The Comfort of Happiness

There is a Dean Karnazas quote that states, "Don't confuse comfort with happiness." While in many cases this may be true, I believe that comfort can be the first step to happiness.

Think of the families that are homeless, for no other reason than economic misfortune. Would a warm place to sleep out of the cold rain, and a meal to quell the feelings of hunger in their bellies not bring a small amount of happiness through the acquisition of those basic comforts? Think of the person who lost a loved one or is simply experiencing a difficult time in life. Would a hug from a friend saying "I'm here for you" not bring comfort that helps them heal and eventually feel happiness once again? A child who falls and sustains injury, a mother escaping with her children from an abusive relationship, an elderly resident of a nursing home who simply feels alone as they live out the final years of their life, small gestures of comfort from others bring happiness back, if only for a moment. Even abused and abandoned animals become loving, loyal pets once they're given basic comforts and shown kind actions.

My point is this, while comfort may not be a synonym for happiness, those who feel comforted can more easily find happiness and subsequently comfort others. In this world of constant upheavals and daily stress, if everyone took a single moment each day to utilize comfort as an action instead of a state of their own being, would life, our communities, and the world in general not be happier as a result? Pay it forward. It's the ultimate chain reaction that can change the world.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Lemons Without Sugar

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
The truth is, some people like lemons. They like the tart sourness, and enjoy the taste that scrunches up the faces of others in dismay. Not that there's anything wrong with liking lemons, but in the general living of daily life, it makes you wonder about those who get pleasure or solace from watching others experience discomfort. In some cases, it's not that they actually like the lemon taste, but that they enjoy experiencing that sour taste discomfort in themselves. Why?
Various forms of mental illness can manifest in a similar way. A desire to feel companionship in misery by watching others feel angst. A deep seated self hatred that causes a need to create misery in one's self. A desperate desire to create a catalyst that causes the world around them to take notice and actively care in any form possible. None of it is positive. All of it is treatable ... if only the person allows it to be.
I think of the quote from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, "Everyone's got a little bit of loser in them." It's true. None of us are perfect. The only way that we can get through life and look at ourselves in the mirror on a daily basis with any clarity is to accept that we all hurt and can cause hurt, we all bleed and can cut others, and that we all must take ownership of each and every choice we make in life both positive and negative in order to proceed forward or make things right. None of us are infallible, but we all have the propensity to have empathy for those who require some form of assistance to see that in themselves. Additionally, when you truly love someone who is experiencing a break in their humanistic capacities, you don't damn them, you help them. They may not see it as help initially, but in the end, with proper guidance, they will.
As I write this, I can't help but think of the outpouring of support I've experienced over the past few days. Without it, I wouldn't be writing this post. I'd be curled up in a corner, a dissolving mess, unable to function due to stress and worry over things I have no control. While I've shed more tears lately than I have in a long time, I also know deep in my soul that by helping the one I hold dear in the only way possibly left, I'm doing the best thing I can do for everyone involved. It may not be easy for anyone, but it's the only way that open-minded empathy can continue to survive.
Help, Assist, Care, Support ... Not Shun

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Lessons of Life, Learned From Our Children

Today was National Daughter's Day. That which we learn from our children is so much more than anything we learn about life in any other fashion, so I thought I'd list a Top 6 Life Lessons that my daughter has taught me.

1. Living isn't about you.
From the moment she was born, life and its daily living has been about many other entities than other than myself. From her, to her friends & activities, to simply developing a higher level of empathy for the world surrounding us ... what's important in the world is way more than the space we ourselves exist in.

2. The little stuff matters most.
From crayon drawings, to noticing birds & butterflies, to the interesting shapes that clouds become, the little things in life have the ability to bring the utmost wonder and joy. Appreciation of them makes every day better.

3. Find happiness in the mundane.
As adults, we don't think of our jobs or daily chores as something to rejoice over. Yet, in the eyes of a child, that copier with all the bells and whistles, or the class that you're teaching, or the aura of watching a show you're working on from the stage wings, are the coolest, most incredible smiling moments of the day. Embrace and find awe in what we, as grown ups, find the most normal and boring.

4. Accept everyone.
Kids are colorblind, gender blind, and generally accepting of everyone regardless of race, gender, or creed. I remember when my daughter was in kindergarten, she came home to inform me that she had a new friend. I asked her what her friend was like. She responded that she was fun, funny, intelligent, had black hair, & brown skin. If we all looked at personality traits first, then attributed physical traits to the colors in the crayon box, we might all be a lot less pre-judgemental and a lot more accepting.

5. Physical capabilities have no bearing on the awesomeness of the person.
My daughter became heavily involved in volunteering with special needs children while in middle school. Seeing her work with them, and watching the joy and growth that they achieved just by being allowed to be themselves without judgement or preconceived notions was awe inspiring. The simple act of treating every person, no matter who they are, as an equal brings out the best in everyone.

6. The unknown can be better than anything you dreamed up previously.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was on track to begin a dance career with Paramount. I have never once regretted changing course. The precious moments I've experienced, and the things that I've learned with her, are worth multiple lifetimes of anything I could have done on my own otherwise. Period.

If you have kids, love, adore, appreciate, and learn from them everyday. They truly are a blessing and gift from the greatest of higher powers. If you don't have them, know that if and when you do, your life will irrevocably change for the better. Even if they're someone else's children that you simply are a caregiver for, or mentor to, the daily moments and lessons are the most fantastic you'll ever have the good fortune to learn. Embrace it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress