Is That Light An Oncoming Train?

Over the past year or so I've had the opportunity to discover a number of things about myself & the universe in general.  I've also discovered that many adages people use to assist them with understanding life & situations are not necessarily as they seem. Humor me for a moment as I explain.....

"Bad things happen in threes". Not necessarily. First of all, if something you consider to be seriously unfortunate at the time occurs, but it ultimately leads to positive things in life & important lessons learned, then was it actually a "bad" thing in the first place? Additionally, if we walk around assuming that the "Threes Rule" is valid, then we end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of multiple seemingly "bad" occurrences.... due in part because we're actively looking for them!

This line of thinking obviously plays directly into the "Everything happens for a reason" adage. That does not mean that we will always like, or enjoy, or appreciate the "reason", but the reason or lesson that needs to happen will eventually show itself.  We simply have to focus on moving forward to find it & utilize it instead of wallowing in doomsday self pity that additional unfortunate events are bound to occur simply because one or two did in the first place. 

I'll give you an example.  Many of you who read my blog know that I am in recovery from Anorexia Bulimia, which I have suffered from since my teens. In early 2012 I was cited for DUI at a checkpoint, even though I knew I had only had 2 beers prior to driving home. Had that not occurred I would not have been faced with the physical ramifications of my disease, mainly that my digestive system was shutting down & therefore unable to metabolize almost anything. Had I not been forced to face that fact, I would not have been hospitalized for ED treatment, I would not have begun the long road of recovery, which ultimately caused me to lose my job from being unable to work for too many months, which caused me to reassess through recovery & return to school where I'm now working toward a degree in something that utilizes my existing skills, passions, & background, that I'm fascinated by & that will ultimately help others in the process. Had that "bad thing" not occurred, I would still be miserable, unhealthy, & probably dead.  Not that everyday is easy & perfect, but I'm actively learning & now continuing to recover, which is the polar opposite of the life death spiral I was on before.  I realize that's an extremely simplistic version of a major ripple effect event, but viewing it in that manner helps me continue to attempt to stay on track toward positive things, as opposed to focusing on negative, dark places that could or could not occur because of it. 

Truthfully, this also leads directly into the adage "The universe will never give you more than you can handle".  Ultimately I believe that to be true, but that does not mean it feels that way while you're dealing with everything life throws at you! Looking back you may wonder, how on earth you pulled it off and came out standing, but we do actually end up handling that which is "thrown" at us. Focusing on moving forward, finding a way, & learning those lessons is the best any of us can do.

I'll leave you with a thought. The proverbial "Light at the end of the tunnel" that we all search for during difficult times ... it could be the opening on the other side to happier times & better things, it could be someone coming towards you with a lantern that assists you, or it could be an oncoming train. Your choices then become: exiting the tunnel, accepting the assistance to shed light on your path forward, rejecting the assistance & continuing to trudge through the dark, staying on the track & getting hit by the train, or jumping out of the way to keep moving forward.  It's up to each of us to choose.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Complexity of Forgive

"Forgive & Forget". Such a difficult concept for so many, both in separate parts, and as a unit together.  The words "I forgive you" can be used and truly meant, but if the action or actions that were forgiven stay in our minds, or are brought up as examples in later discussions or arguments, were they really forgiven? Is true human forgiveness possible when we can't delete the memories from our heads?  Do we, as humans, honestly have the ability to completely forgive & forget all transgressions?

I do believe, have to believe, that in many ways it is possible.  I also believe that it depends upon the person.  There are those out there with an ego that is so self-righteous, for whatever reason, that they simply do not possess this empathetic capability, are doomed to judge everyone on their own personal terms, and will never let things from the past go. I pity them.

The harshest, most difficult "forgive & forget" I have found, however, is towards ourselves. Personally, I struggle with that one, even regarding the smallest of mistakes, every day. Again, even if you "forgive" yourself, is it possible to achieve the level of "forget" to where one does not berate themselves in their mind by past comparison? Difficult personal lessons ... I hope one day to learn them fully.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Ego versus Empathy

"Everybody's got the right to be, happy. Everybody's got the right to feel free! Rich man, poor man, black or white, grab the apple, take a bite! Everybody's got the right to their dreams!"

Lyrics. I'm currently choreographing a musical theater show titled "Assassins". It's a poignant dark comedy, but those lyrics seem to hit home in so many other areas.

Why is it that some people feel it is their right to attempt to take away the rights & dreams & happiness of others?  From something global like the former Apartheid or the current Middle East jihad unrest, to something national like Gay Marriage Rights, or something more personal like nasty divorces or custody battles. In every single case, it ultimately boils down to the views & values & beliefs of one person versus that of another. While basic laws must be in place for a civilized society to exist, who is anyone of us on this planet to judge what makes another happy or what their dreams & path in life should be?  Who among those of us that walk this earth are so perfect, They should be given the right to pass that judgment? 

Civil wars throughout the world, opposing political party viewpoints, children being denied one parent simply due to the views of another ..... all of these are tragedies that occur when one human takes it upon themselves to stand on a soapbox & proclaim that their way of doing things is the only one that is correct.  It's sad.  It's egotistical.  It's just plain demented.

Last I checked, no matter what your theological beliefs or moral value systems are, the Constitution of the United States of America proclaims that All are Equal. If that truly is the case, then who is any of us to judge the thoughts, feelings, belief systems, & lifestyle choices of anyone except holding our own selves accountable?

So you're religious? Why can someone else's religious beliefs not be as equally valuable to them as yours are to you? 

So you're straight? Why can someone else's gender preferences not be as equally viable to them as yours are to you? 

So you're divorced? Well you obviously had differences of opinion to begin with or you wouldn't be divorced.  Why then must your children suffer because you personally disagree with lifestyle choices your ex is making, as long as the children are loved & cared for by both sides?

Unfortunately, thanks to the overinflated egos of many humans out there, a utopian society of true empathy, compassion, & understanding will never truly exist.  However, if my thoughts cause you to take a tiny step back & reassess what the overarching good of a possibly tumultuous situation might be the next time you encounter such a thing ...... Just saying ......

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress