and problems and insecurities regarding ourselves and others. We all succumb to worry, fear, sadness, stress, and even occasional panic or paranoia at various times in our lives. We all make decisions, both intelligent and not so intelligent, and pay the price in some way for the not so bright ones. Remembering that, and having others in our lives that we can count on to be there as a shoulder when we're down, help us up when we've been hurt, and trust when we need to vent out anything ..  and knowing that those people can be truly trusted to keep our private worries to themselves without turning that information into any form of gossip, vicious or non, is an immensely important part of every one of us staying sane. Those types of family and friends are of the utmost high value.

There will always be those in our lives who judge without proof. There will always be those who jump to conclusions and turn those conclusions into accusations or gossip. There will always be those who, well, surprise you in the most unfortunate and disheartening ways that cause additional frustration, doubt in your own abilities, and, at worst, break your heart with their actions and reactions.

We are ALL human, and humans are infallible. Everyone of us is. Passing judgment, turning suspicion into gossip, and utilizing hypocrisy in conversation or actions is much like becoming the playground bully who takes the little kids' lunch money.

There's an old adage that talks about "killing them with kindness". No matter what the situation, I find that to be the best response. The only one you can truly count on to be okay with what you see in the mirror at the end of each day is Yourself .. and knowing that you took that higher road without gossip, without judgment based in pure suspicion, and without hypocrisy, is ultimately the only way any of us will be able to live with ourselves on a daily basis.

Things to remember as we trudge forward in life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress