Sunshine and Shadows

So I'm sitting in my backyard feeling the lovely breeze on a warm day, and watching the shadows of the trees move about in the sunshine. There are sounds of crickets, which are soothing, random infusions of my dog barking at seemingly nothing, which can be annoying, and the sounds of traffic in the distance, which is neither here nor there in my feelings of contentment. As I write this, the sun moves behind a cloud, the playful shadows disappear, and the breeze picks up to ruffle the trees a bit more ominously. Minutes later, everything is back to where it was. Playful shadows, frolicking trees in the breeze, and pretty sunshine patterns. If I were to walk across the yard, I would at some points be enveloped in warm sunshine, and at some points be cloaked in shadows. If I walked slowly enough, the sunshine patterns would move locations, causing me to need to adjust my path to reach the illuminated areas. Regardless of where I walk or where I stand, there is always the possibility that I'll be annoyed by a mosquito or barking dog, no matter how serene the combination of breeze, temperature, & cricket chirping is at the time.

Today I found out that a business I work for is closing its doors at the end of the month. I'm sad because I love my job & who I work with. The combinations of shadows and light, crickets and dogs, breeze and winds got me thinking. Most days in life are much like this. You may begin a moment in calm, beautiful sunshine, but if you stay stubbornly in that one place too long, the shaded areas will inevitably envelope you. If you count completely on on the sounds of the crickets for calmness, you'll inevitably get annoyed by the random barking of a dog. If you only take refuge in the shaded areas of where you are, you'll always have to move locations to keep the shade surrounding you, and not the hot sun pouring down upon where you are. Point and case, life is about change, about metamorphosis, about movement. Resist or ignore it, and you'll end up frustrated. Move and adjust with the shadows of life, and you'll end up wherever it is you want to be.

The wind is picking up again, and causing the wind chimes to play their own symphony against the sounds of thunder in the distance. As sad as I am to lose the sunshine, I look forward to the cleansing benefits that a good storm can bring. Change, angst, annoyances, warmth, contentment, happiness .... all of them parts of daily life. Embrace it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Attitude and Options

The life of a pet. Have you ever considered it? No matter what breed of animal they are, we love them like family and tend to discipline them in that same manner. They, of course, respond in kind. A home front chain of command of sorts. The underlings learn to act and respond in the manner in which they are treated. As I watch our dog play with our kitten, greet us excitedly when we arrive home, and hide under the bed when scolded, it occurs to me that humanity isn't that much different.

Whether we want to believe it or not, we are all slaves to our loved ones, our livelihoods, and the society that surrounds us. We strive for approval, love, and positive reinforcement from the people and things that are important to us, and our learned actions (or reactions) tend to mirror that which is done to us on a regular basis. The scriptures that tell us to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," are dead on target when it comes to reciprocating behavior, no matter what species or situation we're dealing with. Why then, do we allow ourselves to live in, to stay a slave to, that which causes us stress, grief, or angst at every turn?

All species have the capacity to love and hate, to act with caring or disdain, to help or to hurt. As humans, we have the additional capacity to actively choose which of those options we wish to utilize in any situation, and, if necessary, we can choose to to walk away from any situation that doesn't meet our needs if we cannot change it to do so. Unlike our pets who may bare their teeth and growl, or run and hide under the furniture in response to negativity, we have the capability to leave and start over. To find a new attitude, a new livelihood, a new living space, a new love of life. While there are constants that will follow us, the ultimate result of how we live is up to us individually. To say that any situation requires us to stay put in misery is unrealistic. Even our pets know when to cut and run. So how do we apply that thought process of finding happiness in our lives?

You may have heard the phrase "It's all about attitude." It truly is. Our attitude towards others, whether they be in positions of power, or those that we have some form of power over as parents, teachers, bosses, or the like ... If we show understanding, caring, and acceptance, it's likely the same will be shown toward us in return. Our attitudes toward ourselves. If we embrace instead of damn ourselves for that which makes us unique and different, and find ways to incorporate those attributes into our lives and livelihoods, we have the fantastic opportunity to live in a way that we can be the most happy and have the fewest regrets. Blaming the actions of others for occurrences in our own lives does no one any good. Ultimately, all of life's scenarios are born of our own choices.

As I write this, our dog is now alternately running around the yard with our neighbor's puppy, and attempting to jump in my lap for a scratch behind the ears. Soon, she'll trot indoors to touch noses with our kitten, then engage in a game of chase that will drive me batty. She is exactly who she is, loud, loyal, loving, playful, energetic, protective, and a bit impish ... no excuses, no regrets. While she tries to listen, learn, and make us happy, she is who she is and would be exactly that regardless of where she was or whom she was with.
A lesson for humanity.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Polite Bully

Do you ever feel invisible? Not literally, of course, but as if the only way that you can be seen by the world is by morphing yourself, your actions, and your attitude, into whatever those around you need in that particular moment, or, only seen as the person that you acted like prior to any level of personal growth? It's maddening, it's frustrating, and it can make you want to shriek, or go crazy in some way, or sink into any form of depression, or all of the above.

I think back to when I was a kid, attempting to determine my place in the world around me. Keep in mind, that I was raised as a Southern girl, which essentially means that I learned how to make someone feel like they were being complimented and cared for while I was telling them off, at a fairly young age. If that sounds wrong or confusing, don't worry, it is for those of us that were raised that way too! Always smile, always be pleasant, whether you're shaking someone's hand, or cursing them out. No wonder therapists have such a solid business ... instead of saying what we truly think and acting in the manner that corresponds, we've been trained to articulate and act in ways that are opposite to what we really think and feel!

Which brings me to my point, we preach to kids to "stop the bullying", but as adults, we engage in exactly that, on a daily basis. Lawyers push their clients and badger their opponents, bankers do the same with finances, salespeople do it with whomever steps into their establishment and looks mildly interested, teachers do so upon occasion in an effort to meld the minds of their students, even as parents we tend to engage in those same narrow-minded tactics to attempt to ensure our children grow up with a similar mindset to ours ... all in the name of "what's right" or "what's best". Why? What's so wrong with people growing, changing, learning, morphing, becoming their own individualistic persons with their own individualistic thoughts and feelings, and having the ability to show those feelings in a way that corresponds appropriately to their verbalization of them? What's wrong with not just giving speaking time to the adage "people change", but actively accepting that they do and letting what is in the past stay in the past, not using it as a judgement tactic in the present? What's wrong with allowing everyone to be exactly who they are and to feel whatever they feel in the immediate moment that it occurs? No judgment, no recriminations, no preconceptions, simply acceptance and a knowledge that even if we don't truly understand or agree, that we can appreciate and empathize with their feelings and points of view.

Honestly, as far as I can tell, the only way that bullying with children will completely cease, is if the adults stop doing it to each other, and ourselves, first.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress