A Ripple Effect of Choice

There are a lot of things in this world that I do not understand.  Some are basic ... I do not understand calculus (nor do I want to), I do not understand the phenomenon that occurs when one straightens & cleans a room, only to turn around 20 minutes later to find it trashed again (this phenomenon generally occurs when children and/or puppy dogs are present, but we won't go there), I do not understand why when you take the time to wash and detail your vehicle, it seems to rain & get it all mucky again within the following 24 hours .... basic stuff.  One of the biggest things I have trouble with, however, is the existence and usage of hate.

Don't get me wrong, I've felt that horrible emotion.  More than once.  It will take you over, raise your blood pressure, and create thoughts in your head of terrible possibilities toward the offending entity that would make the coldest, hardest of criminals blush.  The emotion itself breeds a whole host of other responses that generally seem to include hurtful, damaging speech patterns at the least, and, moving further up the line, underhanded, sometimes clandestine actions, a general lack of thoughts and empathy for anyone or anything else in the world surrounding said entity, lashing out via any channel at one's disposal, and at worst, evil sorts of reactions that would only end up on the evening news or America's Most Wanted.  To embrace any form of this emotion and allow it to control even a portion of your life is something that is one of the most terrible things on earth.  Why would we do this to ourselves?  It doesn't make you feel any better.  In fact, it only makes you feel more stressed, more on edge, more hatred in every ounce of your being.  It's like it multiplies the more you utilize it.

There are people in this world who seem to live by nothing else.  Their actions and words do nothing but create grief and pain in the lives of everything around them, yet they continue to embrace this horrible, evil stance and outlook as if it's a life line that will save them from drowning.  It's so sad and unfortunate.  To spend your life wasting even an ounce of your energy on these negative endeavors ultimately only creates a gnawing, all-encompassing, empty, dark hopeless place within oneself that gets so ingrained it won't dissipate even with the happiest of moments or the brightest of sunshine.  There are wars being fought with hate at their root, simply because of people being narrow-minded in their belief systems & lashing out at those who believe differently.  There are legal battles that ensue, simply because one or both parties can't or won't let go of past hurtful moments between them and fully move forward with their lives.  There are children and spouses that are abused because the abuser has some form of hate inside them from past experience, regret, or fear that creates moments of physically lashing out due to their inability to let go of those past painful moments.  There are animals that are abused because that same hate has led to egotistical power trips in the minds of those doing the abusing. There are those with diseases like eating disorders and alcoholism who turn that hatred to an internal place and lash out at themselves.  It's a horrible, terrible, dark, lonely place to live.  Only when you begin to let go of the emotion, only when you allow yourself to realize that you are the only one in control of your actions and reactions, that you have the power to create happiness around you through positive words and actions instead of the negative ones, that the process of letting go of that all encompassing negativity and replacing it with empathy and kindness, will create an inner peace and light within yourself that can weather any storm or situation, and will transfer itself to everything and everyone around you so that they feel a bit less of that darkness within themselves, only then can you truly see the damage and darkness that hate can spawn like a ripple effect.

Hate.  It's defined in the dictionary as intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.  It ought to be the acronym for Horrible Actions Toward Everything.  Myself, I'm learning to let go of that emotion completely and refocus the intensity on more positive options.  If there's an intense dislike at base level, walking away and removing whatever or whomever it is from my life completely might be possible, or if that is not, then examining why I feel this way so that I might create a positive change for myself in my focus on the person, place, or thing creating the feeling.  Even if it's the actions of another human, do I really want to beat myself up and use every ounce of my energy on ultimately hurting myself with my thoughts, words, and reactions?  Or would my time be better served and my energy put to better use through focusing on positive things I can do, positive changes I can make, and empathy toward the offender who is only hurting themselves with their endeavors?  Instead of the dark, damaging ripple effect of hate, the calmer, brighter ripple effect of empathy, happiness, and peace.  It's not easy to choose the latter option, but I've learned it is worth the effort.  Which ripple effect will you choose?  Think about it.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Ripple Effect of Focus

Negativity is defined by Webster as the following: a : lacking positive qualities; especially : disagreeable  b : marked by features of hostility, withdrawal, or pessimism that hinder or oppose constructive treatment or development .  Doesn't sound that great, does it?  Synonyms for the word are adversarial, antagonistic, inhospitable, hostile, unfriendly, & unsympathetic.  None of these sound, or are, pleasant or happy or like anything we would actively want to align ourselves with in any way.  Yet, all of this seems to exist as a main focus in our attitudes and the world around us on a regular basis.  The media tends to focus on anything that will raise a ruckus or cause people to go up in arms, politics are a major offender with every moment filled by partisanship and pointing fingers, many people seem to use social media, such as Facebook & Twitter, as their constant personal venting diary ... why is it that the negative occurrences, the hostile actions, the pessimistic attitudes, and the unsympathetic thoughts are focused on so much more than the positive, kind, friendly ones?

If the media took even one day and focused on only the good deeds of random strangers, the daily positive actions of educators and first responders, the happy dreams realized of anyone who achieves them, instead of giving validity through sensationalism to criminals and the corrupt, what would we think throughout that day?  How might we act and react in daily situations or occurrences?  What might we be inspired to do that day?

If politicians took one week to do nothing but get face to face with those who they represent, and regardless of party affiliation or income level, sat down and truly listened to what's occurring and what's needed in those areas by the people who voted them into office, if they completely ignored party lines or anything driven by monetary gain and simply talked with their constituents and each other, how much would be accomplished?  No campaigning, no promises, just listening and honest conversation.  Would better goals be set that would be more reflective of what's actually needed in our communities?  Would the intention to follow through with those goals be more concrete and the results of those intentions be more effective due to the open, honest communication that only focused on the needs of those represented, and not partisanship or finger pointing?

If everyone who uses social media of any form made a pact to only post positive thoughts, happy occurrences, and non-judgmental opinions for even a day or two, what would we learn about those around us?  What attributes might we glean about others that we'd never realized before?  Would it inspire us?  Make us laugh?  Allow us to feel a bit of happiness with regards to the good fortune of someone else?

The thing about it is this, most of us tend to focus so constantly on that which is wrong, or stressful, or irritating, or depressing, that we can't see, and many times forget, that around us which is Good.  The moment of calming silence after a long tiring day, the sheerly happy smile of a baby or small child, the stranger that immediately assists with picking up the papers someone accidentally dropped, or the phone call from a friend that occurs at the exact moment you needed a friendly voice.  The hug from someone who loves you, the frenzied thrilled greeting from a pet upon your arrival home, the beautiful flower that somehow grew in a not beautiful place, or the feel of your favorite fuzzy blanket wrapped around you on a chilly day.  Happy conversations with friends, a compliment from a coworker, a gesture of goodwill given without thought of returning the favor.  These are the things that our days are made up of.  Even in the middle of stressful situations surrounding work, or school, or homelife, these things exist.  If we focused mainly on them, as opposed to that which upsets or brings us down, would our relationships change?  Would our outlooks and attitudes change?  What about our communities as a whole?

Just thoughts.  It may sound a bit Utopian, but as I sit here this morning, with sleet coming down outside & my entire day annoyingly rerouted and rearranged due to the weather, I think that I shall focus on the fact that the cinnamon spice coffee I'm brewing makes my place smell yummy, and there's a list of things I've been procrastinating about that I can now get done instead of having to rush out, and that an evening snuggled in front of the fireplace watching movies that make me laugh is a splendid thing to look forward to.  Life.  It really can be so much happier if we simply do a bit of adjusting from concentrating on the negative moments, to focusing on the positive ones.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

And the Light Shines Brighter

Girl In The LBD (@GirlInTheLBD) tweeted at 10:55 AM on Sun, Jan 20, 2013: Sometimes that which you let go comes knocking again. The ability to walk away w/o opening the door shows the most positive strength of all. (https://twitter.com/GirlInTheLBD/status/293023943550443520)

I tweeted the above this morning. I won't say what brought on the epiphany, but I will say that it applies to so many areas of life.  From things as simple as a really unfortunate choice in clothing that you donate but then see again while shopping, to career choices that made you miserable before but beckon again, to bad habits that caused you ill health or misfortune, to friends or significant others that brought more grief & pain into your life than happiness. The decision made to walk away the first time is never easy, & following through takes a measure of strength, fortitude, & self-preservation that you may not even realize is within you at the time.  To have that which you let go of resurface again can bring moments of doubt & internal questioning that can cause you to rethink the previous decision. To question your motives for it. To reweigh the pros & cons of it. "Maybe I was hasty," or "Maybe I didn't think everything through," or "Maybe I should open the proverbial door just a crack to see....".

Strength.  Fortitude.  Self-Preservation.  Such simple premises that can be so difficult to adhere to.  However, finding them within yourself to stick to your guns, for whatever your reason, is a sign of the greatest strength, fortitude, & self-preservation of all..... Self-Respect.  Easy to say, difficult to find, at times, even harder to stick with. When you do, though, that bright light shining toward you of positive choices in a new, hard-won happy life, gets a lot bigger & brighter than you ever imagined it could in the space of a simple moment.  Stick to your guns, & bask in the sunshine!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Subsiding of the Storm

Sometimes you just need a good cry.  I realize that sounds cheesy yet pitiful.  However, when the day becomes an entity of "the frustrating is easier to focus on than the good", & you just can't seem to bring yourself to eat or sleep... well, a good cry with a positive person who doesn't judge & sees you for who you really are, issues notwithstanding ....... it is actually therapeutic.  The storm subsides & results in calmer emotions, a more positive outlook, and the strength to make it through the next hour, the next day.  Some may consider it silly or girly or weak, but personally I find it a comforting thing. Think what you want, but jus' sayin'!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Assessments of the New

There are certain times in life that cause us to assess and / or reassess everything around us.  To take a good long hard look at ourselves, our surroundings, and the choices that we may or may not even realize we're making on a daily basis.  Some are drawn to do this at the start of a new year, some find themselves doing so after a crisis, others simply arise one morning with a newly awakened determination to create change in their world.  Nothing is impossible.

The kicker is this... change is scary & uncomfortable at the outset.  It's probably the reason so many of us end up reverting to our previous ways that we sought to change in the first place.  Even if those thoughts, those habits, those daily choices were not ultimately in our best interests, they were what we knew & used & felt a modicum of confidence through, even if their end result created less than positive circumstances. Like a fuzzy old tattered blanket, we became accustomed to the not so stellar end results as well. Changing those thoughts, habits, and daily choices creates not only a level of reaching beyond our comfort zone via the process, it causes new end results that we must learn to embrace too! 

My point is this, without reaching beyond our comfort zones, without striving to better ourselves, without continuing to push past the bounds of our standard actions and reactions, we stagnate.  We quit growing, and evolving, and miss out on many of the most spectacular people and experiences that life has the potential to offer us. I say this because I recently have been striving toward these changes in multiple areas. It's not easy to let go of the old, but the further I immerse myself in the new, I find that it's an unaccustomed feeling of calm, positive, sheer happiness that I'd really like to get used to!  It's a little uncomfortable experiencing all these new feelings and possibilities, but I'm learning to be okay with that aspect. My hope for anyone reading this is that you'll close your eyes, take a deep breath, and take that leap in whatever direction is a new start ... just to try.

~ The Girl in the Little Black Dress