Good News - Why Isn't It a Viral Trend?

Watching the news these days is depressing and terrifying.  There seems to be nothing but cases of greed, episodes of violence, and stories of catastrophe.  To make it worse, every commercial break has at least 3 to 4 political ads smearing opponents by the touting of twisted versions of past evils and shortcomings.  Even the top stories in online news outlets are of corruption, mass disaster, tragedy, and financial fear.  School shootings, church shootings, bullying, and socioeconomic discourse take center stage daily.  Yet, if you take time to look beyond the reported facade of despair, there are still tales of human kindness, moments of empathy and caring, and points of hope and positive action overcoming those of adversity and strife.

In an age where political parties are pitted against each other, religious sects espouse hate as a tenet, and special interest groups actively promote corporate greed over the welfare of humanity, the thought of something uplifting occurring can almost seem like a pipe dream.  As I began researching statistics for, what I originally intended to be a blog about gun violence in the aftermath of yet another school shooting, I realized that focusing on common threads, what brings us together as a society, was far less well known than a tired tirade of facts and statistics that seemingly change depending upon who publishes them.  So here it is.  My Top 3 List - News That Should Go Viral But Hasn't.

3.  The online outlet of NBC News reported back in June of 2016 about the Muslim group CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations) that had launched a massive fundraising campaign to support the victims and families of the Pulse LGBTQ Nightclub shooting in Orlando, Florida.  Hasan Shibly, CAIR-Florida executive director was quoted, in response to the shooting, saying, "In this holy month of Ramadan many Muslims will be offering their fasting and prayers for them and their families. The vile criminal who perpetrated this does not represent Islam nor the American Muslim community. Muhammad Ali and his legacy do represent our goals and aspirations to better our society and the World; but not this repulsive thug."  (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslims-organizations-raise-funds-victims-orlando-massacre-n593586)  The group's efforts resulted in over $102,000 being raised for the cause, according to the launchgood.com website.

Fast forward to 2018.  In the wake of yet another hate driven mass shooting tragedy, this time at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the Muslim-American group CelebrateMercy immediately stepped up and began offering support and raising funds to, in their words, "respond to evil with good".  Wasi Mohamed, the executive director of the Pittsburgh Islamic Center was even quoted as saying in a news conference, "We just want to know what you need. If it's people outside your next service protecting you, we'll be there." (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslim-americans-raise-more-120-000-pittsburgh-synagogue-shooting-survivors-n925796)  

According to much of the news across the world, Islam is misrepresented as being run by terror sects that prey on the innocent and promote violence in the name of religion.  These Muslim-American groups prove that that premise is simply not true.  Islam is actually a peaceful religion that is based upon the tenets of faith, prayer, fasting, monotheistic belief, and charity.  Sounds a lot like the basic principles of Christianity or Judaism, right?  It just goes to show that there are far more similarities than differences when it comes to religions, and, just because there are right-wing sects of extremist nut jobs that identify themselves within a religion (every religion has them!), they absolutely do not represent the vast majority of that belief system as a whole.  All in all, the consistent show of religious solidarity by a religious group that many people misunderstand and needlessly fear, is a shining light of hope in the darkness of divisiveness. 

2. A local South Carolina ABC News outlet recently reported on a biker group that's touring US schools to promote anti-bullying and acceptance.  Many of us, thanks to shows like Sons of Anarchy, Outlaw Bikers, and Gangland, automatically stereotype anyone that affiliates themselves with a motorcycle group as a rough, scary, bullying brute.  This group, Bikers Against Bullies USA, is a non-profit who's mission statement promotes "creating awareness and educating both children and adults on the benefits of living in a society of respect for each other".   Their fundraising efforts are funneled 100% to causes, and they support everything from children's hospitals, to school and after-school initiatives, to the Special Olympics.  Not exactly an example of the aforementioned stereotype.  Flash, one of the group's founders, is quoted on the BAB website as saying, "The very real fact is that children, our children, are dying by their own hands each week due to the insidious nature of the psychological and emotional trauma created by today’s bullying attempts. Our personal philosophy one dead child is simply too many."  In the wake of seemingly constant school gun violence events, that, according to a February 2018 article in USA Today, are occurring at an average rate of 1 per week for non-fatality incidents ,(https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/02/19/parkland-school-shootings-not-new-normal-despite-statistics-stretching-truth-fox-column/349380002/) and, the fact that, according to the awareness group DoSomething.org, 71% of US students report incidents of bullying as a problem, it is truly refreshing to see a group that some incorrectly view as fringe or questionable, actively taking steps to change children's worlds for the better in the area of bullying.  We can only hope that the next hit biker show will have more accurate story lines that portray the biker community as beacons of positive change and forces of charity and goodwill.

1. Try Google searching the phrase 'teaching empathy'.  You'll get a myriad of results; including law enforcement training post officer-involved shootings, many opinion articles, various parenting and education blogs, and a book perspective from the Washington Post on boys vs girls reading habits. The common thread here is that as parents, educators, mentors, and as a society as a whole, the act of teaching empathy and compassion is a crucial part of learning at every age.  Empathy and compassion beget kindness, fairness, charitable actions, and unification across dividing lines.  The lack of these two traits creates discourse, misunderstanding, self-righteous rhetoric, and unnecessary anger.  The Dalai Lama was recently quoted in an article in Entrepreneur, "Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life." (https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/321461)  How true!  What would the world look like if everyone took a step back to contemplate the ramifications of their tweets before posting them, of their actions before committing them, and their words before saying them?  Would there still be episodes of war, violence, and greed?  Probably.  But those incidents would more likely be the anomalies, not the norms. What if the major hashtag and news trends were about compassionate acts and stories of goodwill instead of corruption, crime, and dissonance?  Would the earth be more peaceful and undivided as a whole?   

My point is this, if we as a society don't consistently act as proponents of empathy and compassion, how will generations to come ever learn it, use it, or even acknowledge it?  If there was ever a trend that needs to 'go viral', this is it.  Empathy and Compassion are the defining points for overcoming stereotypes, erasing hatred born of misinformation and misunderstanding, and stopping bullying. They're even, in many ways, a component of controlling gun violence, repairing political corruption, and combating corporate greed.  It's not a Pollyanna type thing, it is a real and immediate need, both in the US and worldwide, and it starts with each of us.  As Benjamin Franklin once said, "If we do not hang together, we will surely hang separately." Let's, as a society, start focusing on the goodwill and healing, and quit shortening each other's proverbial ropes.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

A Survivor's Take on Marsy's Law

Politics are a messy business.  This country was founded on the rights of all citizens to be heard, and to be considered equal.  It was also founded on the premise that anyone accused of a crime is innocent until proven guilty.  That's easier said than done.  There is always doubt.  There are always multiple sides to every story, and in that same vein, each side honestly believes that they are correct in their recollection of the incident.  But what about when there is undeniable proof of a crime?  What happens when the accusations are over, and the hearings, or the trial, are over?  What happens when the restraining orders expire and there are no longer legalities rolling through their governmental red tape processes?  Are the victims of said crime magically healed?  Is the accused suddenly reformed?  Do the rights of one side take precedence over the other?

A few years ago, I unwillingly became a survivor of domestic violence. This is not something that I have shared previously with all of you.  Partially because I am not a person to air personal issues publicly, partially because I was scared of him and did not want the backlash, and partially because no one wants to admit that some proverbial ogre got the better of them.  No. More.  I did not get insanely beaten up, but I was threatened, badgered, verbally battered, bruised, and verbally abused.  My home was trashed and physically shattered, my children and pets were endangered, and I ended up being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the ordeal.  I lost my confidence, my courage, and my trust in humanity.  Throughout the initial court process a group called Safe Alliance was my lifeline.  They walked me through every point of the process, got me a qualified lawyer to represent and fight for me when I could not, and gave me hugs when I was too terrified of the world to walk out into it.  But they could only go so far.  When my abuser was released from psychiatric commitment, I was not notified by the hospital nor the authorities, I was told by a close friend of his that was concerned for my safety.  After my abuser continually violated the restraining orders I had against him, and months later was jailed for similar crimes against others, I was not notified of his release, nor of the fact that he had reentered the area.  I was notified that he was working in an area nearby by another concerned friend of his, never by law enforcement or the district attorney, as the current law states should occur.  This man ultimately put my children at risk with his violent behavior and threats, and created a hell on earth life for me where I was so terrified of him that I blamed myself for the violence, cowered in fear in my own home, and felt it necessary to push large furniture against the doors nightly for months, until I moved residences without a forwarding address.  Even though there are still, to this day, warrants out for his arrest because of his multiple restraining order violations, the restraining order extension has expired. I worry every time I walk outside and am in constant stress about my children being away from home.  It's no way to live, truly actually Live life.

Marsy's Law is a constitutional amendment on the ballot this election.  Essentially it strengthens protection for victims of crime.  From requiring notification of hearings, escape, parole, and release, to allowing victims to appear at hearings and speak at such, it's a step in the right direction for victims' rights ... IF it's enforced.  Currently, the law in North Carolina states that notification is required "as soon as is practicable, but within 72 hours after identifying a victim covered by this Article, with ...".  It goes on to list available medical services, crime victims' compensation, address and phone number of the district attorney, and access to applicable law enforcement that should be given to the victim involved.  Seeing as my abuser managed to begin violating the initial emergency restraining order within 24 to 36 hours, and even though I called 911 and had all my paperwork, he ran away before they could arrest him, and the police didn't feel it was worth the effort to chase him down, the 72 hour thing appears to be a useless venture.  Furthermore, while the domestic violence team of my local law enforcement agency did do a great job of contacting me on a weekly basis for the first 6 to 8 months after the hearing, no one ever alerted me to his movements or release from any psychiatric or correctional facility.  In dealing with the healing process involved for not just myself, but also my family, those "heads up" moments would have been extraordinarily helpful.  Instead we, as a family, suffered emotional setbacks and continued worry and constant fear due in part to a lack of communication by the authorities and judicial system.  I would hope that my experience would not be the case for victims of felonious violent crime, as domestic violence is only considered a 'misdemeanor',  But, isn't any violent crime against another human being worth preventing and protecting, regardless of what 'label' the law puts upon it?

I know that there are those out there that will argue that once people serve their time, they should not have to endure a life sentence of judicial recrimination.  The ACLU is actually one of the groups lobbying against this Amendment. While I agree with many tenants of what the ACLU stands for, as a survivor of domestic violence who felt failed by the supposed protections of the law during my ordeal, I have a real problem with how our current laws actually follow through on violent crime cases.  I made the mistake of trusting my attacker for years before he brutally betrayed that trust, and still have trouble not startling when I hear noises while walking, or instinctively flinching when I'm not expecting the passing touch of someone nearby.  I cannot imagine what those who endure random violent crime experiences must be facing on a societal trust basis daily!  This Amendment can do wonderful things for those of us that have triumphed over the violent behavior of others, but Only if it is Actually and Consistently Enforced.

I implore law enforcement to take victims' rights seriously, and to actively attempt to enforce what the law already says.  In the hope that Marsy's Law is passed, I beg both law enforcement and the district attorney's offices to adhere to All Notification Stipulations Without Fail.  I know what acquiring post traumatic stress disorder in, what should be the safety of, your own home is like ... I can't imagine the hell that survivors of violent crime in random situations go through daily.

If nothing else spurs you on, then allow this blog to do so.  Get Out There And Vote.  Make your voice heard, and, vote your conscience for this Amendment.  Allow your voice to do for others what violent offenders strip their ability to do for themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

For more information on Marsy's Law:
https://marsyslaw.us

For more information on Safe Alliance:
https://safealliance.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org