Playing Catch (Up)

I got home from work late tonight. Technically, that happens most of the time, as I work weekends bartending. Our dog greeted me at the door, then followed me back outside when I went to sit on the patio and decompress. She puttered around the yard for a bit, then brought me a toy. My arms & legs were tired ... I didn't want to play fetch. Her response was to go crazy throughout the yard on her own. It made me wonder, are people that much different?

We wait anxiously for the one we want to see to walk through the door, then if they, for whatever reason, don't feel up to spending time with us, we go a little crazy. Whether it be through disappointment, or venting energy in some fashion, it happens to all of us. What if, no matter what the reason for our exhaustion, or foul mood, or "just not feeling up to it", we took the opportunity to put aside our own needs or wants for even 5 to 10 minutes, and simply made an effort to be there for that other person?  That other being in our immediate life that wanted nothing more than for us to walk through that door. Would our world, and the world in general, be a better place? Would couples argue less, would children feel more secure, would there be a little more positivity in the universe?

Just my thoughts. On that note, I'm going to go play catch with our dog.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Dichotomy of Angst

Worry, hardships, grief, stress in general ... it manifests different ways in different people.  Some become more nurturing and peacemaking, some get blinders-on focused and belligerent towards anyone or anything in their way, some become isolationary & introspective, some even do everything in their power to avoid dealing with the situation, whether it be through humor or avoidance or adopting self-destructive tactics. There is no one right way to deal with life's perilous situations, it's completely specific to the individual and their outlook. The commandment "Love thy neighbor as thyself," doesn't always work well if you tend to negatively react to situations, in part because self esteem is at a minimum.

Life throws us curve balls constantly. Whether it's to test us, or to empower us, I do not pretend to know.  One thing I do know is this, we are only as emotionally strong as we allow ourselves to be. We all need assistance and/or reassurance from others at times. We all need to be left alone to assess the situation in our own way at times. The constant, is how we actively choose to communicate those needs to others. Those who love us will understand and forgive our eccentricities, but we should also remember that the only reason that they do so is because of that love, which shouldn't be taken for granted even in the harshest of moments in our lives.

Love your neighbor as yourself. No matter how much or little we love ourselves, taking a second of thanks, or just verbalizing an awareness of someone's efforts, giving a hug, or extending a kind word, those moments go a long, long way in solidifying the love and assistance that we sometimes take for granted, especially during tough times.

Simply thoughts to ponder, and possibly remember, the next time a speed bump occurs in the road of life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Of All The Relationships In The World ...

Relationship. The word elicits a slightly different emotion from everyone. Some people lean more towards the Hopeful spectrum, and some people lean more towards the Terrified spectrum. Some towards Excitement, some towards Fear, and some people fall into the Ambivalent sectors. If all of those spectrums of emotion, plus the infinite number of other emotional possibilities, were placed in a Venn diagram, it would probably look like a hot mess mosaic. Mainly, because we all have felt every one of these, and many other unnamed emotions, or a combination thereof, at some point in our lifetimes.

Relationships themselves come in a plethora of forms. Ones that every one of us experience in our daily lives. From the relationships with those that we adore as friends, to the relationships with those we don't trust but still tolerate, from business relationships, to personal relationships, to love relationships, to family relationships; the myriad is endless. Regardless of the type, all relationships have, in my humble opinion, a basic need for what I personally consider the Relationship Fab Five: respect, trust, forgiveness, communication, and joy. If none of these qualities are present, a person tends to fall squarely in the middle of everything negative that's in that aforementioned Venn diagram. If you consider it in terms of the intersecting circles, it's inevitable that we all move slowly through a variety of both the positive and negative intersections on a constant basis. Some periods of time are squarely within the positive sectors, while some periods of time pass through, or occasionally get stuck in, the negative ones. It truly is all fluid motion, thanks in part to basic human nature. That's where my theoretical "Fab Five" come into play. Holding steady in any negative sector pattern only causes stress, grief, and angst for those who are experiencing it, in addition to eventually causing the same for anyone who is around that person. Staying in that negative area too long results in forms of depression and paranoia in all of one's relationships, regardless of whether any of those particular relationships were initially involved with the negativity or not. Sometimes we can get so entrenched in the negative spectrum, that it becomes difficult to find a way out into any of the positive ones. What happens, though, when only one or two of those five attributes are missing?  What about three or four of them? Can the person experiencing this bring themselves out of it? Do that person's relationships stay intact regardless?

I know from personal experience that, for me, if communication is missing, the trust eventually goes down the drain. If the joy is missing, the communication ultimately dies off. If there's no trust, there's not much communication beyond the necessary superficial, which can lead to a lack of respect for both myself and others, which can make it difficult to forgive even the smallest faux pas, which causes the constantly growing perceived mountain of difficulties to eat away at my psyche, which definitely diminishes any joy and happiness. It becomes a horrible, vicious circle of upsetting occurrences both internally and externally. So how do we make it stop? How do we get our fluidity back so that we can move back into the positive sectors? Additionally, once we hit those lower than low places in our lives, we sometimes tend to become our own worst enemy. We lash out at those closest to us simply because they are the targets within the easiest reach. We isolate ourselves and end up berating ourselves internally, which creates a horrible vacuum of emptiness and negative feelings no matter how much effort anyone else in our lives makes to help us out of the abyss. Then what?

Honestly, upon much reflection, I believe the most important relationship we should actively attempt to keep the joy, communication, trust, and, most importantly, respect and forgiveness in, is the relationship with Ourselves. It is not easy. In fact, it is probably the most difficult of all relationships to maintain! In the end though, if we can pull it off, all the rest of our outside relationships will, most of the time, fall much more smoothly into place. I suppose the old adage is true ... "the best things in life don't come easy".

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress