Family ... In Every Form

Family. Amost everyone has one in some form. Be it by blood, or by marriage, or by choice, they exist in all of our lives. They're wonderful yet irking, supportive yet judging, have the ability to induce happiness yet can be completely maddening, all at the same time. It's quite the dichotomy.

I'm fortunate. I have a "blood family" that may drive me crazy upon occasion, but is ultimately truly wonderful, loving, and caring. Who may not always understand or agree, but does in fact accept me for the awkward enigma that I am. I also am lucky enough to to have a "chosen family" of friends so close that they can actually read my facial expressions and know me well enough to sense when I'm attempting to fake off negative emotions or reactions to life events.

Not everyone is as fortunate as I am. I have friends and acquaintances whose "blood family" is so different minded from them that an impass has been reached & they no longer speak or acknowledge each other. There are others whose families do not respect their family members' life choices to the point that they refuse to interact with them, unless those they disagree with develop the same mindset as those people precipitating the judging. There are some people out there with no family to speak of, that isolate themselves and attempt to navigate life on their own without physical or emotional support. Those are sad, unfortunate circumstances.

Which brings me to my point .... if we don't support those we're supposed to love or are destined to care for, how can we lead happy lives? Why is it so necessary that everyone live their life & think exactly alike? If Einstein or Monet or Edison or Gandhi had succumbed to the pressure of what everyone else thought, would the world be a better place today? Or would we stilll be living in medieval style times where the earth was considered flat and our planet was the center of the universe? Is it so farfetched to think or hope & expect that keeping an open mind, an open heart, and allowing others to be exactly who they are is a bad thing? Wasn't it one of the few major non secular, prophetic entities, who happens to be recognized by almost every major religion on this planet, that said "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,"?

Family. Whether you believe in evolution or religious beginnings or a combination of the two, we are All ultimately Family. Accept. Respect. Honor. Love. Tolerate. Appreciate. You just might look back and regret it if you don't.  Just my two cents.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Terrible Awful eXtra-issues Day

Tax Day. A title that is both ominous, & hopeful.  One can definitively look forward to a few hours of mind numbing numbers calculations, & hopefully look forward to a refund as the end result .. like a savings account you forgot you had. The alternative is after all those mind numbing numbers, one discovers that they owe additional money to a government that they may or may not agree with. Not as happy a occurrence.

While I agree that taxes are a necessary entity to keep the government running & its employees paid, why must they be so intricate and stressful? I don't know how it is in other countries,  having only lived in the US, but should all taxes require having to answer questions about things you don't know the meaning of?? I'm a full time student that only works as an artistic contractor sporadically, yet there are various lettered "schedules" that I have to navigate in order to complete this tax ordeal, regardless of the fact that technically I earn yearly an amount that's akin to poverty level. Why must this be so involved & stressful?

What's the reason we can't just pay a dead fixed amount on what we make at any level, then the government handles its budget off that total citizen amount each year? No stupid extras for the politicians that none of us agreed to, no special interest incentives, just basic math!

I suppose my view of what Should be is the proverbial Utopia, but that's my view & I make no apologies!  Guess that's why I'm registered as "unaffiliated" :)

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

What You Have (but may not see) Might Be All That You Need

Life is generally a random form of crazy lately. I say this because I'm currently choreographing 2 theater shows, busting my brain with a full time school schedule, trying to be a good mom, trying to be a good girlfriend to the love of my life that I live with, actively fighting my ex over custody issues with our son, actively backing my sweetheart on his own issues with an ex .... with all of that, sometimes it seems that the diagnosed schizophrenics & psychotics have it easy by comparison!

Then I look around.  I have an an amazing, inspiring, creative & strong two children who love me, I have a romantic partner in my life who backs me up regardless & is never absent if a shoulder is needed, I have a close knit group of friends that are there no mattet what, & a family that supports me, even if they don't truly understand the issue.

Crazy Life, Bring It On. I do believe I can completely handle this! (and so can you .. just look for what you already have!)

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Love, Empathy, and Clouds

What do you do when someone you love is going through a horribly difficult time that stresses out every ounce of their being? It's actually a pretty difficult question. Being there for them ... being truly present & listening is always an option, but sometimes talking it out only makes things worse for the one that's hurting. Hugs are always good ... the kind that are warm, & caring, & completely enveloping, but once the hug is released, the pain is still there. Gifts are only a temporary smile, and activities designed to redirect their mind only work while the activity is occurring ... then their mind reverts again. It truly is a dilemma.

How do you help someone you deeply care for feel more positive when they can't find positive on their own?

I know, from personal experience, that being in the depths of despair is impossible to climb out of other than momentarily. There's no amount of frivolity, or laughter, or hugs, or sunshine that can keep the annoying little dark thunder cloud from following you about. Those things may disperse it for a short while, but ultimately it storms back up again, directly overhead. The good fortune of others, while you desperately want to feel happiness for them, only reiterates the horrid thoughts about yourself in your own mind. I think that it's actually what the British mean by the term "sticky wicket"!

I have also learned that the only way to truly bring yourself out of a horrible, ultimate funk, is to actively do something about it. I tend to paint and mosaic, as it helps me feel that I'm purposefully creating positive change out of that which was bland & negative before. Everyone is different, so each individual has to find their own niche of creating positive in their surroundings. Burying one's head may quell the pain temporarily, but actively Allowing yourself to create it out, cry it out, exercise it out, work it out, Get It Out is the only way to truly dissipate that dark cloud. Those around you who love & care can & will assist & support, but the only person with the power to make the dark cloud truly leave is the person to whom that cloud belongs.

I suppose that no matter how much you love someone, no matter how deeply you care, or how strongly you support them, the choice is ultimately theirs. You can point out the sunshine that lies beyond the clouds in every way possible, but it's up to them to push through the storm to the happiness beyond the clouds in the end.

I shall now end with a favorite Dr. Seuss quote that I hope inspires: "I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind, some come from ahead, some come from behind, but I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready, you see, Now My Troubles Are Going To Have Troubles With Me!"

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Unexpected of Life

One of my closest friends got married this past weekend.  It was a gorgeous, amazing, perfect, beautiful wedding.  The songs during the ceremony all had meaning to the two of them and their lives together thus far, the people they care about the most were there, both family and friends, the bride was breathtaking and the groom was dashing debonair .... as maid of honor I had the unique pleasure of being an integral part of the planning and festivities, and for that I am oh so incredibly thankful.  I love it when two people who are simply SUPPOSED to be together, are exactly that ... together.  It reminds me that some things in life actually do make sense.

Now, in the aftermath of getting back to real, regular life .... no emergency texts from the bride to be with pleas for assistance, no planning to be done, no huge shindig with its music and frivolity to look forward .... how does one find that innate ability to keep going with an upbeat attitude and positive outlook even though there's a bit of nostalgia for the loss of something so grand upcoming?  I'm willing to bet that this happens to everyone reading this.  Be it after a holiday, or a major event, the days following are a bit of a trudging through period attempting to lock into that next great thing upcoming.  It's not always easy, but it always happens.

What if every single day of life could be the next great thing to look forward to?  What if, despite the job stresses, and family stresses, and life stress in general that can't be controlled, what if every single day has something phenomenal in it that you simply have to keep your eyes open for so you don't miss it?  It could be as simple as a warm sunny spring day, or the sight of an unexpected beautiful flower, or a thank you hug from someone you made smile, or an extra 10 to 15 minutes you unexpectedly get to do whatever your heart desires with no regard for anyone else, or a fun note from a friend ..... there are so many positive things out there that can make each day a wonderful experience if only we actively choose to watch for them and appreciate them no matter how small.  Things that we can look forward to.  Every single day.  Even if we don't know what they are until they arrive.  Life's little gifts ..... look around today and take notice.  I bet you'll find something unexpected but wonderful if you try!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress