The Serenity of Gratefulness

The beginning of a new year tends to bring about reminiscences of the passing year's adventures had, triumphs won, and moments lost. It's difficult not to rejoice in the new year's upcoming possibilities without dwelling, at least momentarily, upon times past.

I had lunch with a sweet friend the other day. Both of us have experienced fairly major life changes over the past year. As we chatted and laughed, enjoying the few hours we had without worries or responsibilities, I felt a sense of carefree happiness, the likes of which I haven't felt in many months. It occurred to me, that being grateful for moments of that nature, is a much better use of my year-end reminiscing than worrying about the past, or the future. So, in an effort to pay homage to all forms of moments upcoming, and those gone but not forgotten, I've decided to write a Grateful List.

 

• Family - Through good and bad, exciting and mundane, happy and sad, they are and will always be a constant. There are times that their well-meaning assistance helps, and there are times that it has been known to drive us all a bit nuts, but family will always be a part of our lives. Our children and all the insightful, surprising lessons they teach us, just by being themselves, every day; our parents and family members with all of their well-meaning help and encouragement, even though they may frustrate us at times because their views and beliefs may not coincide with our own, from them we have the ability to learn so much about ourselves and the world around us. A living breathing reminder of who we are, where we've come from, and the manifestation of the hopes for generations to come. For that, I am Grateful.
• Relationships - No matter whether they're current or former, positive or negative, happy or painful, there is always something learned from each and every one. Some lessons are about how we perceive others, some are about how we view ourselves. As long as we pay attention and utilize the lessons that are there for us, no relationship is ever a waste of time. Even the ones that make us wonder how on earth we could have been that stupid hold valuable lessons for us to take forward in our lives. I am grateful for the lessons of past and present relationships.
• There are so many other things, big and small, that we might overlook in the hustle and bustle of daily life, that are cause for reflection and a moment of gratitude towards the universe. The smile of a child, the sight of a flower or beautiful sunset. The warmth of a hug, the kindness of a stranger, the sound of laughter with a friend. Random acts of kindness, or someone simply taking the time to listen and care. The warmth and scent of a roaring fire on a chilly evening, the caress of a cool breeze on a hot day, the pure joy of a pet's loving greeting upon your arrival home (even if you've only been gone for a few minutes!). A place to call home, the aroma of fresh baked goods, the sound of music on a starry night. For all of these things, and many more, I am truly grateful.

Take a moment, in the birth month of this new year, to stop, contemplate, and enjoy the immediate present. No matter what that immediate present may be, I bet you find a bit of happiness in it. All you have to do is stop, look, and be there.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Comfort of Happiness

There is a Dean Karnazas quote that states, "Don't confuse comfort with happiness." While in many cases this may be true, I believe that comfort can be the first step to happiness.

Think of the families that are homeless, for no other reason than economic misfortune. Would a warm place to sleep out of the cold rain, and a meal to quell the feelings of hunger in their bellies not bring a small amount of happiness through the acquisition of those basic comforts? Think of the person who lost a loved one or is simply experiencing a difficult time in life. Would a hug from a friend saying "I'm here for you" not bring comfort that helps them heal and eventually feel happiness once again? A child who falls and sustains injury, a mother escaping with her children from an abusive relationship, an elderly resident of a nursing home who simply feels alone as they live out the final years of their life, small gestures of comfort from others bring happiness back, if only for a moment. Even abused and abandoned animals become loving, loyal pets once they're given basic comforts and shown kind actions.

My point is this, while comfort may not be a synonym for happiness, those who feel comforted can more easily find happiness and subsequently comfort others. In this world of constant upheavals and daily stress, if everyone took a single moment each day to utilize comfort as an action instead of a state of their own being, would life, our communities, and the world in general not be happier as a result? Pay it forward. It's the ultimate chain reaction that can change the world.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Lemons Without Sugar

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
The truth is, some people like lemons. They like the tart sourness, and enjoy the taste that scrunches up the faces of others in dismay. Not that there's anything wrong with liking lemons, but in the general living of daily life, it makes you wonder about those who get pleasure or solace from watching others experience discomfort. In some cases, it's not that they actually like the lemon taste, but that they enjoy experiencing that sour taste discomfort in themselves. Why?
Various forms of mental illness can manifest in a similar way. A desire to feel companionship in misery by watching others feel angst. A deep seated self hatred that causes a need to create misery in one's self. A desperate desire to create a catalyst that causes the world around them to take notice and actively care in any form possible. None of it is positive. All of it is treatable ... if only the person allows it to be.
I think of the quote from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, "Everyone's got a little bit of loser in them." It's true. None of us are perfect. The only way that we can get through life and look at ourselves in the mirror on a daily basis with any clarity is to accept that we all hurt and can cause hurt, we all bleed and can cut others, and that we all must take ownership of each and every choice we make in life both positive and negative in order to proceed forward or make things right. None of us are infallible, but we all have the propensity to have empathy for those who require some form of assistance to see that in themselves. Additionally, when you truly love someone who is experiencing a break in their humanistic capacities, you don't damn them, you help them. They may not see it as help initially, but in the end, with proper guidance, they will.
As I write this, I can't help but think of the outpouring of support I've experienced over the past few days. Without it, I wouldn't be writing this post. I'd be curled up in a corner, a dissolving mess, unable to function due to stress and worry over things I have no control. While I've shed more tears lately than I have in a long time, I also know deep in my soul that by helping the one I hold dear in the only way possibly left, I'm doing the best thing I can do for everyone involved. It may not be easy for anyone, but it's the only way that open-minded empathy can continue to survive.
Help, Assist, Care, Support ... Not Shun

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress