Equality: Simplified

I was listening to NPR today and heard an interview with a woman who was forced from a plane by the airline because of her disability. I was incredulous. The idea that a person could be escorted off an airline for the basic act of living their life while flying alone, simply because they had a disability stunned me. It also made me think about how, at the most basic level, every single movement for equality and change in this country boils down to the problem of discrimination.

Protests for social change are not new. Suffragettes marched for women's right to vote in the 1920s. The Civil Rights movement in the 1960s was not without violent moments throughout its peaceful protests, marches, and sit-ins. Movements for change today in the BLM movement include everything from vigils and social media campaigns, to organized protests and marches at state capitols. The fact is that if discrimination didn't exist; if everyone looked at and treated all other human beings as who they are - Human Beings - many of the issues that have precipitated the need for massive change would not exist.

How someone is treated should not be about what job they have, how much money they make, who they love, what religion they follow, what their physical capabilities are, where their family is from, or what color skin they happen to be born with. People are people. Period. Saying that any one of those things makes someone more or less of a person than anyone else is like saying that all people with green eyes are descended from felines - logically it just doesn't hold water.

Is change on a variety of social and economic levels needed in this country? Absolutely, yes. Would it be as dire of a situational need if everyone, especially those in positions of power or government, didn't continually speak and act like people are divided into groupings as if they're sorting various types of marbles into separate bins? No, it would not.

We all breathe the same air. We all bleed the same blood. If every person on this planet could remember that on a daily basis, the world might just be a little less volatile of a place.

Just my 2 cents.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Opposing Concepts: The Convergence of Vice & RBG

I watched 2 completely opposite movies today - Vice and RBG. Vice was brilliantly written (especially loved the nod to Shakespeare) and monumentally insightful into how secret acts of despotism in our government's past can lend themselves to the travesty of events that we now face.

RBG was incredibly humbling and, at the same time, empowering. Humbling in that what women now take for granted was fought for by forward-thinking individuals like Ruth Bader Ginsberg less than a lifetime ago. Empowering in that strong-minded leaders like her still exist today, and are still fighting for those same precepts of equality.

The back to back combination of these opposing thought processes got me thinking.

Ruth Bader Ginsberg once said that gender lines "help to keep women, not on a pedestal, but in a cage." To her way of thinking, while the Constitution is the utmost law of the land, it is also there to be interpreted for our country's current situation - not to be enforced according to the social norms of when it was written and ratified.

Conservative or Liberal, no one can argue that what was acceptable in 1776 would be a remotely viable option under current day standards when it comes to issues of equality - so why is it so difficult for some groups to grasp that just as women are not "inferior", the color of someone's skin does not make their life of lesser value?

In the 1920s suffragette Sarah Grimke was quoted as saying, "I ask no favor for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks." I find it amazing that statement is now literally valid 100 years later. Are those who govern this country so blinded by ego that the battles won for justice throughout history are now nullified and void in their minds?

The social injustice that has run rampant just below the surface of our nation's mindset is now being brought to the forefront. To think that we are still beating the same drum for equality that generations before us had to, is a sad statement on the evolutionary capabilities of our nation as a people, and an even more disturbing statement on our government as a whole.

Which is a good segway into disturbing statements on government.

Vice is a movie not a documentary, and Hollywood does like to take liberties with their storytelling, but it's not hard to fathom this storyline having a shred of truth in certain areas. The fact that months worth of emails were "lost" by the Bush Cheney administration during a tumultuous time in our history where something like that should never have happened, and the fact that the only communications that were not "lost" during that time were biased, loose interpretations regarding the lines of executive authority as they apply to the office of the President, are nothing more than a darkly twisted roadmap for future leaders of our nation that have more ego than empathy and common sense. (example: Donald Trump)

America was built on the premise of "freedom from tyranny", yet those Bush-era darkly twisted executive branch interpretations have the potential to shoot us backwards 200 years to right where we started.

Fact: America fought against the tyranny of British rule, in part because that rule was an ocean away and had no concept of what was right and proper for the people that lived here.

Fact: (Fastforward 200+years) Our current government is largely run by egocentric narcissists who have no concept of what it's like to live a regular-person, middle or lower class economic existence, and many who have zero idea of what's actually happening with their constituents because they're too busy lining their pockets with lobbyist kickbacks. (FYI - Isn't this the exact same issue Teddy Roosevelt fought against with Tammany Hall?)

It would seem that we have come full circle.

While another American Revolution is not ideal, putting people in office that actually care about the interests of the vast majority of citizens is a good start. Democracy is a difficult concept - even when you embrace it.

Democracy allows those who think the polar opposite of you to voice their opinions at the top of their lungs at the same time you're voicing yours. Democracy is a concept where the government is "by the people, for the people" - so if someone takes office that does not govern in that manner for the vast majority of citizens, that person should be voted out and no longer hold office.

Democracy is where the laws that govern this nation apply to everyone, regardless of what job, or what government position they hold. If anyone, no matter who they are, breaks a law they should stand trial and be held accountable, regardless of their job title, socioeconomic status, gender, or the color of their skin.

Democracy is, at its core, about equality. Plain and simple. We as a nation need to circle back to that.

Just my 2 cents.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress 

The Cha-Cha Dance of American Democracy

July 4th is nationally recognized as a day to celebrate American independence from British rule. And while this is definitely a day to celebrate and be thankful, it is also an opportunity to take a step back and give our current situation serious thought.

The preamble of the Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

Inspiring words, written by many equally inspiring individuals. While the Declaration of Independence is not a legally binding document, it does state the premises that America was founded upon, and under current political conditions, it brings to mind the question of whether or not our current government is upholding those premises.

"All men are created equal." While technically at the time this was written, they didn't exactly mean every human being in the country - women were considered inferior and anyone of color was given the asinine designation of 3/5 of a person (which is stupid - how is that even evolutionarily possible?!) - thanks to the 13th and 14th Amendments that issue was legally rectified.

Unfortunately, hundreds of years later, we are still experiencing some of the same biased, unenlightened rhetoric that existed back then. If everyone is equal and entitled to the same rights and due process then why are people of color subjected to harsher judicial punishments, rampant profiling, and far higher instances of death during an arrest than their caucasian counterparts?

One of the current arguments at hand is the existence of the American police force. Many groups are claiming that the origins of the police as we know it in the U.S. are slave patrols. The reality is, that fact is only true in the south or what would have been the confederacy during the American Civil War.

The earliest examples of policing were night watchmen in the 1600s created to protect colonial shipping interests (what would now be considered corporate interests). Many of the colonial night watchmen were actually criminals given the duty as a punishment - which speaks even more broadly to corruption in the police force that dates back to its origins - but the point I'm making here is that not all police forces in America date back to slave patrols. However, since according to the preamble "when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security" changes MUST be made to our country's current outdated policing, judicial, and legal system tactics. If everyone is now truly equal under Constitutional protections, then policing efforts should reflect that fact and not randomly backslide into colonial-era mentality.

In a truly interesting article entitled "The Stylistic Artistry of the Declaration" written by Stephen E. Lucas, it is noted that the Declaration of Independence actually contains a series of five propositions each building upon the other. First, "all men are created equal," which leads to "they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights," which then leads to "among these (rights) are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." 

Those first three propositions lend themselves directly to the final two "to secure these rights governments are instituted among men" and the final and what I think is the most important "whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends (meaning the aforementioned rights of everyone) it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it."

Now obviously the American forefathers were referring to unreasonable royal rule by King George from an ocean away, but our current political situation isn't honestly that much different. America has a presidency and federal government that may technically be considered 'elected', but between the electoral college that seems to override the popular vote (which should be considered the true "will of the people") and proven foreign government interference in the electoral process, our country is largely being governed by a group of narcissistic, money-grubbing nihilists that are far more concerned with personal lobbyist payouts than the needs of the populations whom they're supposed to represent. 

This fact is especially true at the leadership level - the presidency in particular. When Donald J. Trump originally took office, there were many that labored under the delusion that putting in place someone to run the country with the strategy of a corporate business would alleviate many of the perceived economic issues. In theory, that may have sounded like a good idea, but in reality, when you put a corrupt corporate leader who bankrupts his own companies, prefers to shoot first and ask questions later when it comes to policy dealings, finds the company of totalitarians and dictators preferable to that of reasonable democratic leaders, and seems to think that all White House staff and advisors should be treated like contestants in his former reality show (complete with weekly firings and social media bashings), you've literally created a situation that sends America straight down the road of tyranny that our forefathers fought so hard to eradicate.

So what can we do? First and foremost, Speak Up. No matter whether it's phone calls and letters, opinion editorials, news interviews, taking part in peaceful protests, testifying at your local and state hearings, or (especially!) the simple act of voting - the only way we are going to turn this governmental travesty around is by making the people's voices heard. 

That last point, VOTING, is incredibly important. 

Vote to end the electoral college (which was created in the late 1700s when this country was widespread and vastly undeveloped to ensure that those who did not have access to information about the presidential candidates were properly represented in the voting process - which is obviously now a moot point and has been for a long time). 

Vote to ensure term limits. It's far more likely that someone who only is allowed to hold an office for a few terms will put forth and enact legislation in the best interests of the people that they represent instead of the interests of the highest paying lobbyist that approaches them.

Vote to remove blatant corruption from elected office. The cast of players that currently hold power looks a lot like a Shakespearean tragedy. Thieves (example: Richard Burr - NC), villains (example: Mitch McConnell - KY), and groups of despots (prime example: Donald Trump, et al) abound.

Change happens one small step at a time, and even though sometimes it feels like for every step forward there are two steps back, it's all worth the effort when that perceived cha-cha of effort ultimately gets us where we need to be. 

So on this national day of thankfulness and remembrance let's be thankful for the sacrifices of those long before us that gave their lives to ensure our freedom - and let's also think and move forward to make sure their sacrifices did not go to waste!


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Lessons From The Atrocities of The Past

I'd like to start by saying that I am a firm believer in justice being served, a staunch supporter of the BLM movement, and think that civil rights are inalienable for ALL people regardless of beliefs, ethnicity, religion, or partner preference. Come to think of it, much of that is common sense and portions of it are nobody's business except for the person that holds the belief. Seriously, when you meet someone in a personal or business setting do you require their ID and a breakdown of how they live their life? I'd wager that to be a "no".

Regardless, currently America is suffering under the thumb of a delusional, wannabe totalitarian that incites hate with every word from his mouth (or keyboard stroke!). Would the riots and police-driven hate crimes have come to the forefront if the COVID-19 pandemic had not happened or if someone actually capable was in office? Maybe not now, but they would have eventually. America is governed under a rigged system that touts "The American Dream" but despite equality laws, leans toward those who already have the privilege.

I recently began watching Game of Thrones. (Yes, I know I'm a couple years late to the party - don't judge!) I'm only in season 2 and it constantly astounds me how much our political system reminds me of this show. Immature, blood-thirsty despot takes theoretical leadership of the country - check. Riots and widespread attempts to oust the idiot from power occur - check. Other regions that think he's a worthless idiot call for his head - check.

Don't get me wrong - Game of Thrones is far more blood-thirsty than current-day politics, but the premises appear to still be the same. Act like a marauding moron only concerned with your own greedy, narcissistic ideals and you will (eventually) lose your position of power.

Did I mention I'm also a total history nerd?

In the realm of history, I believe George Santayana said it best "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." We can absolutely see an example of that when Hitler attempted to invade Russia during the winter - the same fatal mistake that was made by Napoleon 100 years before. Not to say we didn't want them to fail - Both were egotistical dictators and both would have been the downfall of humanity as we know it. (Both would have also probably also been issued presidential pardons for their atrocities by Trump, but that's a different discussion) That being said, attempting to erase American history is not the answer.

There have been many calls recently to rename and remove everything from military bases to statues of the American founding fathers. I absolutely support removal of confederacy-based names and statues from everywhere in this country. We fought a civil war against slavery. They lost. Losers do not get statues. Furthermore, (for those of you that labor under this delusion) the south will not be "rising again" - unless we're discussing summer temperatures.

The confederate flag is to American citizens of color as the nazi swastica is to those of Jewish descent. It is not a symbol of power or nationality - it is a symbol of hate. Get rid of it.

Robert E. Lee may have eventually come to his senses, but point and case he was a leader of the confederate army in the American civil war - you know, the one his side lost. There should not be schools or military bases named for him. There should not be statues in his honor. Things like these are an affront to over half the citizens in this country and there is no amount of "oops, we goofed" that will make that right. Remove and rename!

With regards to the founding fathers and many other American Presidents post-Civil War, we need to remember that while it may not be right or fair, in their time they thought they were doing the best possible job for the nation as a whole. George Washington founded this country under the principles of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and freed his slaves - and while they were his slaves (because that's just how those times were - same as the serfs in the Middle Ages) treated them as trusted family members.

Harry Truman ascended the presidency into the enormous shoes that were the FDR legacy and he did positive things like expanding Social Security and implementing the 'Fair Deal' which included a full-employment program and a permanent Fair Employment Practices Act that was the groundwork for passage of the Equal Rights Amendment and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 which included the creation of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Simply attempting to remove these people and others like them from our history is not how to fix our future. LEARNING from all of their mistakes will bring us much farther into the complete equality that should be our future than attempting to erase them from our past.

If it's confederate, make it leave. If it's a symbol of hate, there is no place for it in our country. If it was corrupt, remove it. But, if it's a part of our American history that holds value and paved the road for stronger, more positive change - leave it alone. Our country's history is a tumultuous one and we should strive to learn from the mistakes and atrocities of our past - not unintentionally bring them forward to repeat in the present.

Just my two cents.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Reckonings and Rules

I initially started writing this blog prior to the death of George Floyd. In a similar (yet completely different) fashion to the ravages on humanity of the coronavirus pandemic, the world as we know it has morphed in the span of a week or two.

Growing up and living my life as a caucasian female in the American south, there are a vast number of things that I will never have the ability to truly understand nor comprehend about the issues that our friends and neighbors of skin color other than my own face on a daily basis. This, I absolutely admit, however, that does not mean I do not possess empathy. I also truly believe that sweeping changes to combat this nation's inequality and injustice issues are long overdue.

The fact of the matter is, these problems are issues that have existed for literally over a century in this country. Studies have been conducted and come to the same conclusions. Recommendations have been made and not been followed through with. Attempts at equality laws have been passed and the efforts have gone unenforced across the board.

The fact that we, as a nation are dealing with the exact same human equality problems as our great grandparents is an absolutely abysmal statement on our collective ability to view all humans as humankind.

Honestly, in my opinion, the current federal government as a whole is absolute crap, and not just the dictatorial wannabe Donald Trump. From his daughter Ivanka stating that inquiries into her personal email use for state business "doesn't apply to me" on national television (despite her father's calls for Hillary Clinton to go to prison for the exact same actions), to the outcries from multiple high-ranking military officers against Trump's attempted use of military force against protesting citizens, to the inability of American elected officials to stand up to the self-styled mob boss idiot in the White House and fight for what's right on behalf those who elected them into office - the entire situation is an absolute travesty of what our country has purportedly stood for since inception.

The founding fathers are probably turning over in their graves.

I've taken a bit of creative license and created a "rules" list that is somewhat a style combination between Jeff Foxworthy's 'You Might Be A Redneck If' and Bill Mahr's infamous 'New Rules'. Between you and me, I'm using the term 'Darwinian' because let's face it, these crises and our actions (or lack thereof) in response to them will absolutely bring about an evolutionary survival of the fittest situation on every level from political to economic - not just health or equality.

I'm also keeping a few "rules" that I wrote previously, simply because there is not just a single problem. The current administration and partisan political mindset has more problems in how it is conducting itself than a bag of river rocks from Home Depot has pebbles.

So here goes ...

New Darwinian Rule: If you're so idiotic that you think a label saying "Poisonous. Do Not Ingest By Mouth" means "Inject That Sh#t Instead", you shouldn't run a country.

President Trump's statement regarding the injection or consumption of disinfectant by people attempting to recover from the coronavirus was irresponsible at best, and indicative of base-level malicious intent towards the national population at worst. Let's not forget that the deathly injection and/or forced consumption of disinfectant turned out to be a widespread medical experiment by the Nazi regime during WWII when using the Jewish population as their own personal lab rats.

Trump's tendency to lash out at anyone or anything that walks, talks, acts, or thinks differently from himself is a personality trait that is (as I said in a previous blog) the mark of a true despot. To watch him now actively give instructions that many of his politically brainwashed groupies would blindly follow and kill themselves off in the process will turn out to either be the evilest turncoat double cross tactic against his own party constituents ever known or the stupidest most verbally negligent moment in the history of the American Presidency.


New Darwinian Rule: Any public figure that chooses to openly speak and act like a politically bigoted brat with regards to saving lives during a global health crisis should be required to wear a giant neon 'A' for "ASSHAT" on their person at all times and immediately be removed from office.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell aka 'Moscow Mitch' aka 'Massacre Mitch' stated in an interview with conservative radio host Hugh Hewitt that states dealing with dire budget shortfalls due to the COVID-19 pandemic should simply declare bankruptcy instead of look for a federal bailout. (It should be noted that the self-named 'Grim Reaper' didn't bat an eye when drafting a slush fund rescue package that would provide millions to big corporations who have experienced minor revenue issues from the pandemic.)

To add insult upon injury, McConnell then followed up his statement with another one clarifying that it was mainly the 'Blue States' he sees no need to economically bailout.

This is a prime example of a political figure that finds the destruction of people's lives and livelihoods is far preferable to placing humanity before corporate purse strings. Having these statements as an encore to his previous embracing of Russian interference in U.S. elections and his documented attempts to further efforts of a cover-up of collusion charges in the presidential impeachment trial only brings home the fact that this nihilistic, narrow-minded, money-grubbing political mercenary really IS the 'Grim Reaper' of both American citizens and our nation's democracy itself.

New Darwinian Rule: If the only recourse or explanation for a global pandemic you're capable of is to 'throw shade' - do the world a favor: Resign and go work for an umbrella company.

One of the ongoing recent out of the plethora of recent examples is the tactic by the Trump administration to simply criticize China's handling of the outbreak as a reason for why the U.S. is continuing to experience the highest death toll worldwide.

Did the Chinese government initially handle the outbreak properly? No. Should they have silenced the brave doctors who early on raised a global alarm? Absolutely not. Are they in the wrong for potentially falsifying numbers from the pandemic? Yes, and we'll probably never know the extent of their falsification until many years from now.

Could the U.S. have been better prepared? Unequivocally, Yes. Does that mean that the sometimes seemingly unchecked spread of the virus throughout the U.S. is solely China's fault? NO.

New Darwinian Rule: When the majority of state governors demonstrate a far higher level of empathy, situational understanding, and proactive action in the face of a pandemic than the whole of the federal government, either recheck the nation's ability to elect federal officers or remove the entire federal government and have state governments run the country.

Let's be clear, attempting to combat the effects of the COVID-19  pandemic on society is absolutely a battle of epic proportions, and tough decisions that not everyone likes or agrees with have had to be made on all fronts. But when the federal government continually contradicts itself, wavers on protocols that directly affect the health and safety of its citizens, and attempts to smear campaign others simply to throw media focus off the facts of their own abysmal failings to understand and act appropriately; it's no better than having a group of ill-behaved middle school thugs attempting to con the teacher into punishing the victims of their bullying scams in charge of the nation.

State governors from New York to California have stepped up in the face of the COVID crisis by issuing and enforcing stay and shelter orders and conducting daily briefings with timely updates long before the current federal administration could get its head out of its own ass long enough to do anything other than play partisan politics and argue amongst themselves.

It should also be noted that the state governors, for the most part, completely put political party affiliations aside in their efforts to not only protect their own citizens but also extend assistance to the populations of other states - even in the face of crass bullying tactics from the President himself. It's truly an eye-opening view of who actually cares about the health and wellbeing of the people they represent.

(Sadly, that last 'Rule' has been overshadowed by many state governors' knees jerk responses to protests of citizens simply exercising their right to do so. It would have been nice to have a group of public officials that we could actually look up to .. HOWEVER ...)

New Darwinian Rule: If your idea of a successful police force includes racial profiling, unprovoked use of force, and excessive actions towards innocent human beings, get the hell out of public office and check yourself into psychotherapy and anger management. 

There are literally no words for the ridiculousness of what we've been seeing on the news. It's like a reality show gone deeply awry on so many levels. Use of force and tear gas or pepper spray against crowds of citizens who are doing nothing more than exercising their right under the Constitution to object to archaic policies, and blatant murders of Americans who did nothing worse than attempt to live normal, productive lives and simply had a skin color other than caucasian.

Officers of the law are Not above the law, and while some might say that pushing for reform is reacting to 'a few bad apples', the reality is there are actually just a few 'good apples' and the vast majority are on a power trip that's no better than the KKK lynchings of the previous century.

The entire situation is abominable.

Finally, and most importantly ..

New Darwinian Rule: If you chose to sit quietly by and watch abuse against anyone in humanity happen, you are Part Of The Problem.

Let's make this crystal clear, it is not enough to hold a sign and walk down a street or donate to a charitable organization if you also sit in your comfy home on a tree-lined street and laugh off your family's or neighbor's semi-racist comments or jokes. One of the major societal issues here is that people do exactly that, which inevitably perpetrates an overall mindset that others can be judged 'good' or 'bad', or even 'criminal' or 'trustworthy' simply by the color of their skin.

For those of you that need it spelled out, This Level Of Inaction Is Bullshit.

If you're a brainwashed Trump follower I'll put it into words easier to grasp, This Level Of Inaction Is FAKE.

Humans are humans. People are people. It does not matter what their skin color is, or what their religion is, or what clothes they wear, or what food they eat, or what job they aspire to. We all bleed the same red oxygen-filled blood.

Wasn't it Jesus who said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto me"? It's a sad state when that divine comment gets pared down into "Do unto others as you would have them do unto me, but only if they look and act and think exactly like you do".

The rays of hope for humanity throughout the pandemic and our country's social unrest are heartening but are really only slim shafts of sunshine amid a landscape of centuries of inequality.

Citizens have stepped up and volunteered at desperately needed charities like food banks, countless COVID homebound individuals have made and donated masks and protective shields to people and essential businesses who need them - yet humans are being slaughtered while venturing outdoors to simply exercise.

Medical staff are being hailed on the way into work with crowds cheering from their quarantine windows and are taking a knee to show respect for the Black Lives Matter movement yet those same frontline heroes are being forced to pick up the pieces of their own lives from the looting and burning of their homes and businesses that they've worked so hard to create.

Small businesses that stayed open to provide essential help and service throughout the pandemic and to be there for their communities are now being ravaged by the same citizens they served, who are now so frustrated with the state of this nation that they feel they must resort to violence against it to make their voices heard.

How is any of that fair or equal for anyone? How is any of that - especially that which has driven our own citizens to violent acts simply to make their voices heard by our government - what this country stands for on any level?

For many, it's going to take a while for the world to trust the safety of going out into it in a disease-free manner again, or to trust that those who are supposedly sworn to protect their interests actually have the best interests of others at heart.

With regards to the COVID crisis, if the innovative human spirit has anything to do with it, the 'new normal' won't be a bad thing - as long as we embrace and respect what has the potential to happen if we don't focus on the lessons of COVID-19 and what the world will look like in years to come if we ignore those lessons.

With regards to the socioeconomic inequalities that Should have been directly addressed and eradicated decades ago, if we do not learn from the lessons of the past, we are doomed to repeat them. It has nothing to do with political party affiliation, or what religion you follow, or what job you hold - it is simply and completely having the courage to Do What's Right regardless of circumstance.

So ask yourself the next time your great uncle uses a racial slur, the next time you pass someone who is living on the streets in search of their family's next meal, or the next time you watch as this nation's current Commander in Chief builds a wall around our country's most historic landmark while slandering from a cowardly hidey-hole those who are building it - is this the America that makes you proud?

Think about it.

#BlackLivesMatter #BrownLivesMatter #ALLlivesMatter
#StaySafe #StayHealthy #StayStrong

~ The Girl in the Little Black Dress

The Resurgence of Tammany Hall

The nation is seemingly going to hell in a handbasket. Honestly, I personally have never been so thrilled as to see a hearing / "trial" come to an end as I was the recent impeachment hearings. And yes, there are quotation marks around the word TRIAL because what we just experienced was no real trial. It was a sham of political posturing conducted by a body of cowards we call the US Senate that are too scared of repercussions from the sitting president to stand up for what's right and what's fair.

Don't get me wrong. If the Republicans can hold an impeachment trial regarding a Democratic president that had a shameless extramarital affair, the Democrats are well within their right to hold one regarding a Republican president who may have been trying to steer the upcoming election in his favor by basically bribing a foreign country. I personally feel like articles of impeachment should be a thing that's a last resort, not just an angered kneejerk reaction by a political party, but regardless, here's my takeaway in the fractured aftermath of this debacle.

The House of Representatives made a HUGE mistake in not bringing the impeachment articles to the Senate immediately upon passing them. I know the party line was that Mitch McConnell would have blocked them from ever reaching a hearing at that point, but wouldn't that have just made him and the Republican party look far worse in the realm of withholding? It's a tactical error that probably cost them the verdict.

The Senate made a GRAVE mistake in not allowing witnesses (WTH? It's a trial! There are witnesses in trials!) While it may have truly been in an effort to 'speed the process on behalf of the American citizens,' you can bet that if one them was being charged with high crimes (or any crime!) and it went to trial they'd never let it out of the courtroom without witnesses being called for verification of the subject matter. All their 'no witnesses' decision did was solidify the argument that every single one of them has been bought and paid for by corporations that are within the interests of the sitting president AND that they do not remotely represent the interests or needs of the citizens that elected them to office.

The sitting president is a despot. We've seen despots before throughout history. Hitler, Mussolini, half the monarchs that ruled countries when monarchs were still the political seats of power, North Korea's Kim Jong-Un .. here's the thing. This is AMERICA. Our ancestors fought to End this kind of rule, and now we're sitting back letting it take the highest office in the nation and saying "poor pookie, he's just misunderstood"?! The man literally fired the people in his cabinet who were brave enough to stand up and say "This is wrong". He's had more turnover in the first 3 years of his administration than an engine in an Indy 500 racecar. But anytime someone uses their 1st Amendment right and questions his actions, he reverts back to his reality show tactic of "You're Fired" and slams them on Twitter in a grammatically incorrect fashion. Seriously? It's like the cast of Jersey Shore took the oath of office.

The country is now a fractured mess. Tell me I'm wrong. Please. Better yet, SHOW me. The ominous pall of the cloud that encircled this nation has yet to part and show anything except for an atmosphere of distrust. The Republicans don't trust the system and don't trust their Democratic counterparts. The Democrats don't trust the system and their Republican counterparts. Neither party can stop in-fighting long enough to present a united front to the American people on ANYTHING except the fact that everyone is pointing fingers at every side. It's literally like watching a group of Tammany Hall preschoolers who can't  figure out which bully took their lunch money so they're determined to blame everyone.

The idea of a capitalist democracy is that every citizen has a voice, everyone can voice that opinion without repercussions, and every citizen is innately entitled to life, liberty, & the pursuit of happiness  ... but not like this. The current climate of this nation is more like every citizen has a voice if they're saying something the president approves of, everyone can voice their opinion if it's something that everyone else in political power agrees with, and every citizen is entitled to life, liberty, & the pursuit of happiness if those tenants are ones that align with the sitting president.

George Washington is probably turning over in his grave.

We, as nation, HAVE to come together and decide what we want our future as a nation to be. The only way to dispel the ominous pall of those horrid clouds is to do exactly that. Political parties are not the answer, and neither is blind allegiance to any person in office. Is there a quick fix? No. But if we remind ourselves of what this country stands for and are willing to get out there and intelligently fight for it, we as Americans may actually have a solidifying chance.

~ The Girl in the Little Black Dress

4th of July Musings

It's Independence Day in America. A day to celebrate our freedom from the rule of others that don't reside within our shores. A day to remember the sacrifices that those who gave their lives and blood to make such a freedom possible. 

As I sit with my dog who is cowering at (and slightly under) my feet - she's terrified of fireworks - I'm looking out at the stars and landscape of my little area of this giant universe. The sounds of fireworks mingled with neighbors chatting hovers outside my balcony. I can only assume that this scene is honestly one that could occur for any national celebratory situation anywhere in the world.

Our world is not as huge as we think it is. That which occurs in one land or on one continent, ultimately has some form of effect on others. Whether it's tagged to global warming or the the stock market, we are all in this great adventure of life together.

There are some stupidly insane political issues happening in America right now. This blog is not about that. What I'm saying is, there is a common thread of humanity across the globe, and no matter what our skin color, or religious beliefs, or political leanings; working together towards a common goal of making this planet a positive place for our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren should be a priority. No matter what continent you're on, or what country you live in; when it comes right down to it, our priorities are similar.

Think on that.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Primary School Lessons from the Cohen Hearings

After watching the first part of the Cohen hearing today, I felt the need to turn it off and do a negativity cleanse throughout my house. Seriously. It wasn't Cohen's testimony that caused me to react that way, although his testimony did cause me to have quite a few moments of thinking "oh holy crap!" It was the methods of posturing questioning by the House Representatives that really made it sickening. They, for the most part, conducted themselves like overly verbose primary school bullies desperately intent on taking a classmate's lunch money. The entire spectacle brought to mind the book "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten", mainly because I felt like everyone involved could benefit from reading it! On second thought, that book and a refresher course in basic manners!

If You Don't Listen You Won't Learn.

The constant interrupting and lack of ability to allow Cohen to answer any question that had just been asked was a tactic utilized by the majority of the representatives that was annoying, disheartening, and frankly, just rude. Why bother asking a question if you don't intend to listen to the answer? Furthermore, if anyone plans to get to the bottom of this quagmire, the ability to listen to the answers given to those questions is absolutely necessary. Cohen may have a questionably horrible reputation when it comes to being trustworthy in testimony, but he has more long term inside information on the situation than every other person in that room. Everyone might just learn something helpful if they all simply shut up and listened.

Don't Take Things That Aren't Yours. / Keep Your Hands to Yourself

This goes for Congress, Michael Cohen, the President's son, and most importantly, President Trump himself. No matter whether it's money, pictures, or documents, turns, words, ideas, or actions. If it isn't yours, do not touch it. Not only don't touch it, don't gossip about it, don't pretend untruthful involvement with it; just leave whatever it is that is not yours completely alone and quietly move away from it. Period. Most of the problems that brought about this hearing, in addition to the ones that occurred during the debacle of the hearing itself, could have been avoided if those simple rules had been adhered to in the first place.

Don't Be a Bully

Really don't know how much I need to elaborate here as politics seems to be the biggest bullying ring of all, especially since the supreme leader of bullying, Donald Trump, is currently the ultimate bully king! It's the worst version of trickle down effect ever known. Do these people go home and instruct their children on how to behave respectfully? If so, the hypocrisy is unequivocal. A little kindness and respect towards others goes a long way towards achieving any goal. Every person involved in this hearing in any way should try it sometime.

These are basic lessons that we attempt to instill in our children, yet put adults in a televised hearing circumstance and those same lessons seem to fly out the window. It's unfortunate, disheartening, and quite honestly, pathetic. The truth will never come out if posturing for the cameras is more important than actually discovering the truth. If a mulligan was ever needed, this is it.  One thing is for certain, if the lack of respect towards procedure and each other is any indication of how these people are attempting to represent the citizens of the country, our future is anything but secure.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Once Upon A Time, There Was A Wall

Once upon a time there was a wall. It divided the areas of East Berlin from West Berlin in an effort to stem the population of communist East Germany from migrating to the democratic capitalist side of West Germany. When it was erected it divided not only political sides, but also friends, families, and world attitudes. It was the ultimate barrier to the overall peace and unity of a single country .. until it was torn down. That wall itself was the epitome of a symbol of the Cold War. The act of tearing it down was one of the most shining moments of world peace and solidarity that any nation has ever accomplished. Are we doomed to repeat history?

Donald Trump has taken the U.S. Presidency to a new level of demented millennialism. The first president to have zero political background, the first president to consistently tweet his personal Twitter account without thought for repercussions or his administration. In some ways it could be viewed as awkwardly admirable. This man took office with a mindset to treat the country like a corporation and right the U.S. economy as such. His tactics, however, are some of the most abysmal the world has seen since Hitler promised Germany jobs and economic fixes after the Great Depression.

Hitler blamed economic downfall and socioeconomic issues on the Jewish population. At that time in history, the world had just come out of the hell of WWI, and was on the tail end of a worldwide economic depression. It wasn't difficult for someone with a semblance of oratory skill to convince a terrified country's population that there were a specific group of people that were to blame for their financial woes, no matter how misguided the accusations. The terrified, the scared, the misguided; those were the people who voted Hitler into office and blindly followed his directives which ultimately resulted in the most horrific wartime atrocities the world has ever seen.

Fast forward to the internet age. What do you get when you place a silver spoon kid turned real estate mogul and egotistical narcissist into the White House? You get a similar result. A population on the tail end of recession desperate for relief, despite the efforts of previous administrations. A glimmer of light opening for a wide variety of right wing fringe sects to actively espouse their beliefs; their flames fanned by the incinerating rhetoric of a man who has never known a day of hunger or basic need in his entire life.

The wall that Trump wants to build, that he is essentially holding the U.S. hostage to build, is the same type of symptomatic governmental narcissism as the wall the post WWII Germany built. Not only are his tactics holding the U.S. hostage in the realm of government, but they're putting the entire world at risk in multiple areas like aviation safety, agriculture, military assistance, and even the borders that he claims to hold so dear. Those who count on government assistance or government based jobs to feed their families can kiss that goodbye.  Apparently this wall, that makes the United States appear more like a scene from "A Handmaiden's Tale," is far more important than the needs of anything else in the nation.

It is incredibly unfortunate when world leaders take their own personal egos and views, and make them more important on the political and humanitarian front than the needs of the population. It's even more unfortunate when those same leaders actively espouse rhetoric that inflames views and actions of bias, bullying, and racism.

So where to go from here? In a utopian universe, the aberrant leader is ousted by a shining knight on a white horse and the kingdom becomes whole and peaceful. However, just because I started this blog in fairytale form does not mean that the shining knight theory is one that is applicable, or will actually happen. Here's where I get to say what I actually think (it's a blog, so I get to do so).

What this country needs is people working and taking care of their families. This country needs common courtesy, empathetic citizens, and common sense. It does not need egotistical leaders, hateful rhetoric, and unintelligent accusations from those in positions of power that are supposed to be working for the greater good of its population.

I hate to use a movie line here here, but there's a line from "The American President" that this situation that keeps bringing to mind. "America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say 'You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, and who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours."  America is a nation of free speech, of tolerance, of open-mindedness, and of the dream that if you work hard enough it will happen. It is not a nation of close-minded idiots, closed borders, biased rhetoric, and bullying of its citizens. Not saying that the onset of Nazi Germany is akin to Donald Trump's America, but .......... #justsaying!!

Let's finish the fairy tale, since we began it that way .... and the knights on their speckled horses shattered the wall with their mighty swords, then rode off into the sunset with their multi-nationality brides .. all of whom had jobs that were highly paid, well fed children, and a nation that they believed in!


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Springlike Emergence Of A New Year

The start of a new year is always a time for reflection. Pondering the triumphant and not so triumphant moments of years past is a practice of many people around the world.  Reminiscing with friends and loved ones, or quietly contemplating alone happens regardless of who we are or what lives we lead.

2018 has proved to be a tumultuous year in a variety of areas. From politics to social agendas to weather anomalies, the year that Mother Nature seemed to join forces with politicians in a death defying spiral of terror, unrest, and social dismay on every front. Yet, through the darkness there were definitive glimmers of hope, peace, and happiness. Like an olive branch emerging from the swirling waters of a stormy sea, stories of communities coming together, strangers crossing the barriers of religion and rhetoric to assist others in need, and small acts of random kindness throughout the world prove that humanity and empathy are alive and well, despite the constant barrage of news that seems to prove the opposite.

One of my favorite Zen-like quotes is "Even through the heavy snow, we can see signs of snowdrops and new growth." It's true. Regardless of how bleak the world sometimes appears, there are constantly moments of caring, positivity and humanity happening everywhere.

2019 has the potential to be amazing, if only we actively make it that way. So as we contemplate the moments of years past, let's all remember to also focus on how we can take those moments, learn their lessons, and bring them forward into a new year full of fresh opportunities for that proverbial new growth.

Happy New Year, Everyone!


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Awe of Glittering Snow

It snowed all over North Carolina in December this year. Not just flurries and a bit of sugar dusting on the grassy areas, but real, actual snow accumulation. Not the norm in this area of the U.S. This impromptu storm (named Diego ... when did snowstorms start getting names?!) brought about government and school closings, treacherous roadways, and power outages. It also brought about community bonding, random assistance from neighbors and strangers, and the pure joyfulness of children's laughter ringing through the air as they took part in winter activities that normally never have a chance of occurring in the south. Positive light born from what could be viewed as catastrophe.

No matter where you live, there is something completely magical about watching snow fall. Its incredible asymmetry is breathtaking. There's a majestic quiet that's completely inspiring as millions of snowflakes drift to the ground and cover every inch in a chilly, sparkling white cloud. What before was browns and greens, with areas of dirt or litter, instantly becomes a purified vision of beauty. Eventually though, temperatures rise and the glittering snow begins to melt away. Slowly the blades of grass and areas of dirt and concrete begin to show through the purification of white. Eventually, no trace of the pristine gorgeousness remains, save our photos and memories.

Politics and humanity are similar in this phenomenon. A crisis, a catastrophe, a hardcore event occurs and the positive side of humanity is brought out. Communities worldwide bond, strangers assist those in need, and even children rejoice and take part in the positive that is born from the negative. Eventually though, recognition of the issue dies down, neighbors and strangers go back to their own sequestered lives and again turn a blind eye to injustices that occur daily, and the sense of hope and humanity that thrived during the the crisis begins to subside. But does it have to?

Just like those last sugar dustings of snow that refuse to melt away, so should our hopes, senses of empathy, and gifts of giving wholeheartedly to those who need our help. Just because the blinding, adrenaline-laced sparkle of catastrophic need eventually melts away doesn't mean that the requirement is not still there. That litter on the ground, like the needs of humanity, that was hidden by the previous glittering blanket of snow still needs to be cleaned up, to be assisted in becoming the epitome of quiet beauty and peace that only previously existed under a glittering blanket of snowflakes.

Maybe we could all strive to hang on to those charitable, giving ideals year-round. Not just during this, the season of giving, but throughout every season. Just like those final little patches of snow that refuse to melt, we too have the ability to create a glittering world of quiet beauty in someone else's life, if only we make sure those magic qualities of empathy and giving stay alive all year long.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

"Wrinkles" In Politics and Humanity

Recently, I finally got the chance to watch A Wrinkle In Time.  Don't judge.  It was one of my favorite books when I was a pre-teen.  I remember sitting in the school library, immersed in that book, thinking to myself, 'if Meg can do it, so can I!'  That book gave me confidence, courage, and hope during an extremely difficult time in my childhood.  Watching that movie brought back memories .. not all of them wonderful.  However, it also brought to light parts of the story that I had forgotten, or maybe just not understood due to my youth. Parts of the story that, I feel, are truly relevant to life and the current political climate.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basis of the story, Meg is the preteen, self-doubting heroine that travels through space and time with her genius preschool brother, and their neighborhood friend, to save their scientist father who has been missing for many years.  The pretense is that travel between far areas of the universe is, in fact, able to be done by tesseract (which is a sort of bending of time by specific vibration).  Meg's father had discovered this and accidentally gotten trapped on a dark planet, created by an evil force called 'The IT', from whence there was no seemable escape ... until his children come to save him.  Obviously, there are many more intricacies that are too numerous to go into in this blog .. (go watch the movie!) .. however, the manner in which the screenplay depicted the three muses, and their assistance tactics within the children's quest was wonderfully hopeful and enlightening for our current world.

I find it intrinsically fascinating that the name of the 'planet' created by 'The IT', is 'Camazotz'.  The planet Camazotz initially appears in the movie with a menacing growl and the far off appearance of a cancerous tumor spreading its tentacles. Interestingly enough, the name 'Camazotz' is the name of the Mayan bat god associated with darkness, death, and sacrifice.  How apropos that the core of the evil force in this tale should be named after that. 
One of the muses in A Wrinkle In Time, Mrs. Which, counsels Meg that "The only thing in the universe that travels faster than light is darkness.  It invades the place inside of us where hope and joy lives and replaces it with jealousy, judgement, pain and despair."  Additionally, she notes that, "The IT does this one person at a time .. fear takes over, fear leads to rage, then rage leads to violence."  So jealousy, judgement, pain, and despair lead to fear, which then lead to rage, which then lead to violence.  Somehow I can only think of the current political climate.  A state where currently, we have a U.S. President that espouses fear and hatred far more than empathy and understanding.  As one BBC article recently put it "Donald Trump does politics with one crucial psychological insight. Rage is an emotion that sticks around a lot longer than hope." (https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-46099744)  How is this a positive thing for the U.S. or the world in general?  Day after day, we fight against the rage and hatred of religious sects and fringe groups that espouse nothing but bigoted disgust and disdain for those different from them. We fight them in the hope that the positive, shining light of democracy will win out. Yet the U.S. President takes joy in rallying the evil troops?

The henchman for 'The IT' in A Wrinkle In Time, is ultimately shown to be a marionette of the entity.  Prior to revealing this, he tells the children "Everything is taken care of in total without options or alternatives."  What a chilling statement.  Almost as chilling as the scene where all the houses on the cul-de-sac are exactly the same, with a single child in each driveway bouncing a ball in absolute unison.  It's a visual statement that leans towards the mindless flock of sheep mentality, which currently seems to be permeating the nation.  However, there are rays of hope.  Not everyone views the world through the same hue of glasses.  Once Meg puts on the prism glasses given to her by the muses when they leave the children on Camazotz, she is able to see that things are not as they seem.  The area is not enclosed, her father is actually held captive there, and she can, in fact, reach him.  I suppose our world is a lot like that.  Sometimes you just need to look through a different set of glasses to find the real answers.

I think that the most poignant moment for me in this movie, stems from another quote from Mrs. Which, "Do you realize how many events and choices had to occur, since the birth of the universe, to lead to the making of you, just exactly as you are?"  

There are times in life when we all feel down, feel depressed, doubt our choices, even doubt ourselves and question our own self-worth.  It happens to everyone.  It's human nature.  It's also a natural part of growing up.  Having those feelings and thoughts, however, does not make them a true reflection of who we are.  Our lives are essentially mirrors.  Mirrors of our thoughts, mirrors of our actions, and most importantly, mirrors of those surrounding us.  Whom we choose to closely surround ourselves with has the ability to, many times, show us the clearest reflection of ourselves, but only if we are willing to look. 

It is easy to get bogged down in the minutiae of societal expectations, political rhetoric, and judgement, but, if we allow ourselves to truly see what those closest to us see in our hearts and minds, we can then begin to embrace and live up to the amazing people we actually have the potential to be, regardless of society's chain gang mentality.  As we learned in Wrinkle, love is the only force that can destroy the darkness of 'The IT'.  Love ultimately destroys jealousy, love destroys judgement, love destroys pain and despair.  How we treat others, how we speak to others, how we respect those who think differently than us, is the truest measure of humanity. That's definitely something that the President, and all of those running for office, should remember every time they open their mouths.


~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

Good News - Why Isn't It a Viral Trend?

Watching the news these days is depressing and terrifying.  There seems to be nothing but cases of greed, episodes of violence, and stories of catastrophe.  To make it worse, every commercial break has at least 3 to 4 political ads smearing opponents by the touting of twisted versions of past evils and shortcomings.  Even the top stories in online news outlets are of corruption, mass disaster, tragedy, and financial fear.  School shootings, church shootings, bullying, and socioeconomic discourse take center stage daily.  Yet, if you take time to look beyond the reported facade of despair, there are still tales of human kindness, moments of empathy and caring, and points of hope and positive action overcoming those of adversity and strife.

In an age where political parties are pitted against each other, religious sects espouse hate as a tenet, and special interest groups actively promote corporate greed over the welfare of humanity, the thought of something uplifting occurring can almost seem like a pipe dream.  As I began researching statistics for, what I originally intended to be a blog about gun violence in the aftermath of yet another school shooting, I realized that focusing on common threads, what brings us together as a society, was far less well known than a tired tirade of facts and statistics that seemingly change depending upon who publishes them.  So here it is.  My Top 3 List - News That Should Go Viral But Hasn't.

3.  The online outlet of NBC News reported back in June of 2016 about the Muslim group CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations) that had launched a massive fundraising campaign to support the victims and families of the Pulse LGBTQ Nightclub shooting in Orlando, Florida.  Hasan Shibly, CAIR-Florida executive director was quoted, in response to the shooting, saying, "In this holy month of Ramadan many Muslims will be offering their fasting and prayers for them and their families. The vile criminal who perpetrated this does not represent Islam nor the American Muslim community. Muhammad Ali and his legacy do represent our goals and aspirations to better our society and the World; but not this repulsive thug."  (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslims-organizations-raise-funds-victims-orlando-massacre-n593586)  The group's efforts resulted in over $102,000 being raised for the cause, according to the launchgood.com website.

Fast forward to 2018.  In the wake of yet another hate driven mass shooting tragedy, this time at the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the Muslim-American group CelebrateMercy immediately stepped up and began offering support and raising funds to, in their words, "respond to evil with good".  Wasi Mohamed, the executive director of the Pittsburgh Islamic Center was even quoted as saying in a news conference, "We just want to know what you need. If it's people outside your next service protecting you, we'll be there." (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/muslim-americans-raise-more-120-000-pittsburgh-synagogue-shooting-survivors-n925796)  

According to much of the news across the world, Islam is misrepresented as being run by terror sects that prey on the innocent and promote violence in the name of religion.  These Muslim-American groups prove that that premise is simply not true.  Islam is actually a peaceful religion that is based upon the tenets of faith, prayer, fasting, monotheistic belief, and charity.  Sounds a lot like the basic principles of Christianity or Judaism, right?  It just goes to show that there are far more similarities than differences when it comes to religions, and, just because there are right-wing sects of extremist nut jobs that identify themselves within a religion (every religion has them!), they absolutely do not represent the vast majority of that belief system as a whole.  All in all, the consistent show of religious solidarity by a religious group that many people misunderstand and needlessly fear, is a shining light of hope in the darkness of divisiveness. 

2. A local South Carolina ABC News outlet recently reported on a biker group that's touring US schools to promote anti-bullying and acceptance.  Many of us, thanks to shows like Sons of Anarchy, Outlaw Bikers, and Gangland, automatically stereotype anyone that affiliates themselves with a motorcycle group as a rough, scary, bullying brute.  This group, Bikers Against Bullies USA, is a non-profit who's mission statement promotes "creating awareness and educating both children and adults on the benefits of living in a society of respect for each other".   Their fundraising efforts are funneled 100% to causes, and they support everything from children's hospitals, to school and after-school initiatives, to the Special Olympics.  Not exactly an example of the aforementioned stereotype.  Flash, one of the group's founders, is quoted on the BAB website as saying, "The very real fact is that children, our children, are dying by their own hands each week due to the insidious nature of the psychological and emotional trauma created by today’s bullying attempts. Our personal philosophy one dead child is simply too many."  In the wake of seemingly constant school gun violence events, that, according to a February 2018 article in USA Today, are occurring at an average rate of 1 per week for non-fatality incidents ,(https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/02/19/parkland-school-shootings-not-new-normal-despite-statistics-stretching-truth-fox-column/349380002/) and, the fact that, according to the awareness group DoSomething.org, 71% of US students report incidents of bullying as a problem, it is truly refreshing to see a group that some incorrectly view as fringe or questionable, actively taking steps to change children's worlds for the better in the area of bullying.  We can only hope that the next hit biker show will have more accurate story lines that portray the biker community as beacons of positive change and forces of charity and goodwill.

1. Try Google searching the phrase 'teaching empathy'.  You'll get a myriad of results; including law enforcement training post officer-involved shootings, many opinion articles, various parenting and education blogs, and a book perspective from the Washington Post on boys vs girls reading habits. The common thread here is that as parents, educators, mentors, and as a society as a whole, the act of teaching empathy and compassion is a crucial part of learning at every age.  Empathy and compassion beget kindness, fairness, charitable actions, and unification across dividing lines.  The lack of these two traits creates discourse, misunderstanding, self-righteous rhetoric, and unnecessary anger.  The Dalai Lama was recently quoted in an article in Entrepreneur, "Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life." (https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/321461)  How true!  What would the world look like if everyone took a step back to contemplate the ramifications of their tweets before posting them, of their actions before committing them, and their words before saying them?  Would there still be episodes of war, violence, and greed?  Probably.  But those incidents would more likely be the anomalies, not the norms. What if the major hashtag and news trends were about compassionate acts and stories of goodwill instead of corruption, crime, and dissonance?  Would the earth be more peaceful and undivided as a whole?   

My point is this, if we as a society don't consistently act as proponents of empathy and compassion, how will generations to come ever learn it, use it, or even acknowledge it?  If there was ever a trend that needs to 'go viral', this is it.  Empathy and Compassion are the defining points for overcoming stereotypes, erasing hatred born of misinformation and misunderstanding, and stopping bullying. They're even, in many ways, a component of controlling gun violence, repairing political corruption, and combating corporate greed.  It's not a Pollyanna type thing, it is a real and immediate need, both in the US and worldwide, and it starts with each of us.  As Benjamin Franklin once said, "If we do not hang together, we will surely hang separately." Let's, as a society, start focusing on the goodwill and healing, and quit shortening each other's proverbial ropes.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

A Survivor's Take on Marsy's Law

Politics are a messy business.  This country was founded on the rights of all citizens to be heard, and to be considered equal.  It was also founded on the premise that anyone accused of a crime is innocent until proven guilty.  That's easier said than done.  There is always doubt.  There are always multiple sides to every story, and in that same vein, each side honestly believes that they are correct in their recollection of the incident.  But what about when there is undeniable proof of a crime?  What happens when the accusations are over, and the hearings, or the trial, are over?  What happens when the restraining orders expire and there are no longer legalities rolling through their governmental red tape processes?  Are the victims of said crime magically healed?  Is the accused suddenly reformed?  Do the rights of one side take precedence over the other?

A few years ago, I unwillingly became a survivor of domestic violence. This is not something that I have shared previously with all of you.  Partially because I am not a person to air personal issues publicly, partially because I was scared of him and did not want the backlash, and partially because no one wants to admit that some proverbial ogre got the better of them.  No. More.  I did not get insanely beaten up, but I was threatened, badgered, verbally battered, bruised, and verbally abused.  My home was trashed and physically shattered, my children and pets were endangered, and I ended up being diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the ordeal.  I lost my confidence, my courage, and my trust in humanity.  Throughout the initial court process a group called Safe Alliance was my lifeline.  They walked me through every point of the process, got me a qualified lawyer to represent and fight for me when I could not, and gave me hugs when I was too terrified of the world to walk out into it.  But they could only go so far.  When my abuser was released from psychiatric commitment, I was not notified by the hospital nor the authorities, I was told by a close friend of his that was concerned for my safety.  After my abuser continually violated the restraining orders I had against him, and months later was jailed for similar crimes against others, I was not notified of his release, nor of the fact that he had reentered the area.  I was notified that he was working in an area nearby by another concerned friend of his, never by law enforcement or the district attorney, as the current law states should occur.  This man ultimately put my children at risk with his violent behavior and threats, and created a hell on earth life for me where I was so terrified of him that I blamed myself for the violence, cowered in fear in my own home, and felt it necessary to push large furniture against the doors nightly for months, until I moved residences without a forwarding address.  Even though there are still, to this day, warrants out for his arrest because of his multiple restraining order violations, the restraining order extension has expired. I worry every time I walk outside and am in constant stress about my children being away from home.  It's no way to live, truly actually Live life.

Marsy's Law is a constitutional amendment on the ballot this election.  Essentially it strengthens protection for victims of crime.  From requiring notification of hearings, escape, parole, and release, to allowing victims to appear at hearings and speak at such, it's a step in the right direction for victims' rights ... IF it's enforced.  Currently, the law in North Carolina states that notification is required "as soon as is practicable, but within 72 hours after identifying a victim covered by this Article, with ...".  It goes on to list available medical services, crime victims' compensation, address and phone number of the district attorney, and access to applicable law enforcement that should be given to the victim involved.  Seeing as my abuser managed to begin violating the initial emergency restraining order within 24 to 36 hours, and even though I called 911 and had all my paperwork, he ran away before they could arrest him, and the police didn't feel it was worth the effort to chase him down, the 72 hour thing appears to be a useless venture.  Furthermore, while the domestic violence team of my local law enforcement agency did do a great job of contacting me on a weekly basis for the first 6 to 8 months after the hearing, no one ever alerted me to his movements or release from any psychiatric or correctional facility.  In dealing with the healing process involved for not just myself, but also my family, those "heads up" moments would have been extraordinarily helpful.  Instead we, as a family, suffered emotional setbacks and continued worry and constant fear due in part to a lack of communication by the authorities and judicial system.  I would hope that my experience would not be the case for victims of felonious violent crime, as domestic violence is only considered a 'misdemeanor',  But, isn't any violent crime against another human being worth preventing and protecting, regardless of what 'label' the law puts upon it?

I know that there are those out there that will argue that once people serve their time, they should not have to endure a life sentence of judicial recrimination.  The ACLU is actually one of the groups lobbying against this Amendment. While I agree with many tenants of what the ACLU stands for, as a survivor of domestic violence who felt failed by the supposed protections of the law during my ordeal, I have a real problem with how our current laws actually follow through on violent crime cases.  I made the mistake of trusting my attacker for years before he brutally betrayed that trust, and still have trouble not startling when I hear noises while walking, or instinctively flinching when I'm not expecting the passing touch of someone nearby.  I cannot imagine what those who endure random violent crime experiences must be facing on a societal trust basis daily!  This Amendment can do wonderful things for those of us that have triumphed over the violent behavior of others, but Only if it is Actually and Consistently Enforced.

I implore law enforcement to take victims' rights seriously, and to actively attempt to enforce what the law already says.  In the hope that Marsy's Law is passed, I beg both law enforcement and the district attorney's offices to adhere to All Notification Stipulations Without Fail.  I know what acquiring post traumatic stress disorder in, what should be the safety of, your own home is like ... I can't imagine the hell that survivors of violent crime in random situations go through daily.

If nothing else spurs you on, then allow this blog to do so.  Get Out There And Vote.  Make your voice heard, and, vote your conscience for this Amendment.  Allow your voice to do for others what violent offenders strip their ability to do for themselves.

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

For more information on Marsy's Law:
https://marsyslaw.us

For more information on Safe Alliance:
https://safealliance.org

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
https://www.thehotline.org

Any Unsilenced Voice

Its been a long time since I've posted, and for that I apologize. You see, I allowed others to silence my voice. This is not anyone's fault but my own. While going through the healing process from a violent breakup of an abusive relationship, I acquiesced to requests that, I'm sure, were for my safety at the time. I love and respect those voices, but the national situation at hand is a ripple effect that should no longer, and Never be held silent.

As a parent, I cannot pretend to know what the surviving parents and families of school shootings are going through. Nor do I want to. However, this type of tragedy is, unfortunately, becoming a harsh, terrifying reality on a daily basis. You only have to turn on the news, and the vast majority of information revolves around someone getting shot, or murdered, or killing themselves and others in places that we all once thought of as safe havens. I watched the #ListeningSession with President Trump on YouTube tonight.  Tears rolled down my face as I listened to the parents and kids speak.  As I listened I realized that, while I was ensconced in my own little world of issues, these teenagers who had firsthand experienced terrifying tragedy beyond comprehension were able to get out of bed and spur on an entire nation to change the world ... who was I to cowardly sit silent in fear?!  No. More.

When My generation was in middle and high school (yep, I'm going to date myself here), the biggest worry was brass knuckles and fights with that kind of thing after school.  We did have suicides, but the vast majority of them were not due to guns.  Now, in this age of 3D printers that can produce firearms, where does the "line in the sand" that protects our kids, and the innocent in general, lie??? I wholeheartedly agree with one of the Sandy Hook moms that spoke at the listening session with the President  .. "How many more deaths can we take as a country?? How many more times must this happen again??" Is the answer in x-ray machines and metal detectors that turn every institute of learning into a Homeland Security guarded zone?  Is it in educating the population in mental wellness, and creating a society that does not view mental illness such as depression, bipolar, and schizophrenia as taboo incurable subjects?  Is it in honest, non-political discussion and implementation of adjustments to gun rights laws that respect the 2nd Amendment, but police and deter those who do not have the empathetic capability for humanity, and/or are not old enough to completely grasp the consequences of using guns responsibly?  In my mind, all of these are viable reasons to revisit the gun laws, to amend the 2nd amendment, and to go all the way to the Supreme Court and demand that Nationally Something Must Change so that the innocent in our population are safe on a daily basis!

One of the Sandy Hook fathers who pioneered the non-profit group Rachel's Challenge commented during the session, "If we focus too much on diversity, we create division, and if we focus too much on unity, we create compromise.  However, if we focus on Relatedness, and how we can relate with one another, we can celebrate diversity and we can see the unity take place.  The focus needs to be on how we connect."  When it comes to mental wellness I can only agree completely. The lack of knowledge and understanding by the general population of anything that falls under the heading of "mental illness" or any other stigma that is not considered "normal" in our society is abysmal.  This needs to change.  Regardless, anyone who attempts to end their life, or puts live wishes to do so on social media, at the very least, should not be legally allowed to own or utilize a firearm of any kind, much less an assault weapon.  Quite honestly, I cannot image why the NRA would not back a platform of this nature.  No one is saying not to own a gun.  They are simply saying that those who are mentally unstable and more likely to cause harm to themselves or others should not be able to purchase one. The NRA has always put forth the mantra that it is people that kill people, not the gun  ....  in that vein of belief I can only assume that they would Fully back an amendment that is not a rights violation, but a safeguard for those who need safety! Suicide is currently the number 2 killer of our kids in the USA.  Knowledge is definitely prevention.

To my way of thinking, all of this is a ripple effect.  The #MeToo movement was due to forms of abuse that grew to refuse to be silent.  Abuse takes many forms, including violent ones, in every area of all our lives.  From school shootings, to adolescent and teen suicide, to domestic violence (of which I know too well), to drive by shootings of innocent bystanders, a change in all gun laws to protect the innocent and derail the ability of those not worthy or capable of respecting the weapon is crucial!  Changes in background checks & age limitations, changes in state laws, awareness, and, not just responsibility but Accountability, all are key in proactively creating a world where this type of tragedy Never Happens Again. 

#PresidentTrump, you campaigned on "Make America Great Again" ... here's your chance.  Proactively do it!

~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

#parklandstudentsspeak  #enoughisenough  #itsnotaboutpolitics  #studentsstandup #stoptheviolence

A Life Worth Living

I know it's been a long time since I posted, and for that I apologize. Life has been, well, Life. Today's events, however, caused me to sit back and contemplate.

I attended the funeral of the mother of one of my childhood friends today. She was a beautiful, amazing woman who brightened the life of anyone she met. She did so right up until the end of her very brief, but truly courageous battle with cancer. Being at that service, and reconnecting with, if only for a moment, all the friends that I cherished so greatly growing up caused me to ponder the true shortness of life. Why does it take a tragedy to bring people out of the daily requirements of our existence to come together?

As a kid, there was a sense of infallibility. We all had it. Our friends, our family, and those who surrounded us would, in our minds, be there for eternity. As we grew into adults, daily life took over. Always a chore, always a preconceived need, always someone or something that required our immediate attention. The days of carefree attention to the moment at hand left by the wayside. My point, is that really the best way to live? Is something like a work deadline, or a household chore really more important than taking active part in our children's & family's lives or taking a few moments to lend an ear to someone we love? Why do we make the mundane tasks of everyday the precedent takers, as opposed to the moments and memories that become so much more long term important when those that we love are no longer there?

The lessons of today, for me anyways, are this ... take time, even if only for a moment each day, to notice the sunshine peeking through the rain clouds. To pay attention to that person who may need a hand. To applaud the small glimpses of brilliance your child has daily. To hug a friend. To really kiss & say loving words to your significant other. To truly listen with both ears regardless of the situation. To simply take a second to breathe deeply and be present and involved with not just your own world, but the world of those you hold dear in your life.

We only get one shot at this go round. Make it count. If we close our eyes and hearts too long, it just might pass us by.

Hugs & love to all
~ The Girl In The Little Black Dress

The Quest

I've learned many lessons over the past year.... actually, "learned" may not not be the appropriate word... honestly, I've taken the opportunity to regain parts of myself which were lost or buried over the past decades.

I used to be brave. While I've always tried to find the positive in any situation, due to many years of emotional beat downs in life, I lost the ability to truly be brave in my own mind. Over the past few months I've refound that bravery. Call it inspiration, or simply the support of those who mean the most to me when needed, regardless of the reason, it's back. For that, I am grateful.

I used to be a dreamer. Those same emotional beat downs temporarily took that away from me ... no more!  I can again dream, I can again aspire, I again truly believe!

Not saying that there aren't challenges in life, there are every day. However, healing, no matter how slowly, causes the scars of past pains to eventually recede to the point of naked eye invisibility. The wearer knows they're there ... the beholder, not so much.

One year ago I was shrinking and terrified .. blockading the doors nightly to keep my children and myself safe.  I look back on that woman and would not wish those feelings or circumstances on my worst enemy. This past year's introspection & support have given way to a new woman. One who looks at her surroundings and actively determines what is best for her and her children's lives, not just "doormats" herself on the whims of unbeknownst untrustworthy others.

Most importantly, I've learned to forgive myself. Everyone makes mistakes. In judgement, in actions, and in life. None of us are perfect. To be able to forgive yourself, means the ability to move forward in your own life. Not an easy obstacle to overcome.

So on this, the eve of renewal, I salute that scared, downtrodden, terrified individual I was at this time last year. Thank you for the lessons. They are the best gift one could give themselves to move forward in life. Cheers!

~ The Girl In the Little Black Dress