The Dichotomy of Angst

Worry, hardships, grief, stress in general ... it manifests different ways in different people.  Some become more nurturing and peacemaking, some get blinders-on focused and belligerent towards anyone or anything in their way, some become isolationary & introspective, some even do everything in their power to avoid dealing with the situation, whether it be through humor or avoidance or adopting self-destructive tactics. There is no one right way to deal with life's perilous situations, it's completely specific to the individual and their outlook. The commandment "Love thy neighbor as thyself," doesn't always work well if you tend to negatively react to situations, in part because self esteem is at a minimum.

Life throws us curve balls constantly. Whether it's to test us, or to empower us, I do not pretend to know.  One thing I do know is this, we are only as emotionally strong as we allow ourselves to be. We all need assistance and/or reassurance from others at times. We all need to be left alone to assess the situation in our own way at times. The constant, is how we actively choose to communicate those needs to others. Those who love us will understand and forgive our eccentricities, but we should also remember that the only reason that they do so is because of that love, which shouldn't be taken for granted even in the harshest of moments in our lives.

Love your neighbor as yourself. No matter how much or little we love ourselves, taking a second of thanks, or just verbalizing an awareness of someone's efforts, giving a hug, or extending a kind word, those moments go a long, long way in solidifying the love and assistance that we sometimes take for granted, especially during tough times.

Simply thoughts to ponder, and possibly remember, the next time a speed bump occurs in the road of life.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Of All The Relationships In The World ...

Relationship. The word elicits a slightly different emotion from everyone. Some people lean more towards the Hopeful spectrum, and some people lean more towards the Terrified spectrum. Some towards Excitement, some towards Fear, and some people fall into the Ambivalent sectors. If all of those spectrums of emotion, plus the infinite number of other emotional possibilities, were placed in a Venn diagram, it would probably look like a hot mess mosaic. Mainly, because we all have felt every one of these, and many other unnamed emotions, or a combination thereof, at some point in our lifetimes.

Relationships themselves come in a plethora of forms. Ones that every one of us experience in our daily lives. From the relationships with those that we adore as friends, to the relationships with those we don't trust but still tolerate, from business relationships, to personal relationships, to love relationships, to family relationships; the myriad is endless. Regardless of the type, all relationships have, in my humble opinion, a basic need for what I personally consider the Relationship Fab Five: respect, trust, forgiveness, communication, and joy. If none of these qualities are present, a person tends to fall squarely in the middle of everything negative that's in that aforementioned Venn diagram. If you consider it in terms of the intersecting circles, it's inevitable that we all move slowly through a variety of both the positive and negative intersections on a constant basis. Some periods of time are squarely within the positive sectors, while some periods of time pass through, or occasionally get stuck in, the negative ones. It truly is all fluid motion, thanks in part to basic human nature. That's where my theoretical "Fab Five" come into play. Holding steady in any negative sector pattern only causes stress, grief, and angst for those who are experiencing it, in addition to eventually causing the same for anyone who is around that person. Staying in that negative area too long results in forms of depression and paranoia in all of one's relationships, regardless of whether any of those particular relationships were initially involved with the negativity or not. Sometimes we can get so entrenched in the negative spectrum, that it becomes difficult to find a way out into any of the positive ones. What happens, though, when only one or two of those five attributes are missing?  What about three or four of them? Can the person experiencing this bring themselves out of it? Do that person's relationships stay intact regardless?

I know from personal experience that, for me, if communication is missing, the trust eventually goes down the drain. If the joy is missing, the communication ultimately dies off. If there's no trust, there's not much communication beyond the necessary superficial, which can lead to a lack of respect for both myself and others, which can make it difficult to forgive even the smallest faux pas, which causes the constantly growing perceived mountain of difficulties to eat away at my psyche, which definitely diminishes any joy and happiness. It becomes a horrible, vicious circle of upsetting occurrences both internally and externally. So how do we make it stop? How do we get our fluidity back so that we can move back into the positive sectors? Additionally, once we hit those lower than low places in our lives, we sometimes tend to become our own worst enemy. We lash out at those closest to us simply because they are the targets within the easiest reach. We isolate ourselves and end up berating ourselves internally, which creates a horrible vacuum of emptiness and negative feelings no matter how much effort anyone else in our lives makes to help us out of the abyss. Then what?

Honestly, upon much reflection, I believe the most important relationship we should actively attempt to keep the joy, communication, trust, and, most importantly, respect and forgiveness in, is the relationship with Ourselves. It is not easy. In fact, it is probably the most difficult of all relationships to maintain! In the end though, if we can pull it off, all the rest of our outside relationships will, most of the time, fall much more smoothly into place. I suppose the old adage is true ... "the best things in life don't come easy".

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Domino and Her Kittens .. Lessons Learned

Our kitten had kittens the other night.  I realize this sounds weird. I shall elaborate.

A little stray black kitten that "adopted" us back in early December, ended up pregnant, so we discovered 4 weeks ago. She was so tiny, it was hardly possible that she could be pregnant, but nature has a funny way of proving you wrong. Lo and behold, five tiny beings were added to our household 4 nights ago. We have now gone into the realm of "mommy knows best".

When Domino went into labor, she hopped onto our bed & trusted us throughout the experience. After she had rested a few hours with her newborn kittens, we moved her & her babies into another room, into the comfort of a blanket lined basket. Domino decided, much to the chagrin of my loving boyfriend, that she should move her babies under the bed. Initially we didn't realize it was her decision. As with all groups of small children, there is always the rouge wanderer, and as it was the kitten that had been attempting to go explore since birth, we thought that the kitten had wandered off under the bed. Nope! Domino felt safer with all her children hidden under that bed. I slid a blanket onto the floor under the bed yesterday & she happily moved them onto it. We baby-gated the doorway so our other animals can't get in the room, and now she comes and goes as she sees fit when her babies are sleeping. Earlier today I watched the kittens under the bed ... a small pile of little squirming beings that randomly threw tiny legs upward and mewed ... cutest, best entertainment ever!

Regardless of what we think is best for Domino's kittens, most of which stems from our narcissistic need to view and play with them, Domino knows what is best for her family. Mommies always do. We, the viewing public, may not agree with it because of our own thoughts and wants, but who are we to argue? Soon, very soon, the kittens will open their eyes, gain control of their limbs, and go off exploring throughout the house. Their mother's ideas of safety will no longer be part of the equation. Yet during the time of their tiny, blind-eyed childhood, her protection is the difference between their life and death .. so to speak.

Kittens and humans are definitely different in timelines and needs, but the basis is very similar. Children need their mommies & the love, support, & nourishment, in both philosophical and physical areas, that their mothers give them, until those same children are mature enough to leave the nest. Regardless of what anyone else thinks those kids should have or experience, their mother's love & protection is necessary for a child's success in life going forward. It may be considered far-reaching in some cases, but society should keep that fact in mind. Not everything is about what other people think should or should not be.

Thoughts for pondering.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress