The Valuable Commodity of Trust

There are moments in life that occur on a regular and/or semi-regular basis, that you want to share with your friends ... Especially those specific friends who get what you're going through, or talking about. The ones who have similar life experiences. The ones that you implicitly trust. What happens, though, when those people no longer exist in your life?

Friendship break ups are similar to lover break ups, but somehow worse. There's always those small things that you associate with a particular person that makes you miss them. Situations or occurrences that bring up memories of good times, of shared experiences, but none of those instances make you okay with allowing that person back into your life. You might want to share with them despite the circumstances, but the thought of any form of contact makes you feel timid, insecure, and without trust for any conversation or revelations that would come of such contact. There is no way possible that you can imagine doing so without causing horrible anguish to yourself and your psyche. 

Why is that? Why do we have difficulty trusting our own judgment in the after effect of removing those who are toxic for us, or simply not good for us to associate with, from our lives?

Unfortunately, it's even worse when a group of friends break up (so to speak). There's second guessing,  mistrust, variance in alliances,  & worry that what one might say in confidence to another, may be retold incorrectly and judged unfairly by those whom you've cut ties with. It sucks.

Which leads me to my point .... why can't we live a life, with those who we deem closest to us, Without Judgment? Why can't we accept those we choose to love and trust for who they are, resist the tendency to jump to conclusions, ask them directly if we don't understand, and support them in the decisions that they make for their own lives, which might be different than what we may ultimately choose for our own?

There's always that one friend who, you may not agree with their life decisions, but you support them in what they feel is best for themselves,  regardless of whether or not it's best for you. There's always that friend who, at times, you become concerned about, but because you value and cherish the friendship, you talk through your concerns, even though you may want to jump to conclusions via gossip heard.

Is friendship truly trustworthy? Is it ok to share your deepest, darkest secrets with someone that you have no guarantee may turn on you at a critical moment?  It makes you wonder ... and, unfortunately, question your own judgment of the trustworthiness of those who are closest to you.

Still wondering. Trust is a valuable,  fragile commodity that, when broken, is truly difficult to earn back.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

A Vent Session

Okay, my lovely, wonderful readers. I know it's not the norm for me, but i need to have a little vent. I apologize in advance.

WHY are there people in this world who actively and on purpose gain happiness from the misery of others that they cause?! I do not understand the need to wreak havoc in someone else's life simply to make one's own life feel more fulfilled and valid. I do not understand the inability to "live and let live". Most of all, I do not understand the cockamamy, beauracratical, biased to those who operate in the theoretical "legal  community" where Who you know shows to be more important than actual legality, legal system! I am OVER egotistical, self-important, lawyers .... I am OVER this system that allows for judges to rule on cases when they haven't heard both sides of the story ... I am OVER the ridiculous amount of money required to fight or bring Anything to court. It's bullsh*t!

I am tired of the egotistical, self-righteous, underhanded, legal maneuvering of the female (dare she be referred to as human) that is my boyfriend's ex-wife.

I am appalled at the level of stress this "woman" causes in our personal life due to the level of stress and subsequent physical duress that her antics create.

I am OVER the bullying nonsense that my ex-husband utilizes in an effort to control and undermine me, just like he did when we were married.

I am OVER the fact that his bullying includes constant attempts to control my daily life outside of contact with our son, as I am attempting to do what's right and better myself daily.

It is affecting me in horrible ways, but even worse, it's affecting the wonderful, funny, caring, sweet and romantic, truly fantastic person who is my parter in life.

No attempt to be supportive, or understanding, or empathic, or sympathetic is met with anything but despondency, as he is a Good Man that has been pushed over the edge by constant worry over what's best for everyone else in his life, and the constant stress and malarkey created by those who use the legal system as their First resort instead of their Last.

Hate is a terrible thing to be avoided. Yet how can one avoid it and move forward in life if the other party or parties keep pushing the limits? It's unfair, unjust, not right, and unequivocally WRONG.

I am now finished venting. SOS for positive thoughts, karma,  and prayers Fast!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Independence from ....... ?

Independence Day. The phrase conjures thoughts of freedom from tyranny,  freedom from unfair rule, freedom to be exactly yourself without persecution. The American forefathers had that idea in mind when they drafted the Declaration of Independence. Is that what is really true in our country now?

The small world of the legal system community makes deals unknown to those governed behind closed doors. Taxes are levied in accordance to who has the most money to donate to the "appropriate" political fund. American troops fight wars that they don't understand, but because they believe in the strength of our country, they go into battle anyway. Judges are friends with lawyers and do "favors" which can hardly be deemed impartial. Politicians make deals with the highest bidder, as opposed to doing what's in the best interests of those who voted them into office. Are we truly "independent"? Or are we governed by those who only have their own personal best interests at heart?

The Declaration of Independence states that "Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security." In layman's terms, when the government goes stupid, it is up to the citizens of said government to set them on the right path. Are we on the right path?

Personally, I'm considered politically "unaffiliated" because I have agreements and disagreements with every political party out there. However, when the laws of the courts are pre-defined in favor of those who have clout, I have an issue. When the proof of those accused lies in proving they shouldn't have been accused, I have an issue. When those who have no means or money are treated as subhuman without the ability for recourse in the American legal system, I have an issue. When soldiers die on foreign land and their families are not given information or acknowledged, I have an issue.

On this, the celebration day of American Independence, let us remember what is important and crucial ... Truth, Justice, and Liberty For All.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Humanity of Give Versus Take

A neighbor of mine said the other day, "there are givers and takers in this world ... unfortunately, the givers usually end up getting screwed,"  I agree with him .. for the most part.

Those who are the "takers" spend their lives expecting everyone to do what they want, give in to their needs ... essentially bow to them and their every whim. They use multiple forms of persuasion, tactics that smack of under-handedness, and any con artist move they can, legal or non, to achieve whatever their ultimate goal is. It's actually a truly pitiful existence. To only be able to take without experiencing the joy of giving.

Those who are "givers" get the opportunity to experience and appreciate the smiles and pure joy on someone's face when they create a token of words or gifts or actions that require no return of actions or strings attached. They feel happy by doing such things. They don't need hurrahs or accolades, they just do these things for others because it should be done out of pure respect for humanity. They're content to do so, and don't think about "what's in it for them" in the process.

The "givers" versus the "takers". Most of us have a little of both in us.  While I truly believe that both Yin and Yang, light and darkness, is in each of us, and that one cannot exist without the other, I also believe that the "givers", regardless of getting trod upon, live happier lives than the "takers". While unfair pain may be experienced at times, the reward of life's little things, like a child's smile, a friend in need's hug, a loved one's kiss, the total body wagging of a pet greeting you just because you showed up, unexpected laughter, ultimate trust ... these are things that can never be truly known or appreciated by the "takers".

It's to be pitied, actually. The sad fact is that there are people out there who view themselves as so entitled, so above the echelon, so above reproach, that in their quest for the perfect life they end up living the lives that are more miserable than most. How sad is that?!

Gandhi said that "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean become dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Well said, Sir!  I pity those that can only take and not give, can only hurt and not help, can only think of themselves and not others. I truly believe, though, that that Yin, that light as opposed to dark is somewhere deep in all of us. Hopefully someday those people will find it in themselves and no longer wreak the havoc that creates a negative ripple effect doomed to surround them. Poor, misguided humans.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress